As we've mentioned before, while most of us reach a certain age where we're willing to dump the entire contents of our childhood closet into the yard sale bin in exchange for more liquor-n-condom money, there are those who prefer to let their hobbies grow along with them. And we say "grow" in the literal sense, because some of these adult versions of the toys we loved as kids are almost devastatingly huge.
Sit back and let your inner child scream with jealousy at the sight of things like ...
#9. A Call of Duty-Style Nerf Sentry Gun
Like most toys from our childhood, Nerf guns have evolved over the years -- for instance, did you know they now have a whole line of pink guns and bows for girls called Rebelle? Somehow, just adding pastel colors wasn't enough to satisfy Nerf addict Britt Liv, so she created a modern-day Nerf gun better suited to her (terrifying) needs:
She tried to upgrade a Super Soaker too, but it violated the Geneva Conventions.
Not only can the Nerf Vulcan Sentry automatically shoot darts of foamy death at your opponents while you sit back and laugh at their misery -- you can also set it to discern potential targets based on shirt patterns, meaning it will shoot only those you've labeled as your enemies (like, say, anyone wearing a Tapout T-shirt).
We're pretty sure that's exactly how the military version works, too.
You can read the step-by-step instructions on how to make one here, but if this one's too complicated/intense for you, Liv has also posted tutorials on how to mod several other Nerf gun models to shoot faster, harder, and generally kick more ass. She even designed an in-barrel meter that can track how fast the darts are shot out, presumably in order to calibrate the exact amount of force necessary to kill a grown man with a small foam projectile.
She's either the biggest Nerf fan ever or the world's least intimidating super villain.
We imagine it's only a matter of time before Nerf wises up and hires this woman to design their actual products. Expect a consistent increase in dart-related eye injuries when this happens.
#8. A Full-Size LEGO X-Wing
Emmanuel Dunand/AFP/Getty Images
Hey, look what someone left in the middle of Times Square:
Emmanuel Dunand/AFP/Getty Images
The next Godzilla movie ends with him stepping on this and letting out a string of expletives.
If you're anything like us, you just stared at that thing for a full 10 seconds before noticing the people around it and realizing that, holy shit, that's a freaking full-size LEGO X-Wing. You can sit on it and everything. And yes, it's made out of actual LEGO blocks; it's not a plywood mock-up made to look like it:
They probably didn't fly it into Times Square, but we can't prove they didn't.
Created as a promotional stunt for a Star Wars something or other (nice try, Disney), they used regular LEGO bricks to make bigger ones -- five million tiny blocks total to build the 42-foot-long, 11-foot-tall, 46,000-pound, 1:1 scale replica of Luke Skywalker's ship. It took a team of 32 builders to put this together, but first they had to construct an elaborate metal framework, the blueprint for which is only slightly less complicated than the assembly instructions for your average LEGO set.
Lego Systems Inc
Mark Hamill sold separately.
The whole thing was constructed at LEGO's facility in the Czech Republic and then transported to Times Square (a trip that presumably took considerably longer than 12 parsecs), where throngs of Star Wars fans got to slaver it with nerd drool before it eventually made its way to its final home at LEGOLAND in California. This is the world's largest Star Wars toy at the moment, and we say at the moment because we assume LEGO is already working on a full-size Death Star somewhere around the orbit of Saturn.
#7. Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots You Ride In
Even though we've landed on distant planets and smashed atoms at near-light speed, we believe the best indication that we're already living in the future is the new breed of $17,000 Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, which suggest we're headed straight to the world depicted in Real Steel.
Does this mean science is close to inventing a real Hugh Jackman, too?
While not an official revamp of the classic toy, the basic rules are the same: The red robot has to punch the blue robot until it connects a blow to the head, and vice versa. The main difference is that in this case you're actually sitting inside the goddamn robot as you spam those punch buttons.
These "Bionic Bopper Cars" have bumpers implemented to keep you at punching range and are fully mobile in all directions, with hidden wheels powered by a Honda gas engine that grants a top speed of 3 mph. You could probably buy an actual Honda for the same money, but then how would you punch that SUV with the "Keep the White House White" bumper sticker?
Also, the robots have a 300-pound limit, so even the most sedentary of our species can become ass-kicking harbingers of destruction. Or, if you'd prefer something equally futuristic-looking but with a little more speed, the same company occasionally sells street-legal, lithium powered Tron Light Cycles for only $55,000.
#6. A Water Slide With a 17-Story Drop
As kids, we all went through that rite of passage that was sitting on top of a slide, having second thoughts about sliding down, and then being pushed by some asshole kid standing behind you. Well, good news: You can now relive and amplify that terror as an adult, thanks to the Verruckt, a water slide named after the German word for "insane." We'll let you guess why.
Yup: You'd have to be verruckt in the head to ride it.
At approximately 17 stories (around 170 feet), this affront to the water park gods is taller than Niagara Falls and could comfortably hock a loogie into the Statue of Liberty's torch. It won't be measured exactly until spring (it'll take that long to unfold the measuring tape), but the makers' website claims Verruckt is taller than any ski slope. We're gonna go ahead and believe them, because this motherfucker looks like the Olympic ski-jump ramp's bigger brother that smokes cigarettes and drives a '92 Camaro.
The park is located in Kansas City, Kansas, and will open in May 2014. So if you're reading this after that date, you may have already seen the first casualties in the news. Shit, just climbing up there will be scary enough: It's 264 steps to the top of the slide. At that point, you and three others enter a raft (secured by a "tunnel of netting") and are given a few seconds to pay tribute to the Virgin Mother before you plunge at speeds that are illegal on some highways.
via Gadget Review
It doesn't need any water -- you'll release enough urine to lubricate your entire fall.
#5. A Roadworthy Cozy Coupe
The universal sign that a man has hit his midlife crisis is the moment he buys himself that flashy car he always wanted when he was younger. John Bitmead from England, however, went further back than most men for inspiration. Way further.
Caters News Agency
They didn't have giant baby strollers at the dealership.
Yes, that is a grown-up version of the Little Tikes Cozy Coupe, which was at the bleeding edge of childhood automotive technology about 20 years ago (today, they're still useful for collecting rainwater in people's front lawns). So, where did Bitmead buy this beauty, and do they take Monopoly money? Nowhere, actually: He made it himself by taking apart a Daewoo Matiz. He even removed the car's windshield in the name of accuracy, but made sure to include seatbelts and airbags to make it street legal.
Caters News Agency
Incidentally, this makes it safer than most commercial Daewoo models.
Also, he made it so the ignition looks like a big button, because of course he did. Other than that, it's a completely normal, functional car: It runs on good ol' British unleaded petrol, and its 800cc engine can propel it to 60 in a sizzling 17 seconds. Bitmead, his brother, and a friend put a grown-ass-man amount of work into this project, clocking in around 1,000 hours and dropping $60,000-plus to shape his dream car. Was the investment worth it? We'll let his expression in the following photo answer that question:
Caters News Agency
Wait, you don't propel it with your feet, Flintstones-style? This is bullshit.