7 Terrifying Giant Versions of Disgusting Critters

#3. Water Bugs

That up there is just your average, ordinary, everyday water bug, also called water striders or pond skaters. They're about the size of a mosquito, and are so light that they can skim across the water using surface tension. The normal variety can, in extreme cases, grow to be up to an inch long, but any bigger and they'd no longer be "pond skaters" but just drowned-ass mosquitoes.

The Horror, Oh God the Horror:

This is the Giant Water bug, so named because scientists are not exactly "creative types." It can grow to over four-inches long, a size which technically makes them less "water striders" than "insect barges of terror."

We wish we could tell you that they stay in their watery homes, and that you only have to worry about them if you go swimming in South American ponds (in which case you're either suicidal or a South American) but they're also colloquially known as "electric light bugs" because of their tendency to fly toward artificial light sources at night.

Oh, right, did we not mention that they fly, too?

So hey, if you find yourself in South America, just stay away from all water and artificial lights sources and you should be cool.

Holy Shit! Are they Dangerous?

Regardless of their actual threat level, a four-inch long amphibious insect with Jesus powers flying at your face will, at the very least, severely wound your manhood when you cry and swat frantically at the air around you before politely asking God to let you go home.

However, it doesn't stop there. Giant water bugs are considered to have one of the most painful bites in the bug world. They sink their mandibles into you and inject their saliva, which is used to liquefy their prey's insides so that it can be sucked out through their needle-like mouth. In severe cases, they can inject enough saliva into a human to permanently damage the muscle tissue.

So it literally liquefies your muscles, and metaphorically liquefies your testicles.

#2. Spiders

We're not being controversial here when we issue this statement: Fuck spiders. Just look at that picture up there; fuck that noise. We don't care how big that thing is, it needs to have a make-out session with our shoes just for existing on the same dimensional plane as us. Spiders don't need to grow in size to be scary; any size is too big. That thing up there could make this list exactly as it is.

The Horror, Oh God the Horror:

We guess spiders are chronic terror over-achievers, because that image is not bullshit, it is exactly what it looks like: A spider eating a fucking bird.

That's called Nephila Edulis, the Giant Golden Orb-web Spider and, according to the Head Spider Keeper of the New South Wales Australian Reptile Park (who must have murdered a convent full of puppies to get karma shitty enough for that job) tells us that this type of spider sometimes grows "as big as a human hand but the northern species in tropical areas were known to grow larger."

Holy Shit! Is it Dangerous?

Look at that! It's eating a freaking bird! Birds can fly! Can you fly?! The bird literally had access to an entire axis that you don't, and the spider still got it. What chance is there for you?!

Although the poison this particular species makes is pretty much the same thing produced by black widows, it is much less concentrated and merely causes localized pain, swelling and blisters--however, it should be noted that birds are not exactly on this spider's normal diet: These photos are of freak incidents.

Some might call that a comforting thought, but not us. We just see it as a sign of ambition.

#1. Jellyfish

Most of us are aware that jellyfish are little more than floating shopping bags filled with wet terror. What's worse is that they're typically too small, too translucent and too inconspicuous to spot in open water.

Most poisonous creatures flag themselves with bright colors and elaborate displays to let potential predators know that they're poisonous. Jellyfish apparently don't really care if you attack them, they're just content to make you hurt before they go down.

The Horror, Oh God the Horror:

Well, most jellyfish are content with their invisible dickery, anyway. Not the Lion's Mane Jellyfish. It wants you to see it. It's going to make goddamn sure that you don't miss it, because it's the size of a fucking Ford Fiesta.

The Lion's Mane Jellyfish can grow to be eight-feet across, with some types growing tentacles to over 120-feet long, making them some of the longest living things on earth.


The Lion's Mane Jellyfish, pictured here with its only natural predator: Gravity.

Holy Shit! Is it Dangerous?

We'd like to tell you it's harmless, we really would. We would love to tell you that the worst thing that could happen is that you get slimed by something that looks like a giant exploding testicle, but we can't lie to you: It's a big enough threat that entire pages are dedicated to informing scuba divers to stay the fuck away.

Considering that anybody even considered that advice is ballsy enough to be underwater in Australia in the first place--the country where monsters are born--you know that's a pretty serious warning. Their sting can cause extreme pain, cramping and even respiratory failure; which would suck in the best of circumstances, much less when you're trapped beneath several million tons of water and surrounded by orbs of living poison, while below, herds of Giant Marine Isopods wait to consume your prone body.

Find more from David at Associated Content.

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And for more beasts to kill with fire, check out 6 Terrifying Bats You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped and The 7 Most Horrifying Parasites on the Planet.

And for more on things that go bump in the night, click here.

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