If there's one thing in politics that the American people agree on, it's that Congress sucks. Their approval rating hovers around 20 percent, giving them the same credibility as a dentist who doesn't recommend sugarless gum. However, C-SPAN deserves a lot of the blame. Despite having virtually no viewers, the network lets people see democracy at work, and these days democracy has taken a job as a failed prop comic with the speaking ability of a 10th grader. It's no surprise then that they give you acts with ...
#5. A Big Can of Campbell's Soup
C-SPAN, famous for its shows Murmuring in the Background and Special Subcommittee on Aging, is supposed to be commercial-free, but that didn't stop Representative Joe Crowley from going Andy Warhol on everyone. Responding to an attempt to repeal the Affordable Care Act, he compared the GOP plan to a diet of Campbell's soup, turning what should have been a passing joke by Bill Maher into an entire diatribe. In his speech, he somehow managed to sputter out "chicken noodle soup" more times than a vagabond auctioneer at a can swap and concluded by saying that while soup is "mmm-mmm good," the GOP plan is "mmm-mmm bad." If you take out the occasional peppering of words like "Affordable Care Act," you're left with nothing more than a full-fledged endorsement of Campbell's.
If Warhol's love of amphetamines had inspired Joe more than the soup painting, it would have been a better speech.
#4. A Stocking With Coal
When the GOP was threatening not to extend payroll tax cuts last year, Representative Jim McDermott summoned the ghost of Christmas past to bring out his old stocking-and-coal gag. Meandering up to the podium with these holiday props, he gave a speech that sounded like a pill-induced scolding from a grandparent complete with a total verbal malfunction in the middle. He chided the Republicans for effectively giving coal to children "all around the world," because nothing says "I'm speaking to adults" better than taking seriously a myth that parents tell their children when they want them to behave.
"Just be glad it isn't Easter, or this would've gotten weird."