Where Aren't They Now: The 7 Strangest Post-Sitcom Careers

Bill Fagerbakke

Who he was:
Fagerbakke was best known for his role as the football player turned assistant coach "Dauber Dubynski" on the sitcom Coach. Oh, and for having a name that sounds like the Klingon slang for "circle jerk."

Fagerbakke' character on the show was a dimwitted buffoon who, along with Jerry Van Dyke, sent Craig T. Nelson' character into explosions of arm-waving exasperation. That' about as deep as it went for Dauber, all 189 episodes of him.

He also turned up as the mentally handicapped guy in Stephen King' The Stand, another link in a very depressing chain of typecasting.

What you'd think he' doing:
Maybe still reading for roles that have "dim-witted" or "mentally challenged" in the description. Or, if you're the ironic sort, maybe you think he turned out to be a real-life supergenius who now owns a software company and occasionally appears on MSNBC with glasses and a sophisticated beard.

What he's actually doing:

Yup, Patrick Star. The Patrick Star. If you've seen both Coach and SpongeBob SquarePants then you know the two characters are actually very similar, but we're thinking it' rare that an adult watches both of those shows in the same day.

We'd make some smart-ass remark about Fagerbakke still being typecast as a loveable idiot, but then we remember that just one of his residual checks from SpongeBob would pay to have us all killed.

Michael Gross

Who he was:
Gross is best known as the dad ("Steven Keaton") on Family Ties, which in turn was best known for Michael J. Fox and Justine Bateman, who played his noticeably short children. The premise of the show used the well-trodden idea of "liberal teens versus conservative parents" but flipped it on its head. Instead, it was "conservative teens versus liberal parents." Up was down and left was right! Sadly, that' really about as crazy as the '80s got.

What you'd think he' doing:
Well, Family Ties wasn't Gross' only claim to fame ...

... because Gross went on to play "Burt Gummer" in the Tremors movies. So, you probably figure he' working on a direct-to-DVD Tremors 5, paying his bills by fighting "graboids" and "ass-blasters" (It' Tremors slang, people, look it up.).

What he's actually doing:
Trains.

Now boarding, ladies.

As a "railfan" (which sounds like slang for train sex enthusiasts), Gross has been a spokesman for World' Greatest Hobby, hosts/narrates a boxset' worth of railroad-related documentaries and even owns part of Santa Fe Southern Railway.

It' relieving to see a rarely-seen actor pick up a hobby that isn't drugs or prostitutes. Though, it's possible that turning into your nerdy uncle who plays with his model trains may be taking it too far to the other end of the spectrum. Also, and for no reason whatsoever, Michael Gross teaches us how to plan for our picture walls.

Richard Moll

Darius McCrary

Sara Gilbert

Who she was:
Gilbert is remembered as playing the Emmy-nominated supporting role of "Darlene Conner" on Roseanne. Darlene was a sarcastic tomboy who always dressed in black, and thus was love at first sight for many a teenage boy.

Jodie Sweetin

Who she was:
Sweetin played middle child "Stephanie Tanner" on the inexplicably popular Full House.

She enjoyed the show' spotlight starting when the Olsen twins were just drooling props and ending when her phrase "How rude!" started making her sound like a tweeny bitch.

What you'd think she' doing:
We would take a guess at Lifetime movies, but Moll has that market cornered. Porn is too obvious ... so is a singing career. It' a classic, but we'll go with life-ruining addiction on this one.

What she's actually doing:
Drugs. Or she was, anyway.

Danica McKellar

Who she was:
McKellar is familiar to most as Winnie Cooper, the girl next door and main love interest of Fred Savage' Kevin Arnold in The Wonder Years. The on-and-off romance lasted the entire series, like a far less annoying "Ross and Rachel" for kids.

She also became a source of many crushes for developing boys across America, and probably some pedophiles.

What you'd think she' doing:
Since The Wonder Years took place in the late '60s to early '70s, the clothes had to fit the era. So, maybe she cashed in on that and sold a line of vintage clothing. Or, porn.

What she's actually doing:
She' a math genius. She helped develop what's come be known as the "Chayes-Mckellar-Winn-Theorem" while she was a mathematics major at UCLA. And, she has an Erdos-Bacon number of 6. A team of five were sent to investigate what the fuck either of those things are. Results are still pending.

She also wrote a book to help schoolgirls improve their math and even occasionally answers readers' math questions on her website.

We'd also like to add, holy shit: