Look, we're still stuck for a name with this thing. Hoping to recapture the success of last week' "Humorcane," we thought we'd stick with the weather angle and tossed around "The Saturday Avalaugh of Comedy," "Cracked' Devastating Jokenado," and "Tropical Storm Hilarity," but none of them really hit us just right. We ultimately decided on "Cracked' Comedy Tsunamedy," but, as always, we're open for suggestions.
For all of you CRACKED addicts out there, we've organized the best of the best for the week, and we're happy to do it. For all of you crack addicts out there, get help. There are people who care about you, and we miss you. There are a whole lot of better things you can be doing instead of crack, such as, off the top of our heads, reading a week' worth of the best comedy the Internet has to offer. Oh, why look at that. There just happens to be six hilarious articles right below this paragraph! Imagine that ...
TITLES EVEN WORSE THAN TSUNAMEDY!
The 20 Worst Album Titles of All Time
For all you new bands trying to make a name for yourself by coming out with a hideously awful album title, these are the bands to beat. If you can come up with something more asinine than Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water, hell, you deserve to be on this list. You do not, however, deserve a recording contract.
Notable Comment: A Digg commentator points out that Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water is Fred Durst' best-selling album to date, which, in the spectrum of accomplishments, lands somewhere between being the best key-tar player in Pennsylvania and the least-molested visitor to Neverland Ranch.
5 Questions Season Two of Heroes Had Better F#@king Answer
A great article for all of your Heroes fans, an even greater article for anyone out there who likes seeing Ali Larter in her underwear (read: anyone with a dick and a pulse).
Notable Comment: On Digg, user X2went4x says "Hayden Panettiere is so f*****g hot. From what I've read season 2 looks like it will be good." We completely agree, assuming you read the same scantily-clad photos that we did.
The 5 Most Kick-Ass Apocalyptic Prophecies
Global warming, more like Global boring. CRACKED gives you five apocalyptic scenarios that are actually exciting enough to hold your interest.
Notable Comment: Digg user BENTON applauds us for our service, claiming "this is one of the most important articles to reach digg." In hindsight, if we'd have known we were so important, we probably wouldn't have followed up with an article about Lil Jon and Waylan Smithers.
The 10 Most Deranged Sidekicks of All Time
Homoerotic cartoon obsessions, child-like, robo-sex, rat-eating, Icelandic rap and Ricardo Montalban: There aren't a whole lot of other comedy websites promising all of that in one article, folks.
Notable Comment: CRACKED commentator Nightcrawler666 has a plan: "Using the dude from the Bosstones, Farnsworth, Jerome, the dude from Frankie Goes to Hollywood and about half of the Polyphonic Spree, an all sidekick supergroup could be formed." The thought of Farnsworth and Jerome fighting over who gets to cook dinner for Einar from the Sugarcubes is far too appealing to ignore. Make it happen, VH1.
The 10 Best Animated Movies for (Traumatizing) Kids
Did you think you were doing a good job; ignoring your kids by sticking them in front of some allegedly harmless cartoon? CRACKED newcomer Rick K reminds you why you're an awful parent.
Notable Comment: In support of the ban on the genital-friendly film Pom Poko, frequent CRACKED commentator UglyShirts goes on record to say that "No child should be subject to being literally OR figuratively slapped in the face with testicles, especially before their own drop into position." We've been saying that exact thing for years, and it' nice to see it finally catching on.
Continuing his hilarious Internet series, Wainy Days, David Wain is back with this delightful sex romp. This week, David learns what women don't want. Specifically, him. Featuring our favorite SNL cast member, Jason Sudeikis, doing a pretty amazing David Wain impression.
Fool me once ...
Not everyone WANTS to be famous.
Tour guides don't tell you all the gruesome stuff that goes down at famous locations.
A lot of medical problems read like horror movie scripts.