If you want a perfect demonstration of the "1,000 typing monkeys accidentally creating a masterpiece" phenomenon, look no further than your spam subject lines.
The jumbled mash of nonsense spammers use to get around spam filters creates a kind of surreal poetry that some believe will one day be assembled as proof that the Internet has become sentient. Over the years I've gathered actual subject lines from fans for posterity, so please enjoy our amazing and horrifying collection, with my commentary.
100. Life Lesson: Most rhyming advice is just wrong:
This one sounds like an eight-year-old describing the human reproductive process:
Here's the same kid describing how our last party ended:
Instead of a flying carpet, the tiny little genie flew his...
Sure, it's promising plural dicks and that they'll be torpedo-sized. But it's not like they explode or anything.
I think we know how you solve your
financial problems, Mr. DaggerSharpBlade.
Many a college male has had to make this late-night decision:
But they'll never get past the new Gay Delta Force!
Look, Internet, we're trying to have a civilization over here.
DAMNIT WHAT DID I JUST SAY
Here's some erotic Social Services fan fiction:
You ever get so mad you just start screaming random insults at people?
88. Indiana Jones and the...
I actually wanted to reply to this just to talk to her about her self esteem:
"You girls enjoy yourselves, I'm getting something to eat."
"Here you go, little guy! It's a little camouflage hat."
"Son, you're going through some big changes at your age. Soon you'll be heading down..."
"Well, Jim, it looks like a simple case of..."
"OK, I'm giving you SIX WORDS to convince me to come to your poker website."
In the porn world, "Smexy" is a sexy Mexican, "apsian" is an ape-like Asian... hmmm, I'll have to look up the rest:
"Is this your box, sir? I'm going to need to see some..."
Is "officeslut" here the verb? Noun?
The Spanish, gay version of the above porno:
I don't care about the discount, STOP TRYING TO SELL ME THE BOOK OF EVIL.
Everything this man knows about sex he learned from cartoons:
They protested female priests, but nobody complained about...
I can't really decode what they're saying here but- OH MY GOD THE NAZIS HAVE BATARANGS
Yes! Wait! No! No!
I'm going to start a new religion called...
A newsletter for people who have the worst job in the world:
Actually, I think I found one worse than that:
With this job, I'm not sure I want
Sexy Victoria is forced to convert to Catholicism when...
He eats tools and...
What's the saddest thing?
There was no closing tag so the whole rest of the message was pickle.
A sadly failed pick-up line:
Though the success of this one really depends on the girl, and how vivid her imagination is...
In the sense that... I don't know... it's shaped like a Klansman?
If you want TV coverage of your little peace protest, try punching it up a little:
Taken from the price list at a brothel in Bangkok: