In 2001, some people in the Indian city of Delhi fell victim to animal bites, and others came to the obvious conclusion that the bites had been inflicted by horrible monkey men, who are apparently the meaner South Asian cousins of Bigfoot.
And before you ask, yes, the bites were real.
And one of the perpetrators was apparently the Great Gazoo.
The panic circulated to such an extent that terror and mob rule took over large sections of the populace. Police were powerless in the face of the giant city's full-fledged panic mode. Within days, at least two people were dead and 35 injured, all while trying to escape what they thought was the monstrous monkey man, running in blind panic until they fell down the stairs or whatever.
By the end, there was one person left in Delhi, so she split herself up to look for clues.
Masked gangs started running around, robbing and scaring people, because some folks are just dicks like that. In response, mobs began roaming the streets, all set to administer quick and unthinking justice to anyone deemed even remotely monkeymannish. One mob even mugged a particularly short and ugly Hindu holy man for looking suspiciously like what they imagined the monkey beast as.
Eventually, the panic dwindled down and the city set to its usual slightly less hectic pace. In case you were wondering, no monkey men were ever found.
Except for Bhavik, who everyone agreed got hit with the reincarnation stick a little too hard.
What Really Happened?
Understandably, no two descriptions of the monkey man were alike, nor did its modus operandi ever become clear. Even the police got into the misinformation wagon -- one officer said they were definitely looking for an animal, while another was convinced they were after a masked gang.
Really, the only evidence pointing at any kind of real attacks were the original bite wounds on several people, which is pretty mysterious in itself ... unless, of course, you take into account that there are loads of perfectly ordinary monkeys roaming around the city. Monkeys that, in fact, enjoy pouncing on people every now and then, and have always done so. Because monkeys are assholes.
Fuck you, monkey, we were looking forward to that.
If you're shaking your head and muttering about those silly superstitious Delhi people, remember that people hold protests today to stop imaginary chemical contrails and refuse to vaccinate their kids based on phony autism fears. At any time and at any place, you can get people to be scared of some incredibly crazy bullshit if you're loud and afraid enough.
Which is exactly what he wants you to think.
Pauli Poisuo writes about a very different kind of mass hysteria at Year of the Fat Bastard. You can read more of his Cracked articles here.
For more panics caused by fiction, check out 7 Bullshit Rumors That Caused Real World Catastrophes. Or learn about the 5 Myths That People Don't Realize Are Admitted Hoaxes.
And stop by LinkSTORM to learn what we did with our army of Monkey Men.
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