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Scientists have a PR problem. If TV is to be believed, doctorates are awarded in the form of fishbowl glasses and a tendency to stutter. Sometimes movies try to help out by portraying action scientists, like in The Core, but usually do more harm than good since it's generally restricted to truly terrible movies, like in The Core. Here we look at seven self-endangering scientists who only wear lab coats because you can't get explosive-bear-proof tuxedos outside of MI6. Each one of these researchers has been voted "Most likely to inject themselves with the Omega Serum while shouting, 'Dammit, there's no time for testing!'" #6.
John Paul Stapp, Scientist and Human Bullet
While other so-called heroes run around saving useless things like kittens and "civilians," John Paul Stapp looked at jet fighter pilots and thought, "Those poor guys need my help." Yes, the manliest profession in the world since "Grizzly Bear Rodeo" was outlawed, and World War II veteran Dr. Stapp was the man who saved them. He served as a flight surgeon in WWII, and after the war performed critical research on the effects of sudden deceleration on the human body. His human body. He used a rocket armed with four rocket engines and a total thrust of 6,000 pounds. The wider scientific community believed the human body could not survive more than 18 Gs of deceleration--Stapp hit 35. Because he goddamn could.
He became the fastest man in the world, moving faster than a bullet--632 miles per hour.
In 1954 he decelerated from 120 miles per hour to 0 in 1.4 seconds, and gained two huge black eyes from the force of his own slammed-forward eyeballs punching him on the inside of the face. The impact blinded him for two days, during which we must imagine his response was to walk around and simply dare the world to put things in his way. Oh, and he also broke his back, arm, wrist, lost six fillings and the icing on the cake? He got a hernia. His response? He built a bigger rocket.
He lived to 89 and his research has saved lives around the world ever since. Oh, and in case Dr. Stapp hasn't made a mockery of your life's work and achievements just yet: The whole time he he was slinging his own body around like a fleshy cannon shell, he was also running an after-hours clinic for the families of servicemen at the base where he worked, making house calls and providing free medical care. Every night.
Yeah, you sit up straighter now when you're reading about a real man, you loser. #5.
Drs. Warren and Barry Marshall Drink Stomach-Eating Germs
Drs. Warren and Marshall isolated the bacteria responsible for stomach ulcers, but the wider scientific community maintained that stress, lifestyle and general whining were the real cause. Dr. Marshall countered with the little known "frat party" method of science, declaring, "I'll fucking show you" and drinking the vial of filthy bacteria they'd culled from the stomachs of ulcer suffers.
He was positive he was right before he drank it, and when he immediately developed gastritis with achlorhydria, nausea, vomiting and halitosis he was damn sure. We're talking absolutely, positively, "coming down from a mountain and founding a religion" sure.
In true movie-style, this was a daring experiment that broke all the rules--right down to the first rule of biology labs: "Don't drink things in the vials here." Suitably impressed, the Nobel Prize committee awarded him and Dr. Marshall the prize, and presumably some breath mints.
So what could be more disgusting than that? #4.
Albert Hoffman Invents LSD, and Soaks His Brain In It
Dr. Albert Hoffman developed Lysergic Acid Diethylamide-25 in 1938. Five years later he accidentally absorbed a tiny dose through his skin and had to stop working, experiencing intoxication, dizziness and two hours of mind-bending hallucinations. Clearly a man who knows how to party, his first response was "I gots to get me some more of that shit." He didn't mess around. Three days later he took 250 micrograms, now known to be over 10 times the threshold dose for humans. He later claimed that this was a miscalculation, but we're fairly sure when he said that he winked and added, "Right, guys?" He spent the rest of the day in a state scientifically categorized as "high off his tits." He was unable to speak clearly, he saw sounds, was afraid of witches, threatened by his furniture and watched the best fireworks display the world has ever seen go off inside his eyeballs.
The next day he decided, "The world must share this feeling," and spent the rest of his life campaigning for LSD applications, despite some idiot hippies getting it banned and ruining it for everyone.
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I am surprised that you didn't include Joseph Kittinger. He once jumped out of a hot air balloon from 102,800 feet to test out a new parachute technology in 1960, while the glove on his pressurized suit malfunctioned and his right hand swelled to twice its normal size, he didn't tell anyone because he thought it'd make them stop the mission.
In addition, this was after he was knocked unconscious during a previous fall and saved only by the fact that his parachute deployed automatically.
You have merely seen the most badass of one of the most badass professions in the world. Seriously, only having your job be being Chuck Norris, Slyvester Stallone (except for that one movie...), or Mr. T is more inherently badass.
Seriously, scientists electrocute themselves multiple times just to make sure that the number was correct.
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That is why not all drugs are bad, just some.
I am very familiar with these said "Fireworks"
Based on the fact that common sense and intelligence simply cannot coexist together in the human brain, I am forced to conclude that scientists whom have the "balls" to do this stuff, end up castrating themselves (unless of course they prefer having the ability to make babies over having the ability to live), and this will lead to the elimintation of everything smart from the human genome and therefore resulting in a reverse in evolution. Or you can just go with the typical stereotype that "nerds never get laid" if that makes you feel better.
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Hey, you forgot the guy back in the 1800's who used to taste/inhale chemicals in order to accurate describe their properties. Pretty ballsy if you ask me...
Dude. "Hofmann" has one F.
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you forgot about the guy who drilled holes in his head to relive himself of headaches. He survived about 3 or 4 drillings i belive.
Learning that, under the proper circumstances, a man's eyeballs can punch him on the inside of the face made me positively giddy. I know it's early, but I'm gonna go ahead and call that the highlight of my day.
I thought that Hoffman took an order of magnitude higher than the standard dose, (on his second time): 250 milligrams, not micrograms. A couple hundred micrograms are SOP for an interesting evening, whereas milligrams would be a little more than interesting...
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I'm studying biotech. I plan to alter my DNA to perform crap you see in Bioshock. Or just to give me the agility (and feet) of a monkey.
Fucking a to Werner. the fuckers stupidity is saving lives (including mine) to this day. it still is better than what fucking Germans used to do.
Great list and good writing.Now I feel inadequate.
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We didn't touch them. For once.
Graduate with a degree in retarded!
It used to be that to become president, you had to wrestle a bear.
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