The 6 Most Depressing IMDb Pages
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The Internet Movie Database isn't just any database. In those lists of films is a collection of stories of countless performers, with the year-by-year ups and downs as they struggled to make it in show business. And some of those stories are really, really depressing. #6.
Leslee Bremmer aka "Shower Girl"
We're not trying to imply that appearing as an unnamed character like "Pizza Delivery Guy" or "Cute Naked Girl" (boy, some credits writer was trying to make a move there) is more demeaning than cleaning septic tanks. But we have to believe that these actors and actresses dreamed of bigger things. Maybe not playing James Bond, but at least playing "James."
But sometimes you wind up like Leslee Bremmer. An occasional boxing ring girl, Miss Hot Rod Show World and Miss Golden State 100, Leslee appeared in nine fictional films during the 80s, including the gifts-to-adolescent-boy classics Hardbodies and My Chauffeur. Her characters?
The range really does take your breath away.
She did land one named part, "Sandy" in 1985's School Spirit. But, alas, her inexperience at such a lofty role came through. As the IMDb "Goofs" section of School Spirit reveals: "In several scenes actress Leslee Bremmer can be seen wearing a necklace with the letter "L" on it, despite the fact that her character's name is Sandy." #5.
Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle
If you've never heard of Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle, a look at his IMDb page will give you an idea that back in the early days of film, this guy was a gigantic star. He starred in more than 100 shorts, with almost 50 in 1914 alone (think about that schedule the next time you spend a whole afternoon painstakingly crafting a single message board post). By 1921, he was earning $1,000,000 a year making features for Paramount, back when that was ridiculous money.
Shortly before their deaths, John Belushi, Chris Farley and John Candy were all considered for the role of Arbuckle, the original "Live Fat, Die Young" screen comic. This has led some to suggest that the role is cursed, although this particular curse is probably more closely related to Big Macs and/or cocaine. If you look at the IMDb credits, right after 1921, you see this huge hole in Fatty's list. All at once, like flipping a switch, the parts dried up. What happened?
Well, Arbuckle and two friends spent Labor Day weekend in San Francisco. Virginia Rappe, an actress, became ill at a party in Arbuckle's hotel room and died four days later of an infection caused by a ruptured bladder. The newspapers went nuts, and rumors ranged from the portly Arbuckle crushing Rappe during sex to some non-slapstick activity with a Coke bottle. Arbuckle was tried for manslaughter three times, with shaky prosecution evidence and witness coercion leading to two hung juries and finally an acquittal, with the last jury even issuing him a written apology for the "great injustice." For Arbuckle, he must have thought that finally, the nightmare was over. It wasn't. Hollywood went ahead and banned Arbuckle from moviemaking and had his films withdrawn from circulation. Mind you, this happened less than a week after he was acquitted. Though that ban would be lifted within a year (under heavy public protest), the studios weren't exactly lining up to sign him, with his IMDb page telling the sad story. There's the silence of 1922-23, a small part in a lost Valentino film in 1924, the same year he began directing under the pseudonym "William Goodrich." In 1925, there was a small uncredited part in a film by his old partner, Buster Keaton. And then, the saddest damn listing in the whole database. In the film Listen Lena, he plays "Fat man with strategically covered face--(uncredited) (unconfirmed)."
OK, he returned to acting shortly before his 1933 death (he actually died after a party celebrating a new contract), but... Jesus. An uncredited and unconfirmed fat man with strategically covered face. If that doesn't say it all, the poor fat bastard. #4.
Maurice Evans - From Shakespeare to Bewitched
If you could graph the dignity of the following roles, you can pretty clearly see the point at which the graph starts to look like a stock market crash: Hamlet
That would be the career of Maurice Evans. If Cracked were to run an article called "The 8 Most Impressive Broadway Careers," then Maurice... OK, there isn't a shot in Hell we'd ever run that. But still, Evans was among the premier stage actors of his generation, first receiving acclaim in London, then starring in more than a dozen Shakespeare, Shaw and Ibsen plays on Broadway. He also produced several plays, including the 1954 Tony Award-winner, before graduating to Hollywood to pursue a film career. You can see above how that turned out.
While most famous for his stints on Batman, Bewitched and Planet of the Apes, he also got paychecks for appearing on Fantasy Island, The Love Boat, The Six Million Dollar Man, Mod Squad and many more.
Sure, his TV credits also include some Shakespeare as well as a few quality Hallmark Hall of Fames, but we'll make you a deal: every time one of those comes on the air we'll send you a dollar, and every time Bewitched or Dr. Zaius appears, you send us one. Hell, we'll even throw in his appearances in Terror in the Wax Museum and The Canterbury Ghost and see who comes out ahead. |
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Kudos to Mr Goldstein..
but it would seem he had dipped a teaspoon into an ocean of misery. . .
My suggestions are...Carl Foreman, the coproducer/cowriter of High Noon, blacklisted by HUAC for having been a communist party member in the 1930s, chased out of the country (with the help of John Wayne among others) before High Noon was even released. His business partner tried to screw him, and he also was unable to accept his own Oscar. Ironically High Noon was one of the most popular choices to be screened at the White House by various presidents, especially Richard Nixon.
Bertholt Brecht, a writer who escaped Nazi persecution in the 30s to come to Hollywood. He had a minor hit in Hangmen Also Die, but was unable to get much traction with his Marx inspired screenplays. In the 50s he was blacklisted as a communist, forced to testify before HUAC, and fled back to Germany. There were so many ex-Nazis running West Germany that he went to the communist East, but would eventually criticize that government too. He died of a heart attack in 1956.
Then there is almost every child star ever...
Oof. Did not see that last one coming. Nice one, Cracked.
it isn't just cracked who alleges Fatty Arbuckle is innocent. most sources you consult will tell you that Arbuckle was ripped off. Even the prosecutor knew that Arbuckle was innocent but thought that dragging the star to court and prosecuting him would advance his career.
Great article, but as the comments show, it's an injustice to stop at 6. The guy who played Genghis Kahn in Bill and Ted, the guy who played Sadam in every role, and the guy who got blacklisted by Disney all deserve to be put on a sequel to this list
http://www.examiner.com/x-3877-DC-Film-Industry-Examiner
I was casually reading a fairly humorous article about depressing IMDB pages when I suddenly, without warning came upon a picture of Burt Reynolds naked on a bear rug. I now have uncontrollable twitches, slur my words, and can barely walk a few meters without falling over and convulsing. The doctors say I will never fully recover. Thanks Cracked for crippling me for life.
How about the all-time winner of the "totally typecast" actor, Jerry Haleva:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0355062/
yeah, Burt Reynold's career has gone way downhill
also lol @ School Spirit being mentioned in this article
How about Manos: The Hands of Fate?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060666/
Basically the entire cast + writer/producer/director/actor Hal P Warren all have equally depressing stories...and involved in the SAME movie! You can make an entire list based solely off this awesome, awesome flick.
Fijad Hageb
Up 93% in popularity this week.
I am sorry, but how did you miss Anne Sellors?
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1856457/
Would you like to give yourself a chance to know an open minded girl? Yes, I'm that girl. Handsome guys come in, I'm wating for you in------www.seekbi.c o m.Yes, this is a good idea.Would you like to give yourself a chance to know an open minded girl? Yes, I'm that girl. Handsome guys come in, I'm wating for you in------www.seekbi.c o m.Yes, this is a good idea.
a better example of that would be the dude that played the dad on married with children. He spent years training as a classical actor wanting to be in uppity stage stuff and wound up....forever typecast as the grizzled trailerpark guy.
What the hell? Why is it so bad for a Shakespearean actor to do "low brow" stuff? That entry is way more elitist than I'd expect from Cracked. The rest was good, but that didn't sit well with me.
@Bender get HBO and watch the last season of Entourage
Pictures of "sexy" Burt Reynolds always feel like cruel photo shop pranks to me. I'm looking at the photo from the bottom up...."Hmmm, not bad...okay...mmmm...oh...oh yeah...ohhhhhhGODWHATTHEHELLISTHATONTOPOFTHENECK??? IS THAT A FACE??? WHATISONHISHEAD????GODHELPME...It's like finding a photo of a really hot guy...only to find out it's your dad.
I just jerked off to Leslee Bremmer,
add another credit to her IMDB page
That douchy Roberto Begnigni had a pretty impressive up and down.
The only depressing part about the Fatty Arbuckle story is that this crack gumshoe Goldstein didn't research very deep or more likely at all because after a quick google search of Fatty Arbuckle I found this surprisingly in-depth article
http://www.prairieghosts.com/hollywood2.html (at the bottom of the page).
Basically Fatty violently raped this starlet Virginia Rappe the day after a party, threatened to "throw her out a window" because she "made too much noise" and ordered her friends to dress her where they found Virginia's clothes completely shredded, and Virginia dying on a bed. She fell into a coma in the hospital and died a short while later, her autopsy was to be covered up and would have been if not for this detective who caught the hospital incinerator with Virginia's sex organs in a glass jar, it was discovered her bladder had ruptured which lead to peritonitis, the cause of her death.
The craziest parts of the story is how hard Hollywood tried to hide it, bribing their way out of Fatty's incarceration, portraying Virginia as a whore, etc. And Fatty got away! At the 3rd trial he actually got an apology from the jury; “Acquittal is not enough for Roscoe Arbuckle. We feel a grave injustice has been done him and there was not the slightest proof to connect him in any way with the commission of any crime.”
Well cuz garsh durnit, America loves them funny fat man and well golly, sluts are just begging to be raped!
It's just so sad that this was not mentioned at all and that Fatty got even more undeserved sympathy. 90 years later.
My dream is to land the role of pizza delivery in Gigli 2
Gotta love how it ends with a success story.
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