We don't expect our craziest urban legends to exist for good reasons, but we do at least expect their origins to be mysterious. If you can just point to the guy who made up the crazy story in the first place, what are we doing here? It turns out that's a good question for everyone who has ever found themselves debating the authenticity of legends like ...
5El Chupacabra Came from a Shitty Sci-Fi Movie
When farm animals die out in the open, they have a tendency to come out at the end of a week looking like they've been the victim of some pretty disturbing animal torture. As we've explained before, an FBI investigation revealed this to be the work of pretty common farm conditions and some pretty bored farmers: The sun causes bloated corpses to burst along straight lines that look surgical in their precision. Maggots drink the blood that doesn't drain out of the burst skins, making them look like they've been drained.
"Sure, we're disgusting now. But one day we'll blossom into flies, and then the world will appreciate our beauty!"
Rather than letting such boring truths go unexaggerated, Northern farmers invented an animal torturer that had to be investigated by the FBI, while farmers down Mexico way invented El Chupacabra -- a small, possibly extraterrestrial critter believed to attack goats and cows, drinking their blood and leaving the empty husks behind.
Leech, via Karl Ragnar Gjertsen
Before you start getting all judgy, you should know that goat blood margaritas are delicious.
While it sounds like the sort of thing that comes down to us from the days of witch burnings, it turns out the legend of the Chupacabra isn't that old: The first sighting occurred in 1995. It's become so prevalent since then that every single unidentified animal that turns up is usually plastered on the news as a potential Chupacabra for a couple of days.
"We don't know what this is, and after you watch our special report, neither will you."
The Ridiculous Origin:
The movie is about an alien creature, Sil, who attempts to get pregnant by boning every dude she sees while in the guise of a human. During the last third of the film, we finally see her in her true form, courtesy of H.R. Giger.
The Little Giger Page (PDF)
File this in your porn drive under "Cleanse Hands With Holy Water After."
The creature Tolentino saw in her yard had bulbous eyes and spikes up and down its back, walked on two legs and leaped everywhere it went. She even had an artist draw what she saw.
The result of one alien fucking an entire zoo.
It was similar enough that an editor from Skeptical Inquirer, Benjamin Radford, decided to track Tolentino down and find out if she'd seen the movie. While the body shape isn't exactly a spitting image, Radford picked out over a dozen morphological similarities between Sil and El Chupacabra. Added bonus: The opening scenes of the movie are set in Puerto Rico.
Ha! Classic Puerto Rico.
When he finally interviewed Tolentino, she totally copped to seeing Species shortly before her initial sighting, even noting the similarities between the two creatures herself and saying it would be a "very good idea" to watch it. So this national phenomenon that has been reported on by literally every local news station in America is based on the testimony of a woman who can't tell the difference between B-movies and reality. We suppose the truth will come out soon enough, as Tolentino claims to have hired a detective who specializes in animal crimes and is able to talk through his butt.