Cracked Columnists

Store Update: 4 New Shirts and One More Is Almost Gone

Celebrate the Alma Mater You Don't Owe a Quarter Million Dollars

At Cracked, it's important to us that you have a good time, find a few like-minded people, and generally feel comfortable enough to make some bad decisions. And in a distant second to all that, we hope that maybe you learn something, too. In that sense, we're a lot like college, so much so that as soon as we released this shirt, it sold like hotcakes Pac-12 football swag:

Because it was such a hit, we're now offering the same shirt in the most popular university and college colors (as well as pink) as the first of many clever steps to infiltrate every institution of higher learning.

Someday there will be a class on Back to the Future taught by Indiana Jones.

We're Cracked.com. We don't tell you when to come to class, we don't limit you to one major, and we'd never make you give us four entire years at the cost of a 139-foot three-cabin Italian yacht. We just sling funny factual information at you seven days a week, coach you on how to live, and offer you a safe place to experiment, free of judgment.

Point is, we would be proud to count each and every one of you as our alumni, in our original colors or otherwise. And as of this week ...

It's Spring in Our Minds (And Our Sale)

Spring Break means sunshine and partying and shotgun-dancing to Britney Spears next to a beachfront grand piano. You know, freedom. So enjoy the freedom of taking 20 percent off your order by Sunday, March 9 with promo code SCHOOLPRIDE.


You'll be all set for T-shirt weather and have the perfect opportunity to get in one.

The Swan Song of One of Our First Shirts

Sometimes life isn't fair. It's like how every movie of the last 15 years stars superheroes even if it stars LEGOs, yet Frank Castle's War Zone, an objectively perfect modern movie, never got a follow-up. So let's savor the magic of the Funisher, a shirt we're selling off and then dropping like Thomas Jane, forever. Grab one along with a Cracked Alumni shirt and take advantage of this week's promo code, which is a math victory worthy of Seanbaby's insanely great new free iPhone game.

Our Weekly Dose of Envy

If college is truly meant to teach life lessons, here's a little nugget on the house:

Every time you feel that life isn't fair or that the people around you are better and smarter than you, tai chi that shit around and redirect the power of your jealousy for good. For instance, it doesn't help us to show you the shirts we love from our competitors, but we do it anyway, because you deserve it. We can't not tip our beer-toting plastic novelty hats to them, and we recommend that you order them for yourself right away in lieu of buying textbooks:

5)


Available at Glennz Tees.

4)


Available at Shirt.Woot.

3)


Available at Society6.

2)


Available at WearViral.

1)


Available at Threadless.

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Alex Schmidt

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