Nightmare on Elm Street
, but as a romantic comedy. We get it, please stop.The Debate Over Britney Spears' Skills as a Mother
-There' nothing funnier to me than the self-righteous fury of bored housewives in Nebraska fuming over
photos of Britney Spears driving with her baby in her lap. These same mothers sustain their children on a diet of Hot Pockets and Extra Value Meals, consider sitting around on their fat asses watching American Idol
together "family bonding" and think Grand Theft Auto
is "a racing game." You know what? If you're reading about Britney Spears' trip to Starbucks, something tells me you're probably not mother of the year, either. I'm not Dr. Phil or anything, but you're an idiot.The Obsession with Celebrity Couples
-Fuck, I can't even keep up anymore. Before there were 8,000 gossip magazines and Internet blogs and shitty celeb-worshipping cable shows, I could generally ignore the latest rumors about which movie stars were putting their genitals into which other movie stars. But now, I can't even walk down the street without seeing some asshole in a "TomKat" T-shirt that will be completely irrelevant in about eight weeks. Why do people spend so much of their time and energy worrying about the publicist-fabricated fairy tales of the love lives of two-dimensional people who wouldn't be capable of an actual relationship if their life (or anything other than their Q-rating) depended on it? It' pretty much the equivalent of watching ants mate, then desperately hoping they stay together in the end.