5 Projects You Won't Believe the US Government Is Working On
The mad inventor from the James Bond movies, Q, is real. Only there are lots of him, and they have a lot more money at their disposal. In the real world, they're called DARPA -- the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency.
Never heard of them? You should have -- they're responsible for some of the best technology (the Internet) and the worst (Agent Orange) produced in the last 50 years. Their job is to dream up the craziest shit possible and make it real. And, since they're exempt from several government hiring and spending laws, they're not shy about thinking outside the box. Way, way outside.
Some of what they're working on right now includes ...
If you want a plane to get to where the bad guys are without being noticed, you have several options: You can make it fly really, really high and really, really fast (as is typical with spy planes), or you can get creative. DARPA has utterly insane plans to do both.
airforce-magazine.com
"We've finally weaponized the doorstop, men."
First we have FALCON, or Force Application and Launch from Continental United States (we hope they pay their acronym guys really well). The FALCON program is mainly focused on the X-41 CAV -- an alien-looking, cone-shaped "near-space" plane that can go 13,000 miles per hour (which is 20 times the speed of sound).
Via Disinfo.com
This is either a 3-D model of it or an official DARPA bicycle seat.
If you don't understand what 20 times the speed of sound gets you, how about this: It can go anywhere in the world, and photograph or kill anyone, in an hour or so.
But DARPA is also capable of thinking small -- the kind of small that is somehow creepier than a magical instant-death murdership.
Via DARPA
"An estimated 80 percent of conversations go unrecorded. DARPA can fix that."
That's why they're also looking into something they call micro air vehicles, like the Shrike, which basically looks exactly like a kid's RC copter and is built primarily for spying and reconnaissance. So, really, it is an RC copter, with an iPhone taped to it.
Via DARPA
Ta da!
And if that sounds unimpressive, don't worry -- they're also developing the much smaller and much creepier NAV -- the Nano Air Vehicle. One day you might find one hanging around your neighbor's bird feeder.
Yes, we're talking about a tiny robot hummingbird that can spy on terrorists (and maybe you). The whole thing is less than 6 inches tall and lighter than an ounce, and as demonstrated by the image on the project's page, it will fool absolutely everyone ever.
Via DARPA
"I AM A NORMAL EARTH HUMMINGBIRD. PLEASE DO NOT APPROACH."
This is part of DARPA's ongoing effort to create ...
Sure, we have spy satellites. But they're still limited -- you have to wait for them to pass over the area you want to photograph, for instance, and your targets might be doing their business indoors. No, if you want to see your enemy in real time, you need to get sci-fi on that shit.
So let's start off with their giant supervillain space blimp.
Defense Industry Daily
Above: When nerds get Defense Department contracts.
ISIS (Integrated Sensor Is Structure) is essentially an inflatable surveillance outpost. It hangs out in the upper atmosphere and has the ability to take high-res battlefield photos, even at night. And they will be able to get one up anywhere, any time -- it can be deployed within a matter of hours. Also, it's totally self-sustained, thanks to a solar energy and hydrogen fuel cell combo, and it doesn't require any kind of input from the ground. It can pretty much cruise around forever.
Via Fastcompany.com
This balloon will outlive you.
And while that's fairly practical, another project called Combat Zones That See (CTS) is just as creepy as it sounds. Remember in The Dark Knight when Batman used Gotham's cellphones to try to track the Joker, and Morgan Freeman got really pissed off at him? Imagine something like that, only using every camera in an entire city instead of just cellphones. That's CTS.
Basically, it uses municipal and other outdoor video and a computerized logic routine to track objects from camera to camera. CTS is intended to be able to primarily track vehicles in war zones, but that hasn't stopped privacy hounds on the Internet from pointing out that it could easily be used to track American citizens right here. Kind of makes you want to never leave the house.
Oh, wait, they've got something for that, too. First is HIBR, or Harnessing Infrastructure for Building Reconnaissance. Basically, DARPA wants to be able to map the insides of buildings, using RF signals like a kind of sonar (wait, wasn't that also in The Dark Knight? What the fuck?). And yes, there's even speculation that the technology could be used for real-time tracking of people inside the building, with an early prototype that can see through up to a foot of concrete.
If that makes you want to retreat to your underground bunker in Montana, well, don't bother. DARPA is also working on GATE, or Gravity Anomaly for Tunnel Exposure, which can detect tunnels and underground bunkers. It's a sensor attached to low-flying aircraft that detects subtle changes in gravity and makes maps of the world underneath our own.
"Shit, I forgot to bring health potions."
Once more, in case all of this sounds like paranoid pie-in-the-sky bullshit from some agency trying to justify their funding, let us ask you this: Did you ever play the Modern Warfare games? And did you use the Javelin, that bazooka thing that lets you point at an enemy, then launch a smart missile that will chase his ass down no matter where he goes?
Congratulations, you have used DARPA technology -- the Javelin was created in a partnership between DARPA and Texas Instruments. Here's a video of a real one blowing a Russian tank right the fuck up:
But that's what we have now. For the future, DARPA has once more decided to turn that shit up a notch. And because they use the exact same naming conventions as a comic book supervillain organization, they call the prototype weapon MAHEM -- Magneto Hydrodynamic Explosive Munition. It is a freaking molten metal-filled missile fired out of an electromagnetic launcher.
DARPA
Science is doing its best to turn every weapon you doodled in notebooks as a kid into a reality.
Basically, they launch the missile into the air and deploy the liquid-hot metal when it's at high velocity, then have the metal cool into a giant spear sharpened by aerodynamic forces. It's called a "self-forging penetrator" (which is a boner joke just waiting to happen). Essentially, it's like catapulting a T-1000 at someone.
Via Intomobile.com
"Everybody stand back."
It's meant to penetrate bunkers and other armored buildings and vehicles. Instead of a bunker buster, it's a bunker stabber.
DARPA: Destroying the world one person at a time (at least until they can find a way to destroy the world several billion people at a time) since 1958.
ReplyI like everything in this article apart from when you used "revolutionize combat" and "M16" in the same sentence. Have you no shame, old boy?
ReplySo many idiots shouting OH NO LACK OF SLEEP DOES BAD THINGS TO YOU THEY WILL DIE!
ReplyGuys, the scientists aren't trying to create super soldiers who never sleep.(YET.) It's just that if they're going to go through a rough spot for a few days, we'd much prefer they go through that ALERT. Obviously if you use a drug instead of sleeping for weeks on end you'll have problems...but frankly, if soldiers are getting stranded in difficult situations for weeks with no relief or help; you've already screwed up big. This is meant as a band-aid, not a prosthetic arm.
Watch the X-files episode on that. X-files is a lot more believable than History Channel in some aspects.
hmm im a jav instructor not really that cool shits heavy to carry
Replyoh internet
ReplyDoes Orson Scott Card follow this shit??
ReplyHe wrote a book called 'Hidden Empire' and one of the main plot points was that this team of elite soldiers had these robotic exo-skeletons that do pretty much exactly what this article detailed.
Also, the non-sleep thing.....
I'd probably use it (if my brain won't "meld"), but I f*****g LOVE a good night's sleep....
and just imagine the dreams you'd have if you stopped using this Orexin drug after a week of not sleeping. f*****g double-bill IN YOUR HEAD, mother fuckers!
So have a million other sci-fi stories, that's where DARPA get's it's ideas.
the never sleeping thing is a very bad idea because it first makes you crazy and then your brain melds and you die.
ReplyThe newest FALCON test happened today. It was successfully deployed but they lost contact with it after it reached the glide phase and self destructed.
Replythe M16 is one of the biggest pieces of crap ever passed-off as a gun. Thanks DARPA!
ReplyIt worked pretty well for what it was designed for: the muggly jungles of Vietnam. Thats why there are so many variants of it. Its INTENDED for jungles, not deserts. (thats what the M16A1 is for)
Isn't it one of the few assault rifles you can submerge and then fire (once you take it back out) without doing a full cleaning?
Number one also reminded me of the genetically created sentient beings which became the bad guys in the tv show EXO squad. Those guys shut down part of their brains so that they are still awake while parts of their brains are sleeping.
ReplyI seriously wonder if an alien invasion is on its way sometimes. As cool as some of this s**t is, I'll be really pissed if I'm suffering the ill effects of economic decline partially because some nerds got high broke out the toolbox.
ReplyWhy do they say you won't believe the government is working on these things? This is America. If the military is doing it, we'll either say, "About time" or "Why didn't I think of that?"
ReplySince the exoskeleton needs to be plugged in. I think the exoskeleton seems more practical for civilian use. Unlike soldiers that need to move around everywhere, firefighters can always have a firetruck nearby to plug it in to while they rescue people crushed by heavy objects.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Repliesor if you're just loading/offloading cargo, you can jack into something like a truck or a humvee. loading ordnance onto jets? just put external generators on carriers.
@ArseRaptor. That too, but using such technology for non-combat jobs like that means it should be put on the civilian market. Many civilian jobs require heavy lifting such as furniture moving, warehouse jobs, construction work, or paramedic jobs (They could use it to lift morbidly obese people into ambulances.). Many of these civilian jobs also have access to a power source. We should write to DARPA and request that civilians have access to it.
@arseRaptor and Redelman... Furniture movers, fireman,construction etc. all have limited funding. These exoskeleton units must cost a bundle(millions). Unless they are mass produced, I don't think we'll ever see it. Although it would be cool to see the furniture delivery man tossing Steinway Piano's around like feathers.
It'll be a long time before one of these suits costs less than 2 or 3 extra people. So maybe for firefighters and soldiers where the number of trained people are low.
I'm going to be a real life Spider-Man one day.
ReplyWatch the news for me.
We already watch our backs for you.
Why do people seem to think not sleeping is going to turn you in to a zombie? As far as studies show, the ONLY reason people actually sleep is to dream, if you sleep for days but are never allowed to get REM sleep (dreaming state) then you don't feel rested, it appears human beings are addicted to dreaming in a way that its required to keep people from going psychotic. At worst this Orexin drug would eventually see people hallucinating due to lack of REM sleep, not zombie-death. your body gets as much physical rest just sitting down.
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesThis doesn't sound right.
Yeah! The reason why people sleep is because evolution arbitrarily decided that people should fall unconscious for 8 hours for no reason at all. That would definitely be very helpful out in nature with hundreds of animals who'd like to rip you to shreds!
That's definitely science!
You know that people actually DIE from lack of sleep, right? They don't just get fucked up and start hallucinating? Why, exactly, would our bodies decide to die because we haven't been having enough dreams? Are our corpses sexy to the ladies?
Sleep serves a very necessary function, otherwise, we wouldn't sleep. That's how evolution works. Always being awake is a huge advantage over having to fall unconscious for 8 hours.
Fact is, that science doesn't understand the reasons for why something exists does not mean that no reasons exist.
Why your either a troll or a complete dumbass. I hope your not American because we seriously DO NOT need more of you. Manlyburger has this covered. Just wanted you to know that you for sure made me laugh.
You're thinking of Superman.
What this Orexin (and other drugs) are trying for is to do everything that sleep does but without the hours of downtime. The problem is that nobody know what all sleep does but taking it on piecemeal like this helps us understand that.
Also while you may be pass-out tired after two or three days of no sleep you won't start hallucinating or dieing for a while so using this to keep alert during your all-niter would be safe (or at least safer than an all-niter without it).
What people forget is that we NEED to sleep even if we don't FEEL like we need to. How much do you wanna bet that they will find out that the people who take Orexin-A will end up with a %500 percent increase of heart attack and stroke? A person can't keep going like a machine, we need to rest and recharge. People are gonna be dropping dead like flies at age 35.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Replieswhat people who dont study sleep dont realize is your body actually doesnt get any more rested than if you're sitting in a chair awake, the only thing that occurs any differently is REM sleep. Even if you sleep for 9 days, if you dont get REM sleep, you feel like you haven't slept a minute. (thats the dream state of sleeping)
You're thinking of Superman!
so what you're saying jon, is if I don't get rem sleep I don't feel rested, therefore rem sleep is the only thing I need sleep for. jon, stop trying to do science you apparently aren't smart enough for it.
You need REM sleep and physical rest and all sorts of other things that sleep does. But skipping one night isn't going to kill you (we've all done all-nighters) unless you aren't alert enough to notice they enemy or on-coming traffic; that's where Orexin-A comes in. No, you can't take it for weeks on end and never sleep but for one or two nights a a week you'd be fine (baring tiredness of the rest of your body).
#3 is pretty standard s**t nowadays. Liquefied metal, through shaped charges, or explosively shaped projectiles, is in common use even by insurgents in Iraq.
ReplyWas really cool to see an update to Sarcos' exoskeleton. It's hella sexier than the last version.
Cracked has actually an article on DARPA. A bit short but I guess that's because its already on so many Cracked articles. It even got a cool picture of a mech with Desert Storm era vehicles.
ReplyI am just wondering the price orexin will have. Either way, the people selling it will be f*****g rich.
Replystandard DARPA research department meeting:
ReplyQ1: ...So I've been thinking. We need more Captain Americas in the army. Fast reflexes, super strength, spandex costumes to encourage "fraternization" to boost morale...It's just a shame that we don't have enough adamantium from the WOLVERINE project to outfit them all with shiel-
Q2: Hold it right there son-no offense intended, but Cap.A's a p***y compared to what we could have. I mean, the guy's just a gymnast for f**k sake. NOT LUDICROUS enough. I vote Iron Man. Bulletproof, bombproof, flameproof, and remote-control capable. Plus, the added bonus of possible future human slavery underneath AI's.
Q3: You're both retarded. We're DARPA. We gotta super-this s**t up so it's so crazy SHIELD will have to shut us down. I recommend we initiate project Kryptonian.