5 Scenes From History That Everyone Pictures Incorrectly The 4 Most Baffling Driving Behaviors Everyone Encounters 5 Movies That Made Huge Stars Quit Acting Forever

The 9 Most Inappropriate Soundtrack Choices of All Time

#4.
Really, Couldn't Poor Children Use a Little Heroin?

Song:

"Perfect Day" by Lou Reed

Used in:

Children in Need (CIN) Charity Single

Why they thought it would be appropriate:

Well, it wasn't originally a charity single, it was originally a corporate video promoting the BBC. But Bono sang on it. And since there's a whole generation that has grown up thinking "charity" is just a fancy word for "things Bono is involved in," the BBC figured they might as well cash in on the misconception and use it to pad the already bloated wallets of orphans.

Why it wasn't:

We can't say with complete certainty that "Perfect Day" is about heroin use, but Lou Reed only really wrote two types of songs: songs about heroin and songs about transvestites. And it's not about a transvestite.

To put this in perspective, at the CIN concert, the man who wrote "Heroin" and "Walk on the Wild Side" was followed by "Teletubbies Say Eh-Oh" by the Teletubbies.

#3.
Creedence Protests War, Pantslessness

Song:

"Fortunate Son" by Creedence Clear Water Revival

Used in:

Wrangler Jeans ad

Why they thought it would be appropriate:

Wrangler is into its Americana, and "Fortunate Son's" got that great twangy, rock intro. And check out the patriotism of the opening lyrics:

Some folks are born

To wave the flag


Ooh, they're red, white and blue

If that doesn't make you wanna buy jeans, then you're some kind of Communist.


God Bless America.

Why it wasn't:

Those lyrics are immediately followed by:

And when the band plays hail to the chief


Ooh, they point the cannon at you, lord


It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no senators son, son

Honestly, it's not like there's this huge shortage of jingoistic rock songs and Wrangler had no choices. But instead, they did the corporate equivalent of Uwe Boll picking out the words he likes from a bad review and changing the context ("Born in the USA is a classic song about"..."Ronald Reagan"..."who's smarter than you").

#2.
Punk Rock Florists

Song:

"Real Wild Child" by Iggy Pop

Used in:

Commercial for FTD Florists

Why they thought it would be appropriate:

God knows. They grow their flowers in the wild, maybe? The theme of the series of commercials was "be a hero," so ... no, we don't see it. What does being a hero have to do with flowers anyway? They were weird ads.

Why it wasn't:

When Jerry Lee Lewis said he was a real wild child, we believed him. He was a rock and roll pioneer, and was heavy into nailing chicks no matter how young or how much they were his cousin. When Iggy Pop said he was a real wild child, we really believed him.

The man goddamn invented stage diving, used to roll around in broken glass during concerts, and at one point tried to kill Elton John because he thought he was a gorilla. Seriously.

But florists? Florists are not wild children. Even if FTD delivered flowers on a Harley Davidson built from the bones of Jimi Hendrix and fueled by Kurt Cobain's ashes (which as far as we know, they don't) they still wouldn't be rock and roll enough to use that song in their ads.

#1.
At Least They Didn't Change It To Major Neil

Song:

"Space Oddity" by David Bowie

Used in:

BBC coverage of the Moon landing

Why they thought it would be appropriate:

The song was a big hit at the time, it was about space, and the Steve Miller Band were still four years away from singing "some people call me a space cowboy," so it would have to do.

Why it wasn't:

Well, aside from the fact Bowie seems to have pulled all his knowledge about space travel out of his ass (astronauts are called commander, not major, and why is "Major" Tom taking protein pills before take off?) the problem comes in the lines near the end:

Ground control to Major Tom

 Your circuit's dead,

there's something wrong

Can you hear me, Major Tom?

It's very strongly implied that Major Tom gets stuck in space forever. And considering this was played during the moon landing, when they still had yet to get back, that's tempting fate to a crazy degree. You'd almost think England wanted something to go wrong. That's the shit international incidents are made of.

But of course, the Apollo Space program had their own issues with tempting fate. There's a reason hotels skip the 13th floor, guys.

For a remix of John McCain's concession speech that's actually more appropriate than the one he actually gave, check out today's video: If McCain’s Concession Speech Was As Bitter As His Campaign. Or, if you're tired of all this election bullshit, find out about The 5 Biggest News Stories You Missed During Election Season. Or if you need to get yourself amped before the next Slayer concert, may we recommend 6 National Anthems That Will Make You Tremble With Fear?

  • Random

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

363 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!