Richard Moll

Who he was:
Moll became immortalized for his role as the "Owwweee kay"-spewing bailiff/man-child "Bull Shannon" on Night Court. His height was matched only by his lovable idiocy and was easily the most popular regular cast member. He was the Kramer of the show, without the hair or irrational hatred of other races.

What you'd think he' doing:
Do Night Court fans have a convention? Court-con? Night-con? If they do, then he's making $20 per autograph.

If not, then you figure he's probably dancing, singing, cooking, exercising, roller-skating, wife-swapping, boxing or generally being humiliated on the actor recycling center that is reality television.

What he's actually doing:
There are some geeks out there who are probably saying, "Of course, we know where Moll is! He voiced Harvey Dent/Two-Face on Batman: The Animated Series! Where have you been, freakin' Mars?"

Moll also turns up in no-budget horror and sci-fi movies you'll probably never see unless you look really hard on the discount DVD shelf or watch the Sci-Fi Channel. Nightmare Man, Razor, Angels with Angles, and the upcoming Headless Horseman are among those on the list.

Moll also stars in the web series The Fantastic Two.
We think he eats that guy.

But, far stranger, the Lifetime Channel is making a movie based on Moll' life called The Leaning Tower of Bull. So you can turn up your noses at us for putting this much thought into Moll' life, but the Lifetime Channel is out there paying people to act it out on camera. So, there.

Darius McCrary

Who he was:
McCrary is best known as "Eddie Winslow" on Family Matters, more commonly referred to as "That Urkel Show."

Eddie was the eldest of the Winslow children and also carried the majority of subplots that dealt with playing sports, getting girls, helping Urkel, or some combination of the three. He also got beat up by a street gang on a very special episode.

Sara Gilbert

Who she was:
Gilbert is remembered as playing the Emmy-nominated supporting role of "Darlene Conner" on Roseanne. Darlene was a sarcastic tomboy who always dressed in black, and thus was love at first sight for many a teenage boy.

What you'd think she' doing:
We'd guess something other than acting. Like how George Foreman stopped being a boxer and became a grill salesman, or how Al Pacino stopped acting and started making good money doing Al Pacino impersonations.

She had a "too-smart-for-acting" vibe, so we'll take a stab that she writes books or columns for various magazines.

What she's actually doing:
Other women, thus shattering the hearts of many a young male who spent hours on his Sara Gilbert fan site on Geocities back in the day. Gilbert has two children with Allison Adler, the first of which her partner carried while Gilbert gestated the second.

She also supports a healthy dose of organizations like Meals on Wheels, Freedom of Speech and AIDS Project Los Angeles.

Jodie Sweetin

Who she was:
Sweetin played middle child "Stephanie Tanner" on the inexplicably popular Full House.

She enjoyed the show' spotlight starting when the Olsen twins were just drooling props and ending when her phrase "How rude!" started making her sound like a tweeny bitch.

What you'd think she' doing:
We would take a guess at Lifetime movies, but Moll has that market cornered. Porn is too obvious ... so is a singing career. It' a classic, but we'll go with life-ruining addiction on this one.

What she's actually doing:
Drugs. Or she was, anyway.

Combine her parents' history of addiction and a lack of work after Full House, and you get a shitstorm of drugs and booze that began in high school and culminated with meth a few years ago.

But more importantly, what' with that screen caption up there? Either it' written in Engrish or it' somebody called "Fallen Star" who is composed of a Full House actress and meth.

Thankfully things did turn up. Five rotted teeth and a lengthy stay in rehab later, she now gives public speeches about her addictions. AND, she' happily remarried and expecting her first child in 2008.

She' also gotten back into TV, hosting Pants-Off Dance-Off (hey, it's work) and is working on a television pilot called Small Bits of Happiness about a suicidal child actress. We're thinking every episode will end in a dramatic musical montage with a forced voice-over.

Danica McKellar

Who she was:
McKellar is familiar to most as Winnie Cooper, the girl next door and main love interest of Fred Savage' Kevin Arnold in The Wonder Years. The on-and-off romance lasted the entire series, like a far less annoying "Ross and Rachel" for kids.

She also became a source of many crushes for developing boys across America, and probably some pedophiles.

What you'd think she' doing:
Since The Wonder Years took place in the late '60s to early '70s, the clothes had to fit the era. So, maybe she cashed in on that and sold a line of vintage clothing. Or, porn.

What she's actually doing:
She' a math genius. She helped develop what's come be known as the "Chayes-Mckellar-Winn-Theorem" while she was a mathematics major at UCLA. And, she has an Erdos-Bacon number of 6. A team of five were sent to investigate what the fuck either of those things are. Results are still pending.

She also wrote a book to help schoolgirls improve their math and even occasionally answers readers' math questions on her website.

We'd also like to add, holy shit: