Here Are the Winners and Losers of the CBS-Colbert Saga
The CBS cancellation of Stephen Colbert and Late Night more broadly has brought the ire of the internet. The story has completely dominated the news cycle, even taking away from the joy of finding out that Donald Trump is dealing with swollen ankles and venous insufficiencies. Wall-to-wall coverage and panic about whether axing Colbert is the final marker in the race to total fascist takeover is going to benefit some people, while others are really, really not faring well from the pandemonium.
Here are the our winners (bad) and losers (good) of the Stephen Colbert cancellation…
Winners
Donald Trump. Getting one of your bullies fired is typically an underdog story seen in Horrible Bosses or Psych. But big dog Trump, only ever “under” the self-inflicted poor circulation from a lifetime of mainlining McDonald’s and well-done steak, got what he wanted. Colbert’s jokes about Trump will end in 2026.
This article not your thing? Try these...
The Ellisons. The tech billionaires showed everyone they can throw their moneyed-weight around. Their legacy will now include ushering in the end of a multi-decade television institution. We might all think they’re real shit-dicks, but they can’t hear our insults on top of their big piles of cash.
Shane Gillis. The comedian and TV creator was the person tasked with hosting the ESPYs, the big sports awards show that brings in athletes and coaches from every major sport. Depending on who you ask, Gillis either “brought real comedy back” or he totally bombed. I’ll split that baby and say any great joke he could have told was muddled by his total lack of confidence in it. He’s winning in the Colbert saga because his meh performance is quickly being swept under the rug in the wake of CBS fallout. Lucky man, Shea.
Jimmy Fallon. Fallon might get to be called funny and charming, at least in comparison to the gaping hole left by Late Night. Maybe his interviews won’t feel so cringe-inducing when the good Catholic boy shtick Colbert does is a thing of the past.
Losers
Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers. The hosts of the increasingly popular pop-culture podcast Las Culturistas hosted the inaugural Las Culturistas Culture Awards on Thursday night. Unfortunately, the star-studded guest lists and hilarious award categories like “Allison Williams Cool Girl Award” and “Most Uncommon Accident” were lost in the breaking news about Colbert. Red carpet interviews centered around reactions to the cancellations, and potential viral moments were lost to Democratic senators’ rage posting at CBS.
Our Parents. I might not be a habitual viewer of Colbert, but my libbed-out mother certainly is. She and the rest of the Boomer libs who watched endless clips of Colbert dunking on Trump on Facebook will be devastated to learn that the show got canceled. A sub category of loser here: those of us tasked with explaining the intricacies of TV contracts to our parents. “No, mom… Yeah he will still be on TV until 2026. No, yeah, he’s still canceled though. After next year the show is getting cut. No, no, there won’t be another host. No, they aren’t going to bring Conan back.”
Colbert’s Staff. Late Night is bursting with staffers, nearly all of whom will be out of a job at CBS when the show ends. By completely ending Late Night, none of these jobs will be spared under a new host or different spin on the franchise. In a turbulent economy, especially in entertainment, it’s a pretty cold-hearted move.
People Who Loved LOTR references. Colbert was a grade-A nerd, known to be drawn to tears by Lord of the Rings. Never one to skip out on geeking out over an obscure piece of trivia or delight in true fan behavior, he never adopted the cool-guy persona of his contemporaries. Maybe every joke wasn’t crisp, but for people who loved his deep-cut references and shameless embrace of all things dorky, they’ll be missing out come next summer.