There are great games out there for any mood you're in. If you need to see heads explode, you've got no shortage of options, but you've also got lots to choose from if you want to feel warm and fuzzy. But, to the surprise of no one, sadistic gamers decided to turn some of those cute games into experiences creepier than any horror game has ever intentionally created.
#6. Super Mario Maker Makes You Question Your Life Choices
Super Mario Maker is a Mario level designer that was released when Nintendo realized they could make tons of money by asking fans to design their games for them. In a shocking display of restraint by players, Nintendo's servers weren't immediately flooded with countless levels where Mario has to clamber across a giant fireball-shooting erection. Instead, they designed countless levels that use a game about jumping on mushrooms to explore the crushing ennui of modern life.
"Waluigi's Unbearable Existence" was the first level to gain notoriety, and as the name implies, it's not a lighthearted romp through Moo Moo Farm. Players are transformed into Waluigi, the Snidely Whiplash of the Mario universe, and wander deep below ground. Through a message written in coins, Waluigi is informed that a pile of bones represents his heart.
The next room isn't much better.
Look, I play video games to distract myself from my crushing loneliness, not be reminded of it. Gamers might collect those coins both out of sheer habit and to hide the grim message, only to be told in the next room, "Coins will never fill the void." The message after that is, "You can't succeed as yourself, Waluigi. You never could," with the implication that players should be substituting their own name for the purple-clad tennis enthusiast's.
Players will endlessly loop through the same few rooms, eventually running out of time and dying alone, unless they find an alternate path that tells them, "Sacrifice your sense of self." Keep going down that road and you'll be turned back into Mario, told to "embrace the enemy," and achieve victory ... at a cost.
The message is clear. In order to succeed at Mario (and life), you have to abandon everything that makes you unique and conform to what the system demands. Mario is popular, kids. Be exactly like Mario. Don't be a weird Waluigi. Everyone must be Mario. And then you put the controller down, look around your generic apartment, think of the office that's waiting for you tomorrow morning even though you've been playing video games to forget about it, and realize Waluigi isn't the only one with an unbearable existence.
#5. RollerCoaster Tycoon Becomes A Decades-Long Death March
Approximately 100 percent of people who played RollerCoaster Tycoon turned some of their theme parks into sadistic traps where shoddily constructed coasters sent visitors plummeting to fiery deaths. But it's one thing to casually murder virtual families who just wanted to spend one of their precious virtual weekends away from their virtual jobs having a little virtual fun in the hopes that their failing virtual marriages would be saved and their virtual kids wouldn't grow up bitter and lonely, and another to put them through a lengthy torture regimen the CIA would consider excessive.
First came Mr. Bones' Wild Ride, a 30,696-foot-long coaster. For comparison, the longest real roller coaster is Japan's Steel Dragon 2000, at 8,133 feet. More importantly, Steel Dragon hits a top speed of 95 mph, while, in a cruel mockery of its name, Wild Ride tops off at 5 and averages 3. In real time, Wild Ride takes 70 minutes to complete. In game time, it takes over a year. Riders are simply bored by the glacial pace at first. Then they're confused. Then they want to get off. They all want to get off. They grow hungry and thirsty but never die, because the park won't allow it, the ride itself somehow giving them just enough sustenance to continue their wild ride.
Heh. Get off.
The ride's decorations, at first lighthearted and whimsical, grow increasingly ominous. Then, as the long year comes to an end, an ominous sign emerges. "MR. BONES SAYS THE RIDE NEVER ENDS." Guests exit and some primitive memory buried deep in the recesses of their brain gets their atrophied legs moving. But the long and winding path doesn't take them to the park exit, to the cars they've forgotten how to drive, the homes they've been kicked out of, and the jobs they've been fired from. It takes them only to another entrance to the ride.
This started a race to create the slowest, most excruciating insult to the concept of a roller coaster imaginable, a race that was won with the creation of Kairos. If Mr. Bones was the atom bomb, Kairos is a thousand ICBMs. An entire park is dedicated to one "coaster" that exploits an oddity in the game's physics engine. It's possible to make rides go slower and slower without ever reaching zero -- they'll keep trundling along in defiance of science and Walt Disney. Normally this isn't an issue, because a well-designed ride will build and maintain momentum. But Kairos is a perfectly flat spiral into oblivion.
You're looking at a roller coaster. That's all roller coaster. It leaves the station at the top of the map, spirals into the center, then returns. Its journey takes 210 days. Not game days. Real days. Kairos takes its virtual occupants 3,000 in-game years to complete. Civilizations will rise and fall on that roller coaster. Children will be born, grow old, and die knowing nothing but its cold steel embrace. "What lies beyond the roller coaster?" they'll ask their parents, voices loud enough to overcome the machinery and yet somehow still hushed. The answer is tired, resigned. "Nothing you'll ever know."
#4. People Keep Doing Fucked-Up Shit To The Sims
The Sims games are basically modern psychological profiling tools. The more a player mercilessly tortures their Sims instead of helping them advance their goals, the more you should worry they'll lock you in a broom closet and remove the door if given the chance. And for God's sake, don't ever get in a pool when they're around.
Several sites have compiled stories of the worst things players have done, because copy-pasting from Reddit is considered journalism now. My favorite is the painting goblin, where an obese, green-skinned Sim is locked in the basement and forced to do nothing but churn out paintings that are sold for the benefit of the ignorant family above him (presumably they're told they have a wealthy and eccentric great-uncle as a benefactor). It's a premise begging for the story of the wholesome top-dwellers discovering the dark secret beneath their home.
Also, the Goblin's forced to listen to Carly Rae Jepsen singing in Simlish all day.
But hey, even the nicest gamers have occasionally trapped an innocent family and doused their home in a cleansing blaze that burns the sin from their e-flesh. It takes perverted commitment to program new features, like this mod that allows teen Sims to get pregnant and then miscarry their child.
I think we can all agree that the ability to sleep with and impregnate underage characters in a game where players often model Sims after people they know in real life is important and necessary. But adding the ability to experience a heart-wrenching tragedy is a bit much considering it's played with as much dignity as The Sims can muster, which is none.
Did I mention that this is one of only several miscarriage mods available?
In the sample video, a teen is rocking out on a rocking chair when she's warned "Due to your condition, you risk losing the baby." The Sim immediately stops her reckless behavior, but the unfeeling God of her world has other ideas. Ignoring her reaction that I believe is supposed to represent intense abdominal pains even though it uses the emoticon for hunger, Miss Teen Simville USA is forced to rock on the chair until she suffers a miscarriage, because that's probably how miscarriages work.
Sad music kicks in as she wails at the heavens, leaves a wet spot on the floor and runs out into the rain to vomit up neon green ectoplasm, which would be dramatic if Sims didn't chew scenery like a coked-out Nicolas Cage. Instead it's surreal and uncomfortable. You're left with the sense that someone is finding pleasure in this insane melodrama, if you know what I mean.
I mean someone jerked off to this. In case that wasn't clear.
The miscarriage creator has also carried to term mods that allow you to take multiple teenage wives, commit incest, and induce labor whenever you want, giving you all the tools you need to run your very own abusive Sim sex cult. Which is funded by a painting goblin, probably.