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The 5 Most Incredible Stories of Pimped Out Wheelchairs

#2.
Tricked-Out Golf Carts Used to Create a "Harley Gang" for Senior Citizens

For anyone who has ever felt bad about sticking their loved one in a retirement home, we're telling you right now to get the hell over it. You feel bad because you assume retirement homes are boring, structured, cold and lonely wastelands that basically function as an extended waiting room for a funeral, but you're wrong. In central Florida there exists one of the largest retirement communities on Earth called the Villages. While the grand-kids of the residents worry that their grandparents are quietly and miserably whining about how they never visit, they're actually cruising around in seriously tricked-out golf carts, partying their crazy asses off. Everything from Cadillac to Hummer to early 20th century hot rod versions of golf carts fill the traffic lanes daily, and it's all legal.

by Andrew Hetherington

If you've ever shared the road with an old driver, you know the elderly are so accustomed to the feeling of death lingering over their shoulders that they no longer have the good sense to fear it, and that this recklessness completely guides their approach to driving. As such they should not be allowed on any road under any circumstances. Thankfully, our society understands this, so we know to take licenses away when age or age-related health issues render a person "unfit to drive" or "nightmarishly irresponsible."

Incredibly, those who have lost their license due to health problems or deteriorating sense of where they are can totally drive a golf cart into traffic (or anywhere else) to get around that pesky "the government thinks I'm no longer fit to be behind the wheel" problem. The Americans with Disabilities Act was not designed to protect individuals with these sorts of disabilities, but aging rebels have found a way to stick it to the man, by shoving the safety of others aside. Not only are they driving golf carts all around a society that wants them to remain bedridden, but they are driving the sickest freaking golf carts this world has ever seen.

by Andrew Hetherington
This must be how God plays golf.

Villages residents designed golf carts that look like limos, fire trucks, and one person even designed a yellow Hummer H3-inspired cart complete with alligator-skin interior, because he heard that crazy was legal in Southern Florida. These retirees are getting "bigger tires, swap[ping] computer codes to overclock their batteries, and hack[ing] their motors to bypass built-in speed caps." Old people are hacking into golf carts to make them faster. That is the single scariest sentence this site has ever published.

by Andrew Hetherington
Above: The fall of Western Civilization?

The pimped-out golf cart scene has gotten so big that there is actually a gang within the community, like if the Hell's Angels were old and terrifying and in bed by 4:30. The Streetrod Club, a collection of 500 residents, cruises all around Florida, leaving nothing but a trail of stunned bystanders and Viagra receipts in their wake.

Also probably deaths, right? Like, lots of them? Because the elderly shouldn't have licenses? "Old people are dangerous behind the wheel and they've completely taken control of Florida and established their own laws, so please stay away," is the thesis of this entry. In case that wasn't clear.

by Andrew Hetherington

#1.
The Martin Mobility Conquest Super Cool Wheelchair Accessible Motorcycle for Injured Military Vets and Others with Disabilities

Real bikers know that once you have been riding a while, the idea of giving up riding is too much to bear. The power and exhilaration is addictive. So, what's a biker to do if he or she gets injured and becomes confined to a wheelchair? If you guessed "something understated and reasonable," then you've misunderstood literally every single other entry on this list.

Getty
And also motorcycles.

Originally designed by Alan Martin for his son who had become paralyzed from a skiing accident, the Martin Mobility Conquest is a wheelchair-ready motorcycle that goes from zero to sixty in 7.6 seconds, can travel up to 105 mph, and matches all other regular motorcycles on the market in terms of both safety standards as well as general badassery.

Via Mobility Works

Yes, that's actually a wheelchair motorcycle. And, yes, it's beating those other motorcycles.

If you want to drive one of these things, you'd simply deploy the rear ramp and glide --chair and all-- right into the heart of the motorcycle.

Via USA Tech Guide
In other words, it eats the handicapped and poops speed.

The three-wheeled motorcycle has plenty of room for both rider and chair and has a special push-button locking system to make sure you don't fall out the back at any time. Additionally, it features high-end suspension to increase stability but without interfering with the precise handling and control that make motorcycles so badass. So it has all of the good qualities of a motorcycle, but it's also safer and, in many cases, capable of outrunning a standard motorcycle. And also pretty damn cool-looking.

Via Mobility Works

Now, we don't like speculating here at Cracked, but we would like to point out that this is a well-armored, jet-black, badass vehicle built for one. And we'd like to point out that, within this vehicle, is your wheelchair, a smaller vehicle built for one. And we'd like to remind you that this smaller vehicle can be deployed, say if the motorcycle gets damaged, or if it's too wide to fit somewhere, or if you need to increase your mobility. Finally, we'd like to point out that yes, that's exactly like how Batman had a batcycle hidden in the middle of his batmobile and could deploy whenever he wanted in Dark Knight.

Via Mobility Works

He is closer to Batman than we will ever be. You, sir, have earned our undying respect. And fear.

See what can be done with the same five-year-old's eye for design, and a military's budget in 7 WTF Military Weapons You Won't Believe They Actually Built. Or for more DIY madness, enjoy 7 Hacks That Turn Everyday Objects into Deadly Weapons.

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