54. And you thought the kids teased you about your name?
53. It's the second word that makes the mental image on this one...
52. Well, when they caught us playing this at summer camp, they made us meet with a counselor...
51. The team of superheroes you only call when all the other ones are busy:
And The Secret MonsterDicks are lead by...
50. The sad thing is, even if they remove all the adjectives, I still don't want it.
49. Two examples of why it's important to read the gray subtitle on your spam emails:
48. I wish I had clicked on this one, to find out what his meat uttered.
47. Maybe it was about to prophesize the upcoming...
46. I'm actually going to write a virus that does this:
45. "Sure, it's cruel to the animal. But feel my jacket! It's genuine..."
44. "We've just heard back from the..."
"...and now you have to board the..."
43. With a name like this, I don't
42. Wait, does it make it bigger, or just louder?
41. This is bad no matter what "contravariant" means...
40. Ladies, for the last time, DO NOT PARTICIPATE IN THESE STUDIES. The two guys in the van are not real scientists.
39. Tonight Suzie became a lady. It was her...
38. In advertisements of the future, a doctor on TV will look right into the camera and say:
37. In political ads it will be a big guy screaming this:
36. I have a horrible feeling this is a diet supplement and exercise program combined:
35. Wouldn't it be more impressive to drive a car on it?
34. It's the adventures of...
33. Verb or noun?
32. My autobiography...
31. You have successfully convinced me to buy your product!
30. If she's naughty, how can I trust her accuracy?
29. I bet there's tons of pressure to succeed when you're born into this sender's family...
28. From the "I hadn't, but now that you mention it I can't stop thinking about it" category:
27. There are really two main male fantasies: scoring the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl, and scaring a woman with your mutant dick:
26. Subject lines are a great source of band names:
25. Four words you don't want to hear from the fortune teller:
24. As if things weren't tough enough in that sad place...
23. Really, do they ever go out of style?
22. What's worse than being alone in bed?
21. I actually did feel compelled to respond to this one:
20. I think I heard a hot dog vendor shouting this at me the other day:
19. "Hello Mr. Thompson, I'm here to pick up your daughter. My name is..."
18. Not so much a side effect as a byproduct...
17. An appeal to the Islamic fundamentalist porn surfers...
16. Look, random spam subject line writers, you need to know that there are certain words that just kill the porn mood...
15. A well-meaning documentary on Africa, circa 1942...
14. This guy may not have the right attitude for sales...
13. Are you like me, and do you constantly leave little post-it note reminders for yourself? And when you try to decipher them the next day, they read like this:
12. Yeah, baby! Try our pill and lose up to a pint an hour!
11. "Abuse Team! Assemble! And activate the..."
10. This is how a gentleman does it...
9. This cautionary tale brought to you by the American Bra Council...
8. Call me a homophobe, but I'd rather hear there was a serial killer stalking my neighborhood than have this guy prowling around, looking for victims...
7. The problem with updating "daily" is you eventually run out of ideas...
6. If you click on this e-mail, Chris Hansen kicks in your door...
5. Children, DO NOT ANSWER THIS E-MAIL. This guy's part of that operation in the last e-mail...
4. THIS GUY TOO! I'm calling the FBI.
3. OK, PLEASE TAKE ME OFF THE PEDOPHILE MAILING LIST!
2. Son of a bitch!
1. "Fine, how about we put you on this mailing list instead?"
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