#2. Pokemon Red and Blue Let You Fight Professor Oak
Professor Oak cut a mysterious figure in the original Pokemon games. Aside from apparently having a psychic link with you that was only used to ensure responsible use of your fishing pole and bicycle, it was suggested that he knew more about pocket monsters than basically anyone else in the Pokemon world (which admittedly appeared to only contain like 100 people, but still). Yet despite his apparent badassery, he never did more than chill out in his lab and encourage you to constantly catch more Pokemon. So he's like a lot of bosses you've probably had.
Well, it turns out that old man Oak is like a kung fu master who's so powerful, he refuses to fight anyone for fear of breaking them in half. There's a battle with him buried in the game's code, and it's the hardest fight in the game.
"You skip your homework, I attack you with a giant dragon. You knew the rules."
The fight can only be accessed with a GameShark or various elaborate glitches, and your reward for your perseverance and obsession is a serious risk of getting your ass handed to you. Oak's Pokemon are stronger than those controlled by the game's final boss, although to be fair, if you're the sort of gamer who utilizes glitches to access every last bit of minutiae, you're probably going to be able to handle him. But anyone who had a tough time beating the Pokemon champion as a kid will be dismayed to know that an even tougher challenge once awaited them.
It's not clear when gamers were meant to fight Oak, but he was probably intended to be either the original final opponent or a post-game bonus challenge. The fact that he employs the one starting Pokemon that wasn't picked by you or your rival even explains a minor plot hole, because as it stands in the game's final cut, that third Pokemon was doomed to wither away in a Pokeball, alone and unloved and never seen again.
Nintendo via IGN
You can't choose a new best friend without dooming another Pokemon to eternal darkness.
The most likely reason for the battle's exclusion was that it didn't work properly, because the first generation of Pokemon games were more bug-riddled than an abandoned fruit basket. It's also possible the developers feared that the fight would be too difficult for tiny 10-year-old brains to handle. Either way, it's a shame it was cut -- clashing with the man who introduced you to the world of Pokemon in a winner-takes-all battle for the title of champion would have made for an excellent finale. It would also have been a chance to get revenge on Oak for all those times he wouldn't let you ride your bike indoors.
#1. Mother 3's Hidden Boss of Horrors
The cult roleplaying game EarthBound is known to most Western gamers only as the basis for some of the cuter and weirder parts of Super Smash Bros. But in Japan, it's a beloved three-game series known as Mother, and as we've told you before, the one game that came stateside abruptly went from an adventure filled with childlike charm and wonder to a disturbing abortion story. The final game in the series, Mother 3, was never released outside of Japan. A group of hardcore Western fans unofficially translated the game into English and, in a manner resembling an H.P. Lovecraft story, came across something ... disturbing.
That is one of the many faces of what was originally going to be Mother 3's final boss, and each of its seemingly infinite forms is more disturbing than the last. We've got some sort of robot-angel hybrid ...
A bit of alien DNA floating there, too.
... a naked boy ...
Without consent from motion capture actor Shia LaBeouf.
... who turns into a screaming boy that looks like he's been blinded ...
Wait, no. That's just your reflection seeing this.
... and who somehow manages to get even more goddamn creepy.
Like a horrified puddle.
Keep in mind that these aren't still images -- they're slowly swaying and shifting under a soundtrack that sounds like someone asked Nine Inch Nails to score 2001: A Space Odyssey. Oh, and if you listen really closely, you'll hear heavy breathing underneath the creepfest. You know, to make it scary. Did we mention that you're battling your twin brother? Yeah, it's not hard to see why this was cut from a kids' game. We think the series is called Mother in Japan because one encounter with this boss would have had kids crying for theirs.
There's all sorts of speculation floating about as to what the hell the developers were thinking with this pedophile's peyote trip. In an interview with the writer, he says that the original game was "much, much darker," which absolutely terrifies us considering that the game still ends with you killing your twin. He also mentions that he wanted to "betray the player," and while he doesn't really explain what he means by that, we can only assume that he wanted to trick gamers who thought they were going on a light-hearted adventure into committing fratricide.
Our theory? Nintendo realized they'd be on the hook for the therapy bills of thousands of children.
Scott Elizabeth Baird runs the fan page for the novel Once Called America, which you can check out on Facebook.
Related Reading: Speaking of video game Easter Eggs, check out these horrifying hidden messages in Portal 2. And did you know Snake is hidden in the code of every Youtube video? Not yet had your fill? We've got more where that came from.