How to Argue Like an American [COMIC]
Basic Instructions is a twice weekly updating web comic that offers absurd advice on how to live your life. Some of those updates will be happening here on Cracked.
Previously Scott has taught us How To Retroactively Ruin a Joke and How to Describe Food So It Doesn't Sound Gross.
hahaha XD that was awesome
Replyanother thing, people from other countries NEVER think they are better. this article does a fine job pointing out that obvious shortcoming that only falls on americans. take for example the people of france, mentioned in this very comic- they wouldn't be arrogant enough to talk down on people they don't even know, simply for being american! like if they saw americans walking down their french streets, they wouldn't just start saying vile things about them, for sure! only after the americans made their stupidity clear, which is bound to happen because all americans are stupid! but the french people do not judge them until after they exhibit such stupidity. NO. they do NOT think they are superior, like all americans do.
Reply Hide All See All 5 Repliesthey don't sit in their college classes going on and on about how dumb america is, and how smart they are. NO.
But, if they did, they would be RIGHT.
"take for example the people of france, mentioned in this very comic- they wouldn't be arrogant enough to talk down on people they don't even know, simply for being american!"
Dude, some French people DEFINITELY do this. (As do people from other countries, for that matter.) You've never had someone from another country ask "Why are all Americans so stuck on race?" or "So fat?" or "so stupid?" before? I'm not blaming one country in particular - as you point out, the US does it with other countries
too - but it's not uniquely the US's problem.
You are doing that exact thing, right now. You have fancy food we have nukes, have at you sir.
A wild Troll is approaching!
Troll used SARCSM!
It's super effective!
I was at an ATM once, and there was a frech couple behind me. It was taking me a few minutes to get my money, and they didn't know that I speak french, so the man said something rather insulting about me and americans in general in french. When I was done I turned around and said to him, in french, "Sorry I took so long, thanks for being patient." He profusely appologized to me. Chalk one up for America.
@Madigren
you sir are awesome!!!
america sucks so much. people there are so, so stupid. i hate them. everyone, except for the liberals that is. they are smart. take their word for it!
Replythat is the sound of millions of people flipping you off right now
Diet coke? Eww, haven't you loons ever heard of Dr. Pepper?
ReplyOr regular Coke?
"If you can't do something right, call it something different" hahahaaa... holy s**t. I can't believe I've never heard that phrase before, I love it. I'm going to use it all the time now. Also, these comics have really grown on me. I was never one of the people that vehemently hated it,but at first it felt "meh". I genuinely like it now.
ReplyI would like to make a comment on McD's Diet Coke. Its sucks. Especially if you are the working the 2nd drive thru window, making the drinks and someone orders 'extra ice' like a moron. (I say that b/c the drink cost too much for you to put LESS soda in it by choice.) It's the soda that fizzes the most and takes the longest to fill the cup b/c if your a nice employee(or human) you wait for the fizz to go down, so that you can give the customer good service. (Mind you, if they pissed me off on the headset or at the register, I wouldn't wait ;P) Now mind you, if it's my own drink that I'm making for my ownself(hurr), yes, I will blow on it or stick my finger in it(because the skinsalt makes it go down) to make it go faster, but again, when it's not my drink it takes too damn long.
ReplyAnd for extra odd note:: for me, out of the fountain has to be regular and the bottle or can has to be diet, otherwise visaversa taste syrupy(sp) to me. :)
I find random musings kind of interesting, so I'm not knocking that. But, if you ever see this, for future reference, it is "vice versa". I'm not trying to be a dick, but that phrase is a bit of a pet peeve, no offense intended.
Thank you SugarStarzKill, for reminding me that musings can be interesting. I was about to go OMGYOUIDIOTWHYPOSTTHISLOL before I read your post and thought about it a bit. Cheers. *clink*
You forgot one of America's cultural exports and chief delights -
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesK. F. C.
DAMMIT KFC!
double-decker anyone? hellllooooo
f**kING KFC f**kING ROCKS!!!
KFC is good, but I'm depressed by the Double Down sandwich (even if my boyfriend thinks it tastes good).
I liked KFC until I saw the videos of workers on their famrs torturing animals for the f**k of it. I'm not even vegetarian, but that s**t disturbed me. But, I really only like their mashed patatoes. Taco Bell though, I looove Taco Bell. And it makes me sad that my town has a KFC/Taco Bell combo restaurant. They might be using the tortured chickens in my Taco Bell. *sigh*
I'm 6 ft. tall and 120 lbs., and the double-down does jack s**t for my hunger.
Meth ruins another appetite.
McDonalds fries are truly in their own category.
ReplyThe worst one.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that soft drinks taste better with the McDonalds extra-wide straw. Can anyone explain the science behind this? Although I wouldn't be surprised if they coated the inside with sugar...
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesFor me they taste worse. I'm not being Luddist or anything, but the soft drink machine really kills it. It makes all the bubbles go away.
I believe, lucas, you mean Luddite. I'm being gentle! It's a common error, don't fret. :)
McDonalds has some sort of special permint with Coke, so they can add more carbination to it. So you're not crazy thinking that the Coke and Diet Coke taste different, becasue it isn't like the other ones. The straw just adds to the taste =]
Damn you, Calvert, you've ruined my poem about naked machine-wrecking. Nothing else rhymes.
Hmm. Prudest? Is that a word? Crudest? That looks like "Crud-est" but I was thinking of "Crude-est" But that might not be a word either. Dammit...
I once got in an internet argument with a british guy.He said "It's not called gas, you stupid yanks, it's called petrol and it's a liquid." At this point i responded with, "It's short for gasoline, we have better technology than using petroleum. Another thing you might want to look into: Dentists." He grumbled some insult I don't recall and i replied, "Don't make us come over there and kill you in your sleep on christmas eve." (George Washington, Crossing of the Deleware reference.) He shut up after that.
Reply Hide All See All 11 RepliesWow. It sounds like that debate was a real meeting of minds.
Wild guess: this wasn't by chance in the youtube comments section, was it?
sorry to burst your intellectual bubble, but gasoline and petrol refer to the same thing... its just called differently in the US
And besides, Brits have the best dental hygiene in the world.Cracked says so. And George Washington was a f**king second-rate military commander, the man couldn't order his way out of a paper bag. It says that on Cracked somewhere too.
ya, and my balls itch.
as kpabhis said, Gasoline and petrol are the same thing, so way to make an impression of how smart your country is dumbass. I have a feeling I know why he just shut up. Also petrol and gasoline are Petroleum based mixture, so the British are right. Gasoline is literally a word someone pulled out of their ass while making a company. Your an embarresment to America.
How does one "grumble" in an internet argument? Just curious.
Washington fought Hessians that night, who were Germanic mercenaries, not ethnic Brits...
...And when Roosevelt struck down the mighty beast with Clangeddins Soulforge he let out a primal roar. He then turned to all 12 of his disciples and stated "Let it be known today that Man returns triumphant from the tyrannical rule that was the King of Slaughter. Today my Fellow bretheren when we dine take heed, it will be the last before this mortal shall ascend to the Pantheon."
So wait, when you heard that Brits put "petroleum" in their cars you thought that we used -crude oil-? And what, America is the only country in the world to have discovered distillation? Haha, yep you certainly taught him a lesson about American intelligence...
'Your an embarresment to America.' ...priceless
Getting angry at Scott because "he hates Amrica" is hilarious. It's like getting angry at South Park because they made fun of something you like. Both franchises mock everything. The situation represented here is clearly too absurd to be real, getting mad over it makes you look stupid.
ReplyIn short, everyone who rages about this is the real punchline.
finally someone who shares my belief on the tactics employed by such media.
no pulp fiction jokes?
ReplyFinally, someone who shares my feelings on the quality of McDonald's Diet Coke.
ReplyWhatever. We all know She snagged some Mcdonalds in Paris. I mean c'mon, it IS a big mac. =D
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesYou don't order a Big Mac in Paris. You order a Royale with cheese.
No, a Big Mac is a Big Mac, they just say "Le Big Mac." A "Royale avec Fromage" is the equivilent to a Quarter-Pounder, cuz they use the metric ststem.
and it's called "Royal Cheese"...
Always a pleasure to read the butthurt comments from unintelligent people for these comics.
ReplyI think you have to be half American and half something else to get it So I liked it :)
Replynah, not american here and it was still pretty clever
crap, yet again
Replymeh...
ReplyOk, that one was funny. I even chuckled for a second!
ReplyWell done.
Reply