Good morning, class!
Did everyone bring in the newspaper like I asked you? Please put it on your desk, so that I can check. Billy C., where's your newspaper? Quiet down back there! Billy C., did you forget your newspaper? That's OK. I brought extras in just in case someone forgot, but I'm going to have to mark you down. Did anyone else forget? You too, Jaime? OK.
Now, everyone find section "B." Can you all give me some words that start with "B?" Very good, Michael. Blackboard starts with "B." What else? Josh? Also good. Bullet starts with "B" as well. OK, everyone turn to page B13. I'll write that down on the blackboard for you. B13. Is everyone there? Good.
This is a list of people that have recently died. I want everyone to look through this list and pick a person. It doesn't matter who. We just can't have anyone pick the same person. Is something funny? Jimmy, is there something that you'd like to share with the class? OK, then, please keep quiet and pay attention. Does everyone have a person? Very good.
"Murder suicides get you a gold star."
Now, here is tonight's homework assignment: I want everyone to look their person's name up in the phone book, then go to their house and rummage through the trash. I see a hand in the back. What's your question, Jessica? Oh, I'm sorry. Rummage means look through. Good question. Are there any other questions? When you are looking through the trash, you should be looking for old telephone bills, credit card bills or anything that might have a Social Security number on it. This number is what the government gives out to every baby that's born here. Everyone in this class has one, except Pedro.
Are there any questions about the homework assignment? Peter, if you have something to say, raise your hand and wait your turn. Yes, Peter, what is it? That's a good question. Is everyone listening to Peter? What happens if someone sees you? If someone sees you sifting through the garbage, you can do a lot of things. You can pretend that you are lost and then let the person help you find your way home. You can pretend that you lost a ball or a toy and thought that you saw it fall in the trash. You can run as fast as you can all the way home. Pretending can be fun, right?
Tomorrow, when you've all gotten your piece of mail from the trash, we'll begin to write letters to the US Social Security Administration.
OK, it's time for gym. Everyone line up at the door and get our quiet voices ready to walk down the hall.
Let us pitch you a sitcom ...
What does the person who has everything buy for themselves?
Sometimes the follow-up is worse than original headline-grabbing story.
Some people in entertainment don't even bother trying to come up with fresh ideas.