There were all sorts of reasons not to go to the doctor back in the old days, back when their bags were full of mercury vials and hacksaws. And when the often puritanical patients had problems "down there" they were probably even more hesitant.
Thankfully, the world of quack medicine has always been around to sell them do-it-yourself devices to cure everything from impotence to constipation. And as horrible as you think these devices were, trust us, they were worse.
8Violet Ray Generators
Are you fascinated by the works of Nikola Tesla? Do you often find yourself wondering how you can cram one of Tesla's most famous inventions in your ass?
Violet Ray Generators were a hugely popular turn of the century device of medical quackery that claimed to be the one and only sci-fi-inspired contraption that could cure damn-near any aliment you threw at it. With the aid of a number of assorted tubes designed for various body parts one could potentially cure warts, toothaches, obesity, pimples, insomnia, jaundice, deafness, or dandruff, all by simply pulling out the recommended attachment from what is apparently Hellraiser's briefcase.
For the most part, the usage of a generator simply required the user to switch it on and awkwardly rub a purple-glowing glass tube all over a portion of the body while resisting the urge to pretend they were engaged in foreplay with an alien.
But when one came down with a case of constipation, enlargement of the prostate, or impotence there was no other choice but to pop one of those glass tubes in your asshole and hope to God you don't sneeze or cough. Oh, and if you miss the old-school medical techniques like this, you can still buy these antique devices on ebay.
7Lawson's Vaginal Washer
In the pre-douche era, a time of great Victorian craftsmanship and artistry, one man sought out to take on the problem of feminine hygiene. This man, having never seen an actual vagina up close, invented Lawson's vaginal washer.
There's only one picture of the vaginal washer available. This is an egg beater. Same principles apply.
Seriously, everything that needs to be said about Victorian-era understanding of female genitalia is right there in this spinning brass machine with a cartoonish crank on the side. Oh, yes, those blades up there would whirl around when you cranked it. You know, to clean the vagina.
There is a nozzle on the back where you can attach something to shoot in water or a bottle of some chemical with a name like Dr. Hallsworth's Medicated Lady Parts Solvent. The line starts over here, ladies!