Now don't ask me how, but I misread the recipe and soon found myself sitting on a double batch of the tasty concoction. With more than enough for myself, I decided to share the good stuff with a friend. So I paid ol' Mike Landon a visit.
Landon was shooting a Little House Reunion special, so I dumped the narcotic smoothie in a Thermos and hotfooted on over to the set. Mikey-boy caught sight of me and told the director to call it a day.
"Your timing's impeccable, Tommy-B," Landon said as we walked back to his trailer.
I didn't know exactly what he meant until I opened the trailer door and found Tyne Daly greased up with Crisco and wearing nothing but a plastic fireman's hat. The three of us guzzled the shake, and in no time Landon and I were doing an old-fashioned Chinese-handcuffs on the eager and willing Cagney and Lacey starlet.
As hot as this scene was, it was nothing compared to what was to come.
As I was going to town, my ears caught an unfamiliar slurping sound. I turned and found a seven-foot grizzly bear licking out the remnants of the Thermos. Our eyes met and I was filled with delightfully confusing feelings.
"She must've wandered in off the set," Landon said. "Want me to call the animal wrangler?"
I assured Mike that a call wouldn't be necessary as I approached the mighty grizzly. Soon our naked bodies met and filled each other with pure and unbridled ecstasy.