Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome
Only recently documented, this condition can result in a near constant state of arousal for every waking moment of your day. So you're just really, really horny, right? As long as you keep a bottle of water or two handy to prevent you from withering away to a sticky husk, it doesn't really sound so bad at all.
Why it Would Suck:
When we say you're turned on all the time, we mean to the point that at the drop of a hat, you have an orgasm. The phone rings? Orgasm. White socks today? Orgasm. Caught your parents having sex? g*******t, orgasm.
"Oh, I am just all about this f*****g sewer grate."
While a select few amongst us pride ourselves on our ability to orgasm in public (if you've ever been on a city bus you probably sat next to one at some point) most of us prefer to keep it on the down low. PSAs, on the other hand, will not. Every moment of your life could potentially be a re-enactment of the restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally and God knows no one wants to see that s**t again.
"THESE f*****g SPEAKERS!"
Only 22 cases have been described so far and the condition has only been on the books since 2001. For those who do have it, it comes prepackaged with restless leg syndrome, as well as what polite doctors call "a frequent urge to void" as well as pelvic varicosis. So you piss a lot and you have horrifying, purple crotch veins.
The constant need to orgasm doesn't come with the usual feelings of being turned on or kick ass fantasies about Jessica Alba with a loofah either. Instead, it's just there while you're trying to go about your day. So it's more like having sudden, random coughing fits or a never-ending case of the hiccups. The difference being you can actually tell people about the last two without having them either laugh or accuse you of using the world's lamest pickup line.
For more downsides to stuff that otherwise sounds awesome, check out 9 Awesome Places to Have Sex (And the Horrific Consequences) and 6 Ridiculous Sex Myths (That Are Actually True).
And stop by Cracked.com's Top Picks to see which columnist suffers from priapism (it's Brockway).