Who You Are In Comparison:
Who Is This Wuss?
Wilmer Valderrama made his name playing Fez, the dark alley beating-worthy, foreign exchange student of indeterminate descent for eight goddamned seasons on That '70s Show. In real life, well, not much different. After moving to the United States at the age of 13, Valderrama quickly picked up English in part by watching episodes of I Love Lucy. Badass! It was said in one teen magazine that Rob Thomas of MATCHBOX TWENTY helped him learn English, also. Whether it was in person or through the magic of his songs isn't specified, but either way, that manages to out-pussy I Love Lucy reruns.
Aside from That '70s Show, Valderrama hosted Yo Momma, an MTV show so offensively bad it actually becomes surreal if you manage to look directly at the TV screen for more than 60 seconds.
He's also been victimized on "best friend" Ashton Kutcher's MTV show Punk'd a whopping three times. That's a record folks!
Why He Owns You:
In a word, chicks. Lots and lots of chicks. It's not unusual for the occasional Hollywood doofus to land a smokin'-hot young starlet seemingly millions of light years out of his league. It happens all the time. But over the past decade, Wilmer Valderrama has put together a string of conquests that would make even the most hardened cocksman flaccid with envy.
A certified friggin' sex machine, on a 2006 appearance on the the Howard Stern Show, Fez went into detail about his time spent nailing hookers as a youth in Venezuela, his time spent nailing hot actresses as an asshole in Hollywood, and his reportedly 8 plus-inch wang.