Talkin Wif Yo Kids 'n' Shit with K-Fed

Yo son. Damn, I ain't never said that s**t and had it mean somefing. Gucci goo. A s**t Gucci! Ha! Why you cryin? We rich, motherfucka! Aight, let me drop some science so you know why you is here and why you should be happy like the K-Fedz.

s**t, I guess yo moms and I was just a couple dumb kids in love back nine mumfs ago. I must have got her pregnant seven times in like three weeks. It was before yo' moms and I discovered birf control: basically, she thought anal hurt too bad back then. Her publicist was straight heated.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

I still remember that magical night you came into the world. I took yo moms to a strip club in Tijuana. It was her birfday, or mine, or all-you-can-eat fried chicken night ... either way, we got free fried chicken.

But let me take a step back here and talk to you about the big L, and how your mother made me discover it. OK, peep it: one day you going to meet a woman, and you'll hold her hand tight in yours while two strippers perform lesbian sex acts on one another. She will be beautiful and rich and famous, mostly rich and famous, though.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Well, I knew yo moms was the one that night in Tijuana. Yo pops always had a way of spinnin' a magic web of romance from which women couldn't escape, and I proceeded to do that s**t all over mommy's tits and stomach, and a little bit in her hair too. Yo daddy's magic web is so thick we needed peanut butter to get it out.

Anyways, that's how you came to be. I know you look outcha lil crib at them other babies and you don't think any of them could never make you feel special the way yo mommy makes me feel. And they probably shouldn't - cause most of'em come from yo daddy's nudsack, which means they yo half sisters.

But just in case you catch wood off one of dem, make sure you know to practice safe sex- which means always in the ass.

Good talk, n***a!

To turn on reply notifications, click here

15 Comments

Load Comments

More Articles

6 Real-Life Villains Who'd Be Too Crazy For Comic Books

These guys make the Joker look like a well-adjusted citizen.

88

5 Real Medical Stories That Are Pure Skin-Crawling Horror

A lot of medical problems read like horror movie scripts.

71

5 World-Famous Tourist Landmarks (With Messed-Up Histories)

Tour guides don't tell you all the gruesome stuff that goes down at famous locations.

117

6 Disastrous Publicity Stunts Video Games Actually Tried Out

The real video game villains are in the marketing department.

46

5 Crazy Trump Stories That'd Be Scandals In A Normal World

Oh boy, let's take a deep dive.

281