This is another one of those things people only eat at Thanksgiving, and again, we're pretty sure it's only because of the tradition of the holiday. Frankly, why anyone would voluntarily eat a congealed fruit gelatin that comes out of a can and looks like the stuff that was drained from a goiter is beyond us. Honestly, cranberry sauce isn't even the best fruit-related stuff that comes out of a jar or a can, but hey, I guess we can't all eat spoonfuls of Tang at Thanksgiving. No belt-buckle hats for cranberry sauce. Not even a one-feather headdress.YAMS
Fun fact that isn't actually fun: The things that are sold as yams in the United States aren't actually yams at all. They're sweet potatoes. So the next time a Southerner gets into a fight with you over what something is called (like whether a toboggan is a hat or a sled or whether the things in your mouth are teeth or breathing holes or if it's okay to sleep with your cousin), just trust them on this one. As for “yams” themselves, we guess they're okay. What we're saying is they've never hurt us personally. Which is more than we can say for cranberry sauce, which killed our paternal grandmother. Three belt-buckle hats for whatever they are.
There is absolutely nothing bad about corn on the cob, from how it gets stuck in your teeth down to those little corn-on-the-cob-shaped holders that you stick into the corn so you don't burn your hands. It's just damn near perfect. Sometimes, we just like to walk down the street eating corn on the cob and laughing at people at restaurants attempting to eat corn niblets with a fork and dumping it all over their laps like schmucks. “Hahahaha!” we say! “You fools! You don't understand, nay, cannot understand the greatness of the cob!” And as such, corn on the cob gets a megalomaniacal 5 out of 5 belt-buckle hats.