Quiet down, everyone. If we could all just find our seats here. James? James, I'll need you to sit down. Well, for two reasons: one, because I have the conch shell and two, because I'm motherfucking Matthew Fox.
|You shut your mouth when you're talking|
to Matthew Fox!
Because we agreed that whoever has the conch gets to talk, James. Well has anyone else here been nominated for a Teen Choice Award? I didn't think so. No, Steve, nobody cares that you have a P-H-whatever.
Yes, very mature, Steve. I'm sure we're all very amused at the idea of me having sexual congress with the conch.
Okay, let' quiet down. So far, there have been no rescue attempts and I think it' reasonable to assume that it might be a while before we are rescued. Now, fresh water shouldn't be too difficult to find, but it will only sustain us for a few days. More importantly, we're going to need food, and I think we'll all agree that we only have one clear option. That's right-I think it' time we thought about eating each other' flesh.
|Matthew Fox's middle finger bitch! |
More on that later.
Quiet down, please-I'm still speaking. Now, look at the ground. We started here, in Cleveland, and were headed here, south, to Akron. That's at least 40 miles, people. By my calculations, we veered off course to the west by at least 4-maybe 6-miles, thanks to James, who just had to go to the bathroom. Thanks a lot, James.