9

Pyramid (Battlestar Galactica)

How the Game is Played:

I think you're supposed to throw a ball into a board with a hole in it, and you can't move more than three steps with the ball before you have to throw it at a wall or a person. It's played on a triangle shaped court, hence the name. I think. Nobody really knows. None of the rules were spelled out because everyone was too busy drinking and crying and fucking hot robots. It seems to exist mostly so Starbuck can rub her sweaty body all over potential conquests in the greatest example of foreplay by way of sports since the beach sprint from Rocky III.

"I really, really want to play Pyramid."

Lasting Impact:

Well, if you shout "Go Panthers!" at a Comic-Con, maybe, like, four people will shout "C-Bucs Rule!" back in your general direction. Also, Michael Trucco's arms:

Awesomeosity Factor:

2.3 out of 10 - Unless you're Sam Anders, you're really not getting anything out of this game.

8

Baseketball

7

Podracing (Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace)

How the Game is Played:

Tether a tiny cockpit, via two cables, to massive jet engines. Race through rocky terrain filled with giant obstacles at thousands of miles an hour. Avoid the obstacles, the booby-trapped engines of other racers, and the space rednecks busting shots at you for three laps, and you might win lots of money for the slave-owning gnat who wired your head to explode should you escape servitude.

Red Letter Media will upload a six-part review of this screencap to YouTube shortly.

6

TRON

How the Game is Played:

Firstly, you must be accidentally digitized by The Dude's secret laser, located in the upstairs area of an arcade he managed between roadie duties for The Doobie Brothers and Metallica. Once inside the video game world, you will be fitted with a blacklight sensitive unitard for a more comfortable gaming experience.

There are five games in the PentathaTRON: Battle Tanks, where you drive a tank around a maze and shoot anything that moves; I/O Tower, where you attempt to enter the I/O tower by killing anything that moves; MCP Cone, where you smash the hell out of a giant Hot Dog on a Stick hat until it fits you; Discs, where you throw your glowing Frisbee at someone until you knock them into oblivion; and Light Cycles, where you ride a digital crotchrocket that violates all known emission standards by leaving a glowing wall as exhaust. You win by getting other riders to crash into said walls and de-rez.

Lasting Impact:

This:

5

Rollerball

How the game is played:

Two teams of 10 players roller-skate in laps, trying to get hold of a magnetic ball you can throw through a metal hoop set in the wall. The ball is put in play when it is fired from a cannon at the skaters. Three members of the team are allowed to ride motorcycles through the track, potentially turning every match into an impromptu, live-action version of build-a-track from Excitebike.

4

Death Race (Death Race 2000)

How the Game is Played:

Similarly to the Gumball Rally, a transcontinental road race run on public roads. Crossing checkpoints as fast as possible scores you points. Committing vehicular manslaughter by running over innocent pedestrians also scores you points. Depending on your definition of "winning," you must score the most points, murder the most pedestrians and then also plow your car into the President of the Fascist United Provinces, and usurp his power. The best games of Death Race include lots of usurping.

And toothy cars.

3

The Running Man

How the Game is Played (short story):

After finding yourself emaciated and in a state of severe destitution, you agree to be defamed by the American Government in return for the opportunity to compete on live television for a shot at financial security. You are turned loose on the streets with 4800 dollars. You must evade government assassins for 30 days. While running, you must make two daily video messages and mail them to the TV Studio, making it that much easier for them to track you. If you miss a video drop, you forfeit the money, but the assassins keep hunting you until you are dead.

How the Game is Played (movie):

You're Arnold Schwarzenegger. You wear a silly costume and run around a Hollywood backlot while, behind the camera, Starsky tells Richard Dawson to smoke and sneer a lot as he orders the Village People to murder Arnie in front of a live studio audience.

But he won't be sent to the cooler.

2

Quidditch (Harry Potter)

How the Game is Played:

First, develop magical powers. Secondly, attend school full of godless heathens who openly mock Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ with their wicked ways. Then, once you've assembled enough soulless bastards, you can form teams of broomstick riding devil-children, and play this airborne combination of soccer, basketball and hockey.

Goals are scored by chucking a smaller ball (the Quaffle) through one of the opponents three goals without being knocked off your broom by a defense whose job it is to hit a large iron ball (the Bludger) into your body at bone-breaking speeds. The game only ends when a tiny, winged ball with a mind of its own (the Snitch) is captured by a member of either team. Catching the snitch is worth 150 points, regular goals are worth 10. Whoever has more points when the snitch is caught, wins.

This is the wrong way to catch the snitch.

Lasting Impact:

Teams from more than 200 colleges are affiliated with the International Quidditch Association, and play in tournaments with rewritten rules that account for the fact that real people can't fly on household cleaning implements.

Awesomeosity Factor:

9.6 out of 10 - It almost doesn't need explaining. Soccer + hockey + basketball + flying + drunk Phantasm ball + witchcraft = Fucking Awesome. I scored a 27 on the math section of my SATs and even I can understand that equation.

1

Calvinball (Calvin and Hobbes)

How the Game is Played:

Remember what its like to be young. Then make up whatever rules you have to in order to continue having fun. When you are exhausted from sheer exhilaration and laughter, the game is over, and everyone has won. Celebrate victory by going sledding with a stuffed tiger and eating PBJ sandwiches under your favorite tree.

Lasting Impact:

Every child currently alive on planet Earth intrinsically knows how to play this game.

Awesomeosity Factor:

15 out of 10 - Interesting note: Calvinball is actually the second most awesome invention of messrs. Calvin and Hobbes. Number one is the Transmogrifier.

Awesomeosity Factor:

37.6 out of 10 - True story: If Henry Kissinger can get a Nobel Prize, there is zero reason why Calvin can't have one. It's appropriate penance for the decades we've spent slapping bootleg images of him, alternately pissing or praying, on the back of our shitbox minivans and hoopties.

Now check out some made-up stuff that isn't so grand, in The 7 Worst Fictional Towns In America and The 11 Most Retarded Fictional Weapons.