Human nature can be summed up like this: for every iconic landmark, there are many people who aspire to draw dicks on it. It's one of the quickest paths to fame for an aspiring artist/vandal.
The below stunts range from merely dickish to grossly illegal, and each is still admirable in its own way:
5KFC Puts a Giant Colonel Sanders Near Area 51
When someone says "Kentucky Fried Chicken," what's the first thing that comes to your mind? That's right: aliens. At least, that's what KFC seems to think. Apparently, that guy talking to himself about UFOs in a fast food joint at 3 a.m. is such an important customer for the company that, back in 2006, KFC decided to advertise in the only place where they knew crazy people (and only crazy people) would be looking: the Nevada desert, right by Area 51.
Rumors say the Double Down was invented by crashed Neptunians.
That's not Photoshop -- that's a satellite photo. One of the largest fast food establishments in the world opted to painstakingly re-create its corporate logo near an infamously secretive government complex, which is to say, in the middle of fucking nowhere. The point? Most likely to take advantage of the conspiracy theorists attempting to use Google Earth to spot all the government cover-ups happening in the area. It's a prime demographic for fast food. Also, as the press release said at the time, KFC wanted to be "the world's first brand visible from outer space" -- which must mean they've also mastered time travel, since Readymix cement had already done that 40 years earlier.
And they were smart enough to put it in the Australian outback, where no one would fuck with it.
Creating the massive Sanders portrait required arranging about 65,000 red, black, white, and gray tiles over the course of six days, all for the benefit of people browsing Google Earth and presumably aliens passing by on spaceships ... although the latter have yet to radio back to confirm they've seen the logo (maybe they're Popeyes guys). And hey, bonus: KFC got a neat time-lapse video out of it!
Eight years later, if you enter the coordinates on Google Maps, there's no trace of the Colonel's mug. Not even some empty buckets littering the desert. Simple publicity stunt that faded away, or massive government cover-up? Only the super-intelligent, genetically modified chickens secretly running the company know.
4Europe Loves Dressing Up Lenin Monuments
ANDREAS ALTWEIN/DPA/Getty Images
Eastern Europe has a surprising number of statues of communist dynamo Vladimir Lenin still standing, considering it's been like 25 years since you would be put in front of a Soviet firing squad if you tried to take one down. Why would these cities display monuments to the merciless subjugator of their people in their town squares and parks and in front of their Starbucks? Probably just to do this:
Apparently, citizens of several countries have collectively decided that Lenin's drab wardrobe (which was about as varied as that of a Simpsons character) needs to be involuntarily upgraded with more festive offerings, including vibrant blouses, flashy coats, and pink polka dots. In Ukraine, pimping Lenin with the national colors has become a fun way to symbolize the struggle for independence, while others just want to shelter him from the weather by dressing him in traditional Ukrainian tunics:
Suddenly this went from "behold the glory of communism" to "LOOK. LOOK AT MY PONCHO."
However, as is often the case, it's easy for Slavic tomfoolery to give way to petty vandalism once vodka and bear meat enter the equation. In Saint Petersburg in 2009, a group of unknown individuals decided to pack the leader's once-proud ass with explosives -- whatever their intention was, the result looked like Lenin had a plate of borscht that disagreed with his intestines.
"Stalin! How could you!"
Perhaps jealous of all these shenanigans and sad because they didn't have a Lenin of their own to deface, a Polish town decided to cut out the middleman and erected a brand-new sculpture to commemorate the Bolshevik leader ... depicted pissing in public, li'l Vlad in hand.
We'd blur out his dick, but our copy of Photoshop doesn't zoom in that far.
Of course, this isn't exclusively a European custom: one Czechoslovakian statue that was taken down after the fall of communism was brought to Seattle, where it's routinely redecorated for occasions like Christmas, Beatles-themed parades, and Gay Pride celebrations.
Please contribute to our "Move Lenin's Actual Corpse to Seattle Right Now" Kickstarter.