How to Play 'Who Would Win?' [COMIC]
And for the advanced ...
Basic Instructions is a twice weekly updating web comic that offers absurd advice on how to live your life. Some of those updates will be happening here on Cracked.
Previously Scott has taught us How To Retroactively Ruin a Joke and How to Argue Like and American.
Hannibal Lecter versus Dexter. GO!
Reply Hide All See All 3 Repliesdude, lecter eats people like dexter as part of an average day.
Dexter is tormented and conflicted...
Why don't you peel your face off and feed it to the dogs?
Dexter would be a crying shell of a man within thirty minutes. Assuming he lets Lecter talk & doesn't just stab the s**t out of him or something.
are these tournament, street or jail rules?
ReplyI admit I have played this game often, but only with the context of who would give and who would take. In effect the metagame is to pick as close a contest as possible. Superman or the Hulk? (should split DC Marvel fans,) Batman or Spiderman? Bush or Obama? Vader or Lecter?
ReplySilly Tangman, Bush and Obama could never meet up- their adventures take place in alternate universes.
As with many webcomics, it looks like they vastly improved this one as time went on. The initial one just made me notice that "apparently" was spelled incorrectly.
ReplyKudos on the Charles Nelson Reiley and Paul Lynde shoutout.
ReplyOh for the good old days when a man could lisp, wear a silk ascot, and pinkie rings and it simply did not occur to anyone they were gay.
Nowadays, not only does everyone have to come out, they gotta bore you with the details!!
thats because gay guys mainly used to work out to seem straight.
and then there was Oscar Wilde.
Lol'd so hard!!
ReplyElephant vs. Hippopotamus: thumb wrestling. Platypus vs. Koala: interperative dance. George Lucas vs. Michael Bay: childhood memory destruction.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesElephant, Koala, and Lucas.
i'd say elephant (size), platypus (it's completely wtf to begin with, and now it's dancing), and lucas (f**king jar jar binks)
I agree with ironman, particularly with regards to the platypus issue. I think if you asked a koala to perform an interpretive dance he would start cursing and go find a lady koala to fuck. A platypus, on the other hand, would be super into it.
Lindsay Lohan and Michelle Rodriguez in a "who gets to touch my dong" contest.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesMichelle, duh.
can they both touch it?
That would be a draw.
Of course it would. They can both touch it, they can both draw from it.
I usually dislike the comics posted on here, but Basic Instructions never fails to make me at LEAST smile.
ReplyI usually dislike the comics posted on here, but Basic Instructions never fails to make me at LEAST smile.
ReplyYay two comics! Who would win? First comic or second comic in... a pie eating contest!
ReplySecond because the background is slightly shaded.
Second: look at the belly on his protagonist!
Cracked vs MAD, success contest (sorry Cracked)
Reply"sorry cracked" that you would be forced to mercifully obliterate MAD so it no longer must suffer.
Um... Pretty sure Cracked is actually doing better than MAD right now...
Oh wow great cool two comics for the price of one! And it's something everyone on the internet likes to do. Although usually when I hear comparisons it has to do with which anime character can beat which anime character. It always ends in it being a stalemate because they are all mary sues.
ReplyYup. They're just as strong as they need to be to defeat the antagonist for that specific case with no consistency most of the time, so anime character "who would win" doesn't really work.
The General Lee beats EVERYTHING!
Reply Hide All See All 6 Repliesindeed, knight rider going 500mph cannot top the awesomeness of general lee's impossible jumps and also deus ex machina random events that always seem to slow down or disable the general's competitors. general lee ftw
What the f**k? KITT Had a jump button! He could jump damn near anything, whenever he wanted, at 500 miles per hour!
...and the battle rages on, until someone points out that teh General Lee is racist.
Sorry, Pharoah. General Lee was all about the human ingenuity behind the souped-up wheel. Michael couldn't outrace the duke boys out of a paper bag if he didn't have Kitt saving his ass.
This argument is moot. Mr. T in the A Team van would beat both of them.
Not if they had all somehow managed to jump into an airplane, Mr. T wouldn't...
Mr. T fuses with Chuck Norris, they become a god, and they teleport to the end.
Hmm the gaining trust thing. I doubt Sun Tzu would fall for that though because that's basically what he himself did to his nemesis after losing a battle and subsequently his legs. This is before he got all clever btw.
ReplyRats I'm afraid this one went over my head.
ReplySadly, I do not recognize the names Charles Nelson Reiley or Paul Lynde, so I suppose this comic succeeded in getting more obscure characters, at the expense of some people not getting the comic.
Reply Hide All See All 7 RepliesYou know American Dad? Roger is Seth MacFarlane's Paul Lynde impression.
I'd never even thought about it, but Roger really DOES sound like Paul Lynde.
be that as it may LockOnandFire!, but you still really haven't answered the man's question
they are both american actor/comedians famed for their very campy on screen personas.
(thanks google!)
How long does it take you to type those 2 names into Google BWM? Less time than it took to type out your whiny comment!
Charles Nelson Reiley was on Match Game.
Oh, and he voiced the Dirty Bubble in SpongeBob SquarePants.
Wait... a Seth McFarland character that's not original? Weird.
Hey lets play
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesHipster vs. Ke$ha on problem-solving
Ke$ha would forfeit.
Because when she leaves for the night she ain't comimn' back!
The hipster would just claim the answer to the problem was something obscure Ke$ha had probably never heard of, and win.
Depends on the problem.
Explosives, machinery, disposing of a body-gotta give it to the "Lumberjack Hipster"
How many condoms you can put onto different dicks in under a minute, using only your mouth? Kesha
And a rare breed of Lumberjack Hipster.
No one. The entire world loses. They both suck.
That was Mrfudgeyhead's premise, DylanKennedy. In which case, Kesha (EFF the dollar sign, she's not worth the pinky strain)
Ke$ha, absolutely - because I feel like a hipster would have all of her weaknesses, but wouldn't care enough, or have broken glass in his/her hair. Both passion (even if it's just for drinking) and glass solves a number of problems.
There are so many "Hey! A Basic Instructions that didn't suck!" comments, and yet no one realizes that it may actually be GOOD. You know, because of all the good strips.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesYeah, at least the last five of them (can't rememmer furhter back) had comment-sections riddled with "omg it doesn't suck"'s. Make the frikkin connection ppl!
Dude in fairness, the last five or so strips might have been reasonably good, but almost every strip before that sucked taint. Sure there were occasional good ones, but they were like spoonfuls of nutella in a bucket of s**t. We became conditioned to expect an awkward, unfunny mess of a comic. The fact that the Basic Instructions strips on here recently have been consistently good is pretty surprising.
Actually, I think the last five sucked too. I consider this one the first one that didn't.
"Appearantly"? Ooof!
Reply