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You know how sometimes you watch figure skating and you think, "This would be so much more entertaining if everyone involved was naked"? There are so many sports that just seem long overdue for some kind of modern modification or gritty reboot. Fortunately, there are a few visionaries out there taking the same, boring old sports and changing them in ridiculous, insane and often life-threatening ways. #7.
Fireball
Hey, you know what would also improve virtually every sport? Setting the ball on fire.
You don't have to take our word for it. A little bit of lighter fluid and a complete lack of personal safety will give you a rousing game of Fireball. While a tennis ball is pretty flammable right out of the box, other things like a soccer ball or a bowling ball need a bit of elbow grease to get going.
But the payoff--and the payoff here being disfiguring burns and possible jail time--is surely worth it. Once you light those babies up, it's tough to appreciate any sport that doesn't involve flaming balls (we're talking about you, gymnastics). Even if you get sent to the hospital after a game of Tennis Fireball or burn all your fingerprints off dribbling a firebasketball, you can take comfort in the fact that somewhere, Michael Bay is nodding in approval. That is, if he wasn't too busy with an afternoon of... #6.
Blast Fishing
Fishing is a sport that captures all the excitement of floating around on a stagnant body of water and holding a stick, which may explain why no one buys tickets to watch it. For the more criminally reckless outdoorsman, however, fishing can become a heroic display of technology and ingenuity triumphing over nature--a phrase which here means "blowing fish up with dynamite".
Utilizing traditional explosives and/or homemade bombs made from artificial fertilizer, blast fishermen locate schools of fish congregating at coral reefs and start lobbing down hellfire like Dresden. The resulting shockwaves either kill the fish outright or temporarily stun them, allowing the fishermen to literally scoop them out of the water by the bucketload.
Although the practice is illegal the world over (but why?!), it's quite common in certain areas such as Southeast Asia and Africa, and on virtually every backwoods fishing trip where alcohol is involved. #5.
Mindball
Table tennis is one of the fastest and most intense sports in the world, provided it is being played by professionals instead of drunks or toddlers. The pros can send the ball back and forth at 100-miles an hour, knocking it back and forth 175 times in one minute. So how could this fast paced Olympic sport possibly get more extreme? The answer, of course, is mind control.
Mindball is a Swedish invention that takes the idea of table tennis and updates it for the 21st century by adding the novel innovation of brain wave manipulation. Players don special headbands that monitor their brains' activity while sitting opposite each other at a table that resembles a classic table tennis slab but with totally futuristic art deco curves and stainless steel. The object of the game is to use your brain waves to send the ball to your opponent's goal while preventing it from reaching yours by relaxing as hard as you can. Seriously. See, like in Buddhism, whoever can maintain the highest level of focus and relaxation will push the ball into the goal of their less stoic opponent and score a point--thus, doing away with the net, paddle and anything resembling exercise.
Mindball adds a whole lot of fixated staring, which is way more exciting. And honestly, what's more extreme than transcending your physical body to manipulate tiny white balls with your mind? #4.
The Extreme 19th Hole
We're not saying golf is usually a lame sport. All we're saying is that it's the only sport where a miniature version exists solely to make it more exciting by adding multi-colored balls, frustrating windmills and giant plastic dinosaurs to the mix. Most miniature golf courses also have the 19th hole, where if you manage to score a hole in one, you win a free game. This system of ridiculous obstacles and rewards has been conspicuously absent from regular golf. Until now.
At the Legend Golf and Safari Resort in South Africa, golfers finally get to play their own version of the 19th hole, except the prize for a hole in one here is a million freaking dollars, which according to our best estimates is equivalent to a shitload of free games. However, as you might have guessed, the hazards have been upgraded from run of the mill ponds and sand traps. Specifically, the tee is set on top of a mountain at the edge of a sheer cliff face, 1,400-feet above the ground. The only way to access it is with a helicopter, and because the tee is only about 12-inches from the edge of the cliff, nerves of steel and/or adult-sized diapers are more or less mandatory (the diapers can be used as makeshift parachutes in case of emergency).
Shank a drive on this hole and you might as well be firing a handgun into the valley below, because we're thinking a golf ball rocketing towards the Earth at terminal velocity is going to blast the tits off of anything it touches. |
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didn't joey and chandler from FRIENDS create fireball
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I notice that they don't have AUTO POLO on here... Which was played around 1910, most likely before the usage of seat belts. Not that it would have helped them much. All the pictures I've seen look like people flying through the air from a slingshot.
I just came up with the best sport ever, fire pushball! It's like pushball, but the ball is on fire!
p.s. sorry if someone said this already, i didn't read all the comments
No matter how hard these people try, they will never equal the stupidity,danger(and dare I say awesomeness) of the sports of the past.
Technically gymnastics does contain flaming balls in a way, but now I'm just just taking a cheap shot at male gymnasts.
Exactly like Yu-gi-oh! 5D's!
its the comment a dresden files or dresden bombing reference it makes a lot more sense as dresden files
Dude! I was gonna ask the same thing!
Car soccer looks completely and totally awesome. Must play. Somehow. Man that looks fun.
I agree. If you provide the cars - then I will bring the ball!LOL.
I can't understand why hurling never took off in the States. Lightning fast pace (fastest ball game in the world apparantly), Constant scoring, injuries, fights, passionate fans going f**kin nuts.... Whats not to like ?
The fact that its primary implements are an ice broom and an ice iron. If I had to guess, it's exactly like doing Canadian housework.
You're thinking of 'curling', scythepuppet. The game 'hurling' is played using a small, hard-as-old-dogs**t ball, and a strange racquet/scoop like tool to get the ball moving faster than a motorbike riding a sports car in a space shuttle.
Dave that sounds like Jai alai.
That sounds like fun, is what it sounds like. Unfortunately, I can't afford a motorbike, sports car, or space shuttle, so I'll sit here and think about what things would be cool to mix with milk and paint stripper. (You're right, though. Jai alai was the sport I was thinking of. Hurling (after a quick Wikipedia check) looks kinda like rugby with weapons. Alas, I am a p***y, so I'll stick to my milk, paint stripper, and boiled mercury to keep me happy.)
hurling is mentioned in 10 most insane "sports" up there. juz thot I'd mention it
Fire-Hurling. Thirty big men with flaming hurling sticks and a rock hard ball. At night-time. In front of 80,000 screaming wooly-backs.
flaming hurling sticks and rock hard balls? some1 needs to go to the clinic
lol
I thought there was some research required for these things. You're allowed to make a "top 7 things I just thought up?" And you couldn't manage 10?
There's a new thing out there called "reading." It comes highly recommended.
Actually, Top 7 things I just thought up would be pretty awesome. I would read that.
Lightly tapping a tennis ball down-court does not count as extreme, even if it is on fire.
the articles have been really boring for the last few days
"we're too busy trying to find a sport that wouldn't be improved if played entirely on motorcycles" --> may I suggest boxing on a motorcycle?
Ummm...boxing would be totally awesome on motorcycles. Could you imagine seeing someone land a 90mph right hook? Holy crap that's entertainment.
correction. motoMMA! UFC on a Harley
I've never seen a 19th hole in mini golf, and I've played it in about 20 states. They all make the 18th hole the trick one, where you generally either get a hole-in-one and a free game, or the ball is gone and you take the max penalty (or par, depending).
I want to go on a 20 state mini golf tour. That would be awesome.
So you're a professional mini-golfer?
Hmmm...is one of those states Oregon? I know a couple with a 19th hole. It's the hole that you return the ball on. You only get one hit, it goes in the 'free-game' target, or it doesn't and you don't get a second hit. Wouldn't make sense to have an 18th hole that you can't take more than one putt at.
I've played mini-golf in 2 states, and all of them had a 19th hole.
I like to imagine that a professional mini-golfer is called Cub Garden, and he bangs midget hookers while cheating on his Canadian "model" wife.
What motorcycle is in the picture with the motorcycle polo part of the article? The black one.
it's a motorcycle
And it's black
Captain Obvious and No Shit Sherlock Holmes. ;o)
These events range between dangerous, and outright awesome. I've played pushball before (we called it worldball), and it was pretty awesome, though we've done more dangerous things in Rovers.
Also, this is a good example as to how to really right a negative article about sports.
I would jizz in my pants if I could play Fireball Tennis.
We've been playing fireball tennis for decades in South Africa (in between keeping the black man down and running from lions). We douse a tennis ball in turpentine or methylated spirits. Have fun.