In America, the black Muslim community has done the impossible: made the bowtie look scary. Louis Farrakhan could have given his speeches in front of Predator aliens and little girl ghosts whispering your name and it would have been less frightening than those Nation of Islam guys. However, as scary as it is to have a wall of black men in bowties glaring at you, it may one day lead to the promised land of hilarity. There's a chance, a tiny chance, that one day a Nation of Islam enforcer will be in line and suddenly, without affecting the snarl on his face in any way, his bowtie will start spinning and whistling. And that will be the funniest thing you've ever seen.
Q: How many Muslims does it take to row a boat across a lake?
A: Wait, I get my toenail clippers taken away from me, and those guys somehow got a whole rowboat past security?
One thing of note about the Mormon people is their women are disproportionally hot. Mormon women all look like they came from a photo shoot as opposed to Mormon men who look like they came from a Dungeons and Dragons guild meeting. Check amongst your Mormon aquaintances. Most other religions treat women as an afterthought--they're either a chunk of rib made into a helpmate or completely covered in robes.
Mormon God has his priorities straight. Unfortunately, He's just as cruel as everyone else's gods because for every hot, hot Mormon girl, there's a strict rule against premarital sex. Which is probably why they get married at 16 and breed in incredible numbers.
Mormons believe women should be eternally pregnant. If an enemy air force ever attacked a Mormon compound, their women could point their pelvises towards the sky and shoot the planes down with unlimited baby ammunition. Along the same lines, Mormons wear secret God-powered underwear that makes them impervious to harm. After the nuclear holocaust, the only thing left standing will be radioactive mutants and half-dressed Mormons.
There are three things that help a religion spread: recruiting, fund-raising, and breeding. Mormons are very, very good at all of these things. So get your Mormon jokes ready now because before we die, we'll be living in a world where unkillable underwear stores outnumber Starbuck's.
Q: How do you keep a Mormon out of your rowboat?
A: Tie his necktie to his bike chain.
Although technically it's the opposite of religion, there are a lot of atheist fanatics that treat it like one. They lobby to get God's name off our money, freak out over prayer in school, and expect their brain to receive a prize every time it manages to punch a hole in the air tight logic of religious texts. Surprisingly, the rest of the world is rarely impressed when one of them deduces there are no flying archer babies living in the clouds.
Why do they try so hard to spread their message of nothing? The best thing about being an atheist should be all the reading, arguing, and thinking you don't have to do.
Did you know there isn't really a law to seperate church and state? Whenever you hear that phrase, it's referring to a letter that Thomas Jefferson wrote in 1802 to a Baptist group, not something that's in the Constitution. George W. could change our pledge of allegience to "Goddy God (To the Rhythm of the Night)," and the only thing we could complain about is how awesome that would be.