7 Silver Linings Now That You've Lost Your Job
It was bound to happen. In this tough economy, where businesses are cutting costs everywhere, there was no reason to think your company would be immune. You'd done your best to make yourself invaluable to the corporation, but now that there've been layoffs (or singular "layoff" really, as it's apparently only you for now) you and your coworkers (again, just you mainly) will have to find some way to get by.
But even now, in your darkest, dampest hour, there is a lighter side to all of this. What could be a soul-crushing experience that leaves you a bitter, stinky shell of a person may actually have some high points. Below, we've listed some of these high spots that illustrate the lighter side of being forcibly unemployed. We hope these will help you get on with your life, or at least stop crying in your car.
#7.
No More Commuting
Whether in a car, a bus or clinging to the side of a train, commuting to and from work every day is just awful. It might seem like a small thing, but not having to deal with stalled cars, or that wet homeless person smell that permeates every corner of public transit, will make every day that much better.
What You Can Do Now:
Pretend your bed is a car, then drive it straight to Naptime Junction, a four hour round-trip, every day.
Go ahead and use the neighbor's hammock. They're at work.
#6.
De-stress
As everyone who's ever taken a vacation will know, it takes a certain amount of time away from the desk to really start to relax -- weekends usually aren't enough. So this short-term career re-scoping process (call it that from now on) will give you the perfect opportunity to finally get your blood pressure down. While your former coworkers are screaming with stress and their hearts are exploding in a mist of blood, you'll be kicking back with the complete DVD box set of some stupid TV show from your childhood ... finally at peace.
Fraggle Rock soothes the demons.
Or maybe take a trip. Traveling is one of the most effective ways to cram new, original experiences down your sensory gullet. Multiple studies have shown that new experiences make humans happy and more satisfied with life, and now you've got the time for it. Even if it's just to find out how the television channels are a bit different in neighboring states.
What You Can Do Now:
Pick a place you've never been before, and go there. If you don't have the money to go there (you don't) go to Omaha instead. Omaha is incredibly cheap, and has an Orange Julius.
Or, just take this time to read a good book, read a bad book or thumb through a book before setting it aside and building a cushion fort. With the power of your imagination, the whole world is a book!
If pillows excite you this much, it may be time to re-evaluate your life choices.
#5.
Hobbies
No one grows up wanting to be a data entry clerk -- indeed it would take a really unfortunate upbringing for a child to even comprehend what that was. And yet, that's what you were doing for 40 hours a week. (Or about 10 hours a week, if we're being honest about all that time spent "checking your emails.") So now that you have all this time to spend not entering data, you should use it to pursue one of your other interests.
Make sure it's not something you'd abandoned at age 14.
What You Can Do Now:
With the lack of income, it's advisable to pursue one of your cheaper interests, like meditation, long walks or collecting interesting sticks. If you don't have any of those interests, maybe consider being more realistic.
Chicks dig butterfly catchers.
#4.
Pants Abandonment
Wearing pants is an important part of the social contract -- covering up the worst parts of men, and some of the better parts of ladies -- allowing society to focus on getting important work done. But as you're no longer a part of society, you can now safely get by without the hassle. What is the hassle you might rhetorically ask?
Getting out of bed in the first damn place?
- Cleaning them.
- Putting them on.
- Taking them off.
- Binding of fabric.
- Realizing your fly's still down after you left the restroom.
- Realizing your fly's still up after you've started urinating.
What You Can Do Now:
Consider some of the following pants substitutes for your day-to-day, society-of-one garb:
- Shorts
- A Towel
- Underpants
- Kilts
- Most of a newspaper
- Barrel with straps
- The Un-judgmental Wind
Most work is no less unpleasant than unemployment but it offers more realistic hopes of something better in the future.
Replyafter I graduated from secondary school I did absolutely nothing for...six months, then served in the army for another six months (bastards wouldn't let me stay any longer...), after that, year and a half of doing nothing, now I have been studying for five months, have bunch of free (AND legal-) software I got from Microsoft and they are even going to teach me to code, the best part? Government pays 80% of my rent as well as pays me for NOT working part-time (seriously, if I get a part-time job the government will start DEMANDING for money instead, and that's AFTER the taxes.)
ReplyYea that last part always seemed ass backward to me
I lost my job selling chocolates and serving ice cream to sticky, shit-headed kids... I spent the next six weeks reading Cracked and doing little else.
ReplyNow I have a job interview at a videogame store in a week.
Hurray for Cracked, and its motivational timewasters!
video games are awsome. . . so the rest are fine but not that one cause you say not to play them.
ReplyTrue, but as an unemployed person I can tell you they are detrimental to your job search. I have applied to many jobs while not playing video games, and exactly zero jobs while playing video games
I agree, mcfl116. I put away the videogame console quite a long time ago because it's one huge timewaster. You spend hours and hours playing it, and what do you have at the end? Nothing. There's no true accomplishments coming out of it. Someone could be applying for jobs, building, creating, being artistic, working out, reading, learning new words.... something, anything productive with those hours.
When I graduated I couldn't get a job for months, at first I was desperate, then I felt like an useless piece of junk, at some point I was thinking about things nobody should be thinking. Later I just accepted I couldn't find a job even if I worked for free and just spend my days doing the pointless stuff I like (like reading stuff on Internet). It was awesome. Then I got a job, is hard, dangerous and the pay isn't good but if I work 14 hours a day I may earn enough money to pay the gasoline I spend working. I miss being unemployed.
ReplyI could barely click the thumbs up button I was laughing so hard! Thanks.
oNcE YOU'VE READ THE.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesFIRST WORD OF.
THIS YOU CANT GET OUT.
READ ON OR.
DIE TONIGHT AT 10:35...... P.M.9 years ago.
a person named Jerry got.
dared to sleep.
in a house that was belived.
haunted.The... next day his friends.
waited for him out.
side the house...................
They had
to go inside and search for.
him. They
went through every room.
exept the
attic.He wasn't supposed to.
sleep
there. He was supposed to.
sleep in the.
living room they went into.
the attic.
They saw Jerry's corpse and.
they just
left because they were.
scared. But that
night they all died because.
of their
friend. He killed them all.
for making him.
sleep in that house If you.
don't send
this to 11 comments you.
will die tonight.
by Jerry. Example 1: A man.
named
Stewart Read this and.
didn't believe it.
He shut off his computer.
and went
through his day. That night
while he
was in bed he heard.
something outside
of his door. He got up to.
look. And now
he's dead. Example 2: A Girl.
named
Haley Read this in the.
morning and she.
got scared but she didn't.
send it. She
wanted to know if it was.
true. She went
to school (She was only 13.
years old)
and that night she died. If
you don't
post this on 11 comments.
tonight Jerry
will 'visit' you.
How does Jerry know that you sent that to 11 comments. Another thing how do you know all this. AND ONE MorE ThInG.............You wrote this on the 21 and now its the third of January, so when did Jerry die the 21st of December 2002 or January 3, 2003.
How in f**k hell would anybody know if "Stewart" heard something that contributed to his death is he was already f*****g dead?
The only ones who deserve to die here are you f*****g chain-mailers.
But I'm out of beer, and we're having Brussels Sprouts tonight. I hope Jerry likes sprouts.
Also, we're watching Hoarders on Netflix. Did Jerry like Hoarders?
Sorry the place is kind of a dump, but it's Monday, and we both work.
This guy must be unemployed to write this much out of his own free time. And for what? For so many dislikes that might make him feel sadder inside.
Must, improve, my eye-blinking.
Reply"The Un-judgmental wind"
ReplyAwesome.
"Barrel with straps" slew me. Don't know why.
Replyahhh, this article gets an A++ and a :)
Replythis was basically my life over the past month- except for the working out
you've just delayed my job hunting for another 2 hours. its play-sudoku-in-bed time
Where's the silver lining of losing an internship (ie an unpaid job that delays your graduation once you lose it)?
ReplyUmmm...If you were let go from an unpaid internship, you weren't laid off in an attempt by the company to save money. You were straight up fired for being a completely marginal human being. You should begin looking forward to a rewarding career in either the food service or housekeepping industries.
^Ghostbusters!
At last! A plan for my currently laid-off self other than drop applications frantically, stare at the phone after doing so, and make blood sacrifices while I wait to the gods, praying to land something!
ReplyThe hippies never starve because most of them are in their 20s and still have parental funding. That, or they work at organic foods stores and sell weed on the side.
Replyvery true that
Become an entrepreneur, then. Magically, watching Breaking Bad becomes job research.
Pants abandonment ftw.
ReplyNot sure why 'Pants Abandonment' wasn't #1. That's got to be the highlight of unemployment for me.
Replyyour pants abandonment would be a highlight for everyone.....sorry...I just COULD NOT resist
'Those hippies never seem to starve to death, so they can't be too far off track.' Right on man.
ReplyI think this guide applies a baffling lot more in men behaviour
ReplyI hate your comment, but I love your avatar.
I do all of these things in between semesters. My sister keeps yelling at me when I go pantsless, though. Don't know why she has a problem with it. It's my house too, damn it. If I wanna walk around in a T-shirt and panties, I will.
Reply Hide All See All 5 Replieshear hear
if you arnt a girl, maybe the panties are the problem...
But they're SOOO comfortable.
If only cracked had an 'agree' button.
Hm, strange, my sister also yells at me when I wear the same.
Are they your sisters?
When my friends (and husband) got laid off, they panicked. Then unemployment got stretched out, after they got through their layoff package, and because everything was outsourced they qualified for this trade act agreement where they not only got their way paid through school but got paid unemployment while in school. A lot of them are in school now for new careers. Meanwhile the rest of us left now envy not only them but also the DEAD.
ReplyNot everyone ends up with such a sweet deal but a lot of us need a solid kick in the ass before we go look for something better.
And I think a manager just caught me on the internet. I may be joining those lucky f**kers sooner than I thought. *gulp*
Being laid off was the best thing to ever happen to me. My job was a dead-end piece of s**t with crappy hours and crappier duties (note to Chemistry majors: your bachelor's degree isn't worth the paper it's printed on), and I hated it for a year and a half. Then I got laid off. Two weeks later I was taking the GRE and putting in apps for graduate school, all while collecting a lovely unemployment check which basically left me at break-even for six months. Best vacation I've ever had, free from the tyranny of pants and schedules and left free to play all the video games I could get my hands on. Now I'm back in grad school, having the time of my life and making just as much money as I was before thanks to my stipend. I suppose the point is, if your job decides to treat you like s**t, take it as the golden opportunity it is to do something better with your life.
ReplyScience grad school is the sweetest deal ever.