Alec Baldwin Screams Obscenities at His Child
Many of you know Alec Baldwin as the talented, overwhelmingly pompous actor in such great movies as Pearl Harbor, The Cat in the Hat and The Shadow. In April of 2007, Baldwin became the subject of the media's wrath after leaving his daughter a threatening voicemail. Baldwin had apparently been set off by his daughter's absence during their scheduled visitation time, and her repeated criticism of his performance in Along Came Polly.
In addition to calling his 11-year-old daughter, Ireland a "rude, thoughtless little pig"; Baldwin angrily yelled, "Once again, I have made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone, you have insulted me for the last time. This crap you pull on me with this goddamn phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother, and you do it to me constantly over and over again."
If they made a movie about a serial killer who murdered people via cellphone, this would be the poster.
After a couple of weeks passed, this statement was released by Baldwin's spokesperson: "Although Alec acknowledges that he should have used different language in parenting his child, everyone who knows him privately knows what he has been put through for the past six years."
What Makes Him An Insincere Sack of Lies:
What stands out about this apology is, "...he should have used different language in parenting his child." Apparently Baldwin and his spokesperson believed the sentiment behind the pig comparison was right on. His problem was that he simply hadn't put it eloquently enough. If you imply that your child is a pig, does it really matter what kind of language you use to do it?
Pig is the universal language.
Also, his daughter wasn't the one putting him through legal struggles. If anything she was being used as a pawn. He shouldn't have taken out his frustrations on his daughter, and someone who took a role in The Adventures of Pluto Nash certainly shouldn't be calling someone else thoughtless.
Michael Richards and Racism
It's hard to imagine a string of events that could have killed off Michael Richards' public images as lovable Kramer as quickly as screaming racial epithets from the stage. Really, nothing short of killing some dudes.
It didn't take long for black leaders (that is, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson) to demand Richards apologize. On November 20, 2006 Richards appeared via satellite on Late Night with David Letterman (Jerry Seinfeld was also a guest that night) to smooth it all over:
"... You know, I'm really busted up over this and I'm very, very sorry to those people in the audience, the blacks, the Hispanics, whites - everyone that was there that took the brunt of that anger and hate and rage and how it came through, and I'm concerned about more hate and more rage and more anger coming through, not just towards me but towards a black/white conflict."
What Makes Him An Insincere Sack of Lies:
Anyone who watched his stumbling, confusing, oddly-comical apology, probably wondered what the hell was going on. He didn't appear to have anything relevant to say, and he's basically gone into witness protection since that time. What the hell was the guy doing? The confusion stems from the fact that Richards never mentioned the real reason he was there. It was the same reason Seinfeld was there: the Seinfeld: Season 7 DVD was due to be released on November 21st, the very next day.
Seinfeld and Richards needed to come onto the show so the audience would come to the conclusion, "Hey! This guy isn't so bad! He seems incapable of doing deliberate harm to people, much less have racist thoughts. He made a genuine mistake, and totally deserves a portion of my $49.95. Honey, get the kids! We're taking a trip to Best Buy!"
The apology itself was sheer insincerity perfected. In his rambling, barely coherent appearance, Richards delved into such vital issues as Hurricane Katrina ("There's a great deal of disturbance in this country and how blacks feel about what happened in Katrina, and, you know..."), American foreign policy ("...why the trash takes place, whether or not it's between me and a couple of hecklers in the audience or between this country and another nation, the rage...") and his martial arts background ("...I tried to jujitsu that...").
If Richards had merely shown up, took accountability with a brief apology and left, he wouldn't have looked like such a nutjob. But no, Michael, you go ahead and equate your mediocre unfunny comedy routine with Hurricane Katrina. You do that.
For more in the world of celebrity douchedom, check out The Top 10 Celebrity Sex Videos Nobody Wanted to See and The 7 Most Retarded Ways Celebrities Have Tried to Go Green.
And check out our insincere apologies that we make everyday with Cracked.com's Top Picks.