The 6 Most Pointlessly Elaborate Movie Murder Plots
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When you really need something done, the simplest method is almost always the best. But don't tell that to Hollywood bad guys, who can't seem to kill a single victim without planning out a complex, Rube Goldberg-style sequence that's almost sure to end in failure. So, we get criminal masterminds using methods like... #6.
Stuntman Mike's Stunt Car in Death Proof
Stuntman Mike, from Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's ambitious bomb Grindhouse, seduces beautiful women who have nothing better to do but hang out in hole-in-the-wall bars in Middle of Nowhere, Texas.
Then he kills them, either by giving them a ride in the front seat of his stunt car (the driver seat is "death proof" but the rest of the car isn't) and crashing it, or just running them off the road. The Problem: Every plan results in his own car getting bashed to pieces. That means every time he scores a kill, he has to come back and rebuild the engine, put in a new suspension, get new brakes, shocks, axles, rebuild the transmission and who knows what else. All of this is after he's released from the hospital, of course.
But that doesn't touch on the most obvious problem: his insurance premiums. We don't even think Geico is going to be all that understanding after about the 12th woman turns up dead in one of his "accidents." Prepare for some skeptical looks from the claims guy, Mike. A Better Way: He convinces the drunken hotties to give him a lap dance to some R&B tunes, and then shoots them in the face. #5.
The Cube in Cube
If you haven't seen this cult classic, basically it's Saw, except it doesn't involve a saw. It involves a cube. A group of random people find themselves trapped in a cube-shaped maze, with no memory of how they got there. As the team moves through the cube, they find that some rooms are safe and some are booby trapped.
One room sprays acid on its victims, another one has retractable spikes, another juliennes its victims with cheese wire. The Problem: In order to truly understand a murder plot, it's important to understand the motive. And, after watching the entire movie, there doesn't seem to be any. The creation or creator of the Cube is never explained, and neither is the reason for these particular people being trapped there. In other words, the message is that life's a bitch and then you get a face full of acid.
But let's just assume for the sake of argument that the Cube's creator intended to teach people how to work together by putting them in a situation they could only escape from by pooling their resources, skills and knowledge. Wouldn't it be simpler and cheaper to just send them to a team-building weekend in the woods where they could learn the same things by crossing rope ladders and solving toothpick puzzles?
And if that is indeed the lesson, how are they going to spread their message when they are all dead and the only guy who makes it out alive is the one with autism? A Better Way: The Cube's creator points a gun in the face of his victims and tells them to "Cooperate, dammit!" Then he shoots all of them, minus the autistic one, in the face. #4.
The Remote-Controlled Car Bomb in The Dead Pool
The Dirty Harry series officially ran out of steam by the fourth film in the franchise, and then it jumped the shark in a remote control car. In The Dead Pool, a serial killer is once again stalking the streets of San Francisco, killing people to rig a "dead pool" (a betting pool on what famous person will die next). Dirty Harry Callahan is on the list and the killer decides the best way to off the 60-year-old man is by going after him with an explosive radio controlled car.
Unfortunately, the killer doesn't realize that Dirty Harry's actual car can out run the radio controlled car, so a chase ensues with Dirty Harry's car, the killer's car and the killer's tiny RC car, which he is controlling with perfect ease while driving his own, full-sized vehicle. Think of it as Bullitt if it were written by a small, confused child. The Problem: Just think about the amount of time that had to go into making a remote controlled car-bomb, and somehow making that car run fast enough to nearly keep up with a real car. Then at the end of all that effort, you still have a device that can be thwarted by something as simple as a curb or a small dog.
A Better Way: Show Dirty Harry your ridiculous killer remote control car. While he's distracted by his derisive laughter, shoot him in the face. |
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about cube: "except for the autistic one"
SPOILER (for both of you who haven't seen it yet.)
we can always assume the the joker never planned anything and is just a master of improvisation
Re: Smoking Aces
It was just all a colossal fuckup. The mob boss did have a simple plan: send in face-change dude to kill Piven, extract his heart, and put it on ice.
The henchmen who overheard the boss setting up the plan just decided to horn in on the action, hiring their own hitmen to compete with "the Swede" and undercut the boss-man's hitman, without really knowing what the whole thing was about. And Michael Bluth is the one who sent in Ben Affleck to get shot in the face.
It's incredibly difficult to follow, because all of the fuckers at the beginning who explain this SNAFU are talking over each other and you can't hear what the f**k they're saying. Watch the surveillance scene from the beginning with subtitles, and it's explained. But really, it's not worth the effort.
The movie is mostly about s**t blowing up, s***k-ass bitches, and Jeremy Piven looking/acting like a cokehead. Oh, and chainsaws to the crotch.
Very true @ The Dark Knight. For a guy who claims to have no plans ("agent of chaos" and all that bs), he sure does do a lot of scheming.
yeah, but the whole point of the joker in the dark knight is that he didn't have a plan. he even says it in the scene with dent in the hospital. he just...does things to see what happens.
Let's face it. Except for Dr. No, all the movies on this list suck anyway.
Oh wow ... y'know? I didn't even notice the whole plot thing in The Dark Knight. I only notice the stupid stuff if there isn't anything I can go "Wow" at. I'm very easily distracted by flashing lights and loud noises.
@ Ok?
"Another pointless article...its called entertainment."
Another pointless comment...its called entertainment.
If anybody cares to know, the third Cube movie "Cube Zero" explains everything. None of it makes any sense, but its explained
The Joker himself said to Harvey Dent "...Do I really look like a guy with a plan?..."
I think he just knew what he wanted done and wanted it done in the most explosive way possible.
Joker isn't really a planner, just a doer.
Pretty sure the joker himself said that so you're not really analyzing and he most certainly is a planner. At least the movie version is who happens to be the one they are talking about. I wonder who came up with all of his plans?
Joker isn't really a planner, just a doer. I think his gig is the same as V, from, you know, that comic. He's crazy. He has crazy plans. He does crazy things, and no one can figure them out because they don't make any sense. That's what makes him the perfect villain for the World's Greatest Detective (that's batman if you haven't figured it out).
The worst part of the Dark Knight was when the joker had the assassination attempt on the mayor during the presentation of arms. Two of the shooters turn to shoot the mayor, and all of a sudden (while firing was already expected), all the cops drop their rifles and the hundreds of cops at the ceremony scatter like frightened little children. Worst scene ever.
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Minor addition:
...I mean, remember the whole thing with the ferryboats, and the corrupting Harvey Dent? Joker's plots are all about decisions that torture the hell out of their makers, so they should involve alot of elaboration.
This makes sense overall, but I think you should have left the Joker's schemes out of it. He made them that complicated for a reason.
Couldn't agree more. The middle hour or so of TDK is an insulting mess. I'm glad I'm not the only one who realizes it's short comings.
Oh, the ending also blows.
Um, is there any point in calling the Joker's plan elaborate? Of course it's going to be, he's the master of insane drawn out plans (Often with doomsday devices painted cheery colors for some fun juxtaposition) but the fact is the Joker's plan in The Dark Knight is more a rough guideline and he isn't exactly expecting everything to happen as it does, he just goes with it. He has get-out-plans for every scenario he could predict in advance and after that he just goes in for the thrill, that's the kind of homocidal pyschopath he is.
f this guy. he's an idiot--- while i can see movies like deathproof making it on here (a severe disappointment) and even smoke and aces (entertaining, but plotholes nonetheless), but the dark knight isn't supposed to be about "well, if this and this and this didn't happen just so"--- the point is to tell a good story. and it was. look at the records it has set. if the author wants to write about movies that have most pointlessly elaborate plots, pick the ones that are most POINTLESSLY elaborate, not the ones that are SUCCESSFULLY elaborate. i hate to be POINTLESSLY critical, but the author is too busy finding faults with the status quo's taste instead of making a good list. i'm sure it's POINTLESSLY critical since the author will never pay attention to this, just like he didn't pay attention to the joker's philosophy.
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To all of you geniuses saying that the Joker has no plans that is totally untrue. He's just saying that to use Two-Face as his pawn. The Joker has 2 plans: to take over Gotham's criminal underbelly (which he succeeds) and also to prove that deep down everyone is just like him. That's what that whole ordeal with the boats was at the climax. That's why he took down Dent and made him insane. He wanted to prove that in a life-or-death scenario everyone is just like him. That is a plan. So don't take that "no plan" thing for a given.