Who's winning? All of us.
Over time, they steadily changed the game as people decided they wanted less murder in their sports. By the 16th and 17th centuries, it was civilized enough to make its way onto university campuses, and a few centuries after that it was all about pads and rules and not stabbing people. Still, to this day after their team wins a big game, some fans like to take to the streets and reenact the old days.
Baseball: Cows and Sexual Innuendo
Long before baseball was a game for steroid-infused musclesaurs, it was a pastime enjoyed by 14th century English women on wooden barn stools.
It wasn't quite baseball as it's played today but rather Stoolball, which immediately suggests people trying to smack turds out of the air with sticks. Unfortunately, it was actually called that because milkmaids used their milking stools to catch the ball. Teams would take turns pitching and batting, with the batter wielding a paddle to prevent the pitch from hitting the milk stool. Why they were doing this instead of milking the fucking cows is not clear in the official rules.
Pictured: The 2008 Kansas City Royals.
But at the core of all this was hot, nasty, 14th century sex.
Most early references to Stoolball say male spectators would watch the women play and bawdily cheer them on, and the winners would be rewarded with cakes, kisses and sexual favors (the logical progression after cake and kissing). Shakespeare even coined the phrase "playing Stoolball" as a euphemism for sex and, quite frankly, we're not clear on why it isn't still used today (for a certain type of sex anyway).