The 7 Commandments All Video Games Should Obey
#1.
Better graphics do not equal innovation and/or creativity.
Violators:
Sony, Microsoft, countless developers.
Here are the three competing new-gen consoles, adjusted so that their size roughly reflects how powerful their hardware is in relation to each other.
Here are the same three consoles, adjusted so that their size reflects their worldwide sales in 2007:
Fascinating how that worked out. And yet, guys like Epic games president Mike Capps are out there making stupid-ass statements about how they would never lower themselves to develop for the Wii because that would be "going backward."
This is epidemic in an industry that defines "innovation" purely by graphical horsepower and nothing else. Guys like him are utterly baffled that anyone could ever want a Wii, just because it, you know, offers a completely new playing experience.
Somehow these guys have gotten it in their heads that nothing counts for innovation except bump mapping and pixel shaders. "However can any human enjoy these outdated graphics without literally vomiting with disgust?"
Well, if these people would bother having a conversation with someone outside their own offices, they'd realize that the entire concept of "outdated" graphics is meaningless to 80 percent of gamers.
Want proof? Nintendo DS games look like this:
So let's see how that machine's sales compare:
Go check for yourself. They've sold more than 60 million of them. Tell you what, Mike. The next time you see some casual gamer tapping away at their Nintendo DS, show them a screenshot of Gears of War:
Don't be shocked if they point out your game seems made up of three colors (brown, gray, and muzzle flash). Sure, hard-core gamers know the difference, they know the game is a marvel of technology. The rest of us just want to have fun, or be told a good story.
And guess what, there are ways to give us that, and it doesn't involve spending millions on a whole new game engine that pushes the hardware to its limits. Such as ...
Hiring real writers ...
Hey, you know why Portal was such a great time? They hired top-of-the-line writers to write the story and dialog.
... then hiring competent voice actors to say the lines.
Don't skip this step. Otherwise you get this ...
That retarded clip is from Final Fantasy X, a game that cost $32 million to make. Come on, guys. Fork over a tiny bit of that to your story team. They need the money. And after they're on board, remind them ...
Put some work into the ending.
You owe it to us. We worked hard to get here. Don't send us away with a 30-second cutscene of the hero riding into the distance on a jet ski before the credits roll. Whatever happened to the Final Fantasy VI endings? You know, the one that was 20 minutes long and wrapped up the stories of every single character even briefly glimpsed in the game?
It's cool-ass endings that make us want to keep playing. Instead, we get games that graduated from the Metroid school of single-frame congratulatory text.
Fuck you.
After all, the idea is to reward the gamer for playing.
Hell, maybe we should have just said that and skipped this whole thing.
David Wong's descent into madness is chronicled in his horror novel coming out this fall. You may also enjoy his Gamer's Manifesto or his rundown of 7 Viral Videos You Didn't Know Were Staged. And speaking of video games, remember when the premises used to be about dinosaurs riding giant birds and all other manners of clown shit insanity? Ever wonder why? Find out in Video Game Pitch Meeting (1979).
Yes yes yes World War One games! Also, split screen will always be aggravating. That old Dreamcast machine let you hook up multiple TVs to a single system so each player had his/her own full-screen, personal perspective. Plus, it was in the day where TVs weren't all poster-sized wall-mounted things so you could put 2 small sets back to back on the floor and go to town.
ReplyCan I write an article called "What Video game Devs are completely ignoring about their franchises?"
ReplySuper smash bros is the epitome of multiplayer gaming.
ReplyI'm glad it was mentioned
There should be an automatic shock treatment administered via the controller..for anyone who screams at the games.
ReplyOblivion is awesome. And even now after Skyrim came out, I still love it. To me, it can do no wrong. Maybe the rats and crabs were a bit annoying, but they only took one swing to kill so it wasn't that bad. Also, yeah you had to walk places sometimes, but they did have fast travel and you could so it to each city from the very first time you step outside of that sewer. Also, the environments change and you find cool crap along your walks. Awesome game, my favorite ever.
ReplyMan... A lot of people on here are talking about how Gears of War actually has a good story line, and I agree, but I gotta say, I haven't seen a single comment on here about Halo. I think too many people either assume it's already famous enough, or just forgot about it, making it very severely overlooked. And because of this, they're losing to freaking CoD! It can't get much worse than that. Come on people, please.
ReplyTo be honest, everything is losing to freaking CoD, not just Halo. That's kind of what happens when CoD becomes the best selling game.
This is so true. This article said everything I was thinking.
ReplyCommandment 8: Thou Shalt not mock or discredit the awesomeness of TES
ReplyThis is 4 years old tardbutts, why are people still commenting. /irony
ReplyMaybe because it's NEW to people who just recently started visiting this site?
Not sure how much of this I'd agree with really. Except for number 7. Something thats been grating on me for years. Personally there's nothing like getting together with your friends sometimes, ordering a pizza and playing games and having a laugh. But the problem we always face is a lack of good games that two of us can play, let alone 4. I'm not saying there aren't some, but there's not enough. Its not like we don't even all own the games separately. Most of them we do, but its more fun to get together than to talk through a headset.
ReplyWong, your an idiot for putting oblivion on number 6, because in Oblivion, there's a thing called fast-travel.
ReplyWow, the author of this article has nooooooo idea what he is talking about. I would hate starting out with a totally BA weapon. It's fun to start out with crap and then work your way up.
ReplyMan, dude, I hope you NEVER make video games. Leave it to the professionals.
A Bunch of these are the writer complaining at elements of games that annoy them because they are not personally good at them, and even more are the writer not understanding that being overpowered in a game only makes it fun for about two minutes, then it looses it's appeal. Games ARE ACTUALLY designed to be challenging, because beating actual challenges is what makes games fun. not grinding mindlessly through hordes of week enemies with your super-weapons.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesI agree with you on one level but I think that the main point was that there should be a different way to make the games challenging, not just taking out being able to save. He even pointed out how HL2 would auto save every so often so you didn't get killed by a random explosion and have to go back and play through 20 minutes of the same crap that you just played.
I think the main point was to say that things need to change in todays gaming market and designers need to think about things in a totally different way and not just follow the same patterns.
Some people don't view games as a "challenge that needs to be mastered" and instead see games as an "entertaining diversion from real life." If you're in the latter camp, the most important facets of game design are player usability and overall ease-of-use.
Yeah, escort missions will always suck ass.
#1 reminded me of Minecraft. Almost no graphics and hours of gameplay. It even became iconic in its pixelation.
ReplyMost people play to have fun. For some, fun is trashing 12 year olds on Halo, for others, fun is discovering a cliff with an amazing view in Skyrim. The basis, for the most part, is the line between boredom and frustration, that makes the player improve (by actually improving within the game's controls, or developing avatar strength).
ReplySomeone id for me the screenie in #6 with the girl in the jeep?
ReplyHalf-Life 2 Episode 1
Thank you.
I'd like somebody to tell me what a "hardcore game" is, instead of pointing out what it isn't. Yes, we know that games like bejewled and Wii Sports aren't the kind of things that most gamers pride themselves on playing. I don't want more examples either, I'd like to see qualities of games that make them "hardcore" (and no vague bullshit like "it's hard", please)
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesGames that involve competition or require large amounts of time to complete.
It doesn't matter what type of game is classified as "hardcore", all I know is I want to play it because then I can give myself the title of "hardcore gamer", because that's the entire point of playing video games. It's not entertainment, or having fun, it's being a "hardcore gamer." Anyone else is just a silly "casual gamer".
look at a lot of FPSs for that (Halo, CoD, etc). I think most online multiplayer games are also considered more hardcore since the challenge of facing a human opponent is almost always more challenging.
" Sure, hard-core gamers know the difference,"
ReplyI find this kind of funny, seeing as how I'd consider most Gears of War fans to be far more closely related to casual gamers than hardcore gamers. Sure, they're "hardcore" in the sense they play uh.. "hardcore" games, fast-paced, action-packed, blah blah blah. But that's like a "hardcore" Metal fan listening to some tuff guy/poser-bait bullshit like Pantera, and hating everything "nerdy", which evidently makes up 80% of Metal, and is loved by.. well, any true Metal fan.
While the Call of Duty audience, as I call them, looks down upon Nintendo and games that aren't generic and s****y shooter games for being "casual", they fail to realize that the real "casual gamers" are themselves.
Ah well, Xbox 360/PS3 users can keep their glorified mini-PCs, which are only really good for having as a back-up if you computer can't handle a game. All any real gamer needs is Nintendo and a PC.
I suppose it's a matter of what you like, right?. I for one play a lot of video games, but the ones I play are pretty much only console games. Why? Becuase when I was a kid I didn't know better and just wanted a PS2 for christmas. But then I discovered Ratchet & Clank, which I must admit is my favorite video game series EVER. And they're only on the Playstation, so then I stuck with it.
Any "real gamer?" Excuse me but didn't you JUST DO what you're complaining about? You say people call others casual gamers because they only play nintendo games and then you go on to say that the real gamers only need nintendo and a PC. It's all opinion. I have a 360, I have a gamecube (for twilight princess and ocarina of time-this was before it came out on the 3ds), I have wow, and I have a nintendo 3ds, and I love them all, because of the variety of games I can play. A "real gamer" doesn't pick one system and say they're more of a gamer bc their system is better, they play games because they like them whatever system they're on.
Some of the best games I've played up to date have been, in order, the Fallout* series, Skyrim, and any of the Pokemon games (for the DS, imagine that...).
ReplyFallout and Skyrim both have that sense of "adventure" where you walk out, and before you know it you're ass deep in raiders/frost troll. What's more is in both, you can save wherever the hell, and whenever the hell is convenient for you (which is also true for Pokemon, save for cut-scenes and battles.) The enemies are a little cut and paste, but there's so much variety in the type of enemy that it's a wild ass guess just as which enemy you'll be dealing with. The graphics don't suck, but it doesn't feel like they sacrificed the storyline (I found myself legitimately attached to Lian Neeson, I mean, your Dad in Fallout 3) for the sake of the "realism" of the variety of semi copy paste bandits. Skyrim is above Fallout because they managed to keep sense AND improve the graphics.
Pokemon is the top of the list because, even now, I play it. It's god knows how old yet I'm able to pick it up and have fun with it. It has that sense of strategy and depth where I can pick it up and feel challenged without feeling overwhelmed. Sure, there are elitists who scoff at the idea of a generation of Pokemon game after 2nd gen, but they don't know how to have fun, or have to force themselves to. You can save whenever you want, new Pokemon (despite what people say) do provide a sense of variety, the storyline (while predictable) is still enticing, and you have to adapt with the game. It's a formula that works, and while I will be the first one to fly down to the Nintendo offices to stand on the president's desk to shout "SLOW DOWN!" at his face, it's not a bad design of game. Any game that I can pick up after months, even YEARS, of a break must be doing something right.
*Fallout 3, and New Vegas.
Um, I forgot if I commented here or not already (there are so many it's hard to keep track). But the introduction of saying that they [the games] may be redeemed is one I like. By showing the commandments, the game developers who violated them may hopefully "make their penance." Especially #2 and #1. Some games got so into the new graphics they left other details (like playability and good story) to the wayside.
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