A Gentleman does not pay for intercourse. If the pleasure of his company was not enough compensation for the prostitute, he strangles her. Because a Gentleman does not dispose of dead bodies, he does not pay for motel rooms with his own credit card.
A Gentleman knows that disowning his own son is a difficult task. Thus, he has a servant write a note: “Dear Boy Who Used to Be My Son: As the salutation implies, you are no longer my son. Unaffectionately Yours, The Man You Used to Consider Your Father.”
If his son is retarded, a Gentleman slaps the child until it realizes it is unloved. He then leaves the child tied to a tree with a note that says, “Orphanage, please.”
Unless otherwise specified, executions are black-tie events.
A Gentleman does not wear an executioner’s hood to the event as a joke.
A Gentleman does not cheer when the prisoner is executed. He smiles and nods.
When confronted by a Negro, a Gentleman hides his fear. He discretely guards his wallet and car keys while distracting the Negro with talk of rap music, basketball and dancing.
If the Negro is of high social standing, a Gentleman does not show surprise or ask how he acquired such stature. He simply assumes that it was through affirmative action, and regards the Negro as a common thug.