Why Bill Murray Is The World's Greatest Mythological Figure

Bill Murray has become the urban equivalent of Bigfoot -- a mythical figure who generates sightings anywhere people are too drunk to totally trust their memory. Instead of being half-human, half-ape, Bill Murray exists somewhere between celebrities and the rest of us. He's in movies like a celebrity, but he doesn't have a publicist, or barricade himself inside of a mansion. But his forays out into the real world prove that he's not quite normal people either ...

What Bill Murray Gets Away With

#5. True Bill Murray Story If It Was Some Dude Named Fred

-As reported by New York Magazine's Grub Street.

"It seems that after a gallery opening in Chelsea, Fred Murray told friends he wanted to go to a dive bar, but they convinced him to hang with the cool kids at BEast instead ... He wasn't allowed to stayed for some time, because he was sporting a leather vest over a plaid shirt.

As he left, Fred Murray was heard calling his friends "a bunch of dicks" as they pointed and laughed at his ridiculous vest from inside the bar."

#4. True Bill Murray Story If It Was Some Dude With Similar Hygiene

- As told to The Chive.

"About 15 minutes later we get a knock on the door... IT'S BILL , SOME OLD GUY I'VE NEVER MET MURRAY! We were all shocked annoyed of course but at that point we were already pretty trashed so the party just kept going. He was super nice they all fit right in dressed like a hobo. His girl was really cute, and as far as I remember, from Amsterdam. She she sang a bunch of random French songs while we made wanking gestures behind her back!

At some point he bought us all a round of some weird green drink and wouldn't tell us what it was so naturally nobody would go near it, except Steve the Drunk who. I later found out it was Chartreuse some French liqueur made by monks. Apparently you are supposed to sip it like an idiot I just shot it down.

The high point was when Bill and I sang a duet of an Elvis song called, "Marie's the Name." Random I know, but so was the night. We were all drinking and dancing and screaming our asses off.

We tried not to make him feel uncomfortable though of course later we all joked about picking the Ghostbusters theme. Amazingly, they stuck around the entire night, about 4 hours. As you can imagine it was all pretty surreal. Something I will never ever forget....Viva Bill Murray!

They're probably still trying to rinse the hobo semen out of Steve's corpse."

Why He Deserves To Get Away With It

#3. True Bill Murray Story If It Was A Normal Celebrity

-As reported by Fox via the Associated Press.

"The 56-year-old joined up with 22-year-old Norwegian student Lykke Stavnef, who took him to a house where a party of Scandinavian students was in full swing.

"He was just like the character in Lost Highway in Translation."

ShHe said Murray was happy to he would only drink vodka from a coffee cup, then to help that he had actually watched us wash dishes in the cramped kitchen.

Tom Wright, 22, another college student, said: "The party was overflowing with stunning Scandinavian blondes. He seemed to be in his element heat, cracking lots of jokes where the 'punch line' was grabbing the nearest girl's boobs and making a honking noise. It was the talk of the town the next day, until his publicist threatened to sue everyone."

#2. True Bill Murray Story If It Was Any Other Celebrity

-As told to New York Magazine.

"Sophie Ellis, a petite brunette 22-year-old in town from London for journalism work-study and two pretty young friends were having a quiet drink, when the actor walked in and unexpectedly joined the table, buying them two bottles of champagne. As Sophie remembers, 'I suppose he was slightly flirtatious, but really, it was more like he obviously wanted a bit of a chat. He seemed a little lonely."

We started talking about Mexican food and he said, 'Right, later this week I'll take you all out for Mexican food. I'll send you the best avocados in the mail so you can make fresh guacamole. He was very gentlemanly, even though he looks quite grumpy-like a granddad." At the end of the night he walked the girls out to the curb and hailed them a cab. "It was surreal," Sophie says.

"I was like, 'Why are you here, talking to us?"

"And that's when he was like, 'I'll give you each $3,000 to pee on me."

#1. True Bill Murray Story If It Was Anyone Else In the Universe

-As reported by some dude who was there and taking pictures.

"It seems Murray some old white guy entered one bar accompanied by members of the Wu-Tang Clan, headed behind the bar and proceeded to serve drinks. No matter what anyone ordered, the dude actor served them tequila. Whoever he is, definitely the coolest old white guy alive. I mean, who hangs out with the Wu Tang Clan?"


Fucking Bill Murray, that's who.

And pick up our new book because chances are that it was actually written by Billy Murray.

And check out more from Jack in The 9 Most Statistically Terrifying Days On the Calendar and 6 Awesome 80s Movie Montages (That Make No Damn Sense).