5 Jobs You Wanted as a Kid (And Why They Suck)
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#2.
Pilot
Why Kids Think It's Cool: Basically, being a pilot has the two most essential components a child looks for in a job. Big machine? Check. Motherfucking flying? Check. Furthermore, if movies are to believed, flying a plane involves a lot of pulling levers, flicking switches and pushing buttons, and kids love that kind of shit. It's as if someone put wings on an arcade.
Why the Job Actually Sucks: In general, pilots fly either passenger or cargo planes, which involves three stages: Takeoff, Landing and A Long Time of Being Bored, when pilots have to sit in a chair for hours on end and they can't get up except to go to the bathroom.
If that sounds familiar, it's because we just described the experience of everyone on an airplane. Kids hate flying in airplanes. In fact, every kid who has ever sat near us on a plane seemed to believe that flying was somehow poisonous, and the only antidote was for them to scream their friggin heads off for the entire six hours from New York to L.A. Kids, at least, can go to sleep or watch the in-flight movie; not pilots. Pilots can't sleep at all, and their in-flight movie is… the sky. #1.
Astronaut
Why Kids Think It's Cool: Where should we begin? First you get to fly on the world's largest bottle rocket from planet to planet, where you meet all kinds of aliens. Remember, at the age when kids want to be astronauts when they grow up, they still haven't seen movies where aliens rip out of your chest or hunt you for sport. As far as little kids are concerned, aliens are fun and playful, like dolphins in outer space. Dolphins who own ray guns.
Even if your child is a bit more practical and understands that being an astronaut is not the same as being a Jedi, all they've ever seen astronauts do is float around in anti-gravity, doing somersaults and squirting their food out of tubes before chasing it down and eating it mid-air. Astronauts are professional food fighters, and as we all know, they eat nothing but freeze-dried ice cream and Tang. That kind of nutrition gives them energy to do their jobs, like when they fly to the moon and perform vital scientific experiments such as golf, and jumping around like they're on a great big bouncy castle. Why the Job Actually Sucks: Because you need a Ph.D. just to do an astronaut's dry cleaning. To be an actual astronaut, a person has to be two-thirds Stephen Hawking, and one-third someone who has perfect vision and awesome hand-eye coordination. To make sure they have the right guy, NASA subjects their astronauts to an endless series of grueling tests.
Before they go to the celestial trampoline we call the moon, astronauts spend about ten years keeping themselves in peak physical condition while essentially taking the SAT every single day. Even if your kid's some rare breed of super genius who enjoys both tests and pushups, it's still not all it's cracked up to be. To give your kid an idea of what an astronaut's job is truly like, do the following: Step 1: Go buy a van - preferably a 1976 Peugeot. Step 2: Have the owner's manual translated into Russian. Step 3: Tell your child to pretend the van is a space station, and that his or her assignment is to rotate the tires.
Step 4: Push the van to the bottom of a swimming pool. Hand your child the translated owner's manual, a toolbox and a balloon full of air. For more careers that will only disappoint you check out The 5 Most Overrated Jobs Of All-Time. Or, get paranoid reading 6 Emails You Get When Your Company Is About to Go Under. |
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Ok, well put.
Yeah, spfgs, now multiply that by the number of engines on active duty throughout the country at any given time. Emergency services is all about sit, wait, twenty minutes of action (though presumably putting out a fire takes longer than bringing in a patient so let's say fifty minutes... out of your twelve hour shift), then back to the sitting and waiting, even in large cities.
When I was little, I wanted to be the person who scrapes roadkill off the road. I had high aspirations, what can I say?
fire fighters dont just dit around all day every 47 seconds a house catches on fire in the united states
I call bullshit on #2. Being a pilot is f*****g AWESOME.
And yes, I know it's about being a civilian airline pilot, not an Air Force one. But even with that, you're FLYING. Doesn't matter if you're going Point A to Point B on autopilot, it's still flying. And you get to push lots of buttons and flip switches. Yes, it is like an arcade with wings, and yes, it is still fun.
And if you're a pilot for a living, chances are on the job isn't the only flying you do.
"And if you use the gigantic water gun to spray your friends, people yell at you (that goes quadruple if some of your friends happen to be African-American)."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
haha, bein a fireman isn't a bad job. we get to see funny s**t and while i'm sitting in the firehouse waitin for a call, i get to f**k around on the internet... that's what i'm doin right now... our station is single story though... no firepole.
Loved the last one. XD
I used to want to be a Mongoose. I don't know why I just did. Looking back I think idiot why would I want to be a Mongoose I hate snakes.
I'm just wondering, is there anything about a movie director/producer/writer that has downsides. I'm working in Hollywood making a living whilst I type up some scripts and see if I can sell them. Just want to know before I give up on the idea (and yes I am aware of the fact that some actors are total bitches, that my movie could become a box office flop and that the enthusiasm could wash away pretty damn quickly).
When I saw Pilot, I automatically disagreed with you. It is in my military piloting instinct. My father was an Air Force pilot, and I am on my way to becoming one. I could not imagine you insulting my future profession.
Then I realized that you were talking about civilian airline pilots, or cargo pilots. And I agreed with you.
That would suck.
You forgot truck driver. Why Kids Think It's Cool: You get to drive a huge truck down the road, see the world through a windshield, talk on a radio to other truckers using all sorts of neat slang, eat in truck stops, and maybe, just maybe, be in an arm-wrestling tournament. Why the Job Actually Sucks: You spend days, even weeks, away from your family and friends. You miss out on a lot, even new movies. You have to put up with bullshit laws that vary from state to state, and the only ones that don't vary are the Federal ones that limit how much money you can make in a day. Worst of all, you have to share the road with thousands of people who either aren't paying attention, or don't really know how to drive in the first place, or don't give a s**t about their safety or yours, or are f*****g with you on purpose.
I disagree with number 2. I've been on a plane every year since I was sixteen months old, and I LOVE flying.
astronaut was always my #1, and the article actually describes me pretty well. hm....
Policeman also includes being underpaid for constantly risking your life on the streets and having to take crap from the sarge... Oh, wait, that last part applies to mostly any job.
The part of being a princess is actually even worse than having to marry a moron. You have to be polite ALL THE TIME, you can't afford to lose it sometimes, except when you're alone. You have to take classes about a lot of things you don't want to learn about... But, most of all, the worst part is, you don't get to have a life of your own.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be "Princess Ball Breaker." Funny how some things never change.
I wanted to be all of those things when I was a kid! Except princess, never really wanted that.
Actually, as firefighters we are busier then ever, its just more medical calls and less fires. But I still love it regardless, they pay you to sleep and break sh*% for a living.
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About the job as princess, that sounds a lot like incest. I've read about that, before royal families were worried about their estate and they want to keep their bloodline pure. So .. well you there goes marrying one of your cousins just sharing anyway. I still love to be a pilot or a tourguide :)