6 Reasons Your Plans to Move Abroad Might Not Work Out
#3. What You Hate About America, You Find Everywhere
Man, there's so much in American society that's just rage-inducing! Like that documentary you just watched about the corrupt prison system. And that movie about everyone in Los Angeles walking around being racist to each other! And reality TV!
It's totally natural to want to go to one of those countries where this shit just isn't an issue.
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Don't do it! Their movies are either commentaries about racism, drugs or Harry Potter!
The problem here is that not only do America's problems also exist in other countries, a lot of the time they're actually worse. Is the American criminal justice system getting you down? Escape to France, where prisoners have been reduced to eating rats and get to shower twice a week -- oh yeah, and this was inside a prison where only half of the inmates had been convicted of anything. Or Japan, where they can hold you for 23 days without trial in a "substitute prison," while relentlessly interrogating you and depriving you of sleep and food, a system that has led to an extremely high rate of false confessions.
Hate American rednecks' racism and xenophobia? French Muslims are 2.5 times less likely to get called back after job interviews than non-Muslim applicants with similar qualifications, and Italy, Spain and the U.K. have all had race riots recently.
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Although the U.K. are always unfailingly polite and offer to clean it up afterward.
Sick of America's shallow celebrity culture and trashy TV? Don't forget that many of the most idiotic reality TV programs, like Big Brother and that show where famous people are forced to eat bugs, were actually imported from Europe.
So why don't most Americans think about these things? I think it actually comes from something positive: the fact that Americans are uniquely willing to openly discuss uncomfortable or embarrassing problems.
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God Bless America.
I found upon arriving here that Americans, unlike people anywhere else in the world, are completely happy to tell me all about their unusual bowel movements or their battle with drug addiction, even if I'm just standing next to them in the checkout line. They will happily go on national TV to discuss things that in other countries would drive people to culturally-approved suicide. Add it all up, and you wind up with a culture that is obsessed with discussing its own flaws.
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"It has recently come to my attention that Florida has terrible herpes."
The downside of this, of course, is that Americans end up comparing themselves to countries that don't like exposing their own bad stuff, or worse, don't consider the bad stuff all that bad. Societies with the attitude of "Meh, she probably did something to deserve it" don't talk much about their rape statistics; countries who think the Geneva Convention is for sissies don't make documentaries about their version of Abu Ghraib.
It's like buying a house, only to find after moving in that the owner slapped some drywall over the termite damage and sprayed around enough Febreze to hide that weird corpse smell.
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"Oh that? That's just 100 years of simmering racial tension. That'll be gone before you move in."
#2. Adapting Will Be Harder Than You Can Imagine
But let's say you do make it to another country, legally, and that no one is currently strangling you. Now you have to deal with something else: culture shock.
It's easy to roll your eyes at this ("Of course the culture is different! That's why I'm moving") but everyone underestimates it, or pictures it as a series of humorous but good-hearted misunderstandings.
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Today in our wacky family sitcom we learned that Chinese people are human too. Roll credits!
Those of you who remember the first time you moved to a new town as a kid (or worse, if you never did it until you were an adult) have a small hint of what it's like. There are all of the little things, like having find a new store that sells that bacon-flavored beef jerky you like, to having to find a new doctor who's accepting new patients and won't judge your prison tattoos, or having to figure out which school is least likely to arrest you while you're trying to score some sweet, sweet Adderall. In that adjustment period, all of the little everyday tasks are just a little bit harder and more time-consuming.
Now, imagine trying to do the same thing, except that the new supermarket looks like this:
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"Man, the Bamboo Shield Combat Bravery Men were way cheaper back in the U.S."
No one around you can explain what you're looking at, or give you directions. If you ask them, they're likely to laugh nervously and then run away. Plead with someone that you're desperate and need help, and they'll laugh again.
See, "cultural differences" aren't just the obvious things, like making sure you wear pants when visiting a Buddhist temple. You don't realize how much of your everyday communication relies on these quiet assumptions and nonverbal cues. All of that changes. For instance, many Asian cultures respond to uncomfortable or shocking situations by laughing. Try to keep that in mind when telling your new co-workers that your grandmother has inoperable cancer.
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"Tee hee! I hear that has a terribly low survival rate."
This will come up every single day. Is that policeman asking for a bribe, or trying to hit on you? That old woman openly called you fat -- does that mean she hates you? What about the other four people who called you fat that day? Is it normal in this city for another man to touch you like that? You're not going to know, and no one is going to tell you.
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Also take a hint, fatty.
It's not the same for someone traveling to America. Americans are at a disadvantage when it comes to culture shock, because most of planet Earth has grown up exposed to American culture, while for Americans, this intercultural exposure is more likely to be limited to a few dubbed films and sampling of exotic porn genres. Foreigners might have misconceptions about the proportion of Americans that are slender white people who solve crimes with lasers, but at least they have some idea of the culture, food, sense of humor and how locals react while running away from giant aliens. There's a good chance they'll know some English, as well.
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They really only know Clint Eastwood one liners, but it will do in a pinch.
You, meanwhile, will probably have to learn the local language from scratch, which contrary to popular opinion is not easy even when you're surrounded by it. If you're thinking that I've been beating up on Japan a lot so far, it's because I've spent a lot of time there, and I was "immersed" in the language the whole time. Yet, I once spent about six hours at an old lady's house watching the Gardening Channel because it was the only English I'd had access to in weeks. Someone using my own language to talk about potting mix was like a drink of water in the desert.
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Also, I only talk in gardening analogies now.
And this will go on for some time -- Japanese, along with Chinese and Korean, is classified by the U.S. State Department as a "superhard" language, which means that it takes three times as long to learn as European languages. But European languages come with their own problems: In most of Western Europe, everyone speaks English well, which sounds good until you attempt to practice your French or German in public and the locals "helpfully" switch to English. So there's less trouble conveying the meaning of "severe yeast infection," but you'll also spend the rest of your life looking like a tourist.
Or ...
#1. You Will Likely Just Hang Out With Other Americans
There is a reason why enclaves like "Chinatown" exist -- a person instinctively wants to be around what is familiar, no matter where they are. And yes, in other countries you do find "Americatown." These expat communities where Americans hang out together eating hamburgers and pining for Mt. Rushmore aren't just for mildly racist overseas workers in upper management. They're a completely natural reaction to prolonged cultural stress.
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"And then she just started laughing. Ten minutes later my grandma was dead. Still laughing."
Hell, my country is probably among the most culturally similar to America on Earth, and I still ambush pretty much every Australian I meet, even if they're random tourists throwing up on Hollywood Boulevard. I can't exactly be discerning, since there are so few of them around. The odds are that you, too, will end up desperately seeking out the company of fellow Americans you don't even like. A worldwide 2010 survey found that almost two-thirds of people living overseas agreed with the statement, "I tend to go out with expat friends more than local friends," and those numbers get much higher when you subtract the expats living in English-speaking countries like Australia and the U.K.
If you can't imagine yourself trying to rudely bring America with you to Japan or China or Switzerland, you'll be surprised. The experience changes a person. No matter what it was about your home country that you disliked enough to make you leave, live abroad for a while and you'll start defending it. Why? Because countries are a lot like families. It's one thing for you and your sister to laugh about how fat your mother is; you react differently when it's a random dude on the street.
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"If my mother has expanded her empire, it's only because she has confidence issues!"
Thoughtful criticism of America might be fine when you're among Americans, but when somebody starts on a rant about your country and you're the only person from there within a 10-mile radius, it starts to feel a lot like criticism of you. Soon you'll realize that you have only two options in how to respond: act as a dumpster for some douchebag stranger's anti-American inferiority complex, or defend yourself. It's only a matter of time before you'll be yelling things like, "Fuck you, Nixon was an awesome president!" and, "At least Transformers was better than your stupid 'Louvre'!", possibly ending on the phrase "... saved your ass in World War II."
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"Everyone knows lateness is fashionable, asshole."
Then starts the internal backlash. You ever run into one of those guys who blames everything bad that happens in their life on a particular group, like liberals or women or Jesuit spies? The truth is, being an expat will probably turn you into one of those people. Even if you love your new country, you'll still start blaming it for everything that goes wrong in your everyday life, because you start to look back at the old country with rose-colored lenses.
Recently in L.A., someone ran a red light and left me with a broken car in the middle of a busy intersection. For days afterward, I yelled at anyone who would listen about how awful "California drivers" are, even though back home my brother's car had been written off by an SUV that same week. Living here has apparently made me believe that no one in Australia has ever been in a car accident before.
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The excitement of seeing another car out here would be enough for anyone to swerve wildly.
There are always exceptions. Maybe none of this will happen to you (and in fact, surely someone will show up in the comments with a story of a perfect emigration experience). But there's a lot better chance of that happening if you know what to expect going in. And most people don't.
Follow C. Coville's Twitter here.
To see what it's like to move to the U.S., check out A Day in America According to a (Baffled) Foreigner. Or check out the gospel according to Cracked in 5 Real Deleted Bible Scenes In Which Jesus Kicks Some Ass.
Omg, I LOVED this article! Such great criticism, yet truth to what you say on all points. I'm one of those jaded Americans who absolutely hates our foreign policy/politics, our depreciating money, arrogance, consumerism and narcissism.. so I've been looking to move abroad for a while now. Next week, I'm heading to London to visit a few Uni's for possible Graduate programmes.. but this article was a good kick in the a-- (or is it arse?) about the realities of being an ex-pat.
ReplyYour section about hanging out with other ex-pats was very interesting. Even my ex, who is a Brit and still good friends with me, still hangs out with his ex-pat European friends.. and my parents, 30 yrs in the US (Chinese-Taiwanese) mostly only still hang out with other Chinese-Taiwanese friends.
So much for assimilation... anyway, I was very nervous thinking of if this moving thing is going to work or not. But doesn't matter, it'll happen or it won't and I may not like it, but I still want it. Thanks for the laugh.
Poor dumb guy :(...It must be sad to only be able to write what Fox news and Ron Paul tell you about the rest of the world..Enjoy your Country with the worst workers rites in the developed world , Not to mention the worst vacation time , least amount , IF ANY , paid sick days ...and your health care , hahahahaha run by insurance companies , You dumb lot still have not figured out insurance companies are there for one thing , to deny you care , not help you , there sole purpose is to make money , hahaha ,, still , keep believing what you hear on fox about waiting 6 months to see a doctor and 10 years for a operation in the rest of the world with proper " health care " keep paying your insurance companies profits only for them to give you the big DENIED letter , hahaha , keep paying your co-pays that are not worth a dam and keep losing your HOUSES over medical bills , lol , no wonder your Government , pharmaceutical , and insurance companies love you , you are dumb sheep that believe anything and the American way is the only way..lol..we in Europe will keep actually treating our sick , And they wont have to worry about being one bad illness away from losing there home... we will enjoy our 4-5 WEEKS minimum PAID vacation , our PAID sick days , ahhh...lovely
ReplyOh it is not just Europe, over here in Central America (El Salvador, to be specific) we laugh at how long it takes them to retire.
I just can't stand foreigners who come into Canada acting like they f*****g own this place. This is MY home, NOT yours, I was born here, you were not. Seriously, when I was a kid, a family of Americans moved in a few houses up the street. I really liked them and at first we were friends, but for some unclear reason, they became extremely cold. First and foremost the son became a horrible and very nasty bully (because apparently he blamed me for something that happened to him at school, even though we were not even going to the same school), he tormented me relentlessly and once even chased me up a tree and started throwing rocks at me... the daughter was a little b***h who turned away, and the parents didn't do f**k all about it either.
ReplyI still honestly don't know why the hell they did that to me. We got along so well and I was never anything but nice to them... f*****g dipshits.
Left me with a negative by default attitude towards American immigrants ever since. I'm still bitter about it. I'm fine with immigrants as long as they f*****g treat me with simple respect due to another human being, but if they come into my home acting like snotty little fuckwits, I'm going to be ramming my steel toed boots up their asses all the way to the goddamn f*****g border.
Don't come into another country believing that treating the locals like inferior s**t is acceptable behaviour, okay?
"For instance, many Asian cultures respond to uncomfortable or shocking situations by laughing."
ReplyWho doesn't giggle hysterically when they're deeply embarrassed?
Oh my God, #1. So true. My own expat story:
ReplyI used to live in Canada, live in the US now, so even MORE similar than Australia/USA. 10 years here, so I'd say I'm indistinguishable from Americans; even talking to other Canadians, I don't feel like a true Canadian. So, you'd think that I would be adjusted.
Well one day, I was sleeping in, no work on like Monday or Tuesday or something. My alarm goes off. At the same time, the construction workers outside start a jackhammer. Also at the same time, the garbage truck comes. I wake up, go over to turn off my alarm and shut my window (to muffle the sound), and yell "Fucking AMERICANS!"
Because, you know. Alarm clocks and garbage trucks don't exist in Canada, and construction never happens there, either. And I think that's probably the shocking part; I didn't have time to think it over, and I am NEVER coherent in the morning. One decade of being here, in a very similar culture does not remove the idea that it's "foreign."
I stand by # 1. Here in Lima, Expatville is called Miraflores, it contains more american fast food franchises than normal grocery stores, and as winter approaches (that is, southern winter), you may have to pay attention to hear spanish in the street. s**t, even underage hookers around Kennedy Park speak english now.
ReplyOh, yes, if only the Americans and British that move here would bother to learn the language! Instead most of them make no effort at all and demand that we speak English to them instead...
ReplyDisregarding the opinions of numerous tards who have posted here, I just want to say that this is an informative article and though it has only been in the back of my mind, I will definitely think twice before moving abroad.
ReplyMy best opportunities were abroad, and I can tell you that living outside the country has made me a knee-jerk American patriot; just like the kind I used to criticize in the USA. No amount of training can prepare you for that cognitive dissonance.
to the person who made this page. go fully f**k yourslef
ReplyVery poorly written article that gives 6 absolutely absurd and mostly false reasons why not to move abroad...I have lived in nearly every country mentioned in this article plus many more throughout my childhood and early 20s as my dad was the international head of a massive MNC conglomerate. I assure you that nearly everything this guy says is false. Even the common thought that people hate Americans really isn't true...they hate out government, but aren't ignorant enough to actually blame our citizens for our governments actions. This sounds like a classic case of a poorly traveled man pretended to be well traveled. Or it is someone who spends a week at a time in foreign countries visiting the tourist circuits before ending the night in the local hilton hotel. Sure getting long term visas can be a time consuming process, but why the hell wouldn't that be the case? This is seriously one of the worst articles I have read on this website.
Replyyeah um, im pretty sure your average joe as an adult is going to have a very different experience from someone like you who as kid, that had a father who was the international head of a massive NYC head giving conglomerate or whatever, is going to result in 2 very different accounts of life in a new country...
To be fair, California drivers are pretty terrible.
ReplyThis article was based on a bunch of stereo-types and here say on other countries
ReplyAnd I "here say" that you are an idiot. Booyah!
this article was s**t and it was based on a bunch of hear-say and stereo-types of other countries
ReplySo what's your point then? That people should just continue to be naive to spread more hatred as though there isn't enough to go around already. The US is the most paranoid country on the planet. We are becoming more of a police state every day. Our 4th amendment rights have basically been tossed out the window with NDAA bill. SOPA,PIPA/ACTA trying to shut us up and our freedom of speech on the web. ACTA trying to make those efforts global & force competition out of existence. Interment camps being constructed, drones being flown over our cites, government being run by corporations & special interests. the Fed creating money out of thin air with nothing to back it up but our souls. Ever seen in time, great movie as not far off from that I think. Soon the US will look more like Germany during WWII. SS military like personal checking immigration status door to door and anyone speaking against the government will disappear lol. For non westerners you have no idea what is happening here. We have a Marxist in the white house which is trying to destroy everything this country used to represent.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesWe threaten other countries that don't agree with us. We always look at things through a prism without any clear since of direction and just take the path we always have. Who the hell wants to live in a place which has the entire world gunning for it. Not to mention all our jobs are going over seas. We are drowning in more then 15 trillion dollars in debut. What will happen when China wants that back lol. China will soon be #1 economy in the world and if we are to survive we need to adapt. English is no longer the dominant language it once was and soon America will no longer matter. At least some of us see the writing on the wall and are taking steps for our survival. You are correct by many of your observations though. Things aren't better elsewhere to an extent. Yet America is going on a downward spiral much faster then they are. When things go south here. I don't want to be around when it does. It will be a war zone. One thing Japan has over us though. They can survive a catastrophe without killing each other. In fact people do just the opposite of what people would do here. If would be chaos as there would be nothing left.
I have found that even with countries like Japan & it's extreme xenophobia it isn't impossible to survive there. When I am discriminated against I apologize for causing trouble. This usually gets a puzzled look and not what they expected. When I am refused service I apologize for interrupting them in Japanese. This actually has worked in my favor as many times they change their attitude. When an officer stops me on the street to check my papers. I apologize for having caused trouble in his work. When I am charged larger fees I apologize for not realizing the cost was more and inconveniencing them. This usually has ended with them apologizing in return. When I hear raciest remarks being spoken behind my back. My response is to apologize for being disrespectful and not understanding their customs. This one is always interesting. As almost 100% of the time they freak out and start apologizing for being rude. Funny isn't it how turning a bad situation into a good one. I bet they didn't expect I knew what they were saying. I even got a laugh when in Egypt when asked if I was American. Yes I am an infidel but not by choice. Is there a proper way then? I got a free beer and was told you are a unusual American lol.
Meanwhile back in Japan I've been stopped at the airport by officials and yes my papers were correct. At the airport I was taken by security into holding for no apparent reason. Airport officials get my papers messed up but I smiled and was very pleasant and was sorry for all the trouble, even if I wasn't to blame. Yet I once again apologized sincerely for making mistakes as was unforgivable. It was an inconvenience to officers & made a scene. After that they let me go likely out with no further issues. There are several other cases which I won't go into here. Narita I have never had an issue at either. Yet something tells me that the person in question there likely did something to antagonize the situation. Come to find out the reporter had been critical of Japanese government response to the tsunami disaster. The point is that Japan is a society of humiliation, respect & self deprivation. You get a compliment you turn it down. You always always put others over yourself and think of the group. You can be more individual in private, with close friend or with your spouse but it's important to remember context plays a large role in this. Japan has a perceived notion of you as well. So it is important to remember that and not reinforce what they already expect.
You see confrontation is why most people run into problems in most countries. You keep a level head, make fun of yourself & in some ways degrade yourself you will generally do fine. I also recently ran into a Japanese that said they hated America. I said I hate it to because of having to tip at restaurants haha. That actually got a conversation started as "Wow you tip in America that's dumb lol." Don't take everything as an insult as it is best to make fun of the situation. Saving face is so very important I can't stress it enough. You allow the officers to not loose face you stand a better chance. In fact the officers at the airport even complimented me for my knowledge of airport procedures even though I didn't know that much. What I didn't do though was make a scene and that made all the difference. I know this isn't as easy for everyone to do. You go by your gut reaction but is something to remember.
While in Japan or any country for that matter you have to completely disconnect yourself from where you came from. You want to be treated with respect but that after all is earned not given. Japan especially is a country in which this is so important. If you go out of your way to humble yourself you will do just fine. People living in Japan for over 20+ years have managed so it isn't as impossible as some may think. Frankly I can't think of any place I would rather be. You may have a few unpleasant experiences but it is usually best to just brush it off and move on. The next will likely be better and it does get easier as time goes on. I will say though Japan is not anywhere as draconian as the US. We are xenophobic to the point of being a danger to ourselves as well as others.
Do you have a Youtube account? I've got a vid titled "two kittens hugging" that needs your attention.
His point was "Be ready for these things if you decided live abroad." I thought that was obvious.
Prostrating yourself to others doesn't actually endear you to them. They just know that you'll do whatever they say now.
I have friends who were in the Air Force and stationed in Germany. A lot of them tried to learn German, mostly because the AF pays you extra if you know languages other than English.
ReplyThey got a few books on basic German and tried to learn the rest through immersion.
In conversation, the Germans heard them struggling with German and helpfully switched to English.
None of them actually learned more than a few basic phrases.
I am an American living in my 3rd country, moving to my 4th next year. I disagree with this entire article. I hardly hang out with other Americans this time, last time, and I doubt the next time. I spend most of my time with not just the locals, but also with people from countries all over the world! I lived in Chile, live in Japan, moving to China. I'm from San Francisco, California. Countries really aren't that different from each other and there are so many advantages to living abroad. If you are under 40, young, rich (even just upper middle class), or single: shouldn't be too hard. Oh, and that whole thing about Japanese adults not liking anime/manga? LOL. Even 7-11's have shelves dedicated to anime/manga memorabilia and grocery stores will play anime music. Sure, every country has xenophobic douchebags, but anyone interested in moving abroad most likely wouldn't be hanging out with those people even in their home countries. Ex. As an American interested in other cultures, I would not be hanging out with xenophobic Americans.
Replyyou're very special. now knock it off, because if you approach people from other cultures because you're "interested" (that is, fetishising)... we don't want you.
I agree with ruckumbine, GO BACK TO YOUR s**t COUNTRY, DAMN AMERICAN
Our riots in the UKwere motivated by consumer greed, rather than race. I've lived in Germany for eight years, have a decent job and lots of friends, and can assure people that despite this article a move abroad can work out if you really want it to.
ReplyI agree with a lot about your article... obviously you are exaggerating, and most people don't seem to understand that (may be I do because in my culture we exaggerate a lot). I remember when I came to the U.S. for vacations when I was 11 y/o and I absolutely loved it. Then, for unforeseen circumstances I moved here when I was 13 y/o. The culture shock was very hard to cope with. Even with all of the American influences we get in Latin America it was hard, and I was legal all the time, so I didn't even have to deal with that part. The truth is my husband and I could legally live here or in Europe (his dad is Italian and he has EU citizenship), but we were both born and raised in Latin America, and we plan to move back in the future. Like you said, there are negative things everywhere you go, so even if you move to the richest country, with a relatively good justice system, and great job opportunities, you might discover things that don't really appeal to you. Is good to move, and try to find your happy place, but always keep in mind that everything is not as it seems; you might find your happy place abroad or simply learn to love your own country even more. I think even with the corruption, and the bad infrastructure, the bad economy, etc., I see now that my happy place is back where I came from. I miss my family oriented culture, where everyone is mixed so you can't be sure of your race, and life is a bit more laid back even with all the extra difficulties.
ReplyI have to say, I thought this article was well and truly terrible. I'm a native of Chicago, but I immigrated to the UK nearly eighteen years ago, and I don't agree with nearly every point on this list. It is largely xenophobic, very ignorant of real-world differences between nations, and contradicts itself in several places. I would also like to mention the rather cheap and uninspired use of shock stories about other countries, like the ridiculous story about French inmates eating rats (look it up, that was taken completely out of context -- France actually has one of the most lauded prison systems in the world), and it only serves to denigrate the numerous successful immigration experiences many of us have had, or know about.
ReplyI'd say the more popular reason Americans aspire to emigrant today is economic, not political or cultural. High unemployment, awful health care system that leaves millions without coverage, few good career opportunities left, most expensive colleges in the world unless you go somewhere that leads to working part-time with high school grads. There are countries that do better in these areas, Australia is one of them as is Canada. Doesn't mean they're paradise, they all have other issues. So if you've done your research into their issues, the most difficult part is figuring out how to immigrate, which may be near impossible depending on your status.
ReplyAlso, I lived in Japan for a few years and generally agree with the overall warnings and advice, though it's exaggerated because this is Cracked.
For example, manga is more popular than novels in Japan, so it's actually not weird to mention you like some manga series if the topic comes up, but if it's something childish like Dragonball Z or Naruto, that won't help.
Anime on the other hand only comes on very late at night, so very few people watch it. Adults and even teens are more likely familiar with kid animes (Doraemon, Conan, Gegege no Kitaro) on NHK than the teen or adult animes fans are familiar with in the US. In addition to the anime freaks are the people who think everyone dresses like people in the Fruits magazine, when almost no one does except shop workers, aspiring cosplay models, and a few others. Much of Japan dresses well, at least in Tokyo, but in a fairly European way, like straight out of H&M. Not entirely exciting. Most adult men wear black business suits and white shirts.