The 6 Most Frequently Quoted Bullsh*t Statistics
|
Every once in awhile, you'll hear a statistic so striking you can hardly believe it's true. Our first impulse is to repeat it, because knowing interesting things tends to make people like us better. Unfortunately, some people are so desperate for interesting facts to quote, that they'll just pull them right out of their ass. Then those facts get repeated, by--you guessed it--people like us. The six most quoted "too awesome to be true" stats that, in fact, are ... #6.
You Accidentally Swallow About 8 Spiders a Year
This extremely commonly believed statistic has been fed to us by countless internet chain mails, and probably by some know-it-all kid who sat next to you in some class or other. When you sleep, you open your mouth to breath (and drool on your pillow), and supposedly this is the ideal window of oppurtunity for all the spiders who hang out near your bed hoping to be eaten alive. Why Is It a Load of Crap? Well, first of all, this a real kick in the crotch of the intellect of spiders everywhere. Although spiders are occasionally seen doing stupid things, it's safe to assume they have enough wit to realize when they're about to crawl through the mouth of a damned giant. If the giant white teeth aren't enough to deter them from going spelunking down your dark, wet throat (apparently no other animals have these) you'd think the heavy draft and deafening snoring sounds would be some sort of indication of how terrible a home your mouth would be.
Who Started It? Back in 1993, people were already getting fooled by online urban legends at an amusing rate. So, a columnist for PC Professional named Lisa Holst decided to prove that you could make up anything on the internet and people would believe it. She did this by making up a set of facts that were utterly ridiculous, the spider myth among them (which itself was taken from a collection of insect folklore that dates back to the 1950s), and unleashing it on the world in the form of emails. In a twist of oh-so-predictable irony, people who forwarded chain mail about this just "happened" to forget to include the fact that these were completely fake. Who Was Fooled? Ask a group of internet strangers and you'll find at least a handful of people who wholeheartedly believe this myth. Presumably because they read it somewhere. You've even got this supposed entomologist from Experts.com quoting it.
Not satisfied to go along with the normal fudged data, The Mirror upped the ante of retardation by adding "A spider is also likely to drink from your eye at least THREE times in your life. Some experts have suggested they are attracted by the vibrations of snoring and the smell of undigested food - a good reason to floss your teeth before bedtime." Really, is that what it takes to get the UK to worry about dental hygiene? #5.
You Only Use 10% of Your Brain
You've heard it since you were a child, and it might have even crept into one of your textbooks: "We only use 10% of our brain! Just think what we'd be capable of if we could tap into the rest!" The idea that the brain has UNLIMITED POTENTIAL is probably pretty appealing to 2nd grade teachers whose students complain that they can't do ONE MORE math problem. We still remember our teachers happily informing us that we're only using 10% of our brains, so we could do ten more if we wanted. The implication was of course that if we worked hard enough, we'd be able to set fire to the school with the power of our minds.
Why Is It a Load of Crap? How fast are you reading this article? Well, let's suppose you are only using 10% of your brain. Now, read it 10x faster. Go, do it now! Are you having trouble? Yeah, that's because you can't devote that other 90% to just whatever you want. The parts of the brain are specialized, so trying to use all of it at once isn't going to make you any smarter. That would be like trying to become a better writer by striving to use all the keys on your keyboard in every sentence. So the part of your brain you're using to read this article is not the same part you'll be using tonight when you get drunk and fight a hobo. There's even a special part of the brain that apparently keeps you from turning into a dick (No, really). Who Started It?
Facts tend to survive based on how interesting they are, rather than whether or not they're true. Who Was Fooled? Surely nobody takes this seriously any more, not when a ten-second Google search can tell you otherwise, right? Well don't tell that to Psychology Today, who ran that helpful 2006 article on how to access the lazy 90% of your grey matter. One of their tips is to replenish the brain with nutrients, but we're assuming we get plenty with all the spiders we've eaten. #4.
Men Think About Sex Every Seven Seconds
As we all know, men do nothing all day but think about having sex with their girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/friend that happens to be a girl/friend's sister. It should come naturally, then, that, on average, men think about sex every seven seconds or so, right? I mean, what else are men going to think about? Their jobs? "Puhleaze, sister. We all know what's going on in there." Why Is It a Load of Crap?
After all, how would they even arrive at such a number? Hook electrodes up to a dude's head and have him walk around for a week, counting how many times the sex lobe lights up? Who Started It? The origins of this statistic stretch long and far (no "that's what she said" intended), so again we can't pin it on a single person. We all know who it really was, though. A group of wives sitting at a table drinking tea or coffee, start talking about their horrible husbands. They just hate how it is always about sex sex sex sex sex. So, one of them pulls a number out of her head for a joke. "Did you know that men think about sex every seven seconds?" The others have a good, womanly laugh about their husbands, and then they all run off to do womanly things, like quilting, or going to the bathroom at the same time. That's what women do, right? We don't really know.
Who Was Fooled? Well, about half of us, according to this online poll. Countless sites are still including it among their "interesting facts" about sex, like this one and this one over here. It seems like common sense would have squashed this one even before it got started. Obviously there are long stretches where a guy isn't thinking about sex (say, while spending 45 infuriating minutes on the phone with Microsoft tech support). To make up that average later he would have to think about sex every, what 2 seconds? So for the rest of the day his brain just turns into a spinning kaleidoscope of titty? |
In 2006 The UK's Daily Mirror warned that "the average person will swallow anything from eight to 20 spiders before they die." 
There is a bit of debate on who exactly brought this bullshit statistic into the world. A series of neurologists over the past few hundred years figured out that a human can survive when parts of the brain are removed. Over time, this was misinterpreted to mean that the brain uses little of its potential, and thus the 10% statistic was born. 
Let's suppose for a moment that you are a man. Have you thought about sex since you began reading this article? Well, probably, yes, because you just read the word "sex" several times. How about when you were reading the spider-eating segment moments ago? Were you imaging a massive spider-orgy? If so, you are unlike most men in the world. As a matter of fact, many experts estimate that 
Reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
Digg
Del.icio.us
FarkRecommended for Your Pleasure
-
Why Obama Makes Americans Want to Stockpile Ammo
by: Daniel O'Brien145,065 views -
8 Ways To Stay Positive About This Goddamn Stupid Recession
by: John Devore135,639 views -
The 8 Most Insulting Attempts to Raise Money for a Cause
by: Ian Fortey598,406 views -
How to Solve The Healthcare Debate With Violence
by: Robert Brockway123,182 views
I admit I fell for the Christmas suicide rates. I always thought people waited to kill themselves around the holiday season, because that's when everyone else is feeling cheerful. Killing yourself would be the biggest "f**k You" to everyone you know.
Though now that I think about it. Why would anyone who wanted to kill them self wait? They would just off them self whenever they got the chance. Could you look into the suicide rate of different careers? I've heard doctors and dentists have the highest rate.
How skewed AngrySailor302. You're only using accidents involving women while there are plenty of other accidents out there involving men. Try doing a preliminary google search next time. In fact here you go: http://www.google.com/search?q=are+women+better+drivers+than+men&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7GGLL_en
"Men drive faster, break the law more often and are more likely to drink and drive than women, according to an Adevertising Standards..."
Didn't even have to click on a link
Perhaps another reason for the Christmas-suicide link: seasonal depression. Nothing to do with the holidays.
Here is another one for the list: "Women make better drivers."
While the actual number of crashes involving women drivers vs. male drivers is lower, men drive a lot more mileage than women do. This ratio is further inflated in the larger trucks and vans, where there are about 500 male drivers to every 1 female driver or more, and yet a big rig or other large truck being driven by a female is far more likely to be involved in a wreck of some kind, and not neccessarily with other cars and trucks.
I have not come across any numbers on this, however; the majority of accidents where the driver of the truck / bus that has gotten hung up on railroad tracks (especially in areas where signs forbid large trucks from using certain crossings), and/or accidents where the driver has pulled part of the truck across the tracks, but not all the way and the truck got hit by the train are driven predominantly by women.
A good example of this is the 1995 train and bus crash in Fox River Grove, Ill. The driver was unfamiliar with both the route, and with the actual size of the bus that she drove. She left the tail end of the bus across the tracks, and 7 children ended up dying because of it.
I would have to find what year it was, but there was another similar wreck with a female bus driver that got lost and stopped her bus on a double track mainline, while she pulled out a map. The driver was one of the few survivors.
I have been driving for the past 12 years, and have never been in an accident that was my fault, and yet I have been involved in 4 collisions, and a hit and run, all involved a woman driver. (All have been in CT, so that may be part of the problem)
For example in 2006: a woman in a black Jeep Wrangler ran a stop light and nailed my F-150 head-on while I was turning (I had the green light.)
My mother was a terrible driver, she averaged 2 at fault accidents a year from 1989 to 1998. In 1994 she pulled off 3 at fault collisions in TWO WEEKS! One with her car and the other two in rentals that she was driving while her 1985 Pontiac 6000 was being repaired.
And men pay more for insurance, why?
"So the part of your brain you're using to read this article is not the same part you'll be using tonight when you get drunk and fight a hobo."
It's like you're clairvoyent
http://waywrong.wordpress.com/2008/09/18/myth-the-average-person-swallows-8-spiders-every-year/
Im not sure if the Lisa Holt story is true...
I probably believe the every seven seconds cos altogether it's approx 3 1/2 hours a day.
2 hrs surfing for porn (at least!), various thoughts popping up during the day about random women and co-workers, half an hour with a playboy/underwear catalogue and a good porn movie.
So if you did it all in blocks it might average out at one second for every 7... but I'm not sure how many men can only think about sex for one second!
totally going to go and watch gremlins now
I really can't believe that anybody believe that men think about sex every 6 seconds. At least half the population should be able to call shenanigans with no trouble, and the other half should just, I dunno, not be retarded (or use their intuition or whatever)
It's WINTER. More people die during the cold dreary months. These are not suicides but old folks just deciding to exercises their last great gesture to the world: f**k it, I'm outta here!
Everything becomes commercialized around the holidays. If anybody were to actually look up suicide statistics or happen to be an EMT or police officer or etcetera, you'd know that even the way people kill themselves differs between man and woman. Women prefer "clean" suicides where there is not a mess (seen highly amongst housewives) while men will usually want their death to be something that, in their minds, is "a man's death." They will go to places of sentimental value or places of natural beauty and are more likely to shoot or hang themselves rather than doing methods that are less painful.
"a spinning kaleidoscope of titty" - this is a great quote!
I always thought most of these make perfect sense. if you're a guy you only use 10% of your brain and thinking about sex every 7 seconds for a year would most likely make you suicidal at christmas; until the superbowl rolls around and the womens must pay for making us eat spiders in our sleep and then go swimming within 30 minutes. I used the other 90% of my brain to figure this out... between thoughts about sex! *8^D
dude don't lie, even if you're into big black women monique is icky
@streetvendor - 'homeless' includes being in temporary housing like women's refuges or staying with friends.
I've never heard the superbowl thing because I'm from the UK but it's actually true that domestic violence calls to police go up when Celtic and Rangers play eachother (2 rival Scottish soccer teams)compared to an average Saturday/Sunday, because they were talking about a strategy to deal with it last year.
I don't know what the joke's supposed to be for that Monique pic ( "Think about sex. Go ahead. Right now"). Is it supposed to be funny because, ha ha, she's a fat Black woman and everyone *knows* fat Black women (especially "loud" ones!) are inherently un-sexy? Or is the joke supposed to be "Duh! Of course some people think of sex when looking at a picture of a woman?" I'm not just asking to be an a*****e...I actually really want to know if I'm just missing something. And I really, really don't want my first interpretation to be the right one. Because every time a seemingly smart/progressive person is blatantly racist it's like my brand new puppy just got run over by a semi truck.
There's something inside your head.
THERE'S SOMETHING INSIDE YOUR HEEEAAAAD!
Grey matter, grey matter OOOOOWOOOOOOOOWOOOOOOO
In fairness to us Brits, the Daily Mirror isn't known for being one of the more upmarket or journalistically sound newspapers! And I would argue against the dental hygiene dig, as many of us have sparkling, straight, non-horsey teeth... but then again... judging by the British celebs shipped out to America, I can see where you get that impression...
That picture of Ron Jeremy had me debilitated for about 5 minutes.
More on News
-
Top Picks 09.01.09: Mr. T! Rambo 5! Mormons!
326,881 views -
Review of KFC's Terrifying New Double Down Sandwich
169,746 views -
Top Picks 08.18.09: Slutty Potatoes and Terrifying Plants
202,270 views -
5 Corporate Promotions That Ended in (Predictable) Disaster
743,550 views
-
The Men Who Stare At Goats: New Trailer
by: CRACKED21,257 views -
Curse of the Duck Hunt Dog
by: Tremendosaur67,902 views
-
Articles
-
Videos
-
Columnists
-
More Cracked
-
About
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
Using 100% of your brain at once is called "a grand mal seizure". I buy that abuse hotline calls could go up during the Superbowl. Mind you I'm a National Organization of Women hata. But, I think there is a logic there. If you're an abused spouse you don't want to call the hotline while you're being abused. "Woman, put that phone down! You're calling who?! Oh, I am going to just beat stupid out of you!" An abused wife typically wants to call a hotline while their husband is distracted. Like distracted to the point that absolutely nothing can get them to pick up the phone and hear that you're talking to an abuse hotline. Like when he's watching the Superbowl.