The 9 Most Devastating Insults From Around the World
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#4.
"Grandfatherfucker" (Afatottari)
Who Said That? Icelanders.
Dear God Why?
Other helpful Icelandic phrases:
"Plunger" (Drullusukkor). That is, the plumbing tool, roughly equivalent to "fucktard." "Girl who drives a truck" (Trukkalessa). A butch lesbian--that one sort of works in America too, no? When they eventually run out of random items to call one another, they will revert to grittier tactics. A grand majority of them revolve around who or what their antagonist is prone to fucking. "Corpsefucker" (naridill) "Sheepfucker" (rollurioari) "Unclefucker" (frandseroir) It's assuring to see other cultures helping us to push the envelope of what "fuck" is truly capable of. #3.
"I'll make sarma with your penis' skin" (Glirit mortin hed sarma shinem)
Who Said That? Armenians.
Dear God Why?
Other helpful Armenian phrases:
"Eshoon noor oodel chi vayeler" It's not pretty watching a jackass try to eat a pomegranate (read: clumsy). "Krisnera zhazh tan vred" Let the rats ejaculate on you. "Kak oudelic shoon" Shit eating dog. "Eshu Koorak" Son of Donkey. The one involving rats is particularly jarring. It leverages sexual violation and vermin to make its point. Either that or we've misinterpreted it and Armenia is actually some sort of Mecca for furries. There are a fair amount of genital references interwoven into their cursing as well. "Dzvis ty" translates to "My nut's twin", effectively calling the other person a testicle. It is not presently known if they intend you to usurp the existence of one of the balls present or if this is a declaration that Armenian men naturally sport a lone testicle. #2.
"May God give you to search for your children with a Geiger counter" (Da bog da trazio detzoo Gaygerovim broyachem)
Who Said That? Serbians.
Dear God Why?
"The Pope fucks you" (Jebo te Papa) "May your house be live on CNN" (Da bog da ti kuca bila na CNN-U)--this essentially means I hope NATO will bomb your house. Not all their digs are quite so topical. The CNN-based insults only work against people whose homes haven't been bombed, which couldn't be more than a couple dozen. That's why "Da bi te majka prepoznala u bureku" (Let your mother recognize you in a meat pie) and "Da Bog da ti zena rodila stonogu pa ceo zivot radio za cipele" (May your wife give birth to a centipede so you have to work for shoes all your life) are instant classics as well. #1.
"Stick your hand in my ass and jerk off with my shit" (Sa-mi bagi mana-n cur si sa-mi faci laba la cacat)
Who Said That? Romanians.
Dear God Why?
"Shampoo my dick-hair with your saliva" (Shampona-mi-ai flocii cu saliva) "Brush your teeth, my dick will be inspecting soon!" (Spala-te pe dinti ca vin cu pula in inspectie) Mothers are another favorite target in this region. However, rather than indulge the classic "Yo Mamma" insult architecture, they prefer to taint her sanctity in a round-about way. For example, "Usca-mi-as sosetele pe crucea ma`tii" (I dry my socks on your mother's cross) is blasphemous, but really only as a vehicle to get at the mom. You really have to applaud the balls it takes to assault God just to slam someone's mother. Another example of this is "Futu-tzi coliva ma~tii" (Fuck your mother's funeral meal). We're not sure if this meant to simply show disdain for the deceased or demonstrate intent to fornicate with the sarmalute cu mamaliga plate, but neither is particularly polite. Honorable Mentions:
Here's some more helpful phrases as you travel the globe, insulting the locals in their native language:
Vietnamese:
Finnish:
Afrikaans:
Albanian:
Bosnian:
We're thinking that should cover about every situation. Enjoy your trip! When Ian isn't writing here or heading off to work in his green hat, he writes at internetsensation.com.If you liked that you'll probably enjoy our look at 9 Words That Don't Mean What You Think. And don't forget to find out why The Mad Lib Answering Machine only sounds like a good idea. Or head to the brand new Official Cracked.com Store and become a startlingly attractive walking advertisement for our site. |
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Fun Fact: You can gauge how industrialized a nation is by the percentage of their insults that involve barnyard animals.
Danish:
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Dude, you're lame. You say that you're Romanian and yet you haven't heard this curse, or its variation: "Stick your tongue in my ass to hair-style my s**t" (Baga-mi-ai limba-n cur sa-mi faci freza la cacat) Or how about: "May you use your teeth to cut the reed from the delta of my ass" (Sa-mi tunzi cu dintii stuful din delta curului). Indeed I must say that is a surprise, to see us win first place. Team this with the proverbial "You never learn to swear until you learn to drive", and imagine what you can hear from a Romanian lorry driver.
I'm not to familiar with Chinese language but being an aficionado of all forms of swearing, I've heard some other awesome ones in mandarin. Such as, "Da-shiang bao-tza shr duh lah doo-tze" which means "The explosive diarrhea of an elephant".
ha... I am Romanian and I have to say those swearing words are made up:) so I never heard them before but they are brilliant, very obscene.
To be honest in Romanian you can make up just about any cussing you want, the limit is your imagination. Every word can follow the previous one making it a very flowery language. You can also add different endings (suffixes and prefixes) to words and they become completly different. You also have to remember that female and males have different wording where it defines if the word is female or male like in French I guess.
So again, there are specific swearings which everyone know such as "suck my dick" = "sugi pula", there is also blow job "muie" but if you say "muist" is can be God knows what:) someone that gossips, talks s**t or d******d (male because female is "muista", "dute in pizda mati" which means go into your mum's p***y so I assume back where you cam from, te rest are made up on the spot like some kind of a rap battle:)
Werdmechanic, I'm from Bulgaria. "pustinqk" should actually be spelled "pustinyak", we only use "q" because it resembles the cyrillic letter for the sound "ya". The word is uncommon, it could be used to describe a deserted place (desert - pustinq), but it seems most people use it as a random insult like d******d or a*****e.
The article gave me a good laugh, reminded me of how I was translating some of our old style expressions and insults into english as a kid, it usually turns out funny.
i am from Spain and the only one out of all of those I have heard (including brazo de santo) is cago en Dios, which is more like a substitute for when you screwed up or feel like you have been screwed over.
Nice article, but I think the Bulgarian top curse should be:
"A male ka' bi' ebal makq ti ama mene bashta mi me ne e napra'il da ebem na 'orata pustinqcite!"
This basicly has no translation as even most bulgarians do not know the meaning of the word "pustinqk" :D But literally the translation is:
"Oh, mom/god, i would sooooo f**k your momma but my father didn't create me to f**k other people's... wretches."
Maybe someone from Bulgaria can help me...
while i've never heard the "as thick as a bull's walt one" before, the rest of the Irish ones are right. "As thick as manure and only half as useful" always makes me laugh- it's almost always farmers that use it
I am a Bulgarian and while neither I nor my family have ever heard any of the rest, "You're as ugly as a salad" is one of my favourites to use to jokingly insult someone. In fact, it's part of a poem:
"Grozna si kato salata / neporusena s otset / po- si malka ot zaplata / po- si ploska ot tapet"
"You're as ugly as a salad / which has no vinegar / you're smaller than a salary / and flatter than a wallpaper"
Truth to tell, I'm surprised the author went with the others given that we have plenty of better insults which are not as obscure. It didn't stop me from thoroughly enjoying the article though:)
I'm Serbian but never heard the one with the radiation and kids, also with the CNN insult. But I cannot believe we did not make it to #1. We usually do.
Try these also: Da bog da ti deca srala senf. hope God make your kids s**t mustard. And the classic: jebo ti pas mater (dog fucks your mother), everyones favorite: jebi je u dupe da joj picka place( f**k her in the ass to make here p***y cry)and little grim one: jebem ti sestru u picku krvavu na kevinom grobu (I"ll f**k your sister's bloody p***y on your mom's grave. Need more? We have.
Sunce ti kalajisano!
Sveca ti jebem!
Jebem te u usta.
Jebem ti sunce!
enjoy!
this is bulsh*t. i'm romanian and nobody uses those insults
"Nide muchin shr ega da wukwei"
What the hell is this? It's not pinyin. It's not even remotely how it would sound in Mandarin. It's just wrong. It would be - nǐ de mama shì yi ge dà biē. I have no idea where you got whatever it is you tried to write.
So, in the Air Force, the instructors at Basic aren't allowed to use profanity, leading to the much-loved exclamation of "What the PISS?!"
The Marines have no such limitation, as a friend of mine in the Corps told me once over beers. One day during Boot, her platoon was evidently chattering too much, causing their Drill Instructor to exclaim:
"SHUT YOUR f*****g c**k HOLSTERS!"
Let's go back over that one, shall we? c**k Holsters. That means that the c**k doesn't go in the mouth because it's *fun*, it goes in the mouth because that's just where the c**k is *supposed to be*. I LOVE that one, and hope to have an appropriate time and place to use it.
Whoa!!! Where does the picture below the she-wolf slur come from?!? That is HOT!!!
America is the nation that gave the world South Park. It high time that we took back our rightful place as the kings of profanity. Toward that end, I have several submissions...
1) "Go sodomize a blue-assed mandrill you nigglet rapping donkey-puncher!"
2) "I hope there's bloody urine in every snowball you swallow!"
3) "You were bitten by the plaque-filled teeth of your mother's c**t as you made her pubes your beard!"
More to come as imagination strikes me...
my Hungarian father taught me lófasz a seggedbe, meaning a horse's dick up your ass...
I'm from Bulgaria and neither I, nor anyone I know have heard of this insult. I don't know where you got this information from, but it's clearly some idiolect and... all in all, it's total bulls..t.
OH MY GOD by far the best article on Cracked i laughed my f****n ass off for hours
All the insult lines in this article are copied from Insultmonger.com and passed off by Ian Cheesman as something more enterprising on his part than simply visiting insultmonger.com and working right-clicking on his mouse to work the copy and paste option. This article is simply theft of another website's content.
http://www.insultmonger.com
this was such an awesome article, I am just speechless with the randomosity of the insults here.
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"Andate a la conchetumadre perejil reculiao"
Go to your mother's c**t re-fucked parsley.
Chile.