If you're reading this, you're almost certainly stuck indoors, maybe in a cubicle but certainly in some place that isn't a tropical beach. That's why we've always tried to provide the extremely critical public service of reminding you that things could be much, much worse.
So with that, let's look at these very real (although rare) infections that are so over-the-top bizarre that they'd be considered too gross for a David Cronenberg movie. No matter how this day goes, just be glad you don't have ...
6The Parasite That Collapses Your Face
Remember the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark where everyone's face falls apart? Well, maybe that wasn't God punishing the Nazis after all, but fast-acting mucocutaneous leishmaniasis -- the infection that makes your face collapse like it's a sacred temple and someone just stole the idol at the center.
Face melting has finally moved beyond Nazis and thieving Frenchmen.
In reality, mucocutaneous leishmaniasis takes a lot longer to act (months, years or even decades), and it begins in the most offensive way possible: with insect poop. The infection is spread through a poorly mannered sand fly that bites you and then proceeds to thank you for the meal by taking a dump in the wound. So already we're starting with the kind of action that would make Hannibal Lecter crinkle his nose and say, "Jesus, man, what is wrong with you?"
Ladies and gentlemen, the tampon that destroys lives.
But that's just how the parasite gets inside you -- that's when the scene really gets nasty. The parasite starts going after mucus cavities, like your mouth and your nose. What it's doing is essentially planting TNT in all those places, preparing to blow them to hell.
The first thing you notice, a long time after the initial shit-bite, is painful ulcers in the infected places. If you're lucky, you're left disfigured for life -- if you're not, your nose collapses into your mouth and your entire face caves in like a punctured inflatable.
This would suck enough on its own, but it's aggravated by all the health implications: You can't breathe well (because, again, you have no nose), eating is painful and can cause you to choke and your exposed airway is considerably more prone to catching pneumonia.
After all that, even your own saliva can kill you, and often does. See, this is why you never leave your bedroom unless you're wearing your airtight anti-insect protection suit, and even then only during the winter. But we're just getting started ...