30

Jay Mariotti

He is:

An obnoxious sports writer turned obnoxious sports commentator.

Looks Like:

Someone who moved to Alaska with life partner because, during the summer, you can play softball until midnight.

29

Clarence Clemons

He is:

Guy in the E-Street Band who's not on Conan, wasn't in the Sopranos and isn't the singer.

28

Gino Vannelli

He is:

Grammy Award winning singer of "I Just Wanna Stop," first Caucasian performer to appear on Soul Train.

Looks Like:

The owner of a pottery store in Vermont who spells "women" with a "y" and hasn't shaved her legs since 1969.

27

Johnny Rotten (Lydon)

He is:

Lead singer of The Sex Pistols. The man who saved the world from Styx and Boston.

Looks Like:

An angry professor of LGBT poetry at the continuing education program at University of California Santa Cruz.

26

Carrot Top

25

Chief Joseph

He is:

A chief.

Looks Like:

A chief.

24

Jack Osbourne

He is:

The son of addled rock singer-slash-reality star-slash-TV pitchman.

Looks Like:

The girl whose family and friends had to pretend they were surprised when she came out over Christmas break freshmen year.

23

Brett Dennen

He is:

A home-schooled nouveau hippy who Rolling Stone likes (which is about as cool as your dad showing up at your party sporting a soul patch).

Looks Like:

Your 5th grade teacher and confirmed bachelorette who says she never found the right man, but travels every summer with her "aunt" who is roughly the same age.

22

Jason Hervey

He is:

Everybody's nightmarish big brother from The Wonder Years, and friends with the guy who was in Happy Days (not the one who became an Academy Award winning director, the guy who's on some depressing VH-1 show.)

Looks Like:

The camp counselor who could hit a ball further than any of the male counselors and beat the crap out of one of them for leaving the base path to avoid a tag at home.

21

Brad Thompson

He is:

A major league baseball player.

Looks Like:

A major league female softball player.

20

Chick Corea

He is:

A jazz musician/Scientologist (or maybe it's the other way around).

19

Ned Block

He is:

A philosopher (note to you college kids: it's a recession proof industry).

Looks Like:

A middle-aged woman from Wisconsin who left her husband and family to run away with the woman in town who owns a dog grooming salon.

18

Rolly Teranishi

He is:

Japanese musician and actor.

Looks Like:

A lesbian super-hero in an anime series.

17

Scott Storch

He is:

A hip-hop producer who may or may not be bankrupt.

Looks Like:

A lesbian runaway in a bad indie film.

16

Lang Lang

He is:

World famous Chinese pianist.

Looks Like:

The piano player at "Ain't Nobody's Bizness," a popular lesbian hang out in Phoenix.

15

Mark Owen

He is:

One of the seemingly billion guys from the UK who had a hit in the 1980s with songs consisting of synthesizers and drum machines.

Looks Like:

The cool, geeky looking girl in high school who waited until to college to come out.

14

John Daly

He is:

A drunk.

Looks Like:

A woman who would jump out of her Suburu in shorts in February to help you and your wussy friends put chains on your tires when you're stuck in a snowdrift.

13

Alan Carr

He is:

A gay comic.

Looks Like:

T.A. at the Minneapolis College of Art and Design and photographer with more than 100 self-portraits on Facebook of her in different tank tops.

12

BJ Thomas

He is:

Pop singer who had a huge hit in 1969 with Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid theme "Raindrops Keep Falling."

Looks Like:

A woman whose straight girlfriends ignore the obvious subtext when she names their volleyball team Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kids.

11

Jack White

He is:

A musician who is not above punching out another musician.

Looks Like:

A character on 1970s sitcom who producers could only hint was a lesbian.

10

John Norris

He is:

A guy who may or may not still work at MTV.

Looks Like:

A female set carpenter who may or may not still work at MTV.

9

The Two Coreys

They Are:

Child actors turned sad people.

Looks Like:

Technopop duo who already regret rushing into marriage.

8

Steve Cojocaru

He is:

A kinda effeminate Canadian

Looks Like:

A lesbian caught between lipstick and butch.

7

Chris Walla

6

Corbin Bleu

He is:

Current star of High School Musical 1, 2 and 3. Future star of High School Musical 21, 22 and 23.

Looks Like:

Front-line protester when California's Prop 8 failed--or passed--(whichever means gay people can't marry).

5

Richard Blais

He is:

TV chef.

Looks Like:

Outdoor specialist at REI who owns one purse but half a dozen backpacks.

4

Roberto Cavalli

He is:

A fashion designer.

Looks Like:

Someone who gets drunk every night and puts on Billie Holiday records, periodically screaming, "you tell `em girlfriend!"

3

Tuck Andress

He is:

A jazz musician and the Tuck half in the duo Tuck and Patti.

Looks Like:

The owner of a transgender consignment store in New Hope, Pa.

2

Russell Hitchcock

He is:

A singer in Air Supply (go on YouTube, put in their name, listen, try not to kill yourself).

Looks Like:

A psychic in western Massachusetts who only gives negative readings since her life partner left one night, leaving behind only a smelly, cat-pee stained hunting jacket that she can't bring herself to throw away.

1

Doug Stone

He is:

Multi-chinned country singer.

Looks Like:

A waitress at Cracker Barrel who takes up two spaces with her Ford 150 and scares the shit of all the managers.

Check out last year's Top 25 Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians.