5 Things Our Kids Won't Have In School
If you went to a school classroom 200 years ago, you'd see something remarkably similar to what we have today: A teacher talking to rows of kids sitting at little desks, each pretending to follow along in a textbook. Maybe the blackboard has been replaced with a whiteboard or a PowerPoint, but those basics haven't changed in generations.
But they're about to. Some of the most iconic staples of school life are about to disappear forever. Things like ...
#5. Recess and Gym
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You remember recess, right? It was that one time when you could ditch the desks and run around in a frenzied scramble like an extra-caffeinated Bosstone. Whether you spent your 20 minutes hurling dodge balls at dorks or cowering under the slides (to hide from the dodge balls), recess has been an institution for generations. And thank goodness for recess. At a time when kids are tripping over their guts and trailing their asses on the sidewalk behind them, a few minutes of physical activity can be just what the doctor ordered. Literally.
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Maybe a few dozen dodge ball bruises would convince him to reduce all that target area.
Going Away Because ...
Four little letters: NCLB.
For those of you who have been out of the school loop for the past decade, those letters stand for "No Child Left Behind," which has, for better or worse, done a serious number on American education. Here's why: In 2001, President Bush and Congress passed a law saying we had to get better at school, specifically reading, language arts, math and science. Fair enough.
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"Sometimes, I'm embarrassed to be seen with you people."
The tricky part came in measuring improvement. For example, if you had to figure out if you were improving at your naked-hula-hooping-while-eating-Nutter-Butters skills, how would you do it? You'd test yourself, of course! And that's exactly what NCLB decided to do with schools. Only instead of scoring your hula-hooping based on speed, appendage flapping and showmanship, NCLB rewards academic progress by tying funding with those standardized test scores.
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"Each of those A's is $1.50 for the district. And they're also good for your future, or ... something."
And that's it. That's why schools have cut their recess and gym time. To give more time to the subjects that earn them money. By this point, it's estimated that 40 percent of American schools have either cut or are on the brink of cutting recess. For those schools desperately clinging to shreds of their playtime, more bad news is on the way. Dodge ball, it turns out, is about as welcome at most schools as an infestation of herpes.
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Huge, red herpes.
Why? Because dodge ball promotes violence, obviously. As for tag, it promotes -- running? Tagging? More violence, apparently. That's right. In a world where tiny little baby sweatshop workers are scraping and scrapping just to stay alive, American parents are fretting over their children getting heavily tagged on the playground.
Good luck with the future, kids!
#4. Summer Vacation
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For most of us, the last day of school could have been called "Summer Christmas." It was that awesome. It was the one day of the year you could rip up your notebooks, moon your teacher and fart in the principal's face, all without any repercussions. Because it was summer! And you were free!
What you probably didn't know at the time was that your little orgy of liberty was an outdated relic of the days when your ancestors had to quit school every year to harvest the family crop in order to, you know, eat.
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"We're free! Free to die of exposure and overwork."
Going Away Because ...
American kids aren't putting in the same hours at school as other kids around the world, and it's showing. And until someone mass produces a time-turner that can let every American student Hermione Granger the shit out of their school day, the hours are going to have to come from somewhere. Summer is just as good a place as any, especially considering that the long string of off days means kids experience a collective brain fart when they return. That means even more time lost spent trying to remind kids of what they forgot during their three months spent catching frogs at the creek and getting into adventures.
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"Come on, gang! I just know there's a dead body around here someplace."
A lot of districts are now trying year-round programs that still give kids time off to do the family stuff that they would do over the summer -- students put in 45 days, then get a 15-day break. So, work nine weeks, play three weeks. In that system, the kids are still putting in about 180 days, but without the time wasted getting everyone back up to speed in the fall. Other schools are considering schedules that add 20 days to the school year, something that President Obama and his Secretary of Education heartily endorse.
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Oh, Obama. We remember when you were all about having ice cream for dinner and banning chores.
In fact, 2.5 million American kids are already going to school year-round -- that's about a million more than 10 years ago. By 2012, it's estimated that 10 percent of all American students will be doing the year-round shuffle, much to the chagrin of parents who have yet to work out equally schizophrenic child care.
#3. Textbooks
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You could probably predict your high school classmates' future success based on how heavy their backpacks were at the end of the day. The kid who was hunched over because he seemed to be carrying home half the library each night was destined to become your doctor; the dude who went home empty-handed was more likely to show up on an episode of Cops.
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"Bill wouldn't have strangled those hookers if he'd learned long division."
The point is, for as long as books have existed, textbooks have gone hand-in-hand with the studious life. The more books you were lugging around, the harder you were working and the more you were learning.
Going Away Because ...
Surprisingly, the chucking of an age-old tradition isn't about money. Schools are abandoning traditional books because e-books make more sense for a generation used to getting all their information from a monitor. And it's going to happen sooner than you think.
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Huh ... they go up quickly considering they're made from a child's tears and asbestos.
Well, in parts of the world, anyway. What shouldn't surprise anyone by this point is the fact that United States is on the caboose of the paperless train. South Korea, for example, plans to be completely book-free by 2015, with its federal government pouring $2 billion into buying a tablet for every student, along with a cloud computing system that will give kids access to far more text than their strong little backs could have ever carried. South Korea isn't the only country on board, either. Russia, India and even broke-ass Greece are all investigating an e-book conversion.
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Apparently Grade 10 science textbooks can house up to four people.
Don't get the wrong idea, though. It's not like Americans will be lugging rolled-up papyrus scrolls around while the rest of the developed world is teleporting information directly into their brains. Florida has earmarked funding for e-readers in every public school classroom, and individual schools in Virginia, Maine, California and other states have tested e-reader pilot programs. And remember, e-readers aren't just for textbooks. Those bad boys can house maps and atlases and encyclopedias and porn so academic it will make young minds EXPLODE (with knowledge, but also porn overload). And the kicker? In the long run, e-readers are cheaper than textbooks.
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But they can't make you reach the top shelf.
Why else do you think broke-ass Greece would possibly consider them?
I remember when I got to middle school recess was completely gone. It was disappointing because I looked forward to going outside to walk and enjoy being outdoors. I hated no child left behind. Never have a progrm been so useless.
ReplyI graduated in 2003 and recently went back to college to get a degree (which I did not do immediately after graduating) I also have a 10 year old son and 17 year old cousin who lives with me and I have to say that not only is education getting ridiculously easier, but the kids just don't understand that at all.
ReplyIn my online classes, the homework and practice sections tell you if the answer you give is correct or not immediately and you get 3 tries to get the right one. There is also a tutorial of sorts to help you reach the correct answer and you can ask for a different problem to get full credit for the assigment. Also, in one of my classes you can do the tests twice, and be rewarded with the higher of the 2 scores. A moron can pass this class with little or no effort. I currently have a 96% in one class and a 93% in the other. I haven't had grades in math this high since elementary school, seriously.
My cousin goes to alternative high school where they don't even have to show up to class for credit. They get 'packets' they have to read and answer the questions at the end and all of the answers are worded in the reading exactly like the questions at the end. She still struggles to find the answers. She can turn in her packets whenever she wants for full credit- as long as it's before the end of the term.
If there's one thing about the American education system that pisses me off the most (and there's a lot) it's being graded for behavior. My son is in 3rd grade (his birthday required him to start late) and he's very smart, academically. He consistently gets the equivilant of A's and B's in his school subjects. However, his teacher and he do not get along and therefore he gets the equivilant of C's and D's in behavior. He's bored and very social, which I can understand is frustrating to deal with at times but I get calls from his teacher weekly "he wasted my time by walking back to his desk slowly" and "I asked him to read aloud and he confessed to not knowing where we were in the book" are you freaking kidding me? This is why he gets low marks in behavior?
What a crock.
Reading number 2 makes me think Ayn Rand was right all along.
ReplyIt's weird how some people can care about stupid or lazy kids feelings to the point of taking away all pressure, while simultaneously, others are taking away recess and making the workload more strenuous. I've always had really wierd ideas about how school should be for kids. Examples include:
ReplyWhy do they insist on starting school so early? (I know, parents with jobs have to drop of the kids so they can get to work. Why not flip our whole nations schedule? Seriously, does anyone actually enjoy waking up while it's still dark out?) An hour or so shift would probably help kids wake up.
A year-round school schedule. This one gets people right the f**k pissed off, but the way I would like it done is so that the kids don't actually lose any of their free days. It's just simply shifted around. So imagine instead of 3 months off and then BAM right back to it, why not a month or so, then a week or two off for them? IT could be done I think.
Hahaha "the corn diarrheas."
ReplyWhen do we get to the point when all this feel good, lets not hurt anyone's feelings garbage ends? Competition is one of the most important tenets of American society, and there is nothing wrong with it, as long as you don't let a "might makes right" mentality take over.
ReplyIronically, there is now evidence to suggest that it is exactly the feel good coddling that is causing the rise in cases of depression and suicide amongst teens and young adults. By never having to deal with failure, competition, or disappointment as children, they never learn positive, healthy techniques for dealing with those things later in life.
As for grading, I agree that the purpose of school is to facilitate learning, and therefore the concept of an irredeemable failure(represented by an F) is contrary to that goal. However, allowing multiple opportunities to do something correctly does significantly reduce the incentive to do it right the first time. There has to be some penalization for not achieving initially. Say a loss in letter grade for every resubmission. The rub is that for at least the first 12 grades, school is far more about effort than intelligence. The kids that rack an impressive number of failing or low grades probably just aren't giving any effort. Many of them simply don't care about their grades. Giving them an H and an opportunity to redo the work will likely be met by the same apathy, it accomplishes nothing.
The ironic thing about NCLB is that studies show that schools with a good gym class do better than those without, what with all the oxygen going to the brain, kids are more awake and alert, running around like a fool for a few minutes curbs hyperactivity, etc. I'm pretty sure they just invented it just to keep the poor schools poor so that the private school elite are secured the best.
ReplyAlso, all this,"x will hurt your child's feelings, so it's banned" b.s. is exactly why I'm never having kids. Even if I raise them to be fearless and rambunctious, all the other kids will be so pussified that they'll never make any friends, be sent to the principal's office and suspended all the time over stupid stuff that no sane person would ever bat an eye at, and essentially become pariahs. And then they'll probably put the CAS on my ass, split my kids up and shove them around the country as much as possible with a different family every couple of months (because that's how the CAS makes THEIR money).
Dammit, I need a drink.
When I graduated from high school in 2006, we were forbidden from cheering/applauding our friends after their names were called at the ceremony. We were told that not everyone is "a popular football player or cheerleader". They didn't want certain people to feel bad if they didn't receive the same amount of praise and attention.
Reply(They also claim that cheering can prevent the next person from hearing their name being called, but I always thought that was bullshit, considering how the announcer's voice BOOMS all over the stadium.)
The NCLB law was just stupid. I go to the 4th best school in the nation, and yet my county wants to split up all the students in my school and send them to their (failing) neighborhood schools, in order to bring up the overall average to a passing score. All this because of the NCLB, so they don't have to shut down those failing schools, which means that the intelligent students who attend my school will be dragged down just to conform to the average.
ReplyI would actually really enjoy the whol work nine weeks, play three weeks thing. I hate re-learning everything at the start of school, and summer gets sort of boring after the first month, anyway.
ReplyWhen I was at school (I'm from Australia), terms were 10-12 weeks followed by two weeks off, with six weeks off for mid-December to the end of January. I doubt it's a coincidence that the long holidays coincided with the hottest part of the summer.
Actually, I really like the summer vacation idea. I studied abroad in Germany for a year and loved how they had breaks. The breaks were more frequent and typically 2 weeks each (the longest being summer break which was 1 month). It was nice because by the time I started feeling worn out with school, it was time for a break, and I didn't forget what I had learned in school.
ReplyMost of the other things (everything besides the e-readers basically) on this list I disagree with. Kids are going to be so wimpy.
Textbooks: I hate e-readers with a passion, I love to read and I love my books. BUT for textbooks? GAWD I wish I had e-readers for those. I think I have a permanent slouch from all the damn text books I carried around on my back. It would have made life so much more organized and LIGHT lol
ReplySummer: I have always thought that they should have the school year be from January to December but with a week long break thrown in every month or so. That way kids wouldn't get bogged down with school for an entire year but wouldn't have a huge chunk of time to forget everything from the previous school year. Makes sense to me?
I remember how many bookbags I broke bacause of all the textbooks I carried. At one poiny i was using a briefcase. It caused severe backpains for me too. I ofte put iceyhot on my back because of the pain. I hope colledges do e-readers too. Save money from the ass load of books they want you to buy.
I honestly thought there was going to be a screen shot from WarGames when Matthew Broderick was changing his grade.
ReplyThe valdictorian argument makes no sense. I'm in my final few months of high school before graduation right now and I'd say as much as 99% of the student body doesn't give a f**k who gets to be valedictorian. The other 1% cares slightly more, but I sincerely doubt any of them would break down and sob if they didn't get the honour.
ReplyThen again, I go to school in Canada so valedictorian isn't quite as big a deal as I assume it is in the States.
When I was in Elementary we had the track schedule, it was effective and if I could I would go back to it. I always heard negativity about it though because of the erratic scheduling, me being out of school for weeks randomly. It was nice though, I hate having to go to school for a giant chunk of time just to have 12 weeks off or so at once, I'd rather mix it around so I feel a proper balance. Plus since I tend to spend long nights awake, it gives me a chance to recharge beyond being able to make sleep up with 2 nights a weekend.
ReplyI don't agree with the "no fail" idea.
ReplyAny honors student who's been forced to take a standard class due to scheduling issues understand what kinds of retards are in high schools nowadays. They don't care what their grade is, so giving them an "H" rather than an "F" isn't gonna do a hell of a difference.
Also, the "no valedictorian" idea is just as bad, though I do agree there is an issue with too many kids being "top." However, the way to fix it would be to just up the whole curriculum, make an "A" harder to reach.
And the country in question is ??? There just too many countries that rhyme with "England"
Reply~Anja~
|The point|
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(Your head)
I never cared about grades, never even looked at textbooks, put an unreasonable amount of effort into avoiding exercise, and I was always in summer school. The one real difference I can see is that my report cards would have been full of H instead of F
Reply"Because dodge ball promotes violence, obviously. As for tag, it promotes -- running? Tagging? More violence, apparently."
ReplyThis, along with removing the valedictorian and failing grades stuff, just makes me want to roll my eyes. I played dodgeball and tag, and somehow survived not turning into a violent criminal. I was never valedictorian, but somehow lived through that. And yeah, I got bad grades. It made me want to do better so I didn't see those bad letters again. People really need to lighten up.
This is why I don't agree with the "year-long" thing. We can go to school for as long as we want, but if we're filling those days worrying instead about pointless stuff like dodgeball promoting violence or whether or not creationism should be taught in school or bullying (something kids should be taught about well before they enter school to begin with) or other trumped up controversies like that, we're still not focusing on the subjects we should be focusing on. The length of the day/school year isn't the problem, it's what we put INTO the hours spent at school that matters.
And I hated gym class. HATED it. But I still think it's a necessary class.
I really have no idea what could possibly rhyme with England... maybe Poland? Or Maryland? (That's a country right?)
ReplyIt would be really nice if you had included a link that let us know what country came up with this absurdity instead of just teasing with some silly rhyming game.
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