5Jocelyn Wildenstein, Aspiring Cat-Woman
Making herself look like some kind of cat-human hybrid.
Back in 1990, Jocelyn Wildenstein had what a lot of people would call a "charmed life." First, she was stinking rich. We're not talking comfortable, second house on the lake rich. Wildenstein owned a private jet, houses all over the world, a priceless art collection and probably a suped-up Camaro. All this and she didn't even have a job. She was living the American Dream.
Then, something horrible happened. About the time she turned 50, Wildenstein found out her husband was cheating on her. Feeling depressed and unattractive, she did what people with money do: She got some plastic surgery. A little something to help her self-esteem in a trying time.
But Should Have Quit Before...
She decided she wouldn't be happy with just a nip or a tuck. No, Jocelyn Wildenstein wanted to look like a cat. Whether she just went insane or snapped after watching one too many episodes of Ron Pearlman's show Beauty and the Beast is unclear.
We can see wanting to have his hair--it's fucking awesome--but his face?
But most observers are able to agree that whatever the reason, she was out of her fucking mind and rich enough to make it a reality. Wildenstein has spent the last 29 years and over $4 million transforming herself into Catwoman.
She has had numerous silicone injections into her cheeks, chin, forehead and lips, as well as facelifts and surgery to make her eyes look more "feline." But what's $4 million when you're loaded, right? Well, when her husband, Mr. Wildenstein, saw what she was turning into, he decided to divorce her before she had the tail and claws installed.
After a judge granted Mr. Wildenstein a divorce on the rare-used grounds of My-Wife-Is-Turning-Into-A-Catmonster, Jocelyn lost a huge chunk of her fortune. If that wasn't enough to create the "What the fuck was I thinking?" epiphany, it's probably not coming ... until she's got that first live mouse in her jaws.
4Glynn "Scotty" Wolfe, Wife Collector
Being married, at all times, at any cost.
Had his first wife not died after only a year of marriage, Glynn Wolfe might have led a very different life. The details of his first marriage are few, but he must have liked it because after his first wife died he got remarried ... 26 more times.
To be fair, Wolfe was a Baptist minister whose strong religious beliefs prevented him from living in sin. But he was also apparently a horn dog because he couldn't stay single. In order, Glynn Wolfe married:
Marcie McDonald, Stephanie Delaney, Victoria Ernest, Katherine Johnson, Rachel Jennings-Prescott, Charlotte Devane, Valerie Harborn, Charlotte Devane again, Frances Hunter, Carol Demmings, Priscilla Ralph, Katherine Archer, Lisa Walters, Katherine Archer again, Nina Morgan-Stuart, Chase Jones, Kathleen Briggs, Sharon Goodwin, Sharon Goodwin again, Demerle Goin-Rankin, Julia Santiago, Gloria Mascari, Vivian Alvers, Maria Velez, Eileen Shelton, Guadalupe Chavez, Maria Chavez (no relation), Christine Camancho and Linda Essex.
Wolfe's longest marriage lasted seven years and his shortest only 19 days. 19 days! What the hell can go wrong with a marriage in 19 freaking days? It turned out it was a dude, right?
But Should Have Quit Before...
Actually, we're thinking it's not marriage he was addicted to, but divorce. According to his son, Wolfe divorced one of his wives because she ate sunflower seeds in bed.
That may be irritating, but most of us wouldn't get divorced over it. But what did Wolfe care, it wasn't like he couldn't just find someone else. He knew how to play the game.
Hmmm... Maybe he was onto something.