How to Make Jokeless Comedy: Studying the 'Epic Movie' Guys
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It's possible for genre spoof movies to be funny. Naked Gun proved that. Some would argue that being funny is the point of a spoof. But after stealing a copy of the Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer genre spoof Meet The Spartans, I found myself so entranced that I did the unthinkable: I watched Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, and Superhero Movie. All of these movies have several incredible things in common with each other. The most impressive is the fact that none of them feature any jokes. Not. One. Joke. They have references to other movies, commercials and pop culture phenomena, sure, but they don't even try to make humorous observations about them. For instance: Indiana Jones And The Kingdom of I Feel Like I'm Taking Crazy Pills
Disaster Movie features one particular scene "lampooning" Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull that for some reason takes place on the set of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. The characters look at a cave wall and see the shadow of a figure putting on the trademark Indiana Jones hat as the Indy theme swells up. We zoom out and we realize we were tricked! It's not Indiana Jones at all, but the black midget from Bad Santa.
"You're Indiana Jones?" asks one of the main characters. "Indiana Jones, my ass!" the midget responds, then he proceeds to poorly use his whip and then get slammed into a wall. And that is the end. That is the entire scene. And that is what's so fascinating about these movies. In a bad comedy, that exchange might go: "You're Indiana Jones?" asks one of the main characters. "No," the midget says. "I'm Rhode Island Jones." That would be a joke. Because it's another state and he's MOTHERFUCKING TINY! Sure, it's not a very good joke, but at least it's a joke. If I thought about it for more than five seconds, I might have even been able to come up with something better but I'm not a "successful" screenwriter, so I won't waste my time--just like Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer didn't waste theirs. But they are not simply doing a bad job. They are not doing a job at all. They are comedy writers who haven't even bothered to write comedy. This is unprecedented, not just in the film world, but in the entire history of employment. And this is not one scene in one movie. It is every scene in every movie they have ever made. Don't believe me? You Can Tell They're Thinking About Making a Joke ...
There is another specific scene from Disaster Movie that deserves your attention, but I feel like you've had enough for now, so let's briefly (yeah, right) move on to Superhero Movie. This scene involves that Topher Grace-looking motherfucker from Date Movie and Epic Movie playing a mutant quite similar to the mutant Angel (but with a hilarious twist!). [Editor's Note: This scene is actually from Epic Movie. We decided not to tell Cody or correct the mistake because no one would have even realized if we hadn't pointed this out, right now.]
He begins the scene hitting on the Mystique character played by Carmen Electra, who I'm pretty sure is the most bangable woman on the planet with also the worst sense of humor on the planet, because she has huge tits and she has so far appeared in Scary Movie, Superhero Movie, Date Movie, Scary Movie 4, Epic Movie, Meet The Spartans and Disaster Movie (she was not in Not Another Teen Movie, though, because that was actually pretty funny).
Anyway, the Topher Grace-looking motherfucker asks her out and she literally says "As if!" Cue the entrance of Faux-Wolverine, Faux-Storm, Faux-Rouge and Faux-Cyclops, who all look surprisingly accurate except for the fact that Cyclops's sunglasses aren't red, which doesn't make any fucking sense.
Faux-Wolverine, of course, gives the Topher Grace-looking motherfucker the business because Wolverine's dating Mystique for some reason, and then walks away. The Topher Grace-looking motherfucker delivers a real zinger as they walk away, shouting "Asshole!" You shouldn't have said that, Topher Grace-looking motherfucker, because you just made Wolverine angry, and you wouldn't like Wolverine when he's angry. They didn't actually say this in the movie, of course, but I figured they might as well have because they're so awful at making things accurate in this piece of shit that they should have gone the extra mile and fucked up the characters' catchphrases. At least then I might have actually laughed. I wish Mystique had called everyone "Bub." So as angry Faux-Wolverine turns around, he extends his Adamantium claws and... wait for it... here comes the joke... he puts the two outside claws back in so it looks like he's giving the Topher Grace-looking motherfucker the finger!
Oh, wait, that's not a joke, because Wolverine ALREADY DID THAT IN THE FIRST X-MEN MOVIE! The Topher Grace-looking motherfucker's response to this is to use his powers. Everyone gets ready for a fight as a worried Faux-Storm shouts, "He's gonna sprout angel wings!" (because that alone is terrifying, right?... God, Angel sucks... ). He doesn't sprout angel wings, though. He clucks and then sprouts chicken wings. "More like chicken wings," chides Mystique, quite cleverly, and they all laugh louder, because the joke here is that a character stated what we the audience just saw happen. Comedy gold at its goldest.
Another problem facing these movies (that is closely tied to the lack of jokes) is the overwhelming use of references, hence "reference movie." Every second of each film is a reference to another, better movie. They do not make jokes about these movies. They simply present the movie as it was originally seen and then throw in a quick commercial for Pepsi, a dance-off or a moment where a head-shaven Britney Spears sings to a doll. Again, no jokes. Just things we recognize as things. Disaster Movie does this perhaps the most beautifully by having the main characters be the main chick from Enchanted, Juno from Juno and who I THINK is supposed to be Fat Albert (Because we all saw the Fat Albert movie, right?). These characters from movies that are not disaster movies go on an adventure experiencing disasters that are from disaster movies. Have They Even Seen The Movies They're Referencing?
Speaking of Disaster Movie, I hate Disaster Movie so much that I'm going to delve into one more scene from it that "parodies" Jumper, because Jumper was apparently a disaster movie. Showing off to a girl, this guy who looks nothing like Anakin Skywalker "jumps" away to a kitchen and gets something from a fridge (for no reason and it is never mentioned again), then he "jumps" back and guess what? He's lying on the floor sneaking a peak up the girl's skirt!
The girl swoons for some reason and professes her love for the jumper, who immediately freaks out because guys hate that, and he "jumps" away. Where does he jump to? Narnia, where Prince Caspian (because Prince Caspian was apparently a disaster movie) is holding a sword which the jumper accidentally impales himself on.
"Little help?" Prince Caspian asks no one. "It's the guy who ruined Star Wars!" Nice dig at Star Wars, movie! Except, wait a minute... Hayden Christensen didn't ruin Star Wars; he ruined the Star Wars prequels. And HE didn't even ruin the prequels. George "I Have No Idea How I Made The Original Trilogy So Excellent" Lucas ruined them by casting Hayden Christensen, writing all of the scripts the day before shooting started, directing all of them while he was asleep and CGI-ing the life out of them (as well as 90 other things I haven't mentioned). And while we're at it, didn't these guys spend an entire Epic Movie in Narnia already? Answer: Yes. The Little Miss Sunshine Effect Possibly the most ridiculous and mind-boggling problem with all of these movies, however, is what I am dubbing the "Little Miss Sunshine Effect". Case in point: Meet The Spartans.
Leonidas and his gang of warriors are kicking a bunch of people doing bad celebrity impression into a large pit. The filmmakers decide that they want to stick it to Little Miss Sunshine. But there's a problem: they have literally nothing to say about that film. Notice I didn't say, "they have nothing interesting/funny to say." These writers of spoof films literally can't put together a sentence that makes reference to the year's most easily mockable movie. So instead, they do the next best thing and write the title of the movie on the shirt that Britney Spears is wearing when they kick her into the pit.
In a script that was thought about ahead of time and written down on purpose, the best reference they can come up with to one of that year's most notable movie is "write the title on something and kick it down a hole." It's almost as though they have a check list of every notable pop-culture event in the past 12 months, and a mandate to ensure the existence of that event is acknowledged, but not thought about in the least. Another example of this appears towards the end of Epic Movie. The four siblings from "Gnarnia" find the wardrobe again in their old age. They are quite surprised at this and express their surprise with dialogue along the lines of "Oh, my goodness!" and "Look!" What does Kal Penn say, though? He says... wait for it... "Chuck Norris rules!" LOLZ!!! Hey, guys, remember when Chuck Norris jokes were popular? Remember briefly after that when everyone stopped giving a shit? Remember in Epic Movie when something surprising happened and Kal Penn said some non sequitur/reference (non sequirence?) to those annoying jokes about Chuck Norris that used to be popular until everyone stopped giving a shit about them? You should, because I just described it to you.
I believe my studies have given me the necessary knowledge and the ABSOLUTE RIGHT to predict the next movie from these kings of comedy, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. I see three possible options... Quirky Movie This would be a reference movie that primarily references the likes of I Heart Huckabees, Being John Malkovich and any Wes Anderson movie. This would be impossible AND horrible for several reasons. 1. Most of those movies are great, so leave them the fuck alone. 2. Most of those movies are meant to be funny, which would make turning them into comedies pretty difficult and very stupid. It would be like doing parodies of Lonely Island songs: retarded, pointless and mind-numbingly painful to watch. 3. How could they think about covering quirky movies when they already wasted all their good Little Miss Sunshine material, writing the title of the quintessential quirky movie on that T-Shirt. Shitty Movie This would probably be the hardest endeavor to achieve that has ever been conceived by man (or at least the hardest endeavor ever conceived by me). Essentially, one would have to reference all of the aforementioned reference movies. How could this be accomplished? The best I can come up with after giving it literally seconds of thought would be to just make a really good movie about something else and call it a day. Vampire Movie I desperately hope this movie is made. Not because it'll be good (which it won't), not because I'll see it (which I will) and not because I think it will fail (which it probably won't), but because I've already written a trailer for it. Yes, folks, with only some further ado (Ado. Ado! ADO!!!), I give you the trailer to Vampire Movie (originally titled The Last Half of Dracula: Dead And Loving It)... Cue: Spooky music We open on a pond at night. Spooky mist floats above the water. We close in on three lily pads, each of which has a frog sitting, unmoving. We zoom in closer and as they speak, we see they are each sporting a set of fangs. Frog #1: Vam... Frog #2: Pie... Frog #3: Errr... Frog #1: Vam- Frog #2: Pie- Frog #3: Errr...
An aluminum can pops up from beneath the water with the words "Vampire Beer" on it. The figure holding it emerges and it is Chris Tucker with fangs. Chris Tucker With Fangs: Drink Vampire Beer, boyyeeeee!!! The screen goes to black as a faux-movie trailer voice narrates title cards as they appear. "THIS SUMMER... " We see Kal Penn as a werewolf fighting with Carmen Electra as Busty the Vampire Slayer.
"COMES A FILM... " We see Kal Penn's werewolf and Busty the Vampire Slayer fighting again. Busty farts. The Kal Penn werewolf makes a grossed-out, goofy face as in "eeewwww, no she di-in't!" "SO HAIR-RAISING... " Anna Faris as The Chick From Twilight: You feel cold... Topher Grace-looking motherfucker as The Dude From Twilight: Like an ice cold Pepsi? Anna Faris as The Chick From Twilight: Absolutely like an ice cold Pepsi... "SO BLOOD-SUCKING... " We see Leslie Neilson in Heath Ledger's Joker makeup. Leslie Nielson as Heath Ledger's Joker For Some Reason: This city deserves a better class of vampire... And I'm gonna give it to 'em... Now let's suck some blood from that FACE!
"IT ABSOLUTELY DOESN'T... " Topher Grace-looking motherfucker as The Dude From Twilight: I'm a vampire. Some Random Character: Waaaaaall-eeeeee... "SUCK!" We see a bunch of fast clips from the "movie." Most of them are just scenes from Watchmen for some reason. There are a lot more farts and there's one part that "parodies" the Mac commercials where a character is all "Hi, I'm a vampire," and the other character is all "And I'm a werewolf." "CARMEN ELECTRA... " "KAL PENN... " "JENNIFER COOLIDGE... " "A BUNCH OF FUNNY MINOR CELEBRITIES WHO SADLY MAKE YOU WANT TO SHOOT THOSE FUNNY MINOR CELEBRITIES IN THE FACE FOR NEEDING PAYCHECKS SO BADLY THAT THEY GIVE AN INCREDIBLY PISS-POOR PERFORMANCE IN AN INCREDIBLY PISS-POOR EXCUSE FOR A COMEDY FILM... " "AND HALF THE CAST OF ANY SEASON OF MADtv... " "IN... "VAMPIRE MOVIE... " "COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR... BOO!" The screen fades to black and then the voice suddenly comes back. "ALSO STARRING BILLY DEE WAYANS AS VAMPIRE LE GAT."
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You forgot the worst of them all: The date movie. Epic movie at least had fart jokes. In date movie, however, there is not a single joke nor a funny scene. There is not even a sign that they would try to make any of the scenes funny. And it does not have a plot.
Wait...there's a semi-funny article written by Cody? Are you sure this wasn't written by Swaim and mis-labled?
Cracked has been writing jokeless articles for years, so you'd think they'd ADMRIE these spoof movies. Nope. I guess because they're more popular than Cracked, they have to be insulted.
These movies are objectively some of the worst of the decade, and they're probably an easy target for an article, but it's still very satisfying to see people tear them a new assh*l.e
The Vampire trailer was gold.
I loved this article, I think that writing it must have been very hard, because it's not easy trying to make fun out of something completely unfunny. Thankfully the source is bad enough as to provide content to point out several points in common between allegedly totally different movies. Good work! And the LMS T-Shirt is still a valid point: The T-Shirt was there to point out that the joke was on LMS OR on Britney Spears and that remains as stupid and totally un-clever way of portraying the subject of the joke. If the pun was on Britney, the acting should be more than enough for the audience to get it. If not, that's a complete fail. And one shirt only is too little characterization... That joke should be so much improved. But no "I'm blonde, I sound stupid, I have a LMS T-Shirt therefore I'm Britney Spears". God that's atrocious comedy. An idea dropped by 5-year old child.
this kinda reminds me of seth macfarlane's cartoons. they are just reference jokes and not very funny at all. i mean he's so unoriginal that his latest cartoon is a family comedy, his last cartoon was a family comedy (american dad), and then the cartoon before that was also a family comedy which was just a rip off of simpsons.
I like these films in a turn off brian sort of way; yes the gags were stupid, but the way disaster movie mocked hannah montana's merchendizing, as well as the rabid Alvin and the Chipmunks, were actually pretty funny.
I just wanted to say (because I don't know if someone has or not) the thing with the Little Miss Sunshine shirt on "Britney" I think is because she (the real Britney) has worn the shirt before...here....
If you click the link you can see that she wore it before the movie came out in '07.
*JessicA*
This article's assessments of all these dumb movies is pretty good. However, I wouldnt knock jokeless comedy completely.
at phdcomics.com, you will find a hilarious comic strip that portrays the lives of grad students. speaking as a grad student in the sciences (and hence as a very typical cracked fan), I can tell you that there are no jokes in that comic. that probably is actually why its funny
The reason why these movies are unfunny is they are under pressure to not offend the makers of the films. Only a handful of big production companies actually run Hollywood. The person you offend today could be your potential employer tomorrow. The only way these films can be funny is if they showed contempt for the films they are spoofing. MST3K did refernce humor beautifully but they did so out of contempt. Old SNL showed contempt for the celbs they poked fun at till about the mid 90's then during the celeb skits the actual celebs would show up and then they'd be like "aww we're only joking. See we're all in the same biz!" As a consequence no one in show business has a substantial point of view anymore. They're afraid to say they hate something. The only time I ever saw courage in show biz was when I read an interview in the Onion with Tim and Eric and they talked about how they thought everything Robin Williams did was "utter garbage". That takes balls. He's big money to the industry. It's the Hollywood equivalent of burning a picture of Allah. Never say what everybody else is thinking.
The truly funny classic Parody Movies:
"Blazing Saddles".
The'Naked Gun'Trilogy.
"Hot Shots"&"Hotshots Part Deux".
"Airplane".
"I'm Gonna Get You Sucka!!".
The Not Too Bad Parody Movies:
"Robin Hood:Men In Tights".
"Not Another Teen Movie".
Coulda Been Better Parody:
"Scary Movie".
Have Their Moments Parodies:
The"Scary Movie"sequels than David Zucker Directed.
"Dear God,WHY???!!!"Parodies:
"Epic Movie".
"Super Hero Movie".
"Date Movie".
"Dance Movie".
"Disaster Movie".
"Wrongfully Accused".
"Dracula:Dead and Loving It".
WTF Parodies:
"An American Carol".
Okay,before you go all Batshit Crazy and accuse me of"Being Unamerican",
just go back to floggin'yer doggin'to Ayn Rand's"The Fountainhead"and
"Atlas Shrugged"and/or fantasize about your three way with Ann Coulter and
Michelle Malkin on the floor of the Bat Cave right now and no one'll get hurt!!
Okay.The plot of"An American Carol"somehow beleives that Liberal Crockumentarian Michael Moore somehow gets control of the Govrernment and disbands the US Armed Forces and George Washington and Abe Lincoln and George Patton visit him in his dreams and show him what it would've been like if we hadn't fought the British;Confederacy and The Nazis but somehow Leslie Neilsen gets brainwashed by Al Queida and tries to blow up a concert by"Country"*(*And I use it very loosely!!)Singer Trace Adkins!!!
Now what's wrong with this pitcure???
Okay.First of all,while I can't stand that self aggrandazing Liberal Pain in The Ass Michael Moore,I hardly think a Crockumentary Director like Mike Moore has enough political power to disband the US Military!!!
But somehow,Neocons are just about scared shitless of him!!
Quite frankly,if they'd ignore him,eventually he'll go away!!!
Plus,in the vastly underrated 2004 Comedy"Team America:World Police",he's potrayed as a Hot Dog Munching Suicide Bomber who tries to blow up the Team America HQ!!
Plus,"Team America"was hilarious!!!
Number Two:Kelsey Grammer as"Old Blood&Guts"George Patton!!
"Frasier Crane"as"Old Blood&Guts"??!!!Puhlease!!!
The Ghost of Patton would slap him like he did the Soldier who had
"Combat Fatigue"!!!
What's Next:Chris Rock and Chris Tucker as a pair of Jive Talking Tuskeegee Airmen??
Adam Sandler as a loveable dumbass of a Jewish Resistance Fighter??
Rob Schneider as an equally dumbass Navajo Code Talker??
Number Three:Leslie Neilsen's funnyness pretty much stopped after Naked Gun 331/3!!! He shoulda quit while he was ahead!!
Number Four:Contrary to popular beleif,the Civil War wasn't really about slavery and while Lincoln was opposed to slavery,he wasn't keen towards Civil Rights for both freedmen and slaves!!!
Number Five:Bill O'Reilly.Now when it comes to douchebaggery,I'm an equal opportunity slayer of douchebaggery!!!
Just as Michael Moore's a Liberal Doosh,Bill O'Reilly's a Conservative Doosh!!
And Bill O can't get his facts straight!!
When General Wesley Clark,US Army Retired appeared on The O'Reilly Factor,
Bill tried to tell him that the US instigated the Malmedy Massacre in December 1944 and not the other way around!!
General Clark kept telling him"Bill,Your'e Wrong!!The Waffen SS under the command of Joachim Peiper committed the Malmedy Massacre against surrendering US Soldiers!!".
But Bill-O was adamant that it was vice versa!!
Now let's look at the facts:
Wesley Clark.Commanded Troops in Vietnam;Germany;First Gulf War and Kosovo.
Bill O'Reilly.Never served in the Military at all!!
Attended Law School in England at the height of the Vietnam War!!!
Now who knows more:Retired General or Neocon Chickenhawk Radio Host??!!!
And finally,Trace Adkins as a"Country"-And I Use The Term Loosely!!-Singer!!!
Okay.To paraphrase the late,great,still alive somewhere Waylon Jennings:
"Tim McGraw;Trace Adkins;Toby Keith and the like did to Country Music what Pantyhose did for Finger Banging!!".
Sorry,but crap burgers like"Honky Tonk a Donk a Donk"aren't Country Music!!!
Real Country Music is Hank Williams;Johnny Cash;Merle Haggard;Willie Nelson;George Jones!!
It was written and performed by men and women who'd seen life's not so pretty side!!!
Songs like"Mama's Hungry Eyes";"Five Feet High and Rising";"She Thinks I Still Care"!!!
Songs that when you've been through bitter divorces;cheating spouses;been incarcerated;you know what they feel like because you've been through it as well and you can commiserate with Johnny;Merle;George and Willie!!!
Sorry,but when I'm down and hurting,I want to hoist a few and sing along with Willie's"Mr.Record Man"or Merle's"Silver Wings"*(*Or if your'e female,
Patsy Cline's"I Fall To Pieces"!!!)!!
Not"Honky Tonk A Donk a Donk!!".
Short,next time you atempt to foist an unfunny parody movie on the movie going public,do your homework and watch"Naked Gun"or"Hot Shots"!!!
Not"Dance Movie"or"Wrongfully Accused"!!!
"Undercover Brother".
Coulda Been Better Parodies:
"Scary Movie".
Has It Moments Parodies:
I hate those movies, but this article was unfunnier enough to actualy become a tribute to them...
Typo. These films are complete bullshit*
Now, dont get me wrong, these videos are complete bullshit.
But is this the same cracked that was advertising epic movie when it had just came out. Cracked,cracked, you are such hypocrits
Sorry Mr. Johnston but you really can't say these movies are jokeless because all the jokes in them are SIGHT GAGS which, last time i checked, still fall under the category of "jokes". Think a black dude with a boombox on his shoulder listening to "Funky Town" while walking down ancient Rome in the Mel Brooks movie, History Of The World.
Of course, it goes without saying that all the sight gags in the movies you mentioned pretty much suck cow dung straight out of the animal's a*****e. Which will do little to prevent another movie of the same kind from being made, I'm afraid.....
i don't think the Little Miss Sunshine shirt was a reference to the movie; Britney Spears has been seen wearing that shirt a lot (mostly before she shaved her head - http://www.stilettojungleblog.com/2007/03/found-britney-spearss-little-miss.html), but i could be wrong.
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Hey f**k Ya'll people.
I don't know what the f**k you guys are going on about. Shitstein and Fagburg are the most talented comedy writers of our generation. They must be pretty savvy businessmen too in order to keep getting financed for these gut-busting spoof movies twice a year. It probably has nothing to do with their jewish heritage.
It's scary just how intuitive these guys are with tapping into the general audience and finding out what makes people fall down laughing for every single joke.
f**k that Judd Apatow and his reliable improv comedy troup. Those guys are done, man.
Just the other day during my Felcher and Finklestein film festival, I managed to find one part in each movie that had me rolling on the floor. I watched all 12 of their movies and found myself masturbating every time they play a popular radio song that I haven't heard a billion times.
For example, during Epic movie, I love the part where Sophie Monk is on the car having sex with the cheeseburgers. (oops, that was the Audrina Partridge commercial. Sorry)
Or the part from Meet the Spartans where the Hulk gets hit with cow. Then that scene in Date Movie where the camera lingers on the cheap plastic IronMan then he gets smashed by a flying cow. Then Hancock gets crushed by the flying cow after declaring "I AM HANCOCK". I'm cracking up just thinking about it.
The part that was definitely not funny was when Juno was breakdancing like a hardcore B-Boy. Without that scene, I would've spent the entire time laughing with my eyes shut.
I also love it when the gag isn't funny to begin with, but then they stretch that m**********r out for another 10 minutes just to get the point across. It's funny in a Andy Kaufman sort of way. You can never go wrong with Amy Whinehouse references.
But all the other jokes with the big summer movies were just as side-splittingly hilarious. Never mind that they wrote and filmed all of those short superhero cameos before anybody had ever seen a trailer or a poster for them. But they're still there to serve as a reminder that everything is f*****g funny when the same two or three actors play 50 different characters from other films, and shout out their own name before getting smashed by a cow.
Count me in for the Vampire Movie. Something tells me it's gonna involve Werewolves and Frodo Baggins trying to save the Transformers from sinking on the Titanic. John Connor and Speed Racer are going to have an unexplained dance-off, while Carmen Electra looks bored shaking her ass.
I used to think to myself "Who the f**k watches these movies?" until I was on a plane sitting next to some Appalachian hillbilly. He proceeded to whip out his copy of Epic Movie and watch it on his Wal-Mart portable DVD player (it didn't even make it through the movie). He also thought it would be grand to talk to me about the movie like it was the second coming of Crack Rock Christ for a solid 30 minutes. He genuinely thought it was quality humor, giggling like a retarded school girl at every poor attempt at non-humor. Until we create mandatory intelligence tests allowing couples to have children we will never be rid of these movies. This is due to the fact that there are people who will pay to see every one of these s**t-fests and ACTUALLY f*****g THINK THEY ARE QUALITY MOVIEMAKING.
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the sad part is that right now Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are probably writing a movie centered around everything he described in his "Vampire Movie" trailer...