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L. Ron Hubbard's 5 Most Impressive Lies (Besides Scientology)

By Kristi Harrison June 3, 2008 1,485,555 views
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Some things are self-evident: Murder is wrong, kindness is good and 75 million years ago, a ruler of a Galactic Confederacy rounded up billions of his own citizens and shipped them to Earth (then called Teegeeack), tied them to volcanoes and used hydrogen bombs to blow up their bodies. Adultery is bad. Lying is wrong.

Yet somehow, some statements made by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, even those having nothing to do with the religion, have actually come into question by critics who often refer to them as "exaggerated" and "laugh out loud retarded."

#5.
On His Native American Upbringing ...

He Said:

It seems L. Ron really, and we mean really wanted to make it clear that he had some extraordinary credentials when it came to his understanding of spirituality. And what do most of us require in a spiritual leader? Nothing less than full membership in a Native-American tribe.

Lucky for L. Ron, the Blackfoot Indian tribe of Montana recruited him and made him a blood brother in a really cool tribal ceremony that probably featured a whole lot of feathers and peace pipes and dancing and whatnot. And, oh yeah, that was when he was just four years old. Those injuns must have really recognized great perception and timeless wisdom in little L. Ron when he wasn't crapping his pants.

And then, as if his followers wouldn't be crapping their pants in excitement over his Blackfeet Indian connections, L. Ron also insists that he spent his adolescence sitting at the feet of shamans of the Orient, eventually applying their ageless wisdom to produce--TA-DA!--Scientology.

But Actually:

L. Ron lived in Helena, Montana when he was four. The nearest Blackfoot Reservation was over 100 miles away. Still, he could have made the trek for the blood brother ceremony ... if the Blackfoot tribe actually conducted that sort of ritual. But oops, they didn't. As our friends at Wikipedia point out:

"The white Blackfeet historian Hugh Dempsey has commented that the act of blood brotherhood was 'never done among the Blackfeet,' and Blackfeet Nation officials have disavowed attempts to 'reestablish' Hubbard as a 'blood brother' of the Blackfeet."

Probably just an innocent misunderstanding. But what about his travels to Asia, you ask?

There is some authenticity to Hubbard's story. His father, Harry Hubbard, was actually stationed in Guam at the US Naval Base, so, yeah, young Hubbard did have the opportunity to spend some time in Asia. What did Hubbard learn from the wise men there? From his actual diary:

"They smell of all the baths they didnt take. The trouble with China is, there are too many chinks here."


Not Pictured: Enough white people for Hubbard.

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202 Comments

Man, you guys are just asking, no, begging for trouble. Little tommie cruise is making a list..

You think Oprah holds a grudge? Did you check out some of the footage on youtube of scientology henchman in action before you gave this piece the green light? You guys have some big balls.

I salute your courage. And I sincerely hope little tommy cruise doesn't make you go away. This is a fun site.

Cheers Cracked. Good luck.

6/15/2009 9:24:44 PM
cjanderson

So, if you're not supposed to break the law, what would they do if scientology were illegal?

4/23/2009 9:22:44 AM
controlclerk

How could such a consumate professional such as Mimi Rogers subscribe to anything this Medicine Man dispenses

4/17/2009 5:28:10 PM
JakeJones

It's really disheartening that people believe the s**t this guy spewed... God, I hope Tom Cruise is carried off and eaten by a large bird...

3/30/2009 1:49:58 PM
Feltrain

The trouble with Scientology is its full of scientologists.

3/10/2009 2:46:56 PM
bloodmoney

What an a-hole. And if you've never read any of Hubbard's Sci-Fi, it is *painfully* bad.

2/28/2009 7:47:11 AM
yuma_bill

the photo-shopped pictures alone, are worth the price of admission in this article...

2/25/2009 6:50:04 PM
crackeduser

Well, uhhm; let's see....writing fiction in book-form is called a "hobby", and maybe even a "career". Creating wild, elaborate fictions to compensate for your own insecurties and personal shortcomings is called "lying". Or, maybe "Munchausen's Syndrome".
Either way, it ain't good.

2/23/2009 4:40:45 PM
Follguy

he was a science FICTION author. why dont people get that??

2/22/2009 3:12:27 PM
fogle

all religions make me sick. all religions suck. they just want your lives. they just want your money. they think they have all the answers. they don't even know the questions. all religions suck!

2/22/2009 11:27:35 AM
verinon

here's what bothers me: even after he's been proven to be a fraud, and it's been proven to be bullshit, people still follow it.
Like... wtf?

2/21/2009 5:08:46 PM
CassG08

http://www.zipperfish.com/toons/yaafm/yaafm-11-scientology/

This is how I first learned about the insanity that is Scientology (and the fraud that is L. Ron)

2/18/2009 1:55:51 PM
nosebutter

Dax, I'd just say it's one of the most succesful get-rich-quick schemes of the 20th Century... at least for its founder.

2/18/2009 8:25:32 AM
MajorDSaster

Uhm, scientology isn't about believing in voodoo alien ghosts and s**t. Clearly theres some ulterior motive behind why so many rich people are in it and that its built to make money and its getting attention for being garbage.

You honestly think this..."corporation" lets call it, exists simply to make people believe all the garbage? Or are they actually up to something more sinister, rather then just being douchebags who believe in Zordon or whatever the f**k building ghost keeping machines n s**t.

They're up to something, and it ain't ghost aliens.

2/18/2009 7:19:37 AM
Dax

All religions are bullshit.

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

2/18/2009 7:18:04 AM
MsMiscreant

You'd need a lot longer list than this to go through all of the outrageous lies this nutcase made during his life. What gets me is there are people so stupid, so gullible, so blinded by their cult that they actually believed his nonsense without the slightest fact checking. There is enough documentary evidence and first hand accounts to know the guy was a pill popping nut, a pathological liar, a wife beater, a tax dodger and an all round miserable excuse of a human being. Its no wonder he (and his equally loony cult) hated psychiatrists.

2/18/2009 3:27:17 AM
DrXym

The reason a lot of folks buy into Scientology is because they don't open with the crazy "you're possessed by alien ghosts and we can exorcise them and give you magic powers in exchange for all your money" bullshit. They start off by selling Scientology as a sort of philosophy and mental discipline that will help you overcome all of the various fears and worries everyone deals with and empower your life. Once they have you believing this, and they get you into their web, then they start conditioning you to accept everything they say as true. And that's when the crazy stuff starts filtering in.

2/17/2009 10:23:38 PM
Yorak

L. Ron really was a Physicist, we went to school together. Or at least my thetan back when I was an intergalactic Walrus. I'm a doctor, I should know.

2/17/2009 1:36:28 PM
Slowmotion

They say that there's a kernal of truth in every lie, but... I'm not sure I want to know which is it...

2/15/2009 7:51:21 PM
UndeadMonkey

I'm just gonna go ahead and put 2 comments in so no one will have to read Ronbot's drug-induced comment.

2/15/2009 7:48:53 PM
UndeadMonkey

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