Normally I try to remain politically neutral on the blog. It’s not my place to tell you where to stick your genitals, or how to abort your babies, or which rifle butt to beat your spouse with.
But when I realized former Vice President Cheney had accidentally CC-ed me a batch of photos from Abu Ghraib destined to be released to the public by the Obama administration later in May, I knew I had a civic duty to pull in clicks for Cracked by splattering them all over the Internet a week ahead of time.
The ACLU have been trying to get the government to release the photos for a while now, hoping to build a criminal case against officials and guards who committed interrogation techniques they say constitutes torture. Meanwhile, the guys from the Bush Administration maintain that they worked within the confines of the law, and honestly, after seeing the photo packet Cheney is sending out, I think the ACLU might be overreacting.
The email made reference to whether “they’ll buy it,” but man, if this is how the detainees were treated at Abu Ghraib, I’ll buy a ticket there right now!
This entry was posted on Saturday, May 2nd, 2009 at 4:00 am and is filed under ACLU, Abu Ghraib, Dick Cheney, President Bush, President Obama. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 20th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
and yes i realize i am somewhat behind the times, but hell, i’m canadian!
November 20th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
that was fuckin beautiful man, i laughed the whole time. keep em comin!
November 20th, 2009 at 1:49 am
To be honest, the torture photos didn’t make enough of an impact the first time around. People are stupid, and unfortunately, there is still plenty of room for the egregiously stupid to completely misinterpret this article. The Bush administration just walked away from this and the president still hasn’t made the effort to address the problem of Guantanimo Bay. Yeah, we’re not going to lift the embargo but we’re going to keep our creepy prison running for now or maybe close it in the near future sometime surely in the next couple of years. We’re going to send some people who have been tortured for the past eight years back to Afghanistan but the others are going to federal prison (where they’ll no doubt be tortured some more by the inmates and guards.)
Think we can send a few nice balloon animals Bush’s way? This is and has been ridiculous. For the people who aren’t quite getting why this is horrible (note: not the author) picture the abuses being done by any other government in the world. Wouldn’t it be condemned? Wouldn’t those responsible wind up with economic sanctions against their government? (Burma. Somalia. Formerly Iraq, allegedly for abuses against the Kurds. Probably Iran, for nuclear missiles and hating the hell out of journalists.) What gives the US indemnity? Shit, a little personal responsibility here people. Isn’t that what conservatives are always whining about? (You know: why they hate poor people so much?)
November 16th, 2009 at 5:26 am
I really feel sorry for those people who lack the ability to understand satire and irony (p.s., I mean irony in its actual meaning). It is becoming an increasingly popular form of delivering social commentary and unless you can learn to look more deeply into things then you are going to miss out.
Do you not see the last frame, do you not get that?? It’s not laugh out loud funny, these sorts of things never are, but the satirical element is there. He even explained it at the bottom for you, and even if you didn’t think it came across you should at least take into account his intentions before throwing around even more offensive language.
Furthermore, bringing the fact that he’s American into it “Daniel van Vuuren” is really cheap. Yes we all hate America but that has nothing to do with anything.
Nice work Swaim, personally I didn’t expect this from you but I appreciate the thought.
P.s. Don’t hate me for hating America
November 13th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
This is seriously unfunny.
I wonder what would happen if you posted “funny” pictures of jews being gassed in a “amusing” fashion.
The site would be down in 24 hours.
Go fuck yourself you ignorant american redneck cunt!
November 7th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Amy,
Go fuck yourself, cunt.
Sincerely,
Ryan
November 6th, 2009 at 11:41 am
What a fucked up bitch you are. Why don’t you rape your mum and laugh about that. That’s what I would call funny you’re mum being raped.
October 30th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
I’m pretty sure I saw a ballsack.
October 29th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Only idiots wouldn’t realize it was satire. You are the best cracked columist.
October 29th, 2009 at 4:16 am
This was pretty funny. The dog looked like it was barking up mutated fruity pebbles.
And yeah, I see how it can be offensive, but it’s purely satire people. And, yeah, Ignacio González, Chile, his next target should be McCain!
XD. And maybe you whack off too much at the sound of your own voice. Which is worse?
October 28th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
thank god the dog wasn’t barking out babies
October 27th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
Haaaa…. A dog that barks flowers, Swaim your humour slays me. This shit is funny.
October 27th, 2009 at 5:53 am
Remember what happened when Ricky Gervais said a joke about the holocaust to Kate Winslet? It was a 5 seconds joke, and was published in the papers, because it’s considered that human rights abuses are off limits. You guys spent hours looking this pictures while making this “jokes”, knowing that the prisoners where defenseless, and that their situation hasn’t changed. Why don’t you make the same about John McCain? Show what a splendid time he spent in Viet Nam. I bet you masturbate to the idea that you break all the rules and are politically incorrect.
October 13th, 2009 at 5:55 am
This is seriously fucked up. Really not funny at all.
October 12th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Actually, the Double Dare pic was funny. Gotta give it that.
October 12th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Hey, Swaim, great article.
Judging by all the comments, you should have put “AND LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP!” in big letters at the end. =D
October 11th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Though I am not scared of Hollywood movies, TROTW.
October 11th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
I agree with “The Rest Of The World” here. Killing Peolpe is wrong. Peolpe was a nice girl. Why did the army kill her? What did poor Peolpe ever do?
October 11th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
COk
October 9th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Man, you guys are seriously ignorant fucks. What happened on 9/11 may have been a tragedy, but you fuckfaces forget that two wrongs don’t make a right. Would it be hilarious if Native Americans started murdering American citizens and taking land back? Would you seriously think its justified? Go eat a dick and choke.
October 8th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Couple things. Not very chuckleworthy, and again not because it’s supposed to be offensive. Also…I am going to fulfill the need for conservative reaction to such an article.
*ahem*
here I go.
“Aw, them poor brown folk! Well, 20 percent of ‘em mighta shot at ‘MERICANS! you cant support the troops without getting a boner over the idear of massive spending dedicated to diggin’ them a hole in the mideast. And if’n a few browns get waterlogged, well, they should of though about bein’ foreign an’ all before they let Vietnam happen! I was there! I know my views are radical ‘n’ maverick ‘n’ independent ‘n’all, but ur just gonna havta deal withm an get ur fancy lib’rel minds blown cuz I’m goin rouge and these colors dont run machine wash cold and yehaa ‘n’ such. so before you flame me for bein too real, lemmie say that I never could get a job outside the military world and you owe me your undying respect for that fact.
How did I do?
October 7th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
hahaha….HAHAHAHAHA! HAAA!!!
October 3rd, 2009 at 5:00 am
I bet you’re all a bunch of hypocrites. OOOH it’s an American prison, OOOH i feel soooo bad, this is not funny at all… I bet if the prison was a canadian one you’d all laugh your asses off. Good one Swaim. I lolled bad.
September 29th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
some people just hate irony… personally i loved this one, some people just want to believe “this can´t be true”. that’s why they maybe find this bad taste, but , how i said, thats how irony works and some people just hate it
September 28th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Well, anyone raging that this article is in bad taste…. should find out how, when, where and by whom the originals were taken. THAT was in bad taste.
Nevermind that it gave the US Army international regards that they will have to scramble to recover. (Then again, who cares about anyone oUTSIDE America, eh?)
September 14th, 2009 at 1:30 am
sleepinggiantnoremorse is a heartless prick ith a small brain and an even smaller dick, trust me i know he paid me to do it, and it was actually that small that i gave him a discount
September 13th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Hahaha Great article.
Everyone needs to chill and realize that its just a fucking joke. AIDS is funny but this is wrong? That’s ridiculous.
September 12th, 2009 at 7:49 am
@ Wow…
You loved the Six Flags article but hate this?
So what you’re saying is you were fully comfortable with an ageist rant targetting an actor who somehow managed to land himself a good job despite being over the 50-year cutoff point, but were horribly offended by an article that challenged the US government’s use of torture, and subsequent attempts to hide it?
You, sir, have issues.
And this article was hilarious and spot-on.
September 10th, 2009 at 9:18 am
oooh bad taste lmao
August 29th, 2009 at 8:34 am
Oh man, this was way over the top and possibly about a mile over the “acceptable” line but still pretty funny.
For all the people horribly offended, maybe you shouldn’t have clicked on the link titled “12 Abu Ghraib Torture Photos (Made Fun!)” Its a pretty accurate description.
August 28th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Of course this gets everyone’s panties up in a knot.
August 28th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Normally, I love Cracked. I loved your rant on six flags… but wow dude. This just took it too far.
And nationalism? Just because they were terrorists doesn’t make this right.
That was just plain sick.
August 22nd, 2009 at 2:44 am
It also should be noted that SATIRE IS NOT BY DEFINITION NECISSARILY MAKING LIGHT OF SOMETHING. It is taking something that is wrong or stupid and pushing it a bit further in order to showcase how ridiculous it is. It is the process of creating change or pointing out error through humor. If you don’t get it, either go away, or take the time to figure it out before you rage. This is not rocket science children!
August 22nd, 2009 at 2:26 am
(SleepingGiantNoRemorse)
Alright, we’ll try it your way. I’m sure that will go well. If we want to survive as a SPECIES we have to use this whole “smarter than the average bear” thing we’ve got going on to avoid letting shit like this escalate to the point of attrocity. Are you seriously suggesting that adding to the carnage will stop it? How about you guys continue with your method within your own country, and you come tell me when your school shooting and homicide rates go down.
You’ve got some fuzzy dice posting an article like this swaim. I really do appreciate the satire and I think that right now it’s doing exactly what it should do: making people angry and generating some debate. Excellent work sir!
August 18th, 2009 at 9:14 am
hahahaha
August 18th, 2009 at 8:36 am
So much fucking QQ.
August 16th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
“Yeah, everyone is so outraged about how badly these prisoners, never mind they were actively fighting the US, were treated. ”
Yeah, imagine that, fighting an army that invades your country for no reason, the nerve of them!
Bring Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld & Powell to justice for warcrimes just like Saddam.
August 15th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
I have to agree with scott they were TERRORISTS and I have no sympathy and I had a hardy laugh with a clear consciense.
August 11th, 2009 at 4:44 am
eyesaregooey, I guess you missed the part of response that said “I don’t condone what happened at Abu Ghraib”. I don’t think you can compare the ethics of human pyramids to killing prisoners.
August 10th, 2009 at 10:22 am
actually michael, thank you for making this article, sincerely. It’s certainly helping us think about the ethics of it.
…except the guy below me, of course.
August 10th, 2009 at 8:40 am
Yeah, everyone is so outraged about how badly these prisoners, never mind they were actively fighting the US, were treated. I am sure the American guys taken prisoner would love to form a human pyramid rather than have their heads chopped off or have their bodies dragged behind a truck and then hung from a bridge. I don’t condone what happened at Abu Ghraib but comparing being left naked with a angry dog or have some redneck chick laughing at your small pee pee to being killed is bullshit. And before I get flame sprayed, I was serving in the Mid-East, 1990-92 and 2004.
August 9th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
I almost want to send this to some of my old friends who are still in the military. It’s pretty damn funny and I’m pretty sure most of my hard working chums will appreciate the satire after a few fuckwads with a camera made all of us look like maniacs.
August 9th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
and to whoever made the allegory between taking the piss out of shocking imagery of crimes against humanity and dead baby jokes, it’s a little more like photoshopping an image to a guy offloading a truckful of dead Madeleine McCanns with a pitchfork and then posting it on a prominent website… just to tidy that analogy up.
August 9th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
eh, I got it ok, I just think this kind of shit-in-your-face-and see-how-you-like-it humour belongs on 4chan rather than a published article on cracked.com. A lot of your readers don’t go for this kind of humour (me being one of them).
Sorry Swain, you’ve done better by my book
August 7th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
OMFG FAAAAAKE!!!
July 20th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
This is amusing, guys. I think the issue is a lot of people need a reexamination of crucial facet of their sense of humor, the facet of “proximity.” The above article is very close to a potentially offensive issue, but it does not poke its fun at the victims; it pokes its fun at the government’s attempts to deny the incident. It has close “proximity” to the issue and is therefore interpreted as offensive without actually being offensive.
If I said, “I swept the floor in Auschwitz and I made the ashes into little burnt-Jew snowballs, and they smelled like feces,” that’s not funny because it is a direct insult to the tragedy of the Holocaust. If I said, “My grandfather died in Auschwitz…he fell out of a guard tower,” this is funny, because the fun is being poked at my grandfather, and your brain just fills in the rest of the joke and deems it inappropriate.
Second, guys, this isn’t PBS, it’s Cracked; you should be expecting edgy things from the moment you log in.
July 18th, 2009 at 1:58 am
I believe that what’s happening in these pictures is offensive and horrifying, but i do appreciate the use of a little photoshop and a few short sentences to create a burning satire of the current United States Government’s way of blinding the public to events like this that take place all too often. Good work.
July 17th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Also…kickemwhiletheyredown? Did you really just equate all Muslims with terrorists and communists?
July 17th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Anyone else feel honored that the entire rest of the world got together just to make one comment on a single cracked page? Cracked has got to be excited about that one, billions of hits in a single day…oh unless they were all just in a room together and one guy used the computer. Not cool, every other person on the planet and some of the more intelligent lizards, you could at least give Cracked the hits.
Wait are you the actual physical Rest of the World, like the land? Cause that’s just an honor.
July 16th, 2009 at 6:36 am
In China there was a cartoonist who made jokes about how people who criticize the government get shot. I don’t know what happened to him, but it probably involved bullets.
Now why did this article make me think of that?
July 14th, 2009 at 3:54 am
Come on guys, I think those photos were shopped, why would they take the prisoners to the beach?
July 14th, 2009 at 3:35 am
Nope, not cool.
July 13th, 2009 at 6:41 am
Must… not… laugh…
*snort*
*giggle*
*Slaps self*
July 12th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
you americans have no idea how foolish and stupid you are… you think you rule the world, you sell yourselfs as the greatest country…sorry, but you are not. you just cant tell that your “war against terror” is for freedom or wathever. war is wrong. THE ARMY KILLING PEOLPE IS WRONG. terrorist are wrong too, of course. you just have to open your eyes and find out that the entire world is SCREWED UP. just don´t be so selfish, there are more nations and people beyond your country limits, your fear of terrorist and hollywood movies…
it´s sad, i do believe that you are intelligent people, ypu are just fools because your goverment wants it that way…
sorry if this post annoy you, but it´s the true. that´s the way the rest of the world see you. smile, you can change. and im saying this because i believe in human beings, and as i said before, you are an incredible nation fooled by the motherfuckers you vote.
don´t let the rest of the people of the world treat you like you´re stupid assholes.
CHANGE YOR MIND or the fall would hurt a lot…you´re still one of the powerfull nations of the world…soon, you will be not, sorry, that´s a fact, all empires fall down…
don´t bielieve the shit that you are the greatest…you are just a simple human being, like the rest of us…
July 10th, 2009 at 8:29 am
The Photoshopping is so freakin’ obvious on this one…
July 9th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
I don’t if I should laugh
or cry
I kinda did both
July 5th, 2009 at 2:43 am
Pure genius
June 24th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
I’m not really sure this works as political satire (seems like a stretch), but it is hilarious, and I can’t believe I hadn’t seen it until now.
It’s the graphic article equivalent of a dead baby joke, so boundlessly offensive that you can’t help but think its funny.
Alright, so some people don’t think those jokes are funny either. It’s going to get an extreme reaction either way. I say props.
June 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Funny thing is I just watched taxi cab to the dark side the other weekend.
This is pretty funny because man Americans are stupid.
June 19th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Dude, holy shit.
June 17th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
good job.
June 17th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
seriously- this was surely difficult to decide on. Kudos on your bravery, you are hangin out a big bag of hotdog buns on this one.
for yes indeed, comedy is more than laughing like a bunch of morons, but rather a clever vehicle used for delivering a little smack. well done.
June 15th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
are these really from dick cheney?
(with all the morons on the web i feel i must note that i do in fact have an iq higher than your semiretarded pet frog)
June 11th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
I love a good sattire as much as anybody, maybe more and a few pieces of this made me laugh a little. The captions were a great touch. BUT, I have to agree that this is something that is nearly impossible to joke about. Still, major props on it Swaim, pointing out media and government shit like this takes serious balls. Thanks for saying what doesn’t get said nearly enough.
June 10th, 2009 at 7:29 am
Even after all these years this still sickens me! Thanks for uh…tryin’ to lighten it up and all, but I think this kinda went the wrong way on it. I this this is gonna be one of those things that we can’t ever just ‘joke’ about. This sight is all about pushing the envelope, and I dig that, and all… but this is…. yah.
June 5th, 2009 at 9:24 am
> Wow, this isn’t funny at all. And not because it’s offensive. Hell, you can make a joke about raping babies and I’ll laugh if it’s written right.
OK, let’s test your theory.
Q: What do you get when you attack a baby with a screwdriver?
A: An erection.
Did I write it right?
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:55 am
i was really enlightened by this…..
the article shows how the media are forced to portray these things…
sometimes even hide them…
i am disappointed by the cracked readers who didn’t get the point.
May 31st, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Hotdogs are badass, halloween candy too.
May 31st, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Torture my @$$…free hot dogs! =D
May 31st, 2009 at 12:13 pm
I appreciate your comment Michael, it shows that you, in certain extent, care about your readers and viewers.
However, I still find the photos unappropriate and offensive. But that’s not that big of a problem today - the fact they are on cracked.com makes it awkward.
bye
May 31st, 2009 at 9:59 am
To the people who were offended: This is exactly what the government does. They take these terrible things that they are doing and making the look positive. Watch Fox News to see what I mean. The article wasn’t funny, but it is good commentary.
May 31st, 2009 at 9:27 am
Funny article.
May 29th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Absolutely tasteless.
Swaim, u have shattered your reputation of a good comedian with this. A lot of us visited this site just because of u. But I guess its over.
You cannot put these photos in a funny context. Never, ever, under any circumstances.
It offends people.
I am deeply disappointed by Swaim.
May 28th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Celebrating fascism. true peoples fascism. you are so brainwashed you’d, by yourself, celebrate Hitler. … torture and humiliation is universally condemned, universally illegal, and universally wrong. .. specifically when conquering or occupying foreign country. .. these iraqi people on the pictures did nothing wrong. they are as guilty as you are, and ought to have been detained as the most. …. .. what is wrong with you people, who knows. voluntary culture reeducation camps, anybody? … Germans did learn - you dont go attack foreign countries … so will you //// and the last one - remember, 911 was controlled demolition, pretext to war …… …terrible how profound degeneration shown on this website and in these comments. …
May 27th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
I myself once dabbled in pacifism . . . Not in ‘Nam of course . . .
May 27th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
I must agree with Kickem’ . . . There are others out there with no room in our hearts for tolerance of anti-American action. Do any of you liberals remember the lack of mercy shown us during the Trade Center attacks? Do you remember the screams of Jack Hensley as the faceless enemy sawed his head from his body? While they filmed it, for God’s sake?!
Sun Tzu says the only method for combating an invisible enemy is to bring to him and his people more horror than they could conceive of in their most evil of moments . . . Kickem’ obviously recognizes, as do I, that our invisible enemy took this lesson to their hearts. They certainly have employed it time and again, basing their entire attack on the principle.
Its’ about time we started pushing the proverbial envelope back to their edge of the table. This country was born of the blood of poet warriors; focused for almost two centuries on breeding the most intense warrior society the modern world has ever known.
Now, in the wake of the American Civil Rights movement, we have grown soft. We used to support our warriors. We used to be patriots. We used to be proud. And, yes, we were righteous.
Now, the Middle East and Asia train the warriors who are supported by all of their people. Do you think that a Radical Islamist returns home to have his own people spit in his face? Yet how many of our Vietnam veterans had to deal with just that?
Tell me, liberals, how do you condemn a war, but support the troops? Hypocrisy!
Turn the television off of E! and tune in to something from the world of Islam sometime, and prepare yourself to witness the dedication of spirit that you yourselves no longer possess. And then be glad that there are others out there like Kickem’ who protect your right to live, even if it means depriving the enemy of the same.
Even Barack Obama knows that the enemy will never stop until they are either victorious or extinguished. Now ask yourself “Who’s it gonna be? Us or them?” Remember that even God Himself has wiped the unrighteous from this earth many times. There’s a difference between turning the other cheek and allowing inaction to result in your own death!
May 27th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
they are lucky i wasnt in charge. every time an american was beheaded, bombed, or kidnapped i’d shove salami sticks(the 2 footers) in every orifice and let the german shepherds eat it out of them.
fuck these guys and your liberal pity party for them. it was funny till you got all jane fonda with it.
May 27th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
good for you……….don’t let’em get by with nuthin’
May 27th, 2009 at 11:24 am
I hope all of you bleeding heart liberals and everyone else who is not American realize that the STRONG minority do not care about other nations or peoples assumed civil liberties. We do not fear terrorist, muslims, communists, or anyone else in the world. The day they grow some and really want to make America pay I just pray that they find me. I pray that they find others like me, and believe me they exist. I openly welcome foreign aggression or domestic aggression. This just gives those that are willing to fight for this country a little more leash to do what is necessary to protect the American Way:) As far as those pictures, well that just childs play.
May 25th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Jeez guys. Everybody needs to stop being so damn cyber-militant.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
A question to Americans: is patriotism to you, more important than meting out justice itself?
good work swaim.and i get your point.
May 23rd, 2009 at 5:54 pm
“# DanielS Says:
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Anyone who is outraged by this does not get what the true meaning of this post was.
Let me quote from the Authors note more specifically on what this moral was moreso about
“a satire of an attempt by government officials to absolve themselves of torturing prisoners”
If you do not understand what that mean then dont go around trying to pretend you know about politics and current events.
Was this meant to be funny? Im not to certain about that but the fuckin point was trying to demonstrate how government officials are trying to cover up their tracks and downplay their actions.
This blog = bush administrations current actions!
THATS THE FUCKING POINT!
If you dont agree thats your opinion but those of you who go around saying this is tasteless before understanding the true meaning of this blog then thats just ignorance on your part.
”
Anything said other than this is utter retardation.
May 23rd, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Yowsa.
Talk about touching a nerve.
To all those rambling about him taking it down, you SHOULD actually find out what’s happening about the people being prosecution of those officers.
I hope they got what they deserved for being total A-holes.
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Anyone who is outraged by this does not get what the true meaning of this post was.
Let me quote from the Authors note more specifically on what this moral was moreso about
“a satire of an attempt by government officials to absolve themselves of torturing prisoners”
If you do not understand what that mean then dont go around trying to pretend you know about politics and current events.
Was this meant to be funny? Im not to certain about that but the fuckin point was trying to demonstrate how government officials are trying to cover up their tracks and downplay their actions.
This blog = bush administrations current actions!
THATS THE FUCKING POINT!
If you dont agree thats your opinion but those of you who go around saying this is tasteless before understanding the true meaning of this blog then thats just ignorance on your part.
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:48 pm
this was alrite i guess. its funnier how many people get offended and feel the need to call the site out on tasteless humor. get over it, its a war…shit happens. lol
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:43 pm
somebody actually said “take it down or face the consequences”.
what will the consequences be?!?
more comments? will you fire off an angry email with a furious smashing of the “send” button?
these torture photos are about 6 sexy ladies, 1 clown and a broken down ice cream truck away from looking like a typical saturday night for me.
May 21st, 2009 at 5:14 pm
I think I just shit my pants after the polar bear one.
And to all you whiny babies… yeah torture is bad shit. Pretending it’s fun like the ORIGINAL pictures tried to was messed up sadism. This is article was dark satire, and if you didn’t like it go somewhere else. I don’t go to church to bitch about the half naked dead guys nailed on the walls.
And as to what they do to Americans, they drag their dead bodies down the streets before hanging them off walls or posts. They don’t photoshop them into humiliated submission.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I like Dolphins!
May 21st, 2009 at 11:08 am
…this is just low man…
May 19th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
lol at the hot dog eating one. the rest are… meh.
May 19th, 2009 at 6:23 am
This is just shameful.
Shows the mentality of the people here,
Even after being proved by others they are WRONG they continue to roll in their own filth at the expense of generating some laugh.
Is this what you call humor Swaim?
You are better than this.
Take it down or face the consequences.
SSSD.
May 19th, 2009 at 6:09 am
Hey Swaim,
Cracked has been an epitome of a Genius-Website to me.
But this was just tasteless,
Each and every article of yours sets a new standards, and I enjoy coming here every now and then.
But this is just apalling.
Please take it down, you are giving our beloved cracked a bad name.
Greetings from Middle East.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Timmy, you sick fuck. I don’t give a flying shit how well something immoral is written i don’t fucking laugh at it.
What is portrayed here is sick, i’m only young and not apt to making hasty decisions but this made me feel ill and ashamed to sharing the same air you breathe. In fact, i couldn’t finish looking at these. Now i understand humour if this was portrayed as satire but i got none of that, i’m sorry if i missed something but honestly, i just saw some ignorant character mocking what these poor people went through and are still going through. Now you can give me dozens of reasons why these people deserve this treatment, i’m not buying. Regardless with what a person has done, you DO NOT respond to it with equal measure, you are sinking to their level, and most’ve the time, due to the flaws in justice, some of these people are most likely innocent.
Timmy, yet again, you state that this is not to your satisfaction, please unlighten us all to how you believe you can make the concept of torture the tiny bit humorous because, to be honest, i’m completely stumped.
Esme i totally agree with you on the justification thing, as i’ve previously stated.
May 18th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
This is just low.
May 18th, 2009 at 9:33 am
fuck all you americans! torture anywhere is unacceptable and against the universal standard of human rights, and you all should be ashamed that “the best your country has to offer” committed this disgusting acts, there is absolutely no excuse. you people wonder why you are so loathed all over the world, fuckin bullies! and to bgolder and reconteam, a big fuck you to both of you! “the pussification of america?” i call that progress! and i do think i would be kinder to these terrorists as captives of war. that is part of the code of being a soldier is respecting the rules of war, not descending into the same type of savagery that we are apparently sent to correct. people with your type of attitude are the reason why there is so much conflict in the world today
-canadian pacifist!
May 18th, 2009 at 6:07 am
henry “how do you think captured americans get treated?”
Don’t you think it’s time our foreign policy advanced past Hatfields and McCoys or Tom and Jerry? If you raped my gramma, I’d hardly see that as justification to bugger your doilied elder matron–neither do you.
It’s a complicated world defined by shadow and subjectivism…and naked prisoner torture with dogs. Wrong, sometimes, is just fucking wrong, mate.
May 17th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
how do you think captured americans get treated?
May 17th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
I thought the terrorists died on a plane? These people here are nothing but suspects and what do you care about Iraq? There as no excuse for this behavior…….the idiots who did this should be punished harshly especially if the people were not proven guilty….but whatever lets keep fighting the war on terror ( a never-ending war that is not only in the Mid-East)
I respect the soldiers but I respect soilders who keep the American dignity they left with, these soldiers are horrible examples nonetheless.
***************************************************
It was a failure in the chain of command, it was wrong (although those bastards deserved it), but get over it already. We have a war to win dammit and dwelling on the mistakes of the past aren’t going to kill these Taliban bastards in Afghanistan, or prevent Iraq from descending into complete chaos.
Water boarding? That is nothing compared to having your fingernails plied off, your fingers smashed with a hammer, or one of Saddam’s kids hook a car battery up to your junk.
Do not insult our soldiers because of this! Do you really think you would be kinder to terrorist like these who have killed your friends, especially when the officers happen to be looking the other way? Your lying to yourself if you do.
May 16th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Wow, this isn’t funny at all. And not because it’s offensive. Hell, you can make a joke about raping babies and I’ll laugh if it’s written right.
However, this just isn’t funny because it’s boring and poorly written. Get funny please.
May 15th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Recon-Team is right on.Looking at while thinking what these photos contain in them(without the fluffy bunnies,chocolate unicorns, and rainbows of course),would you like to spend the night in the average american jail cell?Man, there are many degrees of torture.Rosie O’Donnell is torture.When I hear people crying and whining about torture(99% degredation really) it pisses me off.The pussification of America, I swear.Thanks 60’s!
May 15th, 2009 at 10:54 am
It disturbs me how many people messaging here, while saying that yeah people shouldn’t be bitching about the article (rightly), but are then going on to say that the torturers were justified… and that those being mistreated deserved it… Wow, what a shitty shitty world we live in that people think that kind of opinion is totally fine to broadcast without any backlash, and feel ok with themselves in thinking that way… Everyone deserves a fair trial, otherwise we’re all as shitty as terrorists, dictators and those shitty Americans up there.
May 15th, 2009 at 6:42 am
It was a failure in the chain of command, it was wrong (although those bastards deserved it), but get over it already. We have a war to win dammit and dwelling on the mistakes of the past aren’t going to kill these Taliban bastards in Afghanistan, or prevent Iraq from descending into complete chaos.
Water boarding? That is nothing compared to having your fingernails plied off, your fingers smashed with a hammer, or one of Saddam’s kids hook a car battery up to your junk.
Do not insult our soldiers because of this! Do you really think you would be kinder to terrorist like these who have killed your friends, especially when the officers happen to be looking the other way? Your lying to yourself if you do.
May 15th, 2009 at 1:20 am
Lots of this stuff floating around, but you make a great point. The people involved in this kind of treatment are not merely following orders (they are having way too much fun) They give a bad name to everyone who has ever worn a uniform and the county that pays them. I live in the middle-east and do Not support the tali-ban and friends, but experience tells me Osama & crew would be happy to have those prison guards on their side–perfect fit! BO should get off his high horse and prosecute them already!
May 14th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Oh dear, I did not expect people to see this as in any way pro-torture (or “Torture” as these people say). This seems to be a testament to either the blindness of these people or the amount of brainwashing the Bush Administration has subjected you to.
May 14th, 2009 at 11:28 am
So, to paraphrase…
Cracked writers: “WAAAAAAAAH!!!!!”
May 14th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Anybody who whines about how offensive this is probably hangs around here all the time, laughing at all the other offensive stuff that doesn’t offend them personally. Now they’re offended and sanctimonious. What pathetic jokes.
Incidentally, what happened to these people was rotten, but not “torture”. Anybody who thinks they were “tortured” is a brain-dead ass.
May 14th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Well, so what if it’s in bad taste? The assholes that were supposedly “tortured” would like nothing more thant to see you and me, all our family, and all our friends wiped off the fucking face of the earth! Regardless, this isn’t torture. Talk to some survivor’s of Saddam’s detention centers, and they’ll tell you what torture is.
May 12th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
[...] freaks, my team of expensive gumshoes here at Cube surreptitiously cracked the case and found this note in his prison cell: The ACLU have been trying to get the government to release the photos for a [...]
May 12th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
[...] freaks, my team of expensive gumshoes here at Cube surreptitiously cracked the case and found this note in his prison cell: The ACLU have been trying to get the government to release the photos for a [...]
May 12th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
@Nes,
“I don’t understand how this can be described as funny in any way.”
Email the pics and translate the captions to a random Albanian. Tell them it’s funny. There’s one way.
May 12th, 2009 at 4:14 am
I don’t understand how this can be described as funny in any way. Yeah, I get that its satirical, but some things shouldn’t be be taken light of.
Also, the reason why people are comparing torture to the holocaust is because both carry the same weight: there are things just too inhumane to be made funny. There are some people here that are making remarks like, “Oh well they’re terrorists, anyway” which are totally unfounded. The reason why I’m objecting is because, while there is satire out there that has the ability to make light of things like tsunamis, and AIDs, the fact that this is a highly sensitive topic makes this all the more worse. This is a product of human invention, not things out of our hand like natural disasters. So, I think there should be more care taken in the way people approach this topic.
So to those people who are saying “Oh, come one don’t you get it?” my answer is yeah, I get what he’s trying to do, but I think the mere attempt is wrong in itself.
May 11th, 2009 at 10:33 am
I understood it, and thought it was very well done! (I felt incredibly bad laughing at the “incredible flower barking dog” and polar bear dentist!)
However, I don’t understand how people can think you’re making fun of torture victims, maybe if the album was supposed to have belonged to them? I don’t know.
Either way, well done!
May 10th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
No entiendo, muy loco todo esto!!!!LOCOLOCOLOCOJAJAJJA
May 10th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
This is what happens when you try to steal the ingredients for the Everlasting Gobstopper. What do you think of using bearded naked children as moles now Slugworth?
May 9th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
why are people comparing this torture to the holocaust? way to make light the suffering of people starved and feed to ovens while all these people had to do was be embarrassed and masturbate in front of American army officials.
Totally the same. -_-
May 9th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
This was bloody brilliant, SWAIM. My hat is off to you.
Also, I spent the last five or so minutes browsing the comments section and have lost a good deal of whatever faith in humanity I had previously held.
Dissenting opinions, people. Dissenting opinions. Simply because they found this distasteful does not mean they are “fvcking dickheads who suck cock for a living and smell like shit because all their money is spent on crack” (I made that up, but with 367 comments on a topical issue like this I figure someone has posted something along those lines by now).
Of course, the most intelligent response I could probably hope to get from this comment would be someone telling me to take dick in my ass (presumably because I am gay or something, or maybe I’m bi-curious, I forget how these insults work), so Go Phillies!
May 9th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Swaim great job. you made the important news funny and i hope that they still keep the message that these pics w/o the funny would. And people lighten up. From what i can tell he wasnt tryin to make fun of the people being tortured but to get the message out. Here, pick one:abu ghraib torture photos, or abu ghraib torture photos (made fun). Which one did you want to pick? Once again Swaim great job.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Oh my goodness…
Is this even allowed?
That’s very inappropriate.
People are saying that we are complaining because we don’t see the “point” or “message”?
This is an awesome website.
But THIS wasn’t funny at all.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Bad taste? Have you fuckheads ever heard of rotten.com?
The thing here that bothers me is those people saying stuff like: “ZOMG FAKKING TERRORIST LET IM HAVE IT LOL!!!11″
Aren’t you supposed to be the chosen ones? the just and righteous? the fucking Justice League? why would you sink to the levels of these people? Who behead your soldiers, Aren’t you supposed to be better than them?
Most of you will lose your shit when next week, Cracked introduces the article:
Video of american soldiers being beheaded (with rainbows!!!)
May 6th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
… to fuck (in case my title wasn’t clear enough).
May 6th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
… yawn …
May 6th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
I am offended by this because I do not understand sarcasm, and anything that even slightly appears to go against my political views is not funny.
Also, what is ‘fascism’ again?
May 6th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Pete, you best remain in your closet you fucking Moron!
May 6th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
You lost the point completely ppl! It was about how this is wrong… its a satire. And a funny one.
It’s not swaim who did the torture, and it’s not him who is feared all over for doing such crap. Why dont you bash the CIA?
Plus, the one that involved the dog and the flowers was pure gold.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Sorry, making light of tortured people (who have not been charged with anything, let alone been found guilty) is definitely not funny and not cool.
The comments from those here supporting torture or asking us to “see the humour” are pretty damned worrying in themselves: it’s fascism and strongly repugnant.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
LOL @ bawwwfest
May 6th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Swaim… I won’t fuck your Mother (again… anally) if you cover the Holocaust! http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=9&sku=ENGL-CD00321
May 6th, 2009 at 10:36 am
I quin-triple dare you to do the holocaust…
May 6th, 2009 at 8:18 am
I quad-triple, dog-dare you to do the Holocaust (seeing as how it didn’t happen anyway… so that shouldn’t ruffle any feathers)!
http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=28&sku=E-CD00361
May 6th, 2009 at 4:46 am
I triple dare you to do the holocaust.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:38 am
I can’t believe these photos are only being released now in the US, we’ve had them in Europe since not long after they were taken a few years ago. How on earth did you not get wind of them then?
I applaud Michael’s moral bravery in any case.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
I raise my self-esteem by jerking it to that old 70’s Farrah Fawcett poster.
A ‘typo’ is one mistake. Misspelling the same word over and over is ignoring your spell-checker.
I love you anyway (him or her). http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=11&sku=ENGL–CD00330
May 5th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Didn’t laugh at it, but I can’t say he shouldn’t have done this. Everything Swaim has posted to this one post has been gold. This is funny, but doesn’t meet everyone’s tastes. While that may include mine, I know that just because I think something isn’t funny doesn’t mean that I’m right.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
“himself”
I just love how you assumed that the comment, aparently stupid to you, was made by a male!
Isn’t just sad how no one can state their opinion on the internet anymore without being critisized?
And how we all have to bring spelling into it, just to try and make ourselves look smarter, when we know that, most of the time, it was just a typo?
Ahh humanity :]
You all make me laugh.
And I probably make you laugh.
And I know that at least one of you will make a stupid childish comment about this one!
Because you’re all so predictable.
So go on, continue your little fighting. It’s sad that this is the only way to raise your self esteem.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Peace and love forever
May 5th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
…because he’s a great big doody-head!
May 5th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Boy… where the fuck did you learn to spell?!
Did you and Jethro Clampett go to the same barn for schooling?!
May 5th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Stating your oppinion about the article = not lame.
Stating your oppinion in an article or blog = not lame
Trying to win an argument over the INTERNET = lame.
Getting mad at someone because their oppinion is different from yours = Very lame.
Calling someone a name because they don’t agree with you = sad.
Calling someone a name even though their comment had nothing to do with you whatsoever = very, very sad.
Grow up people. We all have the right to an oppinion here, if it’s stupid or not.
May 5th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
I’m guessing those are your answers… cunt.
May 5th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Yeah… have a nice flight Asshole: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=39&sku=E-CD00251
May 5th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Fuck you Terrorist!
May 5th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
you commenters are so fucked up. So fucked up that I feel the need to say my piece. firstly, thats all anyone is doing, saying their piece. I thought this site had cultured, intelligent readers. Instead, I see these people, who are rather polite, saying (like george) “Cracked just lost a reader.” He obviously doesn’t find it funny, and so what? there’s no reason to fuckin flip a shit. but down there, I see:
The ‘2009 Self-Important Cunt Awards’ list has been announced, and the Winner is George!
Bwwwahahahahahahahahaaa!
Go fuck your whoring Mother George. We all did!
You’ve done it now Cracked… George is leaving!!! Way to go!!!! Well, if George is leaving we should all go then.
Oh wait. George is a Twat. Sorry George… you’re on your own Daddy’s girl.
BFD = Big Fucking Deal!
Like, what the fuck? he says like 5 words and all you sad fuckers pounce on him? that’s pathetic. Even worse is what happened to Jason! He says: “I don’t find this very funny” and gets the shit flamed outta him! what are you guys, like fucking 5? can’t you people just let someone’s opinion stand without verbal abuse? I find your apathy more disturbing than this article, which in my opinion is somewhat distasteful.
May 5th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Oh yes how horrible. These terrorists were put in a pile naked together!!! How about we go over and see the torture techniques they use on us!! Itll be fun. Anal rape for women, and the the men we get electrically charged battery wires attached directly to our testicles!!! but hey, lets not pay attention to that. Lets focus on the fact that a few sick fucks stripped naked and embarrased a few “poor” terrorists.
May 5th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
ok, i think that was bad taste, and im not easily offended. To make light of this article though, i think you should make a parody of allied forces getting fucked up too, could even make continous parts, part 2. US forces blowing there trumpets (getting blown up), part 3, mugabes, house of horror (funny decapitations), part 4, burmas human rights (to be tortured) part 5, Sri lankas war (hahaha civilians shelled).
Just an idea.
neways back to crack.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:03 am
This is hilarious. People who don’t think it is can visit another website.
Awww, Missunoriginal. Your name truly speaks to your character. You are no doubt just another fat ugly woman on the internet with way to much sand in her vagina. God, I can just picture your fat, blob-like face spewing forth your bitchery in some high pitched annoying tone. Please do us all a favor and shut the fuck up.
May 5th, 2009 at 7:08 am
Satire doesn’t always make light of comfortable material. People make jokes about AIDS, Katrina, tsunamis that wipe out 10000 people… It’s a feature of humanity to laugh at tragedy. It doesn’t make the tragedy any less tragic and it doesn’t mean the person penning the satire has no compassion.
Some of you people are taking yourselves way too seriously.
May 5th, 2009 at 6:22 am
It’s fairly obvious that he is trying to show how laughable the situation is regarding officials trying to justify their inhumane methods with excuses that wouldn’t hold up in any court.
Brilliant satire, salute.
May 5th, 2009 at 3:34 am
Hey, hey, wait a minute-
I’m a rug-licking lesbo and I thought this was amusing satire, which is obv what the author intended it to be. Don’t chuck all us carpetmunchers in the same boat.
May 5th, 2009 at 12:51 am
thumbs up!
May 4th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Woaahhh. People are getting crazy on here.
I want your babies Swaim.
Also, I think you are very funny.
May 4th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
Pam: I can’t speak for everyone else who has posted here, but I know what Swaim is trying to say and I know what point he is trying to make. I just think he is going about proving it in the wrong way. I won’t pretend to know what exactly the right way is, but it doesn’t involve using Photoshop to make torture pictures “fun” in my opinion. I’m not saying I’ll never visit the site again or that Swaim has lost all of my respect, I just think that the piece was in bad taste. Just my opinion, though I’m sure someone will take it upon themselves to call me self-important or something.
MissUnoriginal: I think you’re a little confused with your Constitution comments. It’s true that obscenity is not protected by the First Amendment (Roth v. US) but this is not obscene. Definitely indecent, but not obscene. Look up “Miller v. California” or “The Miller Test” to see what I mean.
May 4th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
These comments make me giggle.
I’m used to reading comments like:
“Man, Swaim, you’re fuckin’ hilarious”
“This is SO true!”
or
“You’re funny. Let’s have sex”
Apparently people still think winning an argument on the internet will make them a cooler person.
(P.S. If you read this comment, Swaim, please note that all of the standard comments I listed above really do represent how I feel about this article. Especially the sex one)
May 4th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
I love how a lot of people (MissUnoriginal for one) aren’t getting that this article wasn’t meant to make fun of the torture. I’m pretty sure that Swaim, or any of the people posting, don’t think that torture is hilarious and needs to be made fun of. I definitly do not.
The entire point was to show you how ridiculous the cover-up of us torturing people was. The government made it sound like the picture’s captions above, like it was some big magical fun-time and full of bunnies and sunshine. When obviously, it was not.
I beileve this article was meant to make people realize this.
And it amazes me that so many just aren’t getting that.
May 4th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Now now boys and girls, let’s not get to frisky.
Oh, and I think I speak for most of the people here when I say, if I see anymore quotation marks I’m going to be sick all over my keyboard.
May 4th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Kids,
Settle down -_-
Swaim is an awesome guy and people are just reacting so strongly to this piece of satire.
If they react this strongly then what fucking world did u grow up in?
This was close to 4 years ago now, the “guards” involved were all jailed with respective sentences. If u want to bitch and moan go to FML.com and tell people there how shitty your life it because honestly nobody here GIVES A FLYING FUCK
I love you Swaim.
May 4th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
MissUnoriginal, humor is often used by people in many societies across the world as a social safety valve to release anxieties and uncertainties about a given topic. There is plenty about 9/11 already. Yes it is in bad taste, but jokes do help people to express themselves about a certain topic and/or cope better with it. I understand that you find it offensive, but I believe the aim of the article was to mock the governments decisions rather than downplay the seriousness of the issue. Humor with a point. I can’t be sure really, just sharing some info, make of it what you will :D.
May 4th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
… douche out your self-righteousness… loser bitch. God I hope you’re a canoe-cleaning, rug-licking lesbo, because I couldn’t imagine a man having (or wanting) to fuck you.
May 4th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Hey Sweetcakes… you wouldn’t happen to have a copy of your Constitution around would you? I just took a nice, stinky crap and I need a wipe, or can I just use you (like men do)?
May 4th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
…dull.
May 4th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
If you actually read the Constitution you might know that there ARE restrictions to our Freedom of Speech, as well as many of our other “rights”! Go read them, get somewhat educated, then get back at me… Millionaire Friendless Loser doesn’t have an education? Hmm…
Actually nevermind, DON’T get back at me. I’m done with this atrocious website.. The author is obviously a heartless person, as well as a lot of the people on here.
As far as this author’s “work” (if you want to call photo-shopped TORTURE pictures with a “funny” twist to them work) is considered, well, yeah… I haven’t got any more words for it. My “energy and passion” has run out. I’m grossed out and sad and disgusted.
“Author’s note: Because I can’t take the heat, and because I don’t want to get curbed”
So what, he doesn’t even want to deal with the repercussions of this article? He knows this is wrong…
May 4th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
But who among us is sick enough to do so?!
May 4th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Fuck… you ARE simple aren’t you Ms. Double-Standard?!
You talk about The Constitution? What about ‘Freedom of Speech’ being exercised on this site by this Author?
Why don’t you show us all how it’s done? If you have the time (and obviously have the passion and energy) to post, we’d all sure like to see something ‘better’ from you.
Be grateful you can express and exercise your Freedom of Speech you’re clearly un-accepting of this Author’s work.
This is Cracked.com Bitch!
May 4th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
OK, great, so that’s the message “the people responsible aren’t being prosecuted or punished in anyway”. I would have NEVER gotten that message from just looking at these pictures (which is what most people do).. But, since that’s the supposed message, then stop showing the pictures of the VICTIMS (being “made fun” of in a “humorous” way) and post up the OFFENDERS (*soldiers’*) pictures with a description of their actions! Don’t make fun of somebody elses TORTURE!!!! That is literally what Swaim is doing here, in my opinion…!
May 4th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
I’m not at all sorry if some people don’t agree with me in thinking that this is NOT funny and that this is actually incredibly OFFENSIVE. This is obscene and goes against our (U.S.)Constitution. The fact that the soldiers did this in the first place does NOT make it okay to “make fun” of. This is not the right way to make a satire! This type of “entertainment” is teaching our children that it’s okay to make fun of others, even in the worst, most terrible moments of another’s life. Oh, look there’s a picture of Rihanna beat up and bloody - but she “deserved it” so let’s take a look and “make it fun”! Oh look, there are (possible) Islams that deserved to be tortured by American soldiers because they MAY have been apart of the 9/11 attacks, let’s “make it fun”! People are so heartless and HARD anymore…
May 4th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
… so read HIS post if SWAIM’s article ‘confuses’ you (its message anyway, and the light in which it is intended).
To all other simple people… please don’t breed!
May 4th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Swaim didn’t do anything wrong here… He is just showing how the government tries to sugar coat things and make them seem better than what they are. It is common practice and something that has been happening for a very long time.
I feel bad for the people who don’t understand that this post is meant to make you outraged at the fact that the people involved in this aren’t being prosecuted or punished in any way…
May 4th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I like how people get very offended at this satire of torture, and in the same comment advocate that Swaim go cripple himself, or have relations with his mother. I can tell they are really very sensitive and caring people.
And anyone trying to equate Abu Ghraib with the atrocities of 9/11 or the holocaust is seriously tripping. It shouldn’t have happened, but lets put things into perspective, shall we?
May 4th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Sorry guys. I’m just a lot down because my boyfriend left me because I wouldn’t do anal. He was a great guy and I’m just Jewish.
So he sent me this… I guess I deserved it for being an uptight, frigid, unloving bitch:
http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=32&sku=E-CD00410
May 4th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Yeah, she (or it) is certainly ’straddling the gauze.’
May 4th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
MissUnoriginal
You’re supposed to remove the tampons after your period is over, not just cram new ones in your hole every time Aunt Flow visits…probably why you are so cranky
May 4th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Seriously!
They don’t have a sense of humor.
And if they don’t take this in the light it was intended, they’re obviously not that bright either (like: MissUnoriginal below and others).
Hey Anti-SWAIMS… if you can write better, we’ll all read it. If you can’t (or are ‘unwilling’ because you’re so busy (but not so busy as to take the time to post here)), then shut the fuck up!
SWAIM… can I steal a baby for you?
May 4th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
so he puts a little author’s note at the bottom of his article….
well done… i guess that doesn’t make it any less disgusting now…
why do you have to do that if you know what you post is going to cause controversy…?
its pretty much the same as posting photoshopped pictures of the holocaust or snapshots of American soldiers getting beheaded and then writing
p.s “its all a parody.. don’t be offended!! ”
is that your way of getting away with this shit…? you’re either not making fun or you are… there’s no in between…. if you are then the best you can do is at least own up to it rather than hide behind an author’s note …..
May 4th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Wow. Im sorry SWAIM. Looks like everyone is making you out to the bad guy. Which is unfortunet since the people who did all this bullshit are attempting to get away with it.
Although the debating below is hilarious.
If nothing else, you’ve started two factions. A SWAIM and an Anti-SWAIM. Let these two forces collide! I want to see a bloodbath!
May 4th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
And before you reply…
Remember: I don’t care what you have to say. No one does… ever (even if they’re pretending they do just to be polite).
If you can write something better on here (article-wise), do so. Otherwise keep your couch critic shit to yourself.
Got that… fucker?!
May 4th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Do you think people care about your point of view either?!
If you cunt say anything nice…. then take a big one up your crapper!
May 4th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
OH shut the fuck up Bitch and do the job God built you to do and take a cock!
May 4th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
P.S. Even with your little warning and reasoning at the end, I still find this disgusting and without taste!
Do you really think that people understand (or CARE) about your point “a satire of an attempt by government officials to absolve themselves of torturing prisoners” Do you really think that gets through to most people? Or is it just these “made funny” photos that get a wow factor and all the interest? Think about it…
May 4th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
I just read one other article that I loved and then came to this one… Screw you Michael Swaim - I do not like your writing after all. This was absolutely disgusting. I’m literally sick to my stomach now.
What were those soldiers thinking? They are nothing more than perverted bullies.
What was Swaim thinking, making it “funny” like that? Sad. Sad. Sad.
May 4th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Oh. Oh dear Swaim. Just oh dear.
May 4th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Am I a bad person for laughing at this? Because I feel a slight emptiness inside.
The only kind of emptiness that can be filled with none other than pudding.
May 4th, 2009 at 10:18 am
http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=10&sku=ENGL-CD00250
Enjoy!
May 4th, 2009 at 9:47 am
The ‘2009 Self-Important Cunt Awards’ list has been announced, and the Winner is George!
May 4th, 2009 at 9:45 am
… because the GREAT George is leaving and no longer a reader?!
Bwwwahahahahahahahahaaa!
Go fuck your whoring Mother George. We all did!
May 4th, 2009 at 9:25 am
You’ve done it now Cracked… George is leaving!!! Way to go!!!! Well, if George is leaving we should all go then.
Oh wait. George is a Twat. Sorry George… you’re on your own Daddy’s girl.
May 4th, 2009 at 9:23 am
BFD = Big Fucking Deal!
May 4th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Cracked just lost a reader.
May 4th, 2009 at 9:15 am
I can’t decide which is more amusing, the posters that are angry about the article or the posters that are angry about the posters that are angry about the article. None-the-less, they both elicit a small chuckle from me.
May 4th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Hi Jason,
No one cares.
These morons (such as you) MUST be SWAIM to keep the fight over this article alive. NO ONE WITH A BRAIN would take ANY of this seriously.
This site is FREE. There is FREEDOM OF SPEECH, you don’t like what has been presented here… FUCK OFF (no, I mean that literally… fuck off… to another site). And just because your Dad diddled you as a child is NO reason you can’t seek therapy, then come back to this site with a renewed (more light-hearted) take on life… LOSER!
May 4th, 2009 at 8:27 am
I don’t find this very funny,
May 4th, 2009 at 6:43 am
“Because that is all this is, a fucking joke that is meant to amuse us.”
Jesus christ you missed the point of this one.
“Oh, those poor prisoners, they were treated sooo bad. Lets all feel sorry for them and give them whatever they demand to show the world how sensitive we are.”
Sarcastic tone to describe documented evdience that we just saw with our own eyes? Wow. They were obviously treated badly.
May 4th, 2009 at 6:42 am
absolutely hilarious
right on swaim. This is how you do humor, just go straight for it, regardless of what anyone else may say. maybe if those people were less concerned with their own self-importance they could lighten up a little instead of consatantly trying out for the future thought-police force (the Space SS as I would like them to be called)
May 4th, 2009 at 5:59 am
screw the haters, if you find this offense then maybe you shouldnt read cracked in the first place. keep up the funny swaim, we love you no matter what..
May 4th, 2009 at 5:23 am
New found respect for Swaim. Anyone that ruffles the feathers of bleeding heart pc tossbags gets 2 thumbs up from me.
Abu Ghraib was nothin’ special - that nude man-pile shot just reminds me of my 14th b’day party.
May 4th, 2009 at 5:04 am
Yeah if these guys are terrorists than fuck them. They deserve it.
May 4th, 2009 at 5:00 am
I think the outrage comes because they’re “the terrorists” and we’re not. We can’t start torturing them and lowering ourselves to that level, even if history is filled with examples of worse conduct. We don’t do what they do; we don’t find acceptable what they find acceptable. It’s not about eye-for-an-eye, TT, and that’s the whole point.
May 4th, 2009 at 4:31 am
Put me on a leash make me do naked cheer-leading stuff with other guys and I’ll fuck your shit right up TT. Oh, and by the way in Amerika, you’re supposedly innocent until proven guilty, but I guess that only applies to the rich and white, since the prisons are over-crowded with innocent people who didn’t even get a trial or investigation. Amerika is a joke and the majority are happy to just stay in their place and not stir things up by saying “Hey, shit is fucked up. I’m gonna do something.” No, instead they sit there saying “Gee whiz, that’s too bad. Must suck to be them.”
May 4th, 2009 at 3:37 am
Oh, those poor prisoners, they were treated sooo bad. Lets all feel sorry for them and give them whatever they demand to show the world how sensitive we are.
Fuck that. What torture? I haven’t heard of any. Oh sure we hear about some gay cheer-leading exercises, some guy was put on a leash, a little water-boarding, OH NO! Do you think these guys would have been so nice to you had the tables been turned? Some of these assholes were the same ones putting out videos of themselves cutting peoples’ heads off or maybe they would have if they hadn’t been stupid enough to get caught. They beheaded journalists even, let an American soldier behead anyone (much less a reporter from Al-Jazeera) and see how fast he’s/we’re fucked. Even some of the things they do to their own people are more fucked up than anything we do.
Ever read anything about history? Cause it’s full of shit that would make a little water-boarding look like a stroll in the park on Sunday afternoon.
May 4th, 2009 at 3:03 am
The Southpark guys have it right - either everything is funny, or nothing is. You can’t start drawing a line on satirising any one topic over another, because then you are heading into the dangerous waters of the thought police.
I say kudos to Swaim, because this piece certainly drew more of a response from some people than anything that has been in the news.
May 4th, 2009 at 2:35 am
Most of your articles are excellent but this one is terrible!
May 4th, 2009 at 12:44 am
um…aren’t you doing the same thing you just ripped me for?
May 4th, 2009 at 12:06 am
…cunt. Who are you to say what another can write or talk about… Mr. Self-Important, Self-Absorbed, Self-Centered, Self-impotent? What… don’t feel like you’re getting your $’s worth on here?! Oh wait! Cracked is FREE… so FUCK OFF!!!!
May 3rd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
swaim, i understand what you’re trying to do, and i recognize this piece for what it is, but this just isn’t something you make a satire of. there are some things you can’t put a funny spin on. how many serial killers have there been who didn’t think they were doing anything wrong and didn’t deserve to be punished? do you think it would be funny to show twelve murder victims with their killer photoshopped in, giving a thumbs up and saying “see, we’re all having a good time!”? because that’s kind of what this is. very poor taste.
May 3rd, 2009 at 11:00 pm
lol, that was great. Abu Ghraib rocks! Plenty of Asylum seekers over here that I’d like to ship over there for a fun-filled lifetime.
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:35 pm
not that torture is a bucketful of fun or anything.
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:34 pm
Last one was the best. It’s a nice satire, bit joyless though.
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:24 pm
I bet Swaim is in his lounging area smoking a pipe by the fireplace in an oversized armchair laughing at all of you for arguing over something like an internet post. yeah it might be found “offensive” to some overly sensitive people. if you dont like Micheal Swaims humor make your own site and be a contributor there. post PC things like bunnies hugging unicorns in a completely heterosexual way and stop bitching on cracked and about Michael Swaim.
May 3rd, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Seriously what the hell did you all expect? Read the title. The title itself is the point, that it’s never fun, that is the joke.
If you weren’t disturbed by the pictures when they came out and were GENUINE why at least didn’t you storm the White House and have the people actually responsible for the REAL CRIME thrown out???? Instead you wait for a satire internet article to vent your high-horsed morality? Jesus effing c people.
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
…’Freedom of Speech’ then. Just as I suspected… American’s can talk the talk, but can’t walk the walk (don’t even get me started on redneck Bush invading Iraq illegally and tanking the US to the tune of $11.5 trilion and owing EVERYTHING to Saudi Arabia (ummm yeah, ever think of looking for Bin Laden there you morons?!) and China. God Bless America should EITHER of those 2 countries come to collect their rightful IOU’s from you hillbillies! LOL! Try running a show like All in the Family THESE days… yeah, good luck! The increasing censorship, and phone tapping of Big Brother, and you’re on Cracked.com bitching?! Yeah… lol. Nice job. This site if FREE… if you don’t like what it says ‘couch critics’… why don’t you go and pay off your National Debt or are you too busy censoring FREE sites like this and burning books?
‘Freedom of Speech’ my fucking ass you hypocrites. At least this Author is bringing the subject to light, on a FREE site, using HIS ‘Freedom of Speech’… in true Cracked fashion. You’re just sitting there… getting ‘American fatter’ and bitching about it. Nice accomplishment.
Look in the mirror hypocrite… the ‘fucking cunt’ of which you speak isn’t that far away (from your own nose… in case you ARE that in-bred and missed my metaphor (you may want to ‘look that one up’… in a ‘dictionary’)).
Now… where is that joke sheet of a Constitution of your’s? I just took a crap and I need a wipe.
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Nice post dp., I don’t like Swaims stuff too…
Either way if I see more articles like this from Swaim & I see Cracked.com allow it, I swear I will stop reading this articles from this site, it’s not funny & it’s probably a publicity stunt from Swaim.
So fuck you you Swaim, you fucking cunt.
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:46 pm
dp the homophobe need a widdle huggy-wuggy?!
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:43 pm
I don’t find this at all funny.
Imagine if Americans we’re being tortured, not so funny now huh?
Fuck you Swaim, you’re not even funny, I personally don’t even read your shit you fucking bastard, I hope you burn in hell you faggot.
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:43 pm
…they just weren’t hugged enough as children.
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Like your post is making a difference?
And to PAM: nice post, but I don’t think the posts on here identify the twits from the educated. Education isn’t always a reflection of intelligence (but I got your point).
And to Milt below said that the US doesn’t retaliate?! What have you been smoking (can I have some)?! Because YOUR VERY OWN Government has hired me (and others) on occasion to ‘not retaliate’ for them… you knave, closet-dwelling troll.
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Oh yeah, great satire of torture. LOL. Who cares about the satire aspect of it? If you want to read about real torture go read about the Nazis, the Inquisition, some of the atrocities in Africa currently taking place. Nice political statement, yeah, go get US government officials prosecuted over this stuff. You’re really making a difference.
May 3rd, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Torture is wrong. Abu Graihb (sp>) was sick.
Gitmo =/= Abu Ghraihb.
“Walling”, the “Attention Grasp”, the Caterpillar, pop and heavy metal music, stress positions, none of that is torture. Not even waterboarding.
Forced homosexual acts, sodomy, beatings, and electric shocks is torture.
At Gitmo they get prayer rugs, halal chicken, and Qu’rans (which the filthy infidel guards handle with gloves).
Under international law, illegal combatants who fight out of uniform lose any protected status and can be executed on the spot. America doesn’t do that. The peckerheads are lucky. They definitely don’t reciprocate when they take westerners, whether or not they are soldiers or civilian truck drivers and aid workers doesn’t matter.
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Seriously? Why are people getting thier tighty-whiteys in such a bunch? Is it because you don’t like humor when it actually has a point?
Oh, yes. I forgot. You all are the kind of people who thought Balls of Fury and Semi-Pro were funny, because you didn’t have to THINK A SINGLE BIT while watching it. You prefer your humor to be pointless, and stuff like this goes right over your head because it makes you open your damn eyes for a second and use that brain of yours.
Congratulations, Swaim, on seperating the twits from the educated. Nice work.
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Oh, and as to my opinion on this?
They did things in the wrong order.
SHOULD GO:
Capture
Trial
Release OR Interrogate (Depending on trial findings)
Torture if necessary.
Because fuck motherfuckers who pull that “Blow up orphanages and eat the burnt childflesh” shit.
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:26 pm
lame
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Let it go people. Go get laid or something…
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Ok, not reading all of the rest of this shit.
But apparently someone has been equating this to WW2 Nazi concentration camps?
Seriously guys?
Srsly?
SRSLY?
(You’re retards)
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:09 pm
You know what, Swaim? Thank you. Thank you for raising awareness. If people are getting outraged, good. Certain (government) people documented their horrible actions, and you are exposing a wide readership to it. I agree with your disclaimer entirely. If you’re this upset, GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Write to your goddamn newspaper editor, don’t just leave a rant on Cracked. The government is trying to make this seem ok; don’t let them do that. Show your reaction in a truly public forum.
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Seriously… I’m just wondering.
WHY do you assume that this article was to be funny? Just how many of you ‘assume’ throughout your life…does it serve you well?
Maybe… just MAYBE this Author was trying to bring attention to this (with a ‘Cracked’ slant/spin/take on it)… did that EVER occur to you?
Stop being so ignorant your fucking, mindless cattle and think outside of the pathetic cubical you work/live in 1/3 of your life.
If you were bright enough, and not so self-centered (and ignorant) … you would possibly be even embarrassed by your own simplicity.
Go to another site if you don’t ‘get it.’
Bye-bye whiny, stupid morons.
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:48 pm
… that there we so many whiney, fucking pussies on this planet (sheep, I guess). Some on here say they’ll never visit this site again…lol… WHO THE FUCK CARES IF YOU GO HANG YOURSELF LOSER?! Others said this was ‘mean’… again… who the fuck cares? And someone commented (SlimeQ) that this Author should ‘try again’ … hey dickhead… if you think you can write better…put up, or shut up (although the former is a lot easier on your fat ass, isn’t it?!). Couch critics… what a joke! You should have to show your computer you have a set of testicles (yes… a fucking testicle scanner) before you’re able to post on a blog. Like all pussies… you should be drowned in a nylon stocking in a river… fuck heads.
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:37 pm
He was more like the cookie monster that night!
nice save with that paragraph at the end, this thing would have pissed alot of people off.
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Satire has its limits?! Where the fuck did you read that one?!
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:28 pm
…NAZI!
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:28 pm
…OR FUCK OFF!
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:13 pm
My god will you people stop bitching about this and learn how to take a fucking joke?
Because that is all this is, a fucking joke that is meant to amuse us. Take you head out of you ass and grow a sense of humor.
May 3rd, 2009 at 2:40 pm
All of you whining and bitching. Consider this:
1. You don’t own this site so therefore have NO say as to what is posted on here.
2. You have the freedom to go elsewhere.
3. Take your censorship and shove it up your fucking ass, you self-important, book-burning Assholes.
4. I hope you enjoy wiping your ass with your own Constitution (which is pretty much a waste of paper to you… isn’t it (presuming you’re an ‘American’ - this is MY ‘Freedom of Speech’ so SUCK IT!)!
5. Remember - your opinions mean nothing here, nor likely in the world itself. It’s a tough pill to swallow, and should you have problems doing so… look me up and I’ll ram that reality nugget right down your fucking, judgmental throat!
6. Suck me. Your Mom did… and honestly, she seemed to enjoy it!
7. Last and certainly not least:
http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=29&sku=E-CD00250
May 3rd, 2009 at 1:41 pm
waaaah waaaah waaaah. all of you quit bitching. this is the way swaim rolls. even if i don’t agree with it, there’s still a butt load of other articles on cracked to read
May 3rd, 2009 at 1:31 pm
This was a step too far. Satire has its limits.
May 3rd, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Swaim, I am outraged that you have opinons about things and publish your ideas to try to make a difference. You drew a line and then you fucking crossed it buddy, and that’s just unacceptable.
May 3rd, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Well done, Swaim. Well done.
I’m really in awe of how far this is going over some people’s heads.
May 3rd, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Look, I get what you’re trying to say, but keep this kind of shit off Cracked, or at least start a new (and separate) “Swaim’s Political Thoughts” column. I come to this website to laugh, I dont need “Hey guys, dicks and Transformers……but seriously, Darfur”.
May 3rd, 2009 at 12:23 pm
And that makes you fucking her a cheap bastard.
May 3rd, 2009 at 11:41 am
I love all the people who are like “That’s it, I’m never reading Swaim/going on Cracked again.” Yes you are. And everyone here missed the entire fucking point, which is THIS IS WHAT THE GOVERNMENT IS TRYING TO DO: COVER UP TORTURE BY APPLYING EUPHEMISTIC TERMS. Get the stick out of your ass and take this for what it is.
May 3rd, 2009 at 11:39 am
this is nothing to laugh about, sick bastard
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:23 am
It really, really did!
http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=15&catid=39&sku=E-CD00251
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:18 am
Alright then.
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:12 am
That it was set into motion by President Bush and no one took a shot at him during those 8 years. Even dumber yet was any twat that voted for his corrupt ass for the 2nd. term. If you were one of these hillbillies… please go kill yourself not. Thank you.
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:10 am
FIRST?!?! What the fuck are you smoking, loser cunt?! Get a life!
May 3rd, 2009 at 8:13 am
FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111
May 3rd, 2009 at 7:45 am
I really like the authors note on this. it makes the funny O.K. and it gets across Swaim’s complete and total disgust. nice work
May 3rd, 2009 at 7:04 am
[...] Provided by the Bush administration to prove that they were really just having a good time all along. Go here to see. [...]
May 3rd, 2009 at 6:14 am
I don’t get why people are offended.
Is it because it shows torture and you’re squeamish?
Because you feel bad for the people who committed the torture? (Or the prisoners themselves? In which case why are you upset at an attempt to point out how these people are being treated?)
Or, are you all just a bit embarrased that your military (yeah, your military, i’m British, so i’m LOVING this) screwed up really badly (and was stupid/arrogant enough to take lots and lots of photos of screwing up really badly?
Oh, or its not torture! Yeah, sure.
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:34 am
I appreciate your attempt of activism. Still, it is not fun (Yet, mostly you are). I guess, I have to wait for Monday.
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:27 am
I dont wanna visit this site again
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:26 am
You should shame on you….
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:02 am
Swaim i thought u did a fukin great job. This was funny shit because a) It happened b) sum ppl actually try 2 defend wat fukin happened and claim they did nothing illegal.
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:44 am
That was mean. That’s really all I can say.
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:31 am
I actually found some of these funny. If I just didn’t look to close at the picture, trying to forget this really happened.
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:59 am
Blogs like this are why I use the internet.
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:51 am
Disclaimer: I don’t know if this has been said in recent comments since I kind of scrolled through them after awhile, and I don’t know if this will be read by the author since he’s already gotten a LOT of backlash already, but I thought I’d throw in my two cents anyway.
Swaim, in your ONLY COMMENT you state that this article was meant to fuel some kind of… I dunno, reaction to the pictures and therefore some kind of movement towards “prosecuting those officials criminally”. Now I agree with that sentiment, and I understand the satirical tone you tried to convey, but frankly I think you went about it completely the wrong manner. It seems that the people that are outraged are mostly just angry at you, and the way you handled the delicate subject of torture by US troops. The people that agree with you will probably not be motivated to do more than just, you know, leave a little comment and maybe go google more pictures or another article or something because they feel like you’re getting the word out, and they admire that and feel like you’ve got it handled. And the people who found it unfunny but not particularly stirring are too apathetic to become suddenly charged with activist tendancies. I mean maybe a few people will try and actually get involved, but I feel that perhaps a more sraightforward message would have done you better, even if it’s still humorous, since as it is it’s not really enough to motivate anyone that was not already active in the campaign to bring these people to justice. I’m sorry but I feel like you’ve completely missed out on a great opportunity to instruct and envigorate the masses, which is sad because I can see you feel pretty deeply about this subject. I hope I’m wrong about this, but I’m pretty sure I’m not.
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:30 am
…
i’m sorry.
but that wasn’t funny. in fact a lil’ bit offensive. try again swaim.
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:18 am
Satire like this has been made for well over three centuries. If people think this is out of line with the modern moral standards, look up the caricature of Napoleon and William Pitt the Younger carving up the world between them. Bet a lot of war-weary 18th-century Europeans didn’t think that was very funny either.
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:15 am
let’s make some cartoon on beheaded americans in iraq. who comes first ? swaim ? are u there ? we can protest in this way, right ?
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:13 am
I’m an American and the torture itself makes us look bad. This makes us look worse. This is also one of the reasons the Brits are always Flapping their gums about us. I guess what I’m trying to say is stuff like this makes other people treat me like shit because I’m an American so I have every right to be ticked off. I’m sick of being ridiculed when I’m not an evil imperialistic pig who has a cum-fest when brown people suffer. If you don’t agree with me or get what I’m saying, great. Let me know. Also, I know swaim isn’t reading these comments so that’s why I never address him.
May 3rd, 2009 at 3:11 am
I remember watching the two towers go down when I was in USNAVY. it was all I could do to not start cheering.
May 3rd, 2009 at 2:53 am
Swaim, you are a God. How has Obama not hired you yet? You should really check in to that.
May 3rd, 2009 at 2:25 am
Tee hee, *chortle*
May 3rd, 2009 at 2:08 am
and to all the liberal ass woosies in here, torture is a much bigger issue dan either u, me or swaim. kudos to this guy for atleast highlighting it and getting us to talk abt it instead of the regular dick and boobies jokes. ur a legend swaim. ur article was all i good faith, it was hilarious, and it poked fun at the insanely inexcusable stand of the us government on this issue. u got people talking abt it on in here. and for that matter alone i think ur article accomplished its goals. if the people in here are dickheads who cannot see the point of this article, den to hell with them..
id like to really ask the people in here taking a stand against this article what they have done on this issue. how many letters have they written to their local congressman and senator abt this? how many have campaigned to get guantanamo bay closed?? the people who are commenting on swaims ‘insensibilities’ in here are nuthing but a bunch or retarded hypocritic asses.. enuff said
May 3rd, 2009 at 2:00 am
@ knockout no man… havnt caught it.. wat it abt..
@ gabriel.. i speaaakiiiee engliiiiisssssh..
is dat english enuf for u? and once again uv shown me and iven me a reason to blive with ur post dat the wrld thinks dat the sun rises out of the hebrews asses evry day 
like i said.. lighten up mate… der cld b nthng funnier dan a satire on the holocaust.. ever seen monty pythons LIfe of Brian? it was a complete satire on persecution of religion during biblical times, and yet at the same time rib ticklingly hilarious and poignantly sad. the wrld is oversentive and filled with hyporcrites.. just like u. 8u mean to say that nothing abt the holocaust is relevant right now? that the people involved at nuremberg, even though it was a shit load of time ago, arent relevant now?? whos being an anti semite now? if u happen to read the book on which the movie judgement at nuremberg was based, ull happen to knw my frnd dat the bush administration is giving almost eerily parrallel statements to the nazi war crime perpetrators..
well most of the articles in here do involve history.. why the fck right them if, like u said, only ralavent things should be satired? get a lifey mate…
May 3rd, 2009 at 1:57 am
I’m amused by the article, and doubly amused by the people who took it super seriously.
May 3rd, 2009 at 1:17 am
The problem is that those officials didn’t break the law. You should be prosecuting those who made it possible legally for torture to be carried out.
Cheeney, Rumsfeld and Bush. Only in the last couple of weeks Cheeney made a public statement about how he thought torture was okay.
They should be prosecuted not the CIA officials, who addmitedly are complete assholes but they were just doing there jobs.
Its funny how politics goes, if America was some eastern european country doing the exact same thing its leaders would be in the haig now.
May 3rd, 2009 at 1:16 am
Hilarious!
Your pathetic attempt to be funny, that is. You’ve got no talent. Please resign and go cripple yourself.
May 3rd, 2009 at 12:57 am
hahaha..Am I supposed to be sensitive to the kids who are troubled? Oh hell no. Get a life, kids. It is funny. Adopt a sense of humor.
May 3rd, 2009 at 12:40 am
I like the part where people think that this is a joke to be had at the expense of those unfortunate enough to be held prisoner in a torture facility.
No. As Swaim said right there at the end, it’s a deliberate parody of the happy face the current administration is trying to put on their predecessor’s torture operations.
May 3rd, 2009 at 12:28 am
Note to Michael Swaim:
Apparently just leaving a block of text explaining your intent with the pictures at the end of the article just doesn’t get through to a lot of people. Maybe next time you should spell it out in words of one syllable in letters half as high as the screen at the beginning of it. Then hopefully you won’t get so many people posting comments to show how clearly they missed the point. Hopefully.
May 3rd, 2009 at 12:10 am
This is the best example to show the world that how sick we are. Pathetically bad and disgusting article. What is someone posts such an article making humor of 9/11. Ask yourself if you will like it?
May 3rd, 2009 at 12:07 am
Well, it wasn’t really funny…it was more…”meh”.
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:55 pm
Is there any other kind?
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Nobody cares what you think terrorist.
Go fuck your Mom (again).
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:45 pm
I think the next batch of photos should include, “Terrorism Made Nice!” I’m interesting in seeing creative minds make beheading, burning, suicide bombing schools, etc. made happy go lucky. It sure takes more work!
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:25 pm
michael swaim,
you are amazing, without a doubt, pure genius
i love all your work
please make love to me
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:17 pm
I’ll admit, I cracked a small smile at the chocolate factory one.
And although it may be in bad taste or whatever, sometimes we need to make horrific things seem funny (even when they’re not), so that we may not hurt more. “We laugh, so we may not cry.”
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:16 pm
It’s hard to find something funny when the reality it’s based on makes me feel sick in my stomach. I respect swaim for having the courage to approach such a difficult subject, though.
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
lol silly prisons
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
People! Its saitre at its finest. Try not looking at it directly. Look around the photos to the real crimes being committed!
The real criminals are the people who let this happen. SWAIM is only pointing out the obvious.
Besides, the last photo has bad taste written all over it. Literally.
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:49 pm
I’m calling this one:
Mistake.
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Meh, not that funny. You can do better Mike.
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
THE INTERNET IS SRS BZNSS
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:49 pm
I normally enjoy cracked, but this was real tasteless of you guys.
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:35 pm
FUCKIN RAG HEADS DESERVE IT
CANADA FUCK YEAH
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:29 pm
This is the first SWAIM that I didn’t like…
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Its funny because its true!
Its not torture at all. The word your looking for, is “Enhanced Interrigation Methods.” That is what the government legally changed the word torture to, so they could legally torture people without consulting the Geneva Convention, right?
I’m just glad someone has the balls to say something about it. Especially in such a dickish way. Bravo. *Golf Clap followed by a Wink and a finger point”
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:23 pm
oh and Fuck you too hopefully soon too be beheaded crack head. hahahha now thats funny. and a good satire attempt
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Thats about the stupidest cracked article ive ever seen…no wonder they hate us some people are just fuckin retarded enough to put this shit up if i was a iraqi i would wanna behead all who worked on this article. Actually that would be funny cracked article beheading americans shit this is stupid america at its very best
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:00 pm
“TR Says:
May 2nd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Jack Bauer approves of torture, I’ve seen him say it. That’s the only endorsement I need.
Lighten up people, it’s a joke. Are your lives seriously that pathetic that something as small and insignificant as this upsets you?”
It’s not that people are upset because of the article, they are upset because of the torture. Torture is not something small nor insignificant, and people who have feelings about torture don’t have pathetic lives.
I think Swaim is awesome, but I personally didn’t like the photoshopped pictures. I couldn’t find them funny because I couldn’t look away from the fact that those are real people suffering.
I chose to read the article, and I’m not complaining. I just want to say that I don’t believe that people are pathetic for feeling upset about this.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:58 pm
@Zoroaster
Interesting thoughts, Zoroaster. Would you agree to a form of interrogation of a less physical nature? Getting into their heads? Sensory deprivation? Temperature alteration? Repetitive conditioning? (Oops. Last three were physical, but not harmfully so, and with psych effects…) Just curious as to where you draw the line.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:46 pm
i think this is outta line , when people suffer you just dont do this, what if u did this with holocaust pictures? it would be the exact same situation.
even thought u think it’s satire ,it’s not when people suffer and are being tortued .
but i guess your gonna get a lot of heat and attention because of this so it;s it’s good for this website.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I thought it certainly pushed the envelope, but didn’t cross the line. Humor is all about finding the line, so it’s all good.
7/10
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Read the Authors note, MattHack. It’s supposed to be a Satire. In the words of the author himself, ‘If you didn’t find it funny, well, then, fuck you guy.’ How’s THAT for insulting and disrespectful? And that wasn’t even satire!
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:24 pm
@Arctic:
If it were just terrorists being tortured you’d still be wrong, because there’s some levels the good guys don’t sink to. We want to be BETTER than stinking torture states, not just a torture state with a bigger military.
But it’s not just terrorists being tortured. They’re torturing a whole lot of people that they merely suspected *might* have ties to terrorists.
Like Maher Arar, a Canadian telecommunications engineer pulled off a flight home to Canada by US agents and sent overseas for a year or electrocutions, beatings and other torture. He’s since been fully cleared of any terrorist ties.
And no, it’s not an isolated case.
Calling them “wackjobs would be blowing up churches” is a cop-out. Many, and possibly most, of them are not.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:06 pm
Too soon. It’s not that it isn’t PC, I HATE PC. It just is insulting and disrespectful, something one would expect to find on 4chan.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:34 pm
I’ve been reading some of the comments, and i dont understand why people are so anti-this article. i think its hilarious. im with you on this one buffilax.
it was ballsy and to the point and since when is cracked.com supposed to be PC? dont listen to the haters swaim! keep on keepin on.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Not funny, at all, It was just done in poor taste.
I think if you had the guy covered in shit in a 2 girls 1 cup scenario, it would have been hilarious.
Just a poor job on your part swaim, try again with less a shitty subject.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:13 pm
@ Artic
Its funny that you think that because the torture had “guidelines” that makes it ok. Or that the fact that it was for “the greater good of America” makes it okay. We could just drop a nuke on the middle east and it would probably make the world an easier place for America but it would be obviously immoral. As is torture. And remember these people were not all “wackjobs” or terrorists. Many of them turned out to be 100% innocent. So they would not be blowing up churches if they got the chance. That’s the trouble with torturing people before ever even putting them on trial.
Like someone else said below, I have no idea why this is a partisan issue. Even not taking ethics into account, harsh interrogation techniques have been proven to be ineffective! This should be something that all rational human beings can agree on.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Need a “12 Abu Ghraib Torture Photos (MADE BETTER!)” list. Lets see these fuckers get their finger cut off, castrated with a rusty spoon, being burned with cigars, teeth pulled out with vise-grips, arms broken, feet smashed, eyeballs drilled, skullcaps removed, noses cut off etc, fucking etc.
Let’s demonstrate to all these pinko commies what torture really is.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:00 pm
And I cannot help but put in my own conservative views on the issue, after reading some of the comments. All the torture done had guidlines, how much waterboarding could be done, how long, how many sessions per month, etc. etc. The detainees were fed, clothed, sheltered. That being said, my dark side declares that this is for the greater good of America. These wackjobs would be blowing up churches full of innocent civillians given the chance.
Call me an idiot, a douche, an evil little bitch, this is just my view. Doesn’t make anyone right or wrong, here, in the conflict of morals.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Bad move, Swaim. Bad, move.
While I personaly thought it wasn’t all that bad, even considering my own stance on the issue, it isn’t smart to fuck with politics, man. Too touchy a subject, especially when concerning something such as this. While I know there is next to 1/ 10000000 chance of you reading this, for some of the asshat readers you have, stick to good topics, like boobs, where the asses, Canadians and Canadian asses can’t give off a big stink.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:26 pm
Newsflash: anyone who uses the term “fail” or “epic fail” etc to describe anything is a bona fide loser. It was finny for maybe a week, and that’s being generous.
Now back to the debate…
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:21 pm
from canada: fuck you america. fuck you
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:09 pm
“You can now add “war criminal” to your resume. Seriously”
Hahahahaha. Thank you, Roger. That was officially funnier than anything in this article
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:59 pm
@Michael Swaim / mswaim:
“Satire” or not, the Geneva Conventions include prohibition of outrages upon personal dignity, in particular humiliating and degrading treatment. These protections exist even if one is not classified as a prisoner of war.
While you’re not the one who originally took and distributed the pictures, you’ve photoshopped them in such a way that any reasonable person will agree further humiliates and degrades the prisoners, and widely distributed them.
You can now add “war criminal” to your resume.
Seriously.
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:55 pm
@Guest_Name-Oh most people agree with TORTURE IS WRONG. Against westerners. When people try and get infomation from low level soldiers, using techniques that produce comprimised information that makes it ok.
Also. lol.
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:49 pm
I still love you, Swaim. I wasn’t heckling you, I know how tough your job is.
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:49 pm
@Lithium,
I personally probably wouldn’t find it funny, but then again there probably wouldn’t be too much at that point that I would find funny. I’m not arguing that it’s disrespectful to the people involved; I just don’t know that it’s a comedy writer’s duty to make sure no one is disrespected. There are victimless jokes, and many of them are very good, but for all others someone is getting their feelings hurt.
If these were pictures of people getting tortured, with “FAIL” macros superimposed, I would be offended beyond comprehension. But there’s a point being made here, essentially a satire of the types of lies the American government has made in the past. During World War II, many Japanese Americans were told they were going to camps for their own safety (which was kind of partly true, but a douchey excuse), where they would have fun and be treated very well. A lot of people weren’t aware of the actual conditions of these camps until after they were dissolved and disbanded. I find it funny to imagine what crazy ways the government would come up with to turn irrefutable evidence of wrongdoing into a bold-faced lie. Thanks to this article, I don’t have to imagine anymore
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
This is both ballsy and awesome.
Swaim is now officially my second favorite columnist.
But I have to ask, since when is taking a moral stance on something like, say, “TORTURE IS FUCKING WRONG” an admission of raging, pussy-footed liberalism? How is this even a partisan issue?! Seriously, I’d really like to know…
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Has anybody else noticed that in this “War on Terrorism” hysteria, people manage to forget that many (if not most) of these detainees in Abu Gharaib were rebels and/or SOLDIERS who surrendered, and as such they deserve all the rights accorded to POWs by the Geneva Convention…not to mention that many of the prisoners in Gitmo are former taliban soldiers or have even determined to be innocent altogether.
Torturing suspected terrorists, as morally questionable as that is, is one thing, but torturing surrendered rebels, soldiers and innocents is something else entirely…
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Anyone complaining must have forgotten they are on http://WWW.CRACKED.COM
That about sums up your retardations.
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:06 pm
LOL chickenlips.
quick question: Icnhaz?
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:57 pm
@Knockout, I said this is not satire and I was wrong. However, my point still stands that this is disrespectful to the people involved and although some are guilty, most are not and should be given whatever dignity hasn’t already been taken from them. Let’s pretend you were accused of something you didn’t do and were tortured for information you didn’t have, then later a photo-shopped picture of a dog barking flowers at you shows up. Would you defend it and the person who made it? Please reply as I suffer chronic boredom and this is using up time otherwise spent staring at the wall.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:54 pm
FAIL. Simply FAIL.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Er, don’t worry Swaim, I understood the satirical nature of this thing right from the start. The people responsible are essentially doing exactly what the tone of this article suggests: spreading their hands and saying “What? What’s the problem? It was all done in fun, look, the guys are just messin’ around!” and trying to convince people that they’ve simply got hold of the wrong end of the stick and are making a fuss over nothing. Torture on any level (from humiliation to red-hot pokers up the fundament) is wrong any way you look at it…I really hope they don’t get away with their attempts to make light of what they did to these people.
Good stuff.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:48 pm
You’re all forgetting the important facts here, which are:
1) I am eating a pork pie.
2) I turned down sex with a 14 year old girl.
3) I regret it.
4) BEETHOVEN RULES.
5) Lol, torture.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Agree with Mike, you know those responsible for that shit in Abu Ghraib were tried and punished?
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Seriously Swaim, stop being such a militant liberal. It’s growing just about as old as Bush jokes.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:36 pm
i understand the concept of this article, but it is still a FAIL…
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Cracked, if you try to hurt Swaim I will hunt you down. I don’t care how long it takes.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:07 pm
I support harsh interrogation techniques. But these Abu Ghraib acts were done simply out of sadism. These soldiers got off too easy I say.
As for the world hating America more, There will never be anything we can do to change that. They will always hate us. It is pointless for Obama to go around kissing so much ass, unless thats all he learned in Illinois politics.
If you guys haven’t yet, I suggest you watch and compare these photos to one of the beheading videos out there.
This article was good. The Hot dog one the best.
May 2nd, 2009 at 3:58 pm
@Lithium,
Your analogy is flawed, in that you do not seem to have a comprehensive grasp on the meaning of the word ’satire’. You claim that this is not satire, because photoshopping images of readers’ dead loved ones is not satire. You can make the claim that, in your opinion, it isn’t funny or tasteful, because photoshopping images of readers’ dead loved ones is neither funny or tasteful, and okay. That’s one point of view. But to say that it isn’t satire is incorrect.
satire (n.) - the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice or folly.
Photoshopping images of readers’ dead loved ones is not satire. We agree on that. But photoshopping images of government-ordered physical torture, using irony to ridicule that country’s horrific deeds, and make fun of the government’s week attempts in the past to ‘clean up’ photos and documents… that’s actually exactly what satire is. In fact, by any interpretation of the word satire, this is it. Even if it’s gross, distasteful, insensitive, unfunny, immature, whatever, it’s still satire. Sorry, buddy
May 2nd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Jack Bauer approves of torture, I’ve seen him say it. That’s the only endorsement I need.
Lighten up people, it’s a joke. Are your lives seriously that pathetic that something as small and insignificant as this upsets you?
Wow, I just realised that I am a hell of a lot cooler than most of you… feels good.
May 2nd, 2009 at 3:29 pm
I just hope that these fine upstanding men and women are not prosecuted. how can this be considered torture? They used to let the inmates play football, and go ice skating. Sometime they would even go to the beach, do a little waterboarding. It was lots of fun!
May 2nd, 2009 at 3:10 pm
So, they beheaded that one guy for his Golden Ticket?
May 2nd, 2009 at 3:01 pm
A lot of people here are defending torture on the basis of the prisoners being horrible terrorists. Remember these people are imprisoned without a trial and often without even being told what they’re accused of. We now know that many of them did nothing at all. That’s the danger of torture. We are inflicting incredible psychological and physical pain on people without even knowing if they did anything or have any information. People in this situation are very likely to give false confessions and give up false information.
May 2nd, 2009 at 2:56 pm
@ Jonathan Wojcik
Of course some of these commenters are trolls. Look at what Enough Said said. There’s no way my faith in humanity would stand up ever again if someone could say something so deeply devoid of understanding of the way the world works and expect to be taken seriously, so I have to believe what my name says.
That said, there are a lot who say “they do worse to our guys”, or something to that effect. What they have to grasp is that there’s a world of difference between “better than the most atrocious thing possible” and “morally right and good”.
May 2nd, 2009 at 2:44 pm
This is awesome. I couldn’t stop laughing!!!
May 2nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Yeah seriously it’s stuff like this that makes the world HATE AMERICA. If you wanna be “the land of the free and home of the brave” you’re really not allowed torture people.
May 2nd, 2009 at 2:29 pm
These would be funny without them being all jazzed up. However it is time for Obama to stop being a black vagina and legalize torture techniques and tell the rest of the world to fuck itself. The americans in these photos shoudl not be in any trouble at all.
May 2nd, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Is this Keith Olberman?
May 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
First point, only retards would even begin to compare what happened at Abu Ghraib to the least of what happened at the Holocaust concentration camps. Second, one of the worst things that could happen to the world in general, and especially to the third world countries that really depend on Americas aid money, which I may add is equal to the rest of the world combined, not to mention the fact that the majority of third world refugees come to America, enjoy them Europe. God You all are right America are a bunch of fucking dicks Fuck us. Last these are not noble people in this prison they are fucking terrorists, I’m not saying that it excuses it but don’t lose sight of what these fuckers have done.
May 2nd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
This makes a good arguement for reasons to hate America, not just the mere fact it happened, but American comedy sites making light of it too.
May 2nd, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Amazing. I’m pretty conflicted about how I feel about this, because I didn’t really find it all that funny regaurdless of how offensive it is, and because it is pretty offensive. But nonetheless, GOOD JOB! USA! USA! USA! USA!!!
May 2nd, 2009 at 2:07 pm
These pictures are sick. Swaim trying to make it funny… meh. I couldn’t care less. But these comments intrigue me. People talk about torture being wrong. But, really, when an extremist blows up a bus full of school kids, or a mosque filled with innocent devotees, where is the outrage? Certainly, torture is brutal, violent, and indeed, shocking. But, if we were given the opportunity to extract information from an already twisted and sick individual to save that bus, would you take that opportunity, by whatever means necessary? We need to understand the enemy we fight. These freaks put no value upon human life, murder their own, and use innocents to spread death. For the sake of sparing them discomfort, we capture and put them in heated cells with three square meals a day. All the while, a family grieves because their two kids were killed by these madmen. Do we call this justice?!?
I’ll be the first to admit Abu Gharib was a mistake. These photos don’t show effective torture. This is cruelty, a result of what happens when messed up individuals are set to guard prisoners who haven’t yet been proven guilty. The guards were vengeful, and vengeance overrides most logical emotions. This isn’t right. But, to take away the option of forceful interrogation is to cripple one of the most effective tools our intelligence services have. Nowadays, to effectively extract information, they don’t even have to touch the prisoner. In fact, it’s preferred to not do so. Just to make myself clear, I don’t agree with the above pictures. Forceful interrogation is a different story.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
I found this funny, even if it makes me a bad person. Good job, Swaim.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
People on both sides of the political fence can argue all day about whether or not it’s torture or whether or not it’s legal, but I would think people could all agree that the behavior at Abu Ghraib was a slap in the face to all our soldiers who are respectful of their duties and the people they protect.
On that note, I really have to support the observation behind what Swaim did here, regardless of political lean. The people involved in these cases want to take an issue of gross disrespect for duty and the underlying nature of military service and turn it into some kind of vacation story farce.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:47 pm
This is disgusting. This is why the world hates us.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Hilarious, in the way where I find myself feeling terrible on the inside. Good Jesus.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:45 pm
That was lame. I’m not offended, just bored.
And that was horrible photoshopping.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:43 pm
what the hell man!
this site used to be good. this article is a disgrace.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:36 pm
This was one extremely lame photoshop contest.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Okay, um, this is not satire. Lets dig up your dead loved ones, you know, the ones that were murdered or got hit by a drunk driver, or the ones that killed themselves. Now let’s take pictures and put the flower-barking dog on there or maybe put a giant dong on grandma, put it on cracked, and call it satire.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
HOLY SHIT swaim what happened…did that Jew talk you into doing this??! :-D…but seriously though this was pretty fucked up
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:30 pm
only in america (but actually iraq)
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I find it funny as fuck when people state that Obama is a communist/nazi. All this torture occured while Bush was at the helm, and as history shows, communists and nazi’s were all for torture. Seems to me that Bush falls into the same fraternity, but perhaps I’m simply confused on the matter. As for this not being funny? If you feel moral outrage, I have to simply ask what you were doing when you -knew- this was occuring? Were you out there protesting it? Were you supplying the ACLU with money for prosecution? If not, get off your high horse, as you, like many humans during genocide or “clensings,” let it happen. I myself, am on the fence on that one. I’m a secular atheist and somewhat of a liberal, but I know that sometimes you just need to a kill a motherfucker (which is why I’m pro-NRA, as you never know when you may need to overthrow a government =p) to get your point across. I’m old school in that thought…don’t push someone first, but when they push you, make sure you beat them down. Of course, it helps to make sure your beating down the right person, eh? I guess the “war on terror” makes that kinda blurry, though.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:26 pm
not surprised to see a lot of approving comments for these pictures…. its mostly Americans who visit this site…. make of that what you will…
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:25 pm
God I hope some of these comments are trolling. The people who find this insensitive don’t bother me that much, they can’t help being pussies. The people offended because they find this message TOO LIBERAL scare the shit out of me.
This is not even a “right vs. left” issue. Nobody of any political leaning should find these practices acceptable. It’s not even a matter of taste. If you think it’s alright for the American government to torture people, you are a bad person. It’s not an “opinion” that deserves respect. IT JUST MAKES YOU A BAD FUCKING PERSON.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:22 pm
wow wtf… I agree…I failed to laugh at this one cracked
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:55 pm
come on gys its not FUNNY and there has to be some moral boundry even at CRACKED, its plain SICK,are you guys trying to be the next
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Main_Page
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I was there man, this doesn’t even come CLOSE to showcasing how awesome Abu Ghraib was.
I mean, like the Beastie Boys concert, and that time Mohammed Al-Fashmik brought his X-Box? I mean, I’m not a big fan of Halo, but we were in a fucking PRISON CAMP. They could have made us play the Wii or something.
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:45 pm
You know, it amazes me how often people (like Exile) will call Obama Nazi AND communist in the same breath.
Someone wasn’t paying attention in WWII history lessons, were they?
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Distasteful, but then again, so is ignoring blatant torture. Sad world we’re in. Some people are far more offended that someone would dare say that America shouldn’t treat prisoners like shit, than the actual TREATMENT in question.
While this article may come off as insensitive, it’s obvious that you are trying to make a point that we should care about these atrocities. And yet the un-shopped pictures obviously don’t bother good ole’ America enough for any God damn action to be taken.
So Swaim, you pissed off the conservatives for saying that Abu Ghraib was torture, and not blessing the USA, you liberal pussy. And you pissed off the bleeding hearts by using satire to address modern American torture, and appearing heartless, you filthy radical. At least there is still the green party, right?
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:40 pm
I declare this to be officially funny.
You are therefore permitted ONE (1) of the following:
1) 120 seconds (2 mins.) of grinning. Smirking or smiling are also acceptable.
2) 37 seconds of snickering
3) 24 seconds of chuckling
4) 18 seconds of laughing*
5) 11 seconds of side-splitting laughter.*
* Please note that pausing to take a breath DOES count toward your allotted time therefore it is advisable that you hyperventilate for a few seconds prior to engaging in laughter in order to maximize your humor appreciation experience.
That is all.
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:40 pm
I was in Baghdad for a year with the army, and we worked with a bunch of foreign nationals, one of whom had been imprisoned by Saddam’s regime for 8(!) years for refusing to fight against the Iranians. One day, we were sitting around the motorpool talking about how shitty Baghdad was and how he wanted to move to Morocco, and I asked him about what he thought of the torture pictures that had been all over the news. He said, “There is nobody being tortured in those pictures, those men don’t look like they’re starving or screaming-Saddam knew how to really torture a man.”
That being said, TOO FAR?! Are you people serious? You sound like a bunch of old ladies.
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I know you probably don’t care but Cracked lost at least one visitor permanently because of this. I come to cracked to get humor, because I enjoy laughing. If i wanted political bullshit I would go to fox and moveon.org. I suggest you get out of the political commentary arena and stick to what you’re good at.
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:22 pm
BIG difference between humiliating a pow, and torturing one. I’m glad to see that not everyone on cracked is a liberal pussy like swaim and co.
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:16 pm
@ron128,
Did you ever see that episode of the Clerks cartoon with “Flintstone’s List”?
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Swaim looks like the guy from Fanboys
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Well done, sir. Well done.
May 2nd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Ron128. First - speak English, please. It IS an English website.
Second of all, those at Nuremberg are not currently going on book tours and telling people ‘history will be the judge’ of whether they did anything wrong. People realize Nazis were bad. A satire to point that out would be both irrelevant and unnecessary. However, if you just look down a couple of posts, you see that there are even now brain-damage sufferers like Exile who have no problem with torture. You know, as long as it’s happening to brown people or Democrats. I’m pretty sure if we started rounding up right-wing militia members as terrorists and making naked pyramids, then having their dicks gnawed off by badgers, suddenly torture would be wrong.
The goal is to get people to look at these ‘happy’ pictures and smile for a split second and then say, “Wait a fucking second, these are pictures of people being brutally tortured!” and have it piss them off, so that they potentially take action. It serves a constructive purpose. However, there is no longer a constructive purpose to be served by satirizing the Holocaust in the same way, it could only be to laugh at Jews being killed - which I think most people would argue IS actually anti-Semitic.
Now, on the other hand, if Israelis were CURRENTLY being tortured and killed and a significant percentage of the population felt that actually DOING anything would be too much work, or that we should just let those who OKed it live a nice, peaceful existence and enjoy their millions and millions of dollars - THEN a satire like this would be necessary. THEN you just might have a point. However, that is not the case. Ever since World War Two, any time Jews have been killed for any reason, the media have been on their side. Shit, they can more or less bomb U.N. forces with impunity these days. I’d say that satirizing the deaths of Jews would not serve any purpose other than mockery of the victims. And, again, anti-Semitic.
So please, don’t start acting as though there’s some sort of huge conspiracy when no one indulges your idea about Jews all over the world embracing a Holocaust comedy. You just need to understand how satire works before you start making requests like that.
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:44 am
i thought some of them were funny, and i think it’s important to be able to have a sense of humour about things like this, and the fact that we can publish articles like this to be read by thousands of people is a real positive testament to free speech and liberty on the internet. i don’t need to remind anyone that in a lot of countries this would not be possible.
that said, if people get offended, fucking let them, it’s seriously dark humour. maybe they, or someone close to them, have experienced something terrible and this article (on a comedy website not known for this kind of humour) affected them.
don’t insult them by suggesting that they’re not intelligent enough to “get” satire. it’s a series of torture photos photoshopped to include polar bears and flowers, it’s not exactly the most sophisticated or subtle form of satirical wit.
it’s really embarrassing to hear smug, overprivileged people saying ‘go watch the colbert report and then maybe you’ll understand’. that kind of attitude is self-important, elitist, western bullshit, the fact that you’re ‘in on the joke’ doesn’t mean you’re intelligent.
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:28 am
Great work, I agree it was a good idea to post the authors note, though it wasn’t absolutely necessary. When people do shit like that, often the only thing left is just to laugh at it, great.
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:26 am
I found this funny and amusing, and I thank Swaim for using these pictures as sort of a wake up call, at least for the Cracked readers who have never been exposed to these images (the originals, I mean).
I just have trouble understanding why anyone would treat another human being like that, even if they “deserve” it.
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:20 am
Torture? Bah. Sitting through an Adolf Obama Press Conference is torture.
I’d rather be waterboarded than look at that self satisfied smug (and extremely punchable) face of Comrade Obama.
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:11 am
Ah Swaim, it is pretty funny, but you do like playing with fire, don’t you?
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:05 am
while i do find this funny and understand that thi is just anoter political satire to highlight a very complex issue, and its well written and made me laugh, wat i do not understand is the hypocrisy with america. for instance, cracked would easily do this piece as i dunno its arab in nature.. but at the same time, would u for instance say, ridicule the defences of the nuremberg trials in the same way by making a political satire abt the Holocaust? no siree.. coz thats forbidden.. im not an anti semite or anything, but wat im saying is dat cracked would never do anything like dat. but they can easily do this.. its stuff like dhs kinda hypocrisy which fosters feelings of hate among other cultures and anti semitism. in my words, the jews need to lighten up, the wrld needs to lighten up, and we need a judd apatow movie abt the holocaust.. its been 50 years.. granted it was horrible and all.. but get over it!! far more people have died due to hunger in africa dan dhs… so lighten up rabbis! and i sure aaas hell like crracked to do a holocaust article ridiculing jews in gas chambers.. i dare u to attempt it swaim if ur argument is dat this was a political satire. satarize the nuremberg defences den.!
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:58 am
After watching “Taxi to the Dark Side”, I found this just to be sad, as it brought up memories from watching that very shocking documentary. I’m sure the average Internet drone who’s more concerned with their latest blog changes and 4chan jokes would find this more entertaining… But I do understand the message that is conveyed through this, so therefore, I respect it.
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:55 am
Come on, guys. I mean, I guess I can sort of see what you would be offended by, but…Swaim is not a douchebag. Besides, I think it’s pretty obvious that it’s making fun of the administration, not the victims.
Anyway, I thought it was clever.
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:49 am
this isnt outrageous , america did does and will do things that make this look like a kindergarden
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:49 am
Really, Tittysprinkles, you have a tolerance for poor taste? Wouldn’t know it otherwise.
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:49 am
Yeah Mudkipz is right XD. Lololol internetz, do u like mudkipz?! hahahaha internet memes are so funneh! anonymouse is legion guise! Fucking cancer
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:48 am
Wait, people ACTUALLY get tortured in real life??? I don’t believe you. Last year when my daddy bought me a Ferrari he said, “Nothing bad happens ever, the TV and movies just make that stuff up.”
Stop lying guys, its not funny. And what is Abu Ghraib anyway, a new flavor of grape juice?
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:36 am
all of the people who are getting upset at this should go look at EncyclopediaDramatica’s “Offended” page. lighten the fuck up or gtfo my internets.
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:35 am
HA! Do you think they come with an invisible doghouse like wonderwoman? Thanks guys ill be here all week
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:34 am
I want a wonder dog
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:30 am
Man, I have a huge tolerance for poor taste but this just made me uncomfortable.
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:29 am
Wow, this was funny and wrong at the same time (like most things on this site).
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:26 am
@knockout, if you don’t know, there’s no use explaining, kind of like the old adage of if you have to ask the price of something.
And if that ain’t enough for you, please see my last sentence in previous post.
and that’s about all I got to say about that.
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:21 am
Uncomfortable subjects make for a strange amount of humor. This was very good.
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:19 am
my dog only barks stinky air and sometimes bits of dog food
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:00 am
Goddamnit Cracked, stop damning me to hell by making me laugh at human misery and suffering…
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:46 am
if its funny you should laugh
good stuff loved it and as it was said before if you dont think it was funny well then fuck you guy(or gal)
laughing at others expense,
fatman4life
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:41 am
I think there’s something wrong with the ice-skating one near the end. I was trying to figure out what was actually going on, and I think you accidentally deleted the guy on the left’s head or something.
That small error totally ruined my awkward, uncertain, probably-shouldn’t-laugh-at-this fun.
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:41 am
meh
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:06 am
@glendoor,
The least you could do is offer us lowly peons the secret to your infinite knowledge and experience. Merely nudge us in the right direction, so that we can be as incredible as you. It will take us a while, and in that time you will unquestioningly be the emblem of revelation, but we can only hope to one day catch up with you.
Since as of now your sole demonstration of superiority is your ability to calculate complex percentages, I have taken that up as my first discipline. I will now retroactively replace all instances of “almost all” “nearly everyone” and “most of you” that I may have spoken in forums with exact percentages. I don’t mean to question your greatness, but are you sure it’s not 99.7%? If you exclude yourself for clearly not knowing what *you’re* talking about, the number shrinks even more, as your balls undoubtedly are right now
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:03 am
It’s like you guys are the Daily Show or Colbert Report of the internets (which are apparently just a series of tubes).
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:59 am
It’s the Internet…. The Internet has no redeeming value.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:58 am
Genius. O and it’s a fucking disgrace what happened there.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:55 am
@Bubba is a Douchebag,
I don’t see what your beef with Bubba is. You, he and I all enjoyed this article, but Bubba gets the beatdown for pointing out that it’s in bad taste? I’m not sure he meant that as an insult. I mean, are you saying this article was in *good* taste? Do you think Swaim was pounding energetically at Photoshop, editing pictures of torture victims into party scenes and decathalons, thinking to himself, “Man, this is in really good taste. This may be the most tasteful photoshop work anyone has ever done.”?
The bad taste is what makes it funny, so stop hatin’ on Bubba
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:51 am
I recoiled at the torture photos, but at the same time, I recoil 1000 times worse at the fact that the American public, on the rare occasions when it does acknowledge that this is typical “foreign relations” activity, makes light of it and then pretends it doesn’t even happen.
Cracked is a favourite of mine because you are capable of looking at the darkest side of REALITY
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:46 am
“I don’t do outraging things often”
Fuck man have you ever seen your hair?
99.9% of you don’t know what you are talking about and no idea what goes on in the world every single day. So please shut the fuck up.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:41 am
Ah, nothing like an illiterate homphobe hiding behind a stupid name to make it TRULY Cracked.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:39 am
Apparently, too soon.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:38 am
Bubba, SHUT THE FUCK UP and go to Oprah.com you fuckin faggot. Also, Dante and Luke, go smear peanut butter on each other’s millimeter peters and get a St. Bernard to lick it off you uptight assholes. You fuckin losers, this is CRACKED. This is why we come to this website. You PC stick up the shit caked ass LOSERS need to go to other message boards on other websites and act holier than thou, you dumb FUCKS. AWESOME article, I laughed my ass off again. CRACKED FUCKIN’ ROCKS
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:37 am
Twatcakes?
Is that even a word?
“I know! I’ll pick a bad word - Twat, and pair it with a good word- Cake! It’s genius, twatcakes!
Try harder next time, Shitkitties.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:36 am
“Section 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime where of the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction. ”
I honestly think we should give them trials and after they are convicted make them forced labor in bagel factories and building synagogues.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:36 am
When a nation allows itself to succumb to barbarism, it creates a precident. It’s all a downward spiral from there.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:32 am
“These people are treated terribly, and you think it’s a joke?”
Clearly not, buddy, because why would anyone go through the effort of humorously photoshopping something that was already a joke? You could say, “These people are treated terribly, and you made a joke out of it?” It may seem like semantics, but in the former the implication is that the person laughs when they see pictures of people being tortured, while the latter implies that the person wonders how they can turn pictures of people being tortured into something they can laugh at.
Also, civil rights are at one of the highest points they’ve ever been worldwide, and war at one of its lowest. What’s happening is horrible, yes, but it was even worse when it was legal. The “America is sooo gonna get it one of these days for being such a douchecountry” trend, most popular it seems amongst college-age kids, is the product of generation gaps, notably a lack of understanding of how bad things *were*, and worst of all it lacks forward thinking. Most people that sound off about America’s hubris seem to be comforted solely by the fact they recognize it, yet when asked to apply their more-common-they-probably-think perspective to something progressive, most will imagine T-shirts with the golden arches superimposed over the American flag, or a humorous map that treats each state as a different department of Wal-Mart (that’s actually a pretty cool idea, if you can do it right). Their “progressive actions”, though, aren’t so much progressive as they are calling cards of self-entitlement and douchey laziness. Wearing the message “I am a fan of realizing that America is a douche” is like wearing the message “I am a fan of realizing that Nickleback is not a great band.” Like, good for you, buddy. Are you just gonna stand there all day, or are you gonna like, protest or write your congressman or write opinion pieces for a newspaper or something? Start a website the promotes organic food shopping; don’t act like you’ve done your part just because you hang your Trader Joe’s bag on your wall. You’re just a douche.
I love you, Swaim. You have never let me down. These are hilarious.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:31 am
I lol’ed, but it really was in poor taste
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:29 am
Yeah I’m just glad when our guys were PoW’s in Vietnam they never made them suffer through the mind numbing pain of forming a naked pyramid instead they let them off with the slap on the wrist bamboo shoots up the fingernails.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:29 am
@ Mr. Juice
Naw, you don’t combat savagery by throwing away our civility and regressing to savagery too. We’re trying to move humanity in every corner of the globe beyond that kind of thinking, showing them that we’re “above that kind of outdated, brutal, savage behavior” is the best thing to do.
lol, it’s like in Star Trek when the Enterprise shows up at some backwater shitfest of a planet with their super advanced ship that could beat up anything the planet throws at them and super advanced technologies that make the people from the planet feel like cosmic losers, then the planet people talk about capitol punishment and Picard is all like, “pfft, we out grew that savage, caveman, dumbass, child shit CENTURIES ago.” and the planet people are all like”… ohh, well… yea… we think that stuffs gay too…” and they feel like idiots inside.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:26 am
I’d rather be waterboarded than dead anyday….
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:16 am
They are lucky we don’t just exterminate them all.. which I am for… so they got off light with the so called torture which is nothing like how they torture people they capture… lets have some internet beheadings with them like they do with us.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:06 am
Next week is probably going to be decapitated Americans in Iraq…I’d rather be waterboarded than beheaded
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:00 am
Swaim, if you wanted to drawattention to this, man did it ever work. Well done.
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:00 am
All previous comments are false, I found lols abound, not despite, but because of the political nature of the thing. It wouldn’t be half as funny if it was half as tragic.
Black humour win, Swaim. Black humour win.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:51 am
It’s not the straight torture that bothers you? Is this the first time you’ve seen some of these pictures? Did you make a statement about it anywhere, to anyone, when you found out it was happening? Or did you just not want to think about this, today? Just wondering.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:48 am
Holy crap, Swaim.
That was intelligent, thought provoking and inspiring. Thank you for responding and doing it in a way that can’t be mistaken for anything other than stating your opinion in a mature manner (unlike most the the comments up to this point).
*dramatic slow clap*
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:45 am
Going straight to hell, Swain.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:43 am
MY ONLY COMMENT WILL BE:
“Dan” is entirely correct. And yes, I’m kind of glad people are outraged (although yes, I also feared it). I don’t do outraging things often, and this is something that outraged me, so I thought it was warranted. If you are angry, use that anger to fuel action. Find out more about the situation, and see if there’s anything you can do to support the criminal prosecution of the officials who knowingly set these events into motion.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:43 am
I’m not sure if it was intentional, but the comments are actually funnier than the arcticle. I love how people get upset about the editing of these photos, rather than the actual atrocities themselves.
Also, no, torture is never justified.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:40 am
I think that this article shows a higher level of understandig of what has traditionally being the US policy on torture. I mean, if you are outraged by this is because you really dont know how often the US ARMY has used torture before. I mean its like living in a shitty neighbourhood and laugh of all the muggins that are happening around, laughing about it is a way of recognising how common it really is.
Also , read the book that Chavez gave to obama Eduardo Galeano’s”Open Veins of Latin America”, Chavez may be kind of an ass in some aspects, but that book is nice example of US atrocities that are commonly unknown to the public
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:39 am
# Frank Says:
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:59 am
“Achlamed Says:
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:41 am
One day the american supremcay will come to an end. That day you will be f@cked cause you will have to pay for all the shit you have done!”
You DO remember the crusades don’t you? Where the Medieval Europeans decided to travel east and beat the shit out of the Muslims and Jews? The Europeans seem to be doing pretty well even after that happened. What makes you think you can just sh!t on Americans like that? We’re not the only nation that’s committed atrocities. Piss off
frank, achlamed is not a real name, he is trying to prove a point
and no the europeans didnt do well after the crusades, salahdin defeated the crusaders and the europeans had more horrible wars and lived in pretty bad conditions, europeans went through 2 world wars killing millions and witnessed the worst genocides
the europeans have only been peaceful for the last 60 years, after ww2 ended, during ww2 the russians raped just about every living female in berlin
london got bombed and tens of millions of europeans died horrible and painful deaths
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:38 am
You should try this with some pics of americans being tortured, then we all can find the “point” and have another laugh…you fuck
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:34 am
Wow, Swaim. I still love you, but you are going to hell.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:32 am
stiffenlimp its faeces
and guys believe me these are NOT the worst pictures
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:29 am
this is both funny and sad at the same time.
the messed up thing is that the real decision makers got away while the lower ranks suffered, on both sides.
some of those former prisoners have actually joined the iraqi police and militia.
the worst thing is that america said saddam treated prisoners pretty badly but after the abu ghraib incident it ruined america’s moral highground
horrible torture against male prisoners also occurs in the western world,but by other prisoners, google “prison rape in america”, weaker prisoners are roomed with huge anal rapists
what most americans dont know is that iraqis were most motivated against the americans by pictures of female iraqis being raped and sexually humiliated.
according to the american journalist setmour hersch there is a video of a 15 year old iraqi bo being raped by a guy
other prisoners who witnessed it spread the info which caused more attacks against americans and caused more losses.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:28 am
Comments on the current majority opinion:
1. Agreed in regards to usual Swaim humor. Had much potential, but ended up being more dull than than the hope of Abu Ghraib prisoners.
2. Apparently this article has crossed some sort of line in regards to good taste… On the internet. You know, the place where troubled individuals who commit suicide are mocked mercilessly, only to be photoshopped into some new meme. You know, the same place you can find truckloads of what are essentially snuff films edited to include cartoon-esque sound effects. And guro, can’t forget good ol’ guro.
But no, no, this clear example of literary device is crossing the line, I’ve got ya. I think the majority is missing the idea that this article directly criticizes the Bush administration’s ludicrous definitions of torture. Don’t blame the humorist for crossing some imaginary line, blame the source material for setting the gag up.
3. Despite a lack of actual humor within this particular article (a rare miss, one might say). I do appreciate that Swaim has apparently read at least the first entry of the Bill of Rights. As for the rest who believe this line exists and has been crossed, I recommend picking it up, as it is a quality read.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:24 am
I don’t think it’s SUPPOSED to be funny, exactly. This article is supposed to freak you out and maybe give a dark chuckle. All of these “too far” and “over the line” posts are exactly what Swaim wants.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:22 am
So Swaim, didya realize the shitstorm that would follow this article? Eh? Eh? *Elbow nudge*
you wascally wabbit you!
Btw that guy in the Family Feud and Willy Wonka pictures…please GOD tell me thats not feces he’s covered in.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:17 am
Listen, twatcakes.
The humour here is in satire.
And NO, you stupid little pricks, he’s not belittling the prisoners or making light of their suffering; its a comment upon how the media and the government glosses over disgusting issues like this.
If you can’t see that then your mother was evidently doing too much smack whilst you were in the womb.
If you find this offensive then fuck off back to whatever shitty website you came from.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:14 am
How did you do photoshop on these pictures?! They are hard to look at when photoshopped, let alone the raw images.
But I think I get your point, that is, if your point was to show more people these pictures in order to create so outrage towards those who were responsible. At least that is what it did to me. It wasn’t funny so I hope that wasn’t the point.
Well, except
“Normally I try to remain politically neutral on the blog. It’s not my place to tell you where to stick your genitals, or how to abort your babies, or which rifle butt to beat your spouse with.”
That was pretty funny.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:13 am
Fantastic, the only complaint I would have is that the funniest picture was first so the rest were slightly anticlimatic.
The flower-barking wonder dog was nearly as good. It was great having HER around all summer!
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:12 am
That was way over the line, Swaim. You disgust me by implying that the US soldiers in Abu Ghraib might have engaged in torture. It disgusts me because you’re un-American. Why won’t you liberals get it? We need to be able to use torture anyway or the terrorists win. Fucking raghe–
Uh, I mean…. Funny stuff. Last panel made me lol. Gracias.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:07 am
the polar bear dentist was the one i liked the most
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:06 am
I found it fucking hilarious. Hats off to you Mr. Swaim! The Flower-barking wonder dog was the cherry on top!
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:03 am
Sorry, Swaim, it really wasn’t that funny. And I have been a fan of yours for some time, just never commented before.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:02 am
Keep in mind, any pissing and moaning about how “this is just fucked. It totally crosses the fucking line” goes right out the window if youre one of the dumbasses on online video games that, when killing another player, says “YOU GOT RAPED”.
That’s been a retarded internet term forever, and i have never once heard anyone complain about THAT.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:01 am
It should have been titled, “12 Pieces of Tasteless Editing”.
Some people can pull of controversy if it’s funny enough, put this was so boring that it was just offensive.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:57 am
It’s funny until it’s your father there. This is sick.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:53 am
What…the fuck….was that…
Regardless of the fact it just plain wasn’t funny, you set yourself up for a HUGE fall for this one.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:48 am
Hilarious as usual but I feel like I’m reading youtube comments here. Nobody went “too far.” Quit complaining because the article offended your delicate sensibilities. What did you expect when the title has “torture photos” in it? It’s called satire, you’ll learn about it when you get to 9th grade English class.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:45 am
lmfao, I liked this. You people need to loosen up and quit being so whiny. This is funny, lighten up. This is the internet, there is no ‘line’ to go over… at least as long as you aren’t in China. Anyways, Swaim, You’re no DOB, but you’re still pretty funny. Keep up the good work.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:43 am
but i don’t have a stance on either side of the arguements, but lets be honest it is pretty fucked up no matter what the point of the article is.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:42 am
Ya I’m not gonna lie this is actually pretty fucked up
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:38 am
There is a way to be satiric and humorous about touchy subjects..and this is not it.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:35 am
Hm.
I don’t really know what to think…
it wasn’t funny…
but it made good points. And it made me angry at Dept. of Homeland Security. But thats about it.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:32 am
Now, this was way over the fucking line. Everything else you’ve put up is fine. But making fun of something like this is really fucked up.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:30 am
This comment brought to you by Washo washing powder, the washing powder that washes your whites whiter than white! Washo!
And now, back to the butthurt comments by people with no sense of humor, already in progress!
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:27 am
Where’s the torture? Why so serious? This was FUNNY! You ppl need to get off your little high horse.
Hey hobo-a-gogo, why are you reading Cracked in the first place?
Carry on, Swaim!
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:25 am
Swaim is a pretty cool guy eh? Photoshops tortured prisoners and doesn’t afraid of anything.
I lol’d at this article, pretty funneh
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:22 am
It was good. I’m not in a mood to laugh today but I thought it was funny.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:20 am
p13c3 0f 5hi7
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:16 am
Piece of Muffe Shit …
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:15 am
i am at a loss for words. i do think you were trying to make a point that torture is wrong no matter that spin you put on it and that a good message… i still find it disturbing in many ways (this, of course, is a good thing since i am human and still retain my soul). i didn’t particularly find it funny…. at all, but i respect that you are taking a rare political stance in your article and did it in a way that the audience could read it how they want. plus, it was brave because you have probably just lost a few fans out there
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:12 am
I wasn’t aware Cracked had a line.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:10 am
Wow people, look up the word satire please. Get over yourselves for like 2 seconds, look up the word and then either read A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift, watch any episode of the Colbert Report, or come back and re-read what Swaim did. It’s amazing how oblivious you people are.
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:08 am
this was just…wow
while i understand what point you were trying to make, it went a bit too far
instead of the article coming off as an anti-torture statement you come off as extremely insensitive
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:08 am
I love you Michael Swaim <3
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:08 am
It wasnt really funny, but im not against the idea. Ppl make fun of everything, race, religion, why should this be any different, freedom of the press and all that
May 2nd, 2009 at 6:06 am
Man, this was very very poor taste and not funny at all. The DOB post was funny even though it was charge politically but the denigration that this prisoners suffered is nothing to laugh about. It doesn’t matter how ’shopped the pictures are.
Way over the line cracked. How the hell did this passed JOB’s desk?
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:59 am
“Achlamed Says:
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:41 am
One day the american supremcay will come to an end. That day you will be f@cked cause you will have to pay for all the shit you have done!”
You DO remember the crusades don’t you? Where the Medieval Europeans decided to travel east and beat the shit out of the Muslims and Jews? The Europeans seem to be doing pretty well even after that happened. What makes you think you can just sh!t on Americans like that? We’re not the only nation that’s committed atrocities. Piss off
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:51 am
Way over the fucking line, and not in the least bit funny
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:50 am
i thought it was funny.
Do people get all butt hurt when CNN has a reporter in Israel or Pakistan, and like 15 seconds after a bomb goes off there’s some dickmachine standing there
“Uhh yeah Jim, this just in, a bomb went off and 12… wait, wait… this one’s gasping for his last bre-aaaand 13 people killed Jim.”
I mean, they show all the dead bodies and bloodstains on the ground of people who were killed. And thats “Journalism” and its so brave of them to do that and take that stance and show that.
But, when a guy writes something like this on a dumb humour site, its so different and so wrong.
And before you waste your time, i am not comparing CNN to Cracked. God no.
I am asking which you think is worse, people using others misfortunes (death) to make money and further their careers, or people using others misfortunes (torture) to make money and further their careers?
One uses the imagery to scare, the other uses it for humour, is it the using it for humour part you find worse?
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:44 am
boring and unfunny shitzen
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:42 am
People, relax!!
Good one, Swaim
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:41 am
Bravo, Swaim!
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:39 am
@THe BUFFILAX
Trust me, we get it. But there’s a difference between an anti-torture statement and somebody using the pretense of a political statement to be pointlessly insensitive.
TIME and newsweek do it with class, and that’s exactly what you need when it comes to touchy subjects.
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:30 am
too far i think, its dissapointing
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:19 am
Wow, check out all the butthurt in the comments. You lot sound like “Concerned Mothers”.
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:15 am
Geez this article seems to fly over most of your heads, it’s a strong Anti-torture statement. He’s not making light of these events at all but rather made a sort of political cartoon. Or do you like to feel important and get on your moral high horse and send hate mail to the likes TIME and Newsweek etc. whenever they run a pol. cartoon about a touchy subject?
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:10 am
It was funny. I laughed. I just felt bad afterwards because it was people being tortured.
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:06 am
Legend.
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:05 am
can we do the holocaust next?
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:05 am
why?…
how is this funny..
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:04 am
Hundredth, nice.
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:02 am
People are easily offended, I think.
I laughed my ass off. Nice one, Swaim.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:58 am
This one didn’t do it for me either. In fact, I’m glad so many other people rejected it. You can say I don’t have a sense of humour if you want, you’d be thoroughly wrong of course - I just don’t like torture pics.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:46 am
Keep up the good work Swaim
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:43 am
You are an hero.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:42 am
Yeah, sweet guys, nice way to completely miss the fucking point.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:41 am
One day the american supremcay will come to an end. That day you will be f@cked cause you will have to pay for all the shit you have done!
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:40 am
Well, so much for swaim. He’s lost my respect.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:37 am
Okay, those guys were tortured, and you fooled with their pictures. Use your mind and reverse the situation. See if you can still smile.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:35 am
LMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:34 am
regardless of the politics of the article, it just plain wasn’t funny.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:33 am
You people are taking this far too seriously.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:30 am
damn, this humour was so black that it was almost white
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:28 am
I used to think you were funny swaim, but come on man, this is bullshit. These people were treated terribly and you think it’s a joke?
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:28 am
I don’t see this as hilarious but rather as a message. Torture in all is distasteful. No matter how you do it.
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:16 am
you are a fuckin smart and hilarious website, but what is this all about? on what level is this trying to be funny? this is so below you
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:11 am
This is the sort of shit that gets picked up by mainstream media and is paraded around as “INTERNET FREAKS GO TOO FAR”.
I’m a strong believer in freedom of speech, but come on man, there’s funny, and then theres a weak attempt at edgy and confronting. This is the later
May 2nd, 2009 at 4:09 am
i want to go there now